Ellie

"Why do you run away when I tell you how I feel?" He asked me softly

"I don't know." I said, looking away.

"You know... tell me the truth."

"Because Leo, I'm not used to this treatment or someone genuinely having feelings for me."

That was easier than I thought...

"Why not? You're great and you deserve to be treated right."

"Well... a part of me- never mind." I said quietly

"No, I want to hear it. Tell me." He snapped

I jumped at his sudden outburst, but still said it anyway.

"I feel like I don't deserve all of this...or you." I said honestly, not even wasting time

"After all this time you don't feel worthy?"

"Yes and no."

"Well, let's start with the no."

"I feel like I'm not worthy. And I feel like I'm too ugly for you-"

"Look at me." He said sternly, cutting me off

I did and his green eyes burned into mine.

"You are worthy. So help me if I have to tell you this one more time, you're getting punished. In fact, get up now." He commanded

I got up and did what he asked.

"Stand there until I tell you to come inside.

"But Sir-"

"But nothing! I am tired of you putting yourself down. If you keep it up I will have to find a new submissive." He said really mad "Get in position one!"

I tensed up from being yelled at and bit my lip in nervousness. I wasn't trying to make him mad....I hated being yelled at.

I almost took a step back but I stayed still. Without another word, he went inside. With my hand on my ankles and myself bared to whoever might have binoculars as I had on no underwear, I cried. Stupid me couldn't do anything right! Even though I was a psychologist it didn't mean I didn't have my own demons plaguing me.

When I was a teen it wasn't the best time for me. I was diagnosed with depression, I self harmed, and was suicidal. I'd admit... it never truly went away and it was always in the back of my mind. I hadn't taken a blade to my skin in almost two months now, but Leo knew none of that stuff... Jack, Brandi, Evan, even Amber didn't know much about me. And they never will. I was afraid that if someone did know the things I hid, that I would be deemed incompetent and fired from being a psychologist. And that was the last thing I wanted to happen....I became a psychologist to help people, especially those who felt what I did because I didn't want them going down the same road that I had. I loved and cared for my patients, and I always wanted them to be happier if I could help them.

(A/N: Like i've said before, Ellie is kinda like me. In fact, she's loosely based off of me. Only difference is, I haven't had a Dom {heh, yet} And I'm in my first year of my undergrad for a bs in psychology, so please Don't judge her too harshly, give her a chance) 

After awhile my lower back started to hurt, my legs trembled, and my chest hurt from crying so much. But I didn't dare move. 

Leo

She had been out there for about an hour now. My anger had subsided enough so I decided to do and get her. I opened the sliding door and stood before her.

"Stand up straight." I said coldly

She stood up slowly and I saw her tear streaked face. I felt a twinge of regret, but I didn't let it show. I walked up to her and wiped her face with my thumbs.

"Me and you need to have a very long talk. Go take a shower, then come downstairs alright?" I told her softly

"Yes sir." She said quietly, going inside.

"Wait." I said

She stopped and turned around.

"Yes?"

"You only have ten minutes. That's enough time to shower and dress. Are we clear?"

"Yes sir."

She didn't look me in the eye and then she went into the bathroom, closing the door slowly behind her.

Nine minutes later, Ellie was down stairs. I was in the living room, waiting for her with food.

"Ah, right on time. Sit."

She sat down on the couch timidly, still not making eye contact.

"Eat something and then we'll talk."

She did so and ate, not looking at me still. I know I hurt her with what I said, but I didn't want another submissive, I only wanted her.

When she finally stopped eating, she sat her plate aside and then gave me eye contact for a few seconds, I guess signaling that she was ready.

"Look Ellie... you make me so mad when you put  yourself down. Why do you do that?"

"I've done it for so long. It's a defense mechanism. If you knew the teenage years I've had you'd get it." 

"That was then and this is now sweet heart. You're older and better now right?"

"Sure." She replied curtly

"Tell me what is wrong?"

"Leo, ugh you just don't get it! Were you an ugly duckling your adolescent years?"

"Well... no, I was not."

"Did you have boys come up to you wanting to ask you out, fall for it, and then they walk away laughing with their friends?"

