HIS SUICIDAL GIRL
❝I met the guy with his smile when my pen started to phlebotomize, and my fate has begun writing a new story.❞

08 - Medicines?

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•ZACHREY•

Nandito kaming tatlo sa loob ng faculty ni Coach. It was just us four because the other teachers were already in their classes.

The silence enveloped us all. Walang kahit isa sa amin ang nagsalita at hinintay lang si Ma'am Jehr na siya ang unang magsalita. Napasulyap ako kay Xiamin ─ no movement; kay Bea naman ─ no movement pa rin. Napalunok na lang ako bigla dahil sa scratchy silence naming apat.

Inayos ni Coach ang kanyang mga gamit sa kanyang table at lumingon sa amin.

"Zachrey, Xiamin, I just want to clear something to the both of you," she finally spoke. "Ano ba talagang problema niyo sa isa't isa? Bakit palagi ko na lang kayong nakikitang nag-aaway? You're not like this last year, so, what happened? In case you forgot, I'm just observing you guys. Hindi nawawala ang mga mata ko sa inyo kahit na matagal ko na kayong kilala."

I gulped again. Coach was goddamn angry. Her voice was so serious as hell. Gusto ko sanang magsalita kaso parang nawala yung boses ko. I could not even say a word.

Now, it felt like this was all my fault. I am the eldest among us three, so I should be the one setting a good example to my juniors.

"Ano na? Hindi ba kayo magsasalita?" she asked, looking so seriously at us. "I can't let you compete if you two are gonna stay like this."

"Pero, Co—"

"No buts, Zach. Malinaw sa inyo na teamwork is very important and that you should build a strong bond together. Gano'n ba talaga kahirap gawin 'yon?" Napayuko kami sa sinabi niya. "Zachrey, Xiamin, hindi na kayo mga bata."

Si Bea ay nanatili lang tahimik, while Xia was hiding her hands behind her, nakayuko rin siya. Though, I found it strange to hide her hands behind her back.

"Zachrey, Xiamin, I need answers."

I looked at our coach, and her serious eyes met mine.

"Coach, I—" And again, I was not able to finish what I was about to say when Xia cut me off.

"Excuse me, Ma'am Jehr, may I go out?"

"I'm not done with the three of you, yet, Xiamin."

My eyes widened in surprise. Of all the people in this room, I highly expected Xia to be the one to encourage Ma'am Jehr that the three of us should compete. She would do anything just to fight for any person's rights.

And she would do anything just for us to compete and pursue our passions. But what did just happen?

"But, Ma'am, I─"

"Xia, what are you doing?" Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong magtanong.

"I..." She was hesitant. Something was wrong.

Mas nagulat ako nang bigla na lang siyang tumakbo palabas ng faculty ni Coach. Nagulat kaming lahat, in fact. What is wrong with her?

"Fine," Coach sighed. "I'll give you two an hour to settle things up. Tandaan niyo, one hour lang. When the time runs up at hindi pa kayo nakakapag-ayos, then you three can kiss the Division Level goodbye. I can always talk to the head of the school paper that you three will forfeit the competition. Am I clear?" Her voice was full of nothing else but authority.

"Will you do that, Coach?" The moment I let out those words was also the moment I wished I never should have spoken.

"You know me. I'm not all talk, Zach." She raised a brow at me. "Do not test me."

"I-I'm sorry po."

Napasulyap ako kay Bea. I was hoping na may something siyang masasabi kay Coach, pero wala.

"So again, am I clear?"

"C-Crystal, Coach." sagot ko na lang. Tumango siya at pinaalis na kami.

Paglabas namin ni Bea ay parehos kaming napahinga ng malalim. But just when I thought Xia was just right outside the faculty, no one else was outside other than Bea and I. The fact that I still have to look for Xia smelled another problem.

Additionally, if Xia and I do not reconcile, our coach will forfeit us from the competition at madadamay pa si Bea.

