Author's note: Hey guys, just wanted to thank everyone who's been commenting and reading the story! I appreciate you guys so much! This chapter is going to be a little different this week, it's going to be told from Mikhos's pov. There are going to be more chapters like this which will be told from other characters perspectives coming up so it's gonna be lit ;)

Mikhos's POV

It was the third and final night we were to be at sea when I finally approached him. Nicolai had been standing out there on the deck for awhile now, I had been watching him from the shadows in silence. It sounds creepy, I am aware of that. I just...well I had absolutely no idea what to say to him. He looked almost at peace now, his eyes shut as a strong sea breeze ruffled through his hair. It was the most calm I had ever seen him, perhaps it was because I was not there. Well...time to change that.

"You are supposed to be watching Alabaster. Where is she?" Nicolai jumped at the sound of my voice and turned quickly to face me. I didn't really know why I started with that, I guess I couldn't think of anything else to say. The last time we had spoken one on one we hadn't exactly left on...the best terms.

"She's with Munny. He said he would watch her for a few minutes so I could get some fresh air."

"Ah, I see." I moved next to him slowly. "Being the cat guardian isn't a task to take lightly Nicky." Even in the dark I could see him furrow his brow, a habit I had realized that occurred whenever he got caught up in his own thoughts about something he didn't like. He probably was internally monologuing about how much he hates me as we speak. I don't think Nicolai ever realizes how easy he is to read. This was something that actually intrigued me about him. From what I had gathered from his fighting style he was trained by someone with experience, someone who taught perhaps...not entirely legal methods of combat. The strange thing was whoever had trained him this way had clearly never taught him how to actually think for himself. By God, he wasn't even able to put together that I was the fucking prince after I even told him I knew about the rigged tournament from day one. I will admit telling him that wasn't my finest moment. I was overcome by emotion and wasn't thinking, a dangerous thing to do. I am not afraid to admit that I am an idiot as well in my own way.

"I don't understand why it's so important that I watch her all the time. There's mice on the ship. She probably wants to...hunt or something."

"You're forgetting she's a royal cat." To be honest I didn't really care if Alabaster wandered around the ship or not, she probably would actually enjoy it, I just couldn't stop myself from purposefully pissing Nicky off. Instead of fighting back as usual however Nicolai's shoulders just sagged.

"Alright your majesty. I'll go get her now-"

"No." He stopped when I spoke, a slight look of surprise at the direct order.

"But didn't you say?"

"I said it was a task not to take lightly, not that you couldn't leave her with someone else for awhile." Nicolai arched a brow.

"Okaaaay. Is there something you wanted that wasn't a criticism of my cat watching abilities?" I just shrugged.

"I wanted to talk." I could tell it was taking everything he had not to scoff at me. It must have been a hard habit to break after realizing he couldn't do such things to the crown prince.

"You wanted to talk? About what? About my dead sister? About the fact that you've been lying about who you are and how much you know about me since the moment we met?" I took each verbal blow without flinching, he was angry and that was understandable.

"I...wasn't lying when I apologized for the way I acted."

"And I told you I didn't care. It's in the past now. I just don't want to talk about it."

"Then let's talk about something else. You're still my Kingsmen, we can't be on bad terms, we must be able to communicate with each other. " He buried his face in his hands.

"Fine. Talk about yourself. You always seem to love doing that." I was surprised by his request.

"Really? Why would you actually want me to do that?"

"Because I just found out that you weren't the person you said you were for 4 months so I want to know who you really are. Where does Emery end and Mikhos begin? It seems both of you hate me." I didn't hate him, far from it, I didn't hate him even before I knew he hadn't cold bloodedly murdered Mira's foster father. Instead of telling him that however I just didn't speak for a moment. I could lie but what was the point? He disliked me enough as it was. I just...didn't have enough energy to keep up the act anymore.

"Both of those people don't exist. Emery...the crown prince Mikhos. They're all acts."

"What?" There was a flare of something in his gaze. "If you're lying about being the prince too I swear to God-"

"Nonononono. Don't be stupid Nicky, of fucking course I'm the crown prince. I may be good at a lot of things but no one is good enough to fool an entire kingdom into thinking they're royalty. You misunderstand me...I don't really know how to word this. I am prince Mikhos but when I am him I don't...act like myself." Nicky was just staring at me.

"You're making zero fucking sense." I ran a hand through my hair roughly trying to think of how I could explain this to him.

"Remember when I told you I liked disguises?"

"Yes."

"I like playing roles. And I like it because...I don't like being myself." This took him clearly off guard but he didn't say anything, still just staring. "It's easier for me to pretend to be someone else. I like to play the role of the crown prince who everyone adores and is confident in himself but frankly I...I..." I took a deep breathe about to say the words I had never spoken aloud but thought often. "I hate myself." Nicky was silent for a moment before finally saying,

"You can't be serious."

"Why would I lie?"

"You brag all the time, you're the most arrogant person I have ever met."
"Yes...I do brag. And I do it because...because...fuck...I do it because I keep thinking that if I talk about my accomplishments then they'll really mean something...if people think I'm good at things then..."

