I find my place,
in between your arms,
in between your tender kisses,

And soft whispers of "it'll be alright"

in between the warmth of your embrace,
and the scent of your neck,
and the fierceness of your touch,
I find my place lost inside your soul.

4 months later..

Jahan

The autumn leaves rustled under my shoes as I walked towards the wooden patio. The driver rolling my suitcase just behind me. Warmth greeted me inside the cold cabin and I smiled seeing the liveliness that burst inside. Nostalgia hit me hard and I pushed back all the memories that invaded my mind almost immediately. Knowing that my efforts went in vain almost immediately.

The house spoke of Saboohi and Ronaq, the most important women of my life. The women who made this cabin of mine; home.

I averted my eyes and looked at the clean fluff rugs under the small table around the kitchen and the cooker on the stove. Steam puffing out of it. Crockery on the long island and napkins tugged. A fresh floral vase whisked fragrance around the abode and I smiled.

" Sir jee, do you need anything?"

The driver spoke from behind me and I turned to him, shaking my head in negative.

" You can retire for the day. I'll let you know if I need your help."

The man nodded before he swiftly walked out of the door. Making me return my eyes to the photoframe that lined the wall, Saboohi's green monster version of me, bringing a broad smile to my face. She was truly something else. I walked down the living room and closer to the frame, wanting to have a closer look. Warm memories easily slipping before my eyes.

Footsteps sounded on the floor and plastic bags rustled catching my attention and I looked up to the main door seeing the woman and man walk inside. Whispering amongst themselves and passing each other cheeky smiles. The middle aged couple were oblivious of my eyes on them and as they helped each other out of the coats and hanged them. Their love evident on their wrinkling faces.

" Jahan is here." Iffat's eyes caught the sight of the suitcase and soon their eyes found mine.

" Hi"

I grinned at Iffat and her husband, Afzal. Seeing the couple reciprocate almost immediately.

" When did you come home? Oh my God, the cooker."

Iffat was quick on her toes as she walked to the kitchen, Afzal following behind her with the bags. Making me trail behind them as well and sit on one of the island stools.

" Just a few minutes ago.."

I trailed off. Seeing Iffat now blowing up her features with a wide smile.

" And how was your time in-"

She twisted her mouth as if thinking something but her husband filled in for her.

" Its called New York, Iffat."

" Yes yes, New York."

I couldn't help but chuckle at their cuteness.

" I had a great time there just like last time. Learned so much more about business."

I spoke seeing the couple look at me too intently. The woman nodded her head.

" Well it's good that you are back now. We brought some groceries for you and almost everything you'll need. How much time would you be staying here?"

The woman asked as she placed a plate before me. Grabbing a napkin she slipped it under my plate. And I chewed the inside of my cheek. Thinking how to answer her.

" Um, I think a couple of weeks."

She nodded before she dished out food for me.

" I'd come do the cleaning, let me know if you need anything else."

I nodded my head.

" Thank you for coming and cleaning up before me."

I said sheepishly seeing the older woman shake her head.

" Afzal would be glad to help you with driving."

She smiled at her husband and the man nodded his head.

" Always at your service, anytime."

Afzal spoke and I nodded my head and smiled.

" Of course, I'll let you know."

I got up to freshen up and soon dug in the delicious meal, Iffat had cooked for me. The leaves rustled outside as Afzal broomed them away, the noise of dried leaves; music to my ears. The house felt silent now and almost too deserted. I stared outside the window and I brought the spoon to my lips again.

" Jahan."

A soft whisper sounded besides me and Iffat smiled as she placed a couple of envelopes besides my plate making me look quizzically.

" I hope they'll cheer you up."

She gave me a knowing look before she grabbed hers and her husband's coat and walked out of the main door for the day. Leaving me hanged in between. I slipped my hands over the envelopes reading the various dates from the past four months. Something churned deep inside of me.

" With love, family."

I read the words on the brown large envelope and almost forgot about food as I stood up to wash my hands. Sweeping the envelopes off the table, I walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, my legs crossing over one another. My fingers reached to the big brown envelope before any other. Pulling out what seemed like glossy hard paper, I emptied the contents on the couch seeing as numerous polroid photographs remained before me now. My eyes lit up and my impatient fingers grasped the first picture I could reach.

It was a picture of Mohid with Dadi Gul Jan, the two grinning towards the camera. Next was a picture of Dadi Gul Jan and Khan Dada amd behind it in neat writing was written; we miss you. I smiled missing my family dearly. There were pictures of mom and dad, pictures of Bazid and Zaryaab. And then I squinted my eyes on the next picture, it was a painting. And I turned the photograph upside down to have a better look. I could see the jungle of trees and two mountains with the sun dipping between them. I frowned, the place looked familiar. Tilting the photograph towards the window I looked out seeing it matched the scenery before the cabin.

" Saboohi."

I smiled, she had painted it. Next was another painting and I chuckled out aloud. It was of a green monster holding hands with a bride in white.

" You are crazy." I said to the photograph.