"Kuya Zachrey..." Nilingon ko si Bea. "Please, look for Ate Xia. I have a feeling na may problema siya."

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.

"What do you mean?"

"Her hands were trembling earlier. I'm not sure, but I think she looked so pale," she said, while anxiousness and fret were painted all over her face ─ and that surprised me.

So, there's wrong! Why didn't I notice it? Is the reason why she wanted to go out earlier because she was pale? But if she was feeling something odd, why didn't she tell us?

"Please, Kuya Zachrey," Bea looked at me like a cute anime girl pleading. "ikaw lang ang makakatulong kay Ate."

I smiled at her and gave her head a gentle tap.

"I swear, hahanapin ko ang Ate mo. I'll bring her back. Okay?"

Ngumiti lang siya pagkatapos ay nagpaalam na. Sinabihan niya ako na babalik lang daw siya after an hour.

Habang wala pa akong idea kung nasaan si Xia ay naisipan ko munang puntahan si Cj. I was confident enough that he was just in the classroom playing games. Hopefully, matulungan niya ako kung ano ang dapat kong gagawin.

◊◊◊◊◊

"Hoy, Cj! Tutulungan mo ba ako o hindi?" pasigaw kong tanong sa kanya matapos kong sabihin sa kanya lahat.

I told him everything about what happened, at wala lang siyang ibang ginawa kundi mag-focus sa laro niya. Alam ko naman na nakikinig siya, pero konting respeto naman sana.

"Ako ang core, Dude, kaya wait lang! Five more minutes, at matatalo ko na ang kalaban!"

"Five seconds." Sinimulan ko na ang pagbilang. "1... 2... 3..."

"Seriously, Dude? Madali lang naman 'yong five minutes!"

"4... 5... Time's up." After kong magbilang ay walang pasabing kinuha ko kaagad ang phone niya. "I don't have all day, Cj."

He argued, but I looked at him seriously, so he remained silent. Huminga ako ng malalim bago magsalita.

"Alam kong nakinig ka sa sinabi ko, Cj. I need your help right damn now."

"She must be very important to you to curse like that," he said.

"Of course, she is kasi nakasalalay ang contest namin dito! Kapag hindi kami magkakaayos within one hour ay hindi kami makakasali sa contest at madadamay pa si Bea!" I recollected my composure and sighed. "Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?"

If my calculations were right, I think it took him two minutes to answer my question. He must have thought about it very sensibly.

"You have to find her. Also, since it's Xia we're talking about, masyadong violent ang yandere na 'yon," he answered. "Have you noticed Xia being so secretive?"

Tumango ako.

"I mean, gano'n naman talaga ang isang tao kapag hindi pa nila lubosang kilala ang ibang tao, 'di ba?"

"Then, that must be it. Since you noticed that Xia is having some trust issues, she may keep her problems to herself as much as possible. So, I suggest that the only thing you can do for now is to make her feel like you can be trusted and give her the comfort she needs," he continued. "That's the only thing to do to make her feel even more comfortable when she's with you."

I was about to say something when he snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Essentially, don't comfort her with a lie. Gain her trust, but with good intentions."

"What do you take me for? A hypocrite? I'm not like that," I said to him.

Anyhow, Cj hit all of the points and his suggestion inspired me to help Xia even more. Cj knows how to give good and useful advices to people. However, sa akin lang rin naman siya nagbibigay ng mga advices dahil ako lang ang pinakaclose niya.

"Thanks, Bro." Nag-fist bump kaming dalawa. "You're the best."

"I know, kaya cellphone ko, please." Napatawa na lang ako sa kanya nang inilahad niya ang kanyang kamay sa akin, kaya binigay ko na sa kanya ang cellphone niya. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

◊◊◊◊◊

I released a heavy sigh anew. I guess it was my eighth time. Alam ko na yung gagawin ko to make Xia feel better, but I almost forgot that I still have a problem.

