HIS SUICIDAL GIRL
❝I met the guy with his smile when my pen started to phlebotomize, and my fate has begun writing a new story.❞

15 - The Exposé

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•XIAMIN•

The weather was very nice. The young children were too occupied playing outside with their friends. The students were on their way to school. The adults were on their way to their workplaces. The birds were busy singing and feeding their babies, and the same goes with the other animals, too. Today seemed like a pretty normal day.

But not for a girl who has been in the Apollo General Hospital. I have already lost count of how many days I have been confined.

"Good morning, Crystal! Did you sleep well?" A ravishing doctor sat on the empty chair beside me.

The doctor gave me a very sweet smile, but I could only afford to give her a weak one.

"Ever since I was young, I was never comfortable staying in the hospital," Nawala yung ngiti sa mukha niya dahil sa sinabi ko. "at may malubhang sakit ho ako. I don't know how much... accurate time I have left. So, no, I didn't sleep well."

Nakaupo si Mommy sa sofa at nakinig lang sa aming dalawa ng doctor ko. Pumunta na kasi sa trabaho si Daddy. Daddy needed to work even harder to pay my hospital bills. No amount of exhaustion can compare to what Daddy was really feeling just because of his feeble and confined daughter.

"I guess I shouldn't have asked you that," sabi ng doctor. "I'm Doctor Fidji Saavedra, by the way," pormal na pagpapakilala niya sa akin.

I looked at her from head-to-toe dahil nagtataka ako kung bakit napaka-pamilyar ng mukha niya sa akin. It was like I have seen her somewhere before.

"Is there something wrong with my face, Crystal?" Napakurap ako, at umiling-iling kaagad ako sa kanyang tanong.

"Hindi po. Familiar lang ho kasi kayo sa'kin, e. Have we seen each other somewhere before?" I placed my right hand on my chin to think.

Ang sobrang familiar niya talaga sa'kin, e!

Napatawa siya ng mahina at sinabing, "Ako yung nurse na nag-asikaso sa'yo no'ng nahimatay ka during the Division Level Press Conference." Nginitian niya ulit ako. "I'm a professional doctor and a nurse."

"You're right!" I snapped my fingers in realization.

Kaya pala parang may alam siya tungkol sa sakit ko when we talked. Fidji Saavedra pala ang kanyang pangalan.

But wait. She has been my doctor ever since I was young? Damn, how did I forget about her? Such a peanut brain.

"Magpinsan pala kami, Crystal."

"She's your cousin, Mommy?" Gulat akong napatingin kay Mommy. "Okay, you guys, be honest. Are there still revelations that you're not telling me here? Because now would be the right time."

My doctor cachinnated. She was flawless, not going to lie.

"Nah, that's all that we have." She smiled.

"Well..." I kind of felt gauche. "Ba't 'di po kayo nagpakilala sa'kin during the DSPC?"

Yeah, she is my personal doctor, alright. However, hindi ko na talaga siya naaalala dahil below ten years old pa lang ako since my last checkup.

So, should I call her aunt or doc? I shook my head at that thought.

"I didn't want to ruin everything. Hindi ko rin sinabihan ang coach mo tungkol sa sakit mo because I know how much you love writing. Besides, if I told her, for sure she would be forced to forfeit you in the contest. You wouldn't want that." I was at a loss of words for that. I hate it when they start talking about my disease. Plus, I disdain the smell of hospitals; I disdain staying in hospitals; I disdain my illness so much. "I'm here to check up on you, Crystal. So, please, if you're feeling any pain, tell me."

Nakaramdam ako ng lungkot at galit at the same time. Everything was excruciating to me.

"You want to know if I feel any pain? Isn't that already a given?" I heard my own tone becoming sarcastic, at napahigpit ang hawak ko sa kumot ng hospital bed. "Everything. My illness, my situation, and my life. My cancer destroyed my passion, and my whole life. Doc Fidji, alam ko po na sooner or later, I will feel greater pain in my arms, at hindi ko rin magagalaw ang mga ito kagaya ng nangyari sa mga paa ko."