A colourful photograph caught my eyes and I pulled it from under the many other. A table was set up with cakes and sweets and colourful balloons decorated all around. It was a picture from Mohid's birthday, almost two months ago. Afaaf stood with Mohid propped on her hip with Faraal besides her and on the other side was another woman who had her face turned to the side. Her luscious hair curtaining her face. But it wasn't hard to detect who she was. Saboohi's unrevealed features made me more curious and I searched for more pictures from Mohid's birthday.

And I finally found what I was looking for.

Saboohi.

She stood with Dadi Gul Jan in the background. Her eyes were focused on the camera and looking at her butterscotch eyes felt as if she was before me, looking at me. As if she knew my eyes were focused on her. And her contagious smile made me smile as well. Her hair were curled and as always she adorned white. Looking beautiful and broken. A perfect combination to describe my love for her.

I found another picture of her with a small baby wrapped in blue. After I had left, Afaaf had given birth to a beautiful baby boy, Maher. Zaryaab had called me the moment he walked out of the labor room. And I couldn't be anything but happy for him and Afaaf.

Saboohi's more painting gained my attention, her shopping trip, her cold coffee cup, and her side profile pictures. It felt as if I was being filled in about the past months. Reaching towards another envelope I pulled it open not before reading the date. It was dated the week after I left. Pulling out the paper, I read the words.

I love you.

Ripping open another envelope I pulled out the letter. Seeing the same words. No more no less. Ripping the next 67 letters, I found the same context. The letters were dated with a few intervals and they had stopped after a few weeks that summed up that Saboohi had stopped writing to me almost two months ago. Precisely after Mohid's birthday.

Worry clogged my heart and my fingers almost itched to call and ask her. But I knew better not to. Because I had no courage to hear her soothing voice or her soft cries. We were contended at this point of our lives. We were holding up well on hopes of reuniting soon. I had been patient all along. I had left for New York, worked and stayed there in hopes that work would keep me away from being distracted and it did help. I knew the more Saboohi needed me, the more it was better of me to stay away for the time being.

Farzan was joining me here soon. We were to work on the construction site here. Benefiting me in both ways. Just a few more weeks.

I looked at Saboohi's picture again for the longest of times and then pressed it over my beating heart. Lying back on the cushions, I closed my eyes voluntarily. Webbing myself into peaceful sleep.

•

Farzan had called over a small party with our work mates. Crashing down the cabin as if bachelors lived here. Not that I minded but it wasn't something I wanted to be a part of. I excused myself saying goodbye to the boys and walked up to my room. Hearing the blasting commentary of a cricket match. The dark of the room enveloped me almost immediately and I switched on the side lamp before sitting on the bed.

My eyes flickered towards Ronaq's diary and I reached towards it. Smelling the old pages and aimlessly turning each page carefully. My hands stopped at a page I had never read before. And I sat up reading the words carefully.

Jahan, do you know why God created gaps between our fingers? God created gaps between our fingers so that the special one that'll love us will hold our hand and fill those gaps, so that they never be gaps again. Their love will fill us. All our spaces. And all our gaps. And will never let us go. And will never let us go.

Your gaps would be filled by someone's hand. And my gaps would be filled by someone's hand(hopefully yours)

Yours seventeen years old, Ronaq!

" Yours seventeen years old Ronaq." I repeated and my heart warmed up.

I turned the page and my eyes rounded with surprise. An unfamiliar writing marred Ronaq's diary and I read the first line.

" Dear Ronaq.."

Saboohi wrote this?

Dear Ronaq,

You were right about the gaps between our fingers. Jahan filled your gaps and you filled his. But do you know he not only filled my gaps but my cracks as well. He held me when I was breakable, vulnerable and chaotic. Your love did wonders to him and to this day I still wonder how someone could love someone with the same intensity and same loyalty. Jahan may fall for me, he may love me and I assure you, you had his heart first and you had the first right.
I would do anything to protect Jahan, anything to protect your love. You know why? Not because I love him, that I do. But I'll do it because you left him for me. You left him behind to live and love. You taught him to love, Ronaq and for this I would forever be grateful. For love is not go be trapped but be spread.

For Jahan you were stillness in the chaos and for me Jahan is stillness in chaos.

" Woah!"

I breathed out not realizing I was holding my breath. My palms pressed the diary close and kept it aside. Who knew Ronaq would leave us, Ronaq would leave me. But the woman spoke so highly as if she knew we didn't have much time left. I sometimes wondered how she left signs behind. How she invaded my thoughts. How she knew exactly what to say. She always encouraged me about love and hope. And that was the reason I was married to Saboohi. To love more. To love more.

I closed my eyes as memories hit me. Making me pinch my eyes to stop the burning that caused at the back of my eyes. Warm tears sliding down my temples.

I couldn't avert my eyes from her as she stood before the vanity. Her hands sliding the matching bangles against her wrist.

" Ronaq."

I called impatiently. Seeing the woman snap her eyes towards me. Warm and love radiating off her soft features.

