Aditya felt paralysed, he couldn't move, sweat trickled down his face, permanently frozen in his own nightmare, his fingers gripped at the sheets, his face turning from left to right, then from right to left. He coiled away, pushing his body so deeply into the mattress his muscles clenched so tightly he couldn't breathe. His eyes were suddenly wide, Zoya was gone and with that came the return of the nightmares.

He could still see it now, his younger brother's body jerking backwards at the hit of a belt on his young, small back, barely formed, then he was falling, hitting every step and momentarily rising into the air only to hit the next step with a louder thud. Nothing could ever take away the look in his eyes, no longer filled with warmth, his eyes had a cold stare and as Aditya ran to hold his five year old brother in his arms, he felt it all. The blood staining his clothes, the laboured breaths becoming hoarse, then suddenly nothing at all, his heated body suddenly stiff and frozen. Arjun was dead and that day a little part of him died too, every day since, he had died a little more, until he met Zoya, then he felt alive.

Aditya was nine then, nine when Arjun was killed, nine when his father, his world, his inspiration also was murdered. He screamed for Aditya and Arjun to hide, he ran as fast as he could, but he didn't make it, too many men and he was outnumbered. Aditya will never forget the sound of glass shattering his father's skull, he will never forget how blood gurgled in his throat then poured out of his mouth.

Aditya will never be able to take away the look on his mother's face when she came home to it, or when they became homeless, he would never forget the men that visited her only to throw money on the ground as they left, then the bruises that littered her skin would dull to a yellow colour and another man would arrive. Aditya decided at thirteen that he would do everything he could to ensure his mother never had to sell her body again, that was when he became the man he always would be.

A monster. He worked hard every day, by the age of eighteen every man that had hurt his mother was dead, by the age of nineteen he found the people who killed his brother and father just to rob their home. What would his father think of him now? He would for sure be dissapointed, Harshvardhan Hooda was an honest man, but Aditya had no regrets for what he had done to survive and keep the Hooda family name alive.

Now he was feared, now he was somebody. Now no one would ever hurt anyone he loved again. He only regretted not doing it sooner, not being stronger. He regretted being the man he was, only because of Zoya, he wished everyday he could be good enough for her, but he wasn't, he wouldn't pretend to be either.

But was it so bad? Was it so bad that he just wanted one person to see the man hidden within the monster? Was it so bad that he wanted her to love him, and not anyone else, he didn't deserve her, she deserved so much better. He looked over at the picture of his family on the bed, a small smile on his lips, though bags still remained beneath his eyes. "You would have liked her you know, my Zoya, not really mine anymore, she never was, but i'm hers, you would have loved her Pa, just like I do, it wasn't meant to be like this, she was meant to stay" he shrugged "I was made to be alone, but I got greedy, wanted too much, devils can't have angels, i'm so broken I only would have ruined her, but I really thought I could love her enough to maybe make her love me too"

XXX

Zoya blew out an exasperated breath, three days had passed since she had left Aditya, she had applied for jobs but with little to no experience she doubted she would get anywhere. Then there was the god awful news, every single newspaper spoke about Aditya and his apparent moving on, it shouldn't have bothered her, but it did.

Pooja was tall, taller than Zoya, her hair looked so straight and in place, everything about this woman was put together, she was the exact opposite of Zoya. Raven black hair, cat like eyes and a figure that suited her. All in all Pooja was probably better suited to Aditya than she was, yet she didn't like it, not one bit.

Zoya gripped her phone, over the past few days she had picked up the phone, dialled his number then cut off before it went through. She wasn't meant to miss him, she wasn't meant to yearn for him to help her sleep, sleep she hadn't done that in nearly three nights, she hadn't done that since she had left him. Without fully realising what she was doing, her thumb hit the call button, it wasn't until she heard a husky "Hello" that she really caught on.

"Hello, is anyone there"

Zoya sighed in relief, she had called his office number, if she cut off now he would never know, but a few more seconds more wouldn't hurt, she missed his voice.

Aditya pinched the brim of his nose, he was too tired for this, way too tired. "If you're not even going to speak, then why call" he bit out angrily

Zoya frowned, angry Aditya wasn't one she was used to. His words replayed in her head, he had called himself a monster, what on earth did he mean by that? Her eyes shut tightly when she heard the dial tone, he had cut off. For now, that would be enough, she led back down, phone close to her chest as she tried to sleep.

XXX

"Hey, Zoya, you know you left Aditya, maybe it's not my place to ask, but did he, did he treat you well"

Zoya looked stunned at the question "He treated me like I was his, there isn't any other way to describe it, it wasn't like being a possession, I felt like I was the most important thing in his existence"

"Then why did you leave" Mahi sat down, puzzled

"I'm not good enough for him, he probably wants someone who can touch him without asking, someone who can have an adult conversation, someone who doesn't flinch when he touches them, someone who allows him to sleep without holding him tightly, someone who can love him, give him children, I can't do that, he shouldn't have to wait"

Mahi gripped Zoya's hand "Maybe Zoya, you should allow him to decide what he wants, true love only comes around once, if this is your shot, don't let it be too late, love isn't about sex, love is love, pure and confusing yet so strong, if he loves you, why hurt him by basically telling him he can't"

Zoya looked away "I didn't think about it like that, but I didn't want to give him false hope, i'm not capable of normal things"

"I think, I think that's why he wants you, because you're you, what is normal anyway other than what society tells us is normal, go to a different society and suddenly the normal you know is something completley different, you make your own normal, he made you his" Mahi swiped away a tear "Call him Zoya, if only to hear his voice, sometimes broken calls for broken, you sense broken and want to fix it when you too have been broken, if all you can do is hold his hand, if all you can do is stand by his side, maybe for him that's enough, maybe you are his salvation and maybe he is yours"

WHAT IS WITH THE LONG CHAPTERS THO I FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN WOOHOO
PURE LOVE FOR MAHI RN
SO, IS ADITYA HOODA A GOOD ENOUGH MAN FOR ZOYA OR IS THE JURY STILL OUT ON THAT ONE?