Napatahimik kaming tatlo sa loob ng kwarto. I knew Mommy wanted to cry. but she held it back because she knew how much I despise to see her crying. Doctor Fidji felt the same.

"I-It's the end of the line for me, 'di ba?" Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Doc Fidji nang makita niya na may luhang tumulo sa mga mata ko. "Why is this h-happening to me?"

There was only one, then another one, then another, hanggang sa tuloyan na ngang naglabasan ang mga luha ko. It seemed like drama have always loved me.

My doctor-aunt and I could hear my mommy's muffled cries, too. Nakita ko rin sa mga mata ng doctor-aunt ko na gustuhin man niyang umiyak dahil sa sakit, pero kailangan niyang magpakatatag dahil isa siyang doctor.

I buried my face in my hands. I could barely see Mommy who was also crying rushed quickly to my side and rubbed my back to comfort me.

"Crystal... After all these years, umiyak ka na rin dahil sa sakit mo." I raised my head to look at my doctor-aunt. "When I first met you and when I told you about your cancer, you were impassive. When your parents brought you to the States, napakatapang mo at kahit minsan ay hindi kita nakitang umiyak, even before and after the treatment."

She was right. Seven years ago, even before and after the treatment ay kahit isang beses lang ay hindi talaga ako umiyak. I was so dauntless.

It was because I did not care about whether I lived or died. I acted strong because I accepted my miserable fate. I did not care more or less. After all, I was and still am a suicidal kid with a deplorable illness.

I was still crying and my hands were trembling, so my doctor-aunt reached out to hold them.

"Crystal... There's someone else you love out there, isn't it?" Her question was a whole flabbergasting cake to me. "You are in love, true love."

No amount of anything could make me feel any beyond better, so I nodded as I cried heavily.

"Let me guess, is it that Zachrey guy?" I astonishingly looked at her. "Nakita ko kasi siya sa DSPC na kasama mo. He was the one na naghatid sa'yo sa clinic no'ng nahimatay ka, and he was so worried about you like he was your brother. He didn't even want to leave your side."

Umiyak ulit ako at dahan-dahang tumango ulit sa tanong ng doctor-aunt ko. I did not care anymore if Mommy knows na may nagugustohan na akong lalaki.

I could barely see my mom wiping the tears from the side of her face.

"So, my daughter is in love with that debonaire and gentle guy who always takes care of her these past few days," she said and smiled.

I could not help but smile as well, even if it was puny.

Tumayo si Doc-Aunt Fidji at chineck ang IV Fluid ko. Now I remember, hindi lang siya isang ordinaryong doctor. She was very professional, especially when it comes to cancers. She even successfully developed some medicines just to cure her patients, depending on the kind of cancer that they have.

Isa siyang henyo and believe it or not, kung minsan ay hindi siya nagpapabayad ng kanyang mga own developed na gamot lalong-lalo na sa mga mahihirap niyang pasyente.

I remember all too well now.

"Just recently, I have successfully developed a substance so you can move your legs again without pain." Naagaw niya ang atensyon namin ni mommy.

"S-Seriously, Fidji?" Tumango siya sa tanong ni mommy.

She looked at me.

"But it's only interim. Babalik at babalik rin kaagad sa dati ang mga paa mo. It can only last for a maximum of two weeks, depende kung gaano na kalala ang sakit mo." She sighed and sat back on the chair. "Osteosarcoma is not a common cancer. You can still move your legs, Crystal, right?"

Tumango ako at sinubukang igalaw ang aking mga paa. Ngunit. napasigaw ako sa sakit, kaya hindi ko na ito ginalaw pa muli.

Sa totoo lang, I can still move my legs. Although, they always ache every time I try to move them. A small movement is equal to a million aches, so I just told my friends including the person I love that I cannot move them anymore.

"As you witnessed, my legs hurt like hell every time I move them," malungkot na sambit ko.

Doc-Aunt Fidji nodded, then she looked at Mommy na tumigil na sa pag-iiyak.

"What do you think, Andrea? I can't let your daughter take the substance without you and Scott's permission."