" Yes Jahan."

She almost sang before she hurriedly folded her hair in a bun at the nape of her neck and I pouted.

" I can take you wherever you want. You wouldn't you let me be with you."

I complained like a child seeing the woman bursting into soft laughter. She tsk-ed innocently and walked towards where I sat on the bed. Her thin arms slid around my neck and she leaned towards me. Coming eye to eye level. Her familiar scent wafted passed me and enveloped me into roses and honey and I pouted more. Her beautiful large eyes traced over my features before she pushed the rough strands of my hair away from my forehead.

" Jahan, you do know the meaning of surprises, right?"

She asked softly and knowingly. And I nodded and blinked at her as she hid a smile.

" Then how could I take you with me when I clearly said it was a surprise for which I have to go."

She said and I frowned.

" I don't want a surprise. Tell me already."

I spoke pulling her closer fraction by fraction.

" Uff Jahan. It's a surprise. And I have planned it please don't destroy it now."

She tried swatting my hands away but I remained put and nuzzled into her stomach as she groaned lowly.

" When will you be back?"

" In a few hours."

She said stroking my hair gently and I sighed out.

" Jahan, the driver's waiting for me."

She spoke and I nuzzled more into her red dress.

" I don't want to let you go"

" Then don't but after the surprise."

Her eyes lit up as if she had stars in replacement of orbs and they looked at me with utmost love and I nodded.

" I'll be waiting for you, I love you."

I said and she smiled before leaning down to give me a quick peck.

" I love you."

She said and slipped out of my grasp. I watched against as she grabbed her phone and purse. I held her hand and together we walked downstairs. I helped her in the car and waved at her as she went away.

And then,

I waited,

Waited,

Waited

And waited.

Every second, minute, hour, day.

Until it turned into a week.

A week of hopelessness and yearning.

Crazily, I looked everywhere for her. Zaryaab looked everywhere for her. But she was nowhere. She said she'd be back in a few hours but she never returned.

My red eyes told stories of the woman in red, beautiful and enchanting but she wasn't to be found anywhere. In the hollowing hours of night, I'd wait for her and I'd pray for her. To me she seemed to never exist. She felt like a dream. Non-existent to reality.

Seven days later, I looked at the once fresh flowers of her garden withering away. They were dying in absence of her. I was dying in absence of her.

" Ronaq, please come back."

I hissed through my teeth. My fists clenched tightly and I breathed out. Trying to ease off the tension from inside my chest. But then it happened. Footsteps sounded and the guards shouted catching my attention. I turned to look and the very floor from beneath my feet was snatched.

Red.

Fiery hair.

Red.

Ronaq ran to me. Her face was morphed into expressions I couldn't decipher. I caught her in my embrace as she leapt towards me. Her heart thudding loudly against mine.

" Ronaq."

I chanted over and over again. Not believing that she was finally here.

" I love you Jahan."

She breathed and I pulled away from her as she almost lost her balance making me support her body up but the distance created between us killed me. My white shirt was now coloured red with blood and I averted my eyes to Ronaq's abdomen. Seeing fresh blood decorating the red material.

Her droopy eyes looked at me from under her swollen eyelids and my knees weakened, pulling us on the ground.

" Ronaq."

I croaked, caressing her cheeks seeing the woman breath with difficulty.

" Who did this, Ronaq." I cried as my hands shook under her. Her head fell back and I cupped it and pulled her closer to me body.

" Its.okay."

She breathed and her fingers grasped my collar tightly. My vision blurred as cold sweat broke over me and I shouted at the guards for the doctor and ambulance. Soft tears rolled down my wife's cheeks as she breathed through parted lips.

" Nothing will happen to you. I won't let anything happen to you."

I rocked us gently seeing the woman smile as she hissed painfully and her features twisted. I ran my eyes over features seeing small cuts on her features and scratches over her forehead.

" Ronaq. Please stay with me. Please don't die."

I cried out as her eyes closed down. And I panicked. She breathed out loudly and hardly, in a way that her body lifted off mine for a split second.

" Jahan."

She whispered and I nodded crazily and I wiped away my tears.

" Yes my love."

" I'd die to be in your arms."

She spoke with difficulty and I shook my head unable to form any words.

" I love you Ronaq."

I cried hearing Zaryaab and Dadi Gul Jan behind me.

Her eyes closed down and I felt her hand slipping away just like her breaths.

" Ronaq."

Zaryaab touched her cheek and checked her breath but she was gone. Gone to never return. And I growled at the agony. I growled like a wounded beast as I hugged her closer to me.

Her red dress had coloured me red.

Ronaq was forever gone.

I'd die to be in your arms, Jahan.

•

Wohoo!! Look who's back! Thank you so much for waiting patiently. Excited are we, now? Because I am not letting Jahan stay away from Saboohi any longer. ;)

What do you think about the chapter guys? Drop down your comments.

I love you guys so much!! And I guess I'll see you guys tomo IN SHAA ALLAH! ❤❤❤

Love,

_Hafsa♥