The breaking of dawn was the start of a new day, always proving that after any period of darkness the light would always arise. Yet, Zoya couldn't manage to find the light she so desperately needed to find her way. The cold was blistering, yet she didn't care. It was the first day in a very long while that she was able to walk outside alone. Freedom, was meant to be freeing right? But she still missed her old routine of having someone control her every step, her every breath, she wasn't used to deciding things for herself, she had never done it before, first her Abbu decided and then Yash.

Yash, her husband, the man who was actually dead now, not alive because she had seen the body yet she couldn't quite be happy about it, there was still a niggling fear that he would reappear as usual. You're not meant to love the people that abuse you, but when it's the only love you've ever known, you never really get to a point where you can fully trust anyone, Satan himself was once an angel and look how that turned out.

Trust, love, such beautiful things she wished she could feel. Aditya's face came to mind, beautiful brown eyes that made her breath hitch, a smile that made her heart race, his touch was often calming though she continued to flinch, maybe she would never rid herself of that feeling, the feeling that everyone would hurt her.

Zoya shut her eyes tightly, wishing that these horrid feelings would dissapear, but then what would she be left with? Her fears made her who she was, without them she had no idea who she was, what she liked or what she wanted from life and without really knowing that, how was she meant to try and start afresh with Aditya? Stupid, she was stupid, she shouldn't have told him she wanted to marry him one day, because as soon as Yash's death happened she suddenly knew she wasn't ready.

Would she ever be? Maybe, maybe not. It was heart wrenching, he was so kind, so sweet and he loved her. "Maybe if we had met in a different time in my life, I could have loved you Aditya Hooda, I really could have" her words, now finally spoken aloud made her body shake with grief. She had lost, a lot, in Aditya she had gained an angel but she wasn't ready for love. She wasn't ready to love him and it wouldn't be fair to say that she would ever be. "Maybe, maybe i'll never love again" she walked up the pathway to the front door, slid inside and wiped her tears.

"Zoya" Aditya stepped forward, then halted the smile dropping from his face, it was almost like it had never been there in the first place. Something had changed, he knew what was coming, he had expected it. His adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed roughly, willing himself to jusy stay calm

Zoya knocked her knuckles on the table, she stared down at her hands then looked up "I" a harsh breath then a sniff "If I was normal, and I wish I was I would be irretrievably and irrevocably in love with you by now, but i'm not, i'm not normal" her eyes filled with tears "I wish I could, but I can't, I want, I want to" a sob escaped her mouth, she bit hard into her already sore bottom lip and turned her head away

Aditya's voice was calm. "It's okay, I understand" he would never forget how she gripped his shirt tightly as she slept, how her breath felt on his neck, how she melted into his embrace on those cold nights, he would never forget the woman he loved, he would never forget the woman who almost loved him. He wanted to take her into his arms, but he wouldn't, she was almost his, almost but she never was. Zoya was always going to be his something special, never nothing, always something.

"I don't want you to not say how you feel because you think it will hurt me, i'm hurting you, I" she finally looked into his eyes, a shot of pain hit her right in the chest as a tear rolled down his cheek, but he still smiled

"I love you, you know that, what more can I say, I always said I would never make you stay, I just want you to be happy, i'm not a fool, I knew this would come, people like you don't love monsters like me" he raised his hand to cup her cheek, thinking better of it he pulled it back, digging his nails into his hands in hopes of refraining from trying again

Zoya nodded, running her tounge over her lip, tears freely rolling down her cheeks "You will always be the best thing that ever happened to me, you saved me, I didn't even know that was possible, to be saved, to feel real love, to feel" she stopped "Protected" she whispered

Aditya let out a low chuckle, full of sadness "You and I" he waved his hand between them "We were never meant to be, were we" he couldn't look at her, he couldn't. He didn't want to watch her look at him without love in her eyes, he didn't want to see what he already knew to be true.

"No" she breathed "No, they always say when people are meant to be, they will be, doesn't matter about timing, but if I, if I would have met you before Yash then"

"No" he breathed "If you would have met me before, you wouldn't have even looked my way" this time when he reached out to hold her, he didn't stop himself, his hands shook as he cupped her cheeks, his lips remained on the top of her hair for as long as he could possibly manage before he pulled back, wiped her tears and smiled "Find your happiness Zoya, know that you'll always have a home, with me"

"I can't ask you to"

"You're not" he interrupted "I'm telling you, if I can't have you, I won't have anyone else and if" he exhaled loudly "And if you find love elsewhere, then, then Zoya, I will be happy, for you"

Zoya raised her hands to his, gripping them tightly "Do you regret this"

"We didn't work, that's okay, you'll always be the best thing that ever happened to me, I have a lot of things I regret, you will" he looked away, shaking his head "You will never be one of them, I can't watch you leave, so uh, I have to go but just once, can I just hear you say it, say you love me"

She had never seen him look so vulnerable. "Aditya, if I"

"Please" Aditya closed his eyes "Like you mean it, just once"

"I love you Aditya" she kissed his lips hurriedly then she was running up the stairs to collect her things, a bittersweet goodbye

By the time Aditya eventually opened his eyes, the front door had slammed, she was gone. He didn't move, his fingers traced his lips "Goodbye Zoya" he whispered, crestfallen

XXX

Mahi pulled open the door "Zoya, what are you"

"Can I stay here for a while, please"

"Uh, of course, come in, did something happen with Aditya" Mahi frowned

Zoya shook her head, "I'd just like to sleep, please"

Mahi showed her to the spare room "We will talk in the morning" she squeezed her hand and allowed her to be alone

Zoya led down, tears now burning her cheeks, bottom lip bleeding leaving a metallic taste in her mouth as she bit into it to muffle her sobs, empty, she felt empty. Her hand stretched out to the empty space beside her, fingers tightening around the sheets.

XXX

Aditya peered over to the other side of his bed, the pillow still smelt of her, the room still had some of her things in it. For now, this would be enough, enough to keep him sane.

"I told you once and i'll tell you again boy, monsters like you don't get happy endings, every fairy tale needs a villain, what were you doing trying to act like the hero"

Hey! So I know you're all like Rehanna mate, what ya doing? But I really want this story to be realistic ish for Zoya anyway! It was a really hard chapter to write so I hope I did it justice? I also know you want to know about why Aditya is how he is, but it's all coming in good time, I promise! People keep asking me if he's good or bad, well I guess he's both but its all about how you perceive him, aren't we all a little grey? It seemed wrong for Zoya to just be able to move on with Aditya, if you've noticed i've made her quite a 'plain Jane' you know like Bella Swan in Twilight? That's because she's so lost, it will take time, but eventually she will stop being like the walking dead, it just takes time. That's all from me x