"Fidji, I... Scott and I trust you pero," I never really comprehended their reactions because I got busy thinking about this substance my doctor-aunt was talking about. "Crystal still has to make the final decision. Kung saan siya masaya, do'n rin kami masaya."

I took a deep breath and sighed when I felt Mommy and my doctor-aunt's gaze on me. It was as if the fate of the entire world was on my shoulders. An image of Zachrey also flashed in my mind kaya nakapag-desisyon ako kaagad.

"I will take the substance," I forced a smile to the both of them. Doc-Aunt Fidji was about to say something, but I signaled her to keep quiet. I did not want to change my mind anymore. "no matter the cost."

◊◊◊◊◊

•THIRD PERSON•

Mizuno Residence...

I will take care of you, Xia. No matter what happens, I will never leave you.

Sa kwarto ni Zachrey, bigla niyang naalala ang kanyang sinabi kay Xia. Malungkot pa rin siya dahil sa nalaman, but he, too, has made up his mind. Hinding-hindi na niya iiwan si Xia kahit na anong mangyari.

Marami na rin siyang absent sa school dahil palagi siyang pumupunta sa hospital kaya todo ang pag-aaral niya sa bahay. Marami rin siyang ginagawang mga assignments and projects to catch up. Tinutulungan rin naman siya ni Cj, kaya medyo naging madali lang.

"Zachrey! Anak! Kumain na tayo!" Tumigil siya kaagad sa pagsusulat ng mga assignment nang marinig niya ang kanyang ina.

"Opo, Ma!" Inayos niya muna ang kanyang buhok at lumabas ng kwarto para kumain.

When he reached the kitchen, he kissed his mom on the cheek. She was already good-naturedly waiting for him.

"Pinagluto kita ng paborito mong Crispy Pata," nakangiting sabi ni Bernadeth Mizuno, ang ina ni Zachrey.

Umupo silang dalawa sa dining table at nagsimula kaagad silang kumain matapos nilang magdasal.

Zachrey has an elder sister, pero malaki na ito at may sariling pamilya na nakatira sa New York. Richard Mizuno, his dad is working abroad, too ─ same company with his mom. Close naman si Zachrey at ang kanyang buong pamilya. Sadyang nasanay na lang talaga siyang tumira ng mag-isa sa bahay nila kasi puro nasa abroad nagtatrabaho ang kanyang pamilya.

"It's a good thing that Mom came home now," Zachrey said in his mind.

"Kamusta na nga pala ang studies mo, Anak?"

"Ayos lang naman," tipid na sagot ni Zachrey.

"Si Cj kamusta na?"

"He's doing great, too," tipid pa rin niyang sagot. May kung ano-ano pang sinabi ang kanyang ina, but he was just not in the mood to talk. He could barely even hear her.

His mind was too occupied because of Xia. He likes Xia however; he does not realize it, yet. He only felt it inside of him and for him, it was still unfathomable.

Napag-isipan niyang alagaan si Xia ulit bukas sa hospital. Wala na siyang pakialam kung may klase man o wala bukas o sa darating pa na mga araw. Tatanungin na lang niya ang kaibigan niyang si Cj kung ano ang gagawin nila.

"Zachrey?"

He was still feeling so miserable every time he thinks about Xia and her confession. He wants her to live. He does not want her to go. That is why he will do anything just to be with Xia.

"Zachrey?"

Kahit ayaw man niyang isipin, hindi kayang mawala sa isip niya kung sakaling darating ang araw na mawawala na si Xia. He cannot afford to lose her, but in his mind was, "Is there still I can do if her time comes? I don't want to lose her, still."

"Zachrey!"

"M-Ma!" Bigla siyang napapitlang nang tinaasan siya ng boses ni Bernadeth. "Bakit po? What's the matter?"

"You tell me. Kanina pa kita tinatawag at usap nang usap dito, pero para kang walang naririnig." She let go of her utensils and reached out to hold her son's hands. "Is there any problem, Anak? Gusto kong makabawi sa'yo dahil ilang taon rin kami ng papa mo na tumira sa abroad dahil sa trabaho. So, please, sabihin mo sa'kin kung may problem ka or kung ano ang dapat kong gawin."