"You are good at things."

I shook my head.

"No, please don't pity me Nicky. I...I..." I scrunched my eyes shut for a moment trying to put what I wanted to say into words. "I'm going to be honest with you. When we first met yes I lashed out at you because of what I had thought you had done to Mira's foster father but I think deep down I knew you weren't that kind of person. I just didn't want to believe it because I was...jealous." His mouth was practically hanging open.

"You were jealous of...me?" He laughed now but it fell flat. "You're joking right? You're trying to play some sort of prank on me? Emery, you were top of our class, everyone liked you, you're the crown fucking prince, there is literally no fucking reason you would be jealous of me." I had started to notice this...whenever Nicky got emotional around me he would call me Emery again. Maybe I was just exhausted from these last couple nights or maybe this had just been built up over the years but all at once I just exploded.

"You don't understand Nicolai! Everything I do is wrong! People like you for you. You have friends that care for you. People around me, they just fall for the act. They like the idea of me but if they ever got to know me...really know me...god I know they would all fucking leave and if they didn't it would only be because I'm royalty. I'm a terrible person Nicky and you seem to be the only person who actually realizes that. You can fight and defend yourself, hell you punched me in the face our first night. It was a stupid move but I had done something equally as stupid. I deserved it. I might fight well in practice but truthfully when it comes to real life application I panic and freeze up and blood makes me nauseous. And another thing... you speak your mind Nicky...you're an honest person and I'm just the opposite of that. Even my hair is a lie! I fucking dye it because I hate the way I look. When my hair is dark brown I look like my uncle and I can't fucking stand it. I can't stand a lot of things actually and I hate the fact that pretending to be playing some kind of role is the only way I can live with myself. Honestly sometimes I think I would be better off dead." I was breathing heavily when I finished. I hadn't had a meltdown like this in front of someone in years and doing it in front of Nicolai was anything short of humiliating. I just wanted to leave. I couldn't take this anymore. As I turned to go Nicky suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders turning me to face him.

"Don't say that. Please don't say that." There was something in his expression, something I had never seen before. I could almost always tell what he was thinking but...not at this moment and I didn't like that in the slightest. "Don't say you're better off dead. Please..." there was something in his voice, almost desperate. "I don't want you to die." His grip on my shoulders tightened and he said it again. "I...don't want you to die. Listen, I don't know what happened to you to make you think that the person you are now isn't good enough but I promise you that you don't need to play a role to make you liked. You're smart, probably one of the smartest people I've ever met. You might have been pretending to be 'Emery' during our time in training but the skill you showed during those days, those elaborate plans to catch those assassins-"

"Fake assassins."

"Fine, fake assassins. They were all you. Hell, just the fact that you were able to pull off being undercover in training for four months without anyone finding out was a feat of it's own. You're not just an act. That person who told me I was one of the only friends he had, the person who kept me as a Kingsmen even when you thought I had destroyed Mira's life, the person who dressed as a woman and made a huge scene with me in a tavern...that was all you. And no, maybe we don't always get along but I promise you that I like the real you a lot more than the fake one...Mikhos. Look at me." He said it as a command, something I had not expected and in my surprise I tilted my head up, my gaze locking with his. "You're not Emery. You're not just the crown prince. You're Mikhos. Be glad to be that person." I shut my eyes for a moment and took in a deep breathe in an attempt to regain my composure.

"Thank you...for saying that. I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

"Were you serious about the hair dying thing?" I nodded stiffly.

"Yeah, it was pretty hard to do during training so every couple nights I would sneak out and Orla would help re-dye it for me." Nicky full on snorted at that.

"Orla...dyed your hair?"

"Yeah." I bowed my head for a minute. "Hey...I wanted to address the reason why I had come to you tonight, before I had this breakdown (which I'm sorry for). I wanted to express to you that I had been trying to make up for how I treated you during training. That's why I...made you cat guardian." Nicky was silent for a moment before suddenly bursting into laughter.

"You made me 'cat guardian' as your...apology?"

"Yes, I thought it was an honor."

"You thought guarding your cat was an honor?"

"Yes? What's so funny about that? Spending time with Alabaster is a treat."

"She hates me. She practically scratches up my arm every time I try to pick her up."

"What are you talking about? She's an angel." I couldn't help but smile slightly at that.

"Speaking of she who should not be named...I should probably take her off Munny's hands. Plus, it's getting late, we both should be heading to bed soon anyways. You don't want your first day meeting your possible bride to be to be disastrous because you didn't get sleep the night before."

"Emphasis on possible." He let out a little chuckle of laughter at that.

"Alright, good night Mikhos. Please don't execute me for not calling you 'your majesty'."

"I'm not making any promises." He turned to leave then stopped abruptly. "And Mikhos...I wasn't lying when I said...I don't want you to die." There was something in the way he said it that felt...off and for some reason it made my pulse fluttert. I just shrugged, unsure of what to say.

"Thanks." He was still just standing there, his back to me. I cleared my throat. "Do you want.... something?" I arched a brow.

"No I just...goodnight." And with that he dashed off leaving me only vaguely aware of the fact that my heart was still pounding.