At this time, where could she be?

Think, Zachrey! Is she in the canteen? Is she in a place kung saan walang masyadong tao? Bumalik kaya siya sa room niya? Perhaps, I should have chased her when she ran outside the faculty. Kamiya High is big like a university. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula.

I took a glance at my watch, and I only had thirty minutes left. It made me curse in my mind until someone spoke behind my back.

"Zachrey Mizuno?" Napalingon ako sa taong tumawag sa akin.

Isa siyang babae na may mahaba na kulay itim na buhok. I was sure she was a bit taller than Xia, but shorter than me na may katamtamang kulay ng skin. All in all, she looked pretty familiar.

"Ah! Nasaan na ba yung manners ko? I'm Les, Les Villamor, Xiamin's best friend." She extended her hand for me to shake it.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at dali-daling tinanggap ang kamay niya.

"Yeah, yeah, I remember now. Ikaw yung palaging kasama ni Xia, 'di ba? Palagi ka niyang kinukwento sa amin," I said and smiled at her.

"Oh, really?" Napatawa siya. Napatingin siya sa likuran ko na parang may hinahanap, pagkatapos ay kumunot ang noo niya. "Nasa'n nga pala siya? 'Di ba palagi kayong magkasama?"

"Honestly," Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. "tatanungin sana kita if nakita mo ba siya, e."

"Hindi ko siya nakita. All I know naman is kayo at kasama niya. Bakit, anong nangyari?

Sinabi ko kay Les ang nangyari. Wala siyang kahit na anong reaksyon, at seryoso lang siyang nakikinig habang kinukuwento ko sa kanya ang nangyari. Pero biglang nag-iba ang expression niya nang sinabi ko na nanginginig ang kamay at parang namumutla si Xia. I could not really comprehend her expression.

It was a mix of discombobulation, doubt, and fret.

"So, do you know where she could be, Les?"

"I think," She looked at me seriously in the eyes. "nasa lugar siya kung saan walang ibang tao."

"Yeah, I think so, too. Pero, saan?"

"Sa tingin mo, anong una niyang gagawin kapag siya'y malungkot aside from running to me for help?" she reflected a question at me.

I shrugged my shoulders before uttering a guess, "Siguro... Manood ng anime at kung minsan ay magbabasa ng mang—" I could not finish what I was about to say when I realized my whole statement.

Les nodded.

"Tama, nasa library siya. Sa Manga section. I don't know what happened but," she said. "make her feel better, Zachrey. Ikaw lang ang makakagawa no'n."

She smiled at me, so I nodded and thanked her. I did not have much time to waste kaya nagpaalam kaagad ako sa kanya para pumunta sa library.

You better be in there, Xia. Wait for me.

◊◊◊◊◊

Pagdating ko sa library ay agad akong nagtungo sa manga section. Hindi ko na masyadong pinansin yung librarian. I needed to see and talk to Xia.

Akala ko ay wala siya doon kasi wala kaagad akong nakitang ibang tao. Until I saw a girl at the end of the table in the middle. Nakatunganga lang siya at parang may malalim na iniisip.

Gugulatin ko sana, pero hindi ko na lang tinuloy. Baka ma-heart attack pa siya, delikado.

I walked to her slowly and placed my hand on her shoulder. She jumped in surprise.

"Hey."

"Z-Zachrey..."

I pulled the chair beside her at umupo. Humarap ako sa kanya. Parang ayos naman siya. Hindi na siya namumutla, at hindi na rin nanginginig ang mga kamay niya. She looked so normal.

"What happened? Bakit bigla ka na lang tumakbo?" Hindi siya sumagot sa tanong ko at nag-iwas ng tingin. "Alam mo naman na hindi tayo makakapunta sa Division kapag hindi tayo magkakabati, 'di ba? Madadamay pa si Bea. We should settle things up, Xia."