"Well you didn't need them any way."

"Or every boyfriend you've ever had leave you for someone else, cheat on you, or use you to make a girl jealous. Has that ever happened to you!?" She almost yelled

I realized she had stood up at this point, her chest was heaving and the dams threatened to burst under the strain of her releasing the pent up emotion. 

"Yes, it has Ellie." I said

"Oh how? Who would even do that to  you?" She asked me

"How about the very woman that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. She left me for the man she's supposedly with now, embarrassed me, humiliated me! All I did was love her, and that is how she repaid me, by cheating on me."

She stared at me for awhile, hard and unwavering as if to say, "Why are you even thinking about her?"

"I think of her often." I admitted begrudgingly "Even if she took my heart and smashed it like a toy."

"Then what am I?" She dared to ask, swallowing hard

I got up and walked towards her slowly.

"You? You are mine just like I am yours. I told you I loved you Ellie, and I'm not the type that throws those words out."

"But-"

"But nothing, Ellie! I may think of her but it is you that holds my heart. My delicate heart that you could easily crush if you wanted. You mean that much to me, so much that I would fight if that meant it kept you here. But I will not, and I repeat, not tolerate you or anyone else making yourself less than you really are. Do you understand that when you hurt yourself you hurt me too?" I asked quietly

"Well... I didn't at first."

"Now you do. This is your last chance to get everything out of the open. Nothing is too shocking or off limits. That's if you trust me."

"I do trust you." She said quietly

I sat back down on the couch and patted It for her to sit next to me.

**** 

Over the next I guess hour or so she told me a lot of things about herself. It was no question in my mind that she had been hurting for so long. She told me about the purging, and even the very things she told herself everyday that was definitely not true. Everything so far I could handle. But when she told me about the self harming.... that I couldn't stomach as well.

"How long has it been since you last cut?"

"Two months ago."

I had known her for almost two years at this point and never knew that nor noticed the scars on her, wherever she had cut.

"Was this when you and I started becoming a little more serious?" I asked curiously

"Maybe a week or so before that. And yes I know, I wore short sleeves. But makeup does wonders. And yeah I know, ironically I am a psychologist and I help people and tell them not to do these things to themselves. I only stopped because I was happy for a little while and I thought if I told you, you'd be disgusted with me and leave and make me quit the practice." She said, tearing up. "Please don't make me leave the practice....my patients mean everything to me." 

"I wouldn't make you leave alright? But I'm glad you stopped.  And I wouldn't leave you for that. " I murmured, cupping her face and rubbing my thumb across her cheek, wiping her tears.

"We'll work on that. I don't ever want you cutting again. I know it's been two months, but whenever you feel the urge come tell me, we'll get the pain out some other way. But no more cutting, Ellie. I mean it." I said sternly

"Yes sir." she sniffed

I saw that she was about to lose it at any second, so I just pulled her to my chest and let her cry it out. I stroked her hair a whispered soothing words in her ear.

"Let it out, it's okay." I said soothingly

I rocked her slightly, as if she was an oversized baby. I mean... she was my baby, I had to take care of her. I had to protect her.

Her sniffing soon faded and her tears ceased. I picked up her face and wiped her tears, kissing some away.

"I love you Ellie. I love you so much. Stay with me, you'll never be hurt like this again."

She looked up at me intently.

"Promise?" She asked quietly

"As your Dom, you have my word."

I kissed her forehead and cradled her head against my chest . I held her firmly.

"I love you so much." I whispered again

I felt her breathing get slower, and a few minutes later, she sat up.

"Thank you." She said quietly

"Its no trouble. I apologize for what I said to you earlier. My anger got the best of me and I know I hurt you with what I said."

"It's okay." She said quietly, looking away

I gripped her chin and made her look at me.

"It's not okay. I should've never said that to you. As far as I know, you're the only girl I want and I shouldn't have said otherwise."

"So.... you don't want another submissive?" She asked albeit a little afraid of my answer

"No. I only want you." I said softly, rubbing her cheek with my thumb 

She hugged me and I hugged her back.