Zachrey sighed. He could not tell the truth to his mom kasi kapag nalaman nito ng kanyang ina ay for sure hindi siya papayagan nito na pumunta sa hospital. Lalong-lalo na na ang dami na niyang absent sa klase.

Umiling siya sa kanyang ina.

"Wala akong problema, Ma. Pagod lang siguro ako." Lying was the only resort for him left.

Mukhang nakumbinse rin naman niya ang kanyang ina kaagad.

"Gano'n ba? Napaka-hardowrking talaga ng anak ko, kaya napagod. Sege, matulog ka na sa kwarto mo." Ngumiti ang kanyang ina. "I'll wash the plates."

Zachrey stood up, hugged his mom and thanked her. He then went upstairs to go to his room afterwards. Pagpasok niya sa kwarto ay binuksan niya kaagad ang kanyang Messenger para mag-message kay Cj.

Zachrey Mizuno
| Active Now |
Reidens

Zachrey:
Bro! Hindi ulit ako papasok bukas. Ikaw nalang bahala kung ano ang sasabihin mo kung sakaling magtatanong ang mga teachers kung bakit absent ako.

Mabilis naman nakapag-reply ang kaibigan niya.

Reidens:
Sege, Bro. Ihatid mo lang sa akin ang mga natapos mo na assignments and projects. Yung iba sa'yo dito ay natapos ko na.

Zachrey:
Sege, ihahatid ko bukas. Same drill uli tayo, a?

Reidens:
Sege. Pero may test tayo sa math bukas. Sa assignments o projects ay makakasigurado ako na magagawan kita like what I did these past few days pero hindi ako sure sa tests. Pasensya na, Dude.

Zachrey:
Ayos lang. Ako nalang ang bahala sa mga tests. Salamat, Bro!

Reidens:
No problem. Pupunta rin kami kaagad ni Les sa hospital every after class. See you tomorrow na lang. Mag-ingat ka lalong-lalo na nandyan na mama mo. Baka makahalata siya.

Zachrey:
I know. Thanks again.

Reidens:
Welcome.

After mag-chat nilang dalawa ni Cj ay nilagay na niya ang phone niya sa bedside table.

He sighed. Indeed, Zachrey's close with his family, but there is still one thing missing ─ and that is time. His parents are always out of town because of matters they considered more imperative than spending time with their family. Moreover, his elder sister already has a family of her own. Nine years kasi gap nila ng sister niya. Half-sister, to be precise. But even so, they are still very close.

Lumaki lang talaga si Zachrey na mag-isa at wala ang kanyang mga magulang sa gilid niya. The reason why he was able to stand on his own feet in an early time. Ayaw rin naman ni Zachrey na may kasamang iba sa bahay, kaya nasanay na siyang tumirang mag-isa.

Since siya na lang ang natitirang anak na nag-aaral pa ng kanyang mga magulang, his parents became overprotective of him.

"Bahala na. Gagawa at gagawa ako ng paraan para lang maalagaan kita, Xia." Zachrey thought and continued doing his assignments.

◊◊◊◊◊

"Wala ka bang nakalimutan, Anak? Ballpen? Notebook? Baon? Ready na ba lahat?" sunod-sunod na tanong ng kanyang mama na sinagot lang ni Zachrey ng sunod-sunod rin na tango.

Because his mother have not seen and been with him for quite a long time, she was treating Zachrey like a kid which was also unbeknownst to her. Zachrey, on the other hand, could not help but feel uncanny.

"I have everything, Ma. Don't worry." He kissed his mom on the cheek again. "Bye, Ma!"

"Sege, ingat!"

Pag-alis ng kanyang anak ay nagsimula nang maglinis si Bernadeth sa kanilang bahay.

After a few hours of having a general cleaning, she took a rest and turned on the T.V. She headed for the refrigerator to get some water, and when she opened the ref door, she saw something that belongs to her son.