Ayaw ko naman talagang makipag-away sa kanya, e. Masyado lang talaga siyang moody at medyo bossy kaya madali lang siyang magalit.

And offensive rin naman kasi na tinawag n'ya akong 'gago' for no reason.

"Yeah, you're right," she said and turned to smile at me feebly.

"T-Talaga?" Nagulat ako. "Hindi ka nagalit sa sinabi ko?"

Usually, napipikon siya kapag nagsasalita ako ng ganito.

Umiling siya. Hindi nga siya galit. It was a miracle for me, so, I observed her. Normal naman talaga siya kung titingnan mo, but I still have this feeling na parang hindi talaga siya okay deep inside.

Every human has a shell to protect their real feelings within.

"If so, may I know kung bakit bigla ka na lang tumakbo kanina?" tanong ko ulit sa kanya.

Natahimik ulit siya. I did not want to make her feel uncomfortable, so I waited patiently for her to answer my question. Nakatingin pa rin ako sa kanya, and I could clearly see the melancholia in her eyes.

Bigla kong naalala ang sinabi ni Cj sa akin.

Then, that must be it. Since you noticed that Xia is having some trust issues, she may keep her problems to herself as much as possible. So, I suggest that the only thing you can do for now is to make her feel like you can be trusted and give her the comfort she needs. That's the only thing to do to make her feel even more comfortable when she's with you.

Cj was right. Everything he said was all right. We were just sitting, and I was just looking at her. I did not know what happened. In just a blink, the next thing I knew ay nakayakap na ako sa kanya. I saw how her eyes widened in surprise, but I did not care.

I don't know how to prove to her that she's safe with me, but I can hug her.

"Z-Zachrey..."

"Xia," I whispered softly in her ear. "I just want to let you know that I'm here. Naiintindihan ko. You have trust issues kaya ang magagawa ko sa ngayon ay iparamdam sa'yo na nandito lang ako."

Kumalas ako sa pagkayakap sa kanya. Gulat na gulat siya, pero nakatingin ako directly sa mga mata niya. Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Bigla akong kinabahan for some reasons that I did not know.

Xia immediately stood up. She stepped back and leaned her back against the shelf. She closed her eyes and started breathing heavily.

"This is awful." She opened her eyes and looked at me. "You are awful, Zachery."

Napakunot ang noo ko. Napansin ko na napahawak siya sa puso niya, like she was trying to feel the beat of her heart.

Zachrey, even ikaw ay kinakabahan na rin. Pati na rin utak ko, nagsasalita na. Feeling ko whole system ko na ang kinakabahan.

"You're awful for making me feel this way," she said. Mas lalo pa akong na-curious sa sinabi niya.

I asked, "What do you mean?"

Umiling lang siya bilang sagot. Umayos siya ng tayo, lumapit, pero hindi niya ako tinapunan ng tingin at dali-daling kinuha ang bag niya na ngayon ko lang napansin na nakabukas pala. Pero bago pa man niya naisara ito ay nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa aking nakita.

"Forget what I said. It's almost an hour kaya balikan na natin si Ma'am Jehr." She then turned to face me. "Ayos na tayo, 'di ba?"

Out of words to say, I just nodded.

"Well then," Inayos niya muna ang mga chairs na inupuan namin kanina. "let's go."

"Y-Yeah, let's." She was dubious of my answer.

"Are you still worried about what I said? Didn't I say na kalimutan mo na yung sinabi ko? It doesn't matter now." I was at loss of words for her. "Tara na nga, Zachrey."

She pulled my hand. Hinayaan ko na lang siya dahil hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakita ko. I wanted to ask her, pero alam ko na hindi rin niya ako sasagutin ng maayos.

I did not know if I was just seeing things or what. Maybe it was just a mistake, pero kaya ba talagang magkamali ng mga mata ko sa mga ganoong klaseng bagay? If totoo nga yung nakita ko, then why?

Why does she have so many medicines in her bag?