"Napakamalimutin talaga ng anak ko. I even asked him if he had everything." She sighed and drank a glass of water.

She returned to the living room and turned off the T.V. She looked at the clock and it says eleven-thirty in the morning. Saktong-sakto na darating siya sa school ni Zachrey this lunch time.

Pumunta siya sa kwarto niya at ng kanyang asawa para magbihis at mag-ayos ng sarili. After that, she locked the house and got inside the car para ihatid ang lunch box ni Zachrey. She wanted to be the one na maghatid ng lunch box ni Zachrey because she was not there on his side when he grew up, so she wanted to make up to him.

It was a thirty-minute drive from their house to Zachrey's school. Pagdating niya sa school ay pinark niya ang kanyang sasakyan ng maayos at humingi ng visitor pass sa guard para makapasok.

Bernadeth already knew where Zachrey's classroom was because he already told her about it before. Malapit na sana niyang marating ang classroom ni Zachrey nang biglang may nakabanggang estudyante sa kanya.

"Ay, sorry po!" The boy fixed his eyeglasses. "Hindi ko po sina—Tita Bernadeth?!"

Nagulat ang lalaki sa kanyang nakita.

"Oh my God! Cj, is that you? Ang laki-laki mo na, a!" She inches forward to Cj and locked him in her arms. "Miss na miss ka na namin ni Richard! Tagal na nating 'di nagkita, e."

Kumalas siya sa pagkayakap sa lalaki na mukhang ubos na ang dugo.

"Uh... oo nga po! Miss ko na rin kayo." Napakamot si Cj sa kanyang ulo. "A-Ah ano... Anong ginagawa niyo dito?"

Bernadeth raised her son's lunch box at ipinakita 'yon sa kaibigan ng anak. Nanlaki ang mata ni Cj nang makita na may naiwan si Zachrey.

"Anak ng kalabasa! Bakit mo iniwan ang lunch box mong gago ka?!" the young man screamed in his mind.

"Naiwan kasi ni Zachrey ang lunch box niya, e," sabi ni Bernadeth. "Also, Cj, now that I've come across you, I might as well ask. Have you noticed that he's been bothered with something lately? Do you happen to know what's been bothering him?"

Cj shook his head in an instant. "He's the same as usual to me, Tita. So, no. I noticed and know nothing."

"Okay... Nasa'n ba s'ya? Ba't 'di kaayo magkasama?"

"Shit! Paano ko ba sasabihin 'to sa mama n'ya? Tangina talaga." Cj's sweat started to seep at the side of his face.

Napalunok na lang bigla si Cj. Knowing his mother's best friend, he knows that she will always find a way just to know the truth, at alam niya kung gaano ito magalit kapag nalaman nito na nagsisinungaling ka sa kanya.

"Cj, is there something wrong? Tinatanong kita."

"Bahala na si Doraemon! Babawi na lang talaga ako kay Zachrey mamaya. Even if I lie to Tita Bernadeth, once she knows that I lied, Zachrey's situation will be much worse. Nothing can alleviate the plight we're both in right now," Cj uttered in his mind.

"A-Ah, ano po k-kasi... Absent ho si Zachrey today." He did his best to calm down. "Palagi siyang umaabsent para pumunta sa hospital."

Nagtataka si Bernadeth sabay tanong, "Hospital? Saang hospital, at sino ang na-ospital?"

Cj shrugged and put his lying skills into action.

"Hindi ko po masasagot ang mga tanong n'yo. Basta ang sabi niya ay may pupuntahan siya sa ospital." He could not say the whole truth to Zachrey's confused and curious mother.

Every time he uttered those; the interminable images of his best friend would flash in his mind. So, despite fathoming the risks of lying to Bernadeth, Cj tried his best to defend his best friend.

He knows how much Zachrey wants to see Xia. He does not care anymore if papagalitan siya ng Tita Bernadeth niya. What matters to him is that his best friend's happiness is also his.

Litong-lito si Bernadeth at halos maubos na ang pasensya. Ngunit, wala siyang nagawa kundi umuwi na lang sa kanilang bahay na dala pa rin ang lunch box.