I shot up in bed, my hand clutching at my heart through my shirt. It was beating fiercely in my chest, reverberating through my rib cage. I gasped for air, the phantom feeling of someone's hands on my neck sent shivers up my spine. Not again, not another one of those nightmares, I thought I'd gotten over that. I tried to calm my breathing as a glanced over to my right, Yukio was still in bed, so it must be early morning. I envied his ability to sleep through the night, I envied his cheerful personality, but most of all, I envied his innocent memories.

Let's play a game, buddy, you wanna play with me?

I clapped my hands over my ears, trying to keep the god awful voice from entering, but sadly, the voice was already in my head.

Here, you don't need a shirt in this game, let me help you...

Stop it! Not this again! I shook my head violently, the motion carrying through my body and rocking the mattress. An image flashed through my head and I bit back a cry; his fingers on my skin, his breath next to my ear. Oh god, make it stop!

You're a good boy, aren't you?

I think I might be sick if this continues, I had to push this down, get rid of it. I shoved myself off my bed, trying to be quiet as I walked passed Yukio and tiptoed to the bathroom. I shut the door a bit harshly, however, but I didn't care. Leaning my head against the cool wood, I slapped my hands against my cheeks, trying to knock out the foul thoughts. After a few moments, I had calmed my mind enough to think clearly. Sighing, I stripped off my clothes, pausing to gasp for air as a few more flashbacks consumed me.

I blasted cold water in the shower and quickly stepped inside, hissing as it shocked my system. Thankfully, it helped ebb away the horrible pain, and I sat there, under the cold stream for a minute or so, just letting the water droplets drip from my hair. Once the memories had faded, I was left feeling filthy and queasy, like always.

I grabbed a rag and started washing my body, biting my tongue as I repeatedly scrubbed the same area over again twice, thrice, four times, and even more. My skin was red and raw by the time I turned off the shower, but the pain reminded me that I was clean. Physically clean, but I didn't want to dwell on that fact, I couldn't let it consume my day.

I wrapped a towel around my midsection and walked back into the bedroom, the chilly air cooling the water on my skin. Walking to my closet, I grabbed the usual school uniform and boxers, dropping my towel and getting dressed. It's not like Yukio was awake, anyway. I wrapped my tail around my chest and slid my shirt on, the comforting hug of my own tail was soothing, too bad it missed the warmth of an actual embrace. I couldn't remember the last time I had received one, to be honest. Not that I cared, I much preferred it when people didn't touch me, it made me feel too uncomfortable.

I glanced at the alarm clock and walked over to my sibling's bedside. He looked peaceful - the way he should be - he always looked stoic and impassive during the day, but while asleep, I got a glimpse of the baby brother that I used to know. I wanted to protect that peaceful expression, that's why he could never find out. It would break him, he'd blame himself, or he'd blame me, or he wouldn't believe me at all. Either way, I wasn't going to risk his happiness for my sake. I pulled his covers up higher and pushed the hair from his face before making my way out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen.

I normally didn't make breakfast, usually I just focused on lunch and dinner. However, I had time to kill, so I brought out a frying pan. Maybe I'd make a western meal this morning, Yukio liked to change it up sometimes, anyway. I grabbed the egg carton, cheese, and some veggies, we couldn't get western bacon here in Japan, but that's fine, I thought it was too greasy anyway, so vegetarian omelets were fine.

I threw a bit of butter into the pan and put it on medium heat. Moving over to the cutting board, I chopped some mushrooms, bell peppers, and a bit of onion before tossing the veggies into the pan to sauté. I whistled a tune as I worked, trying to stay positive, even though the morning's events had dampened my mood. I brought out a bowl and opened the egg carton, cracking them and whisking the yellow liquid together. After a moments consideration, I decided that I didn't have enough egg for two omelets, so I grabbed another from the carton. I tried cracking it against the counter but I must not have put enough pressure behind it, I just hummed and tried it against the edge of the bowl to no avail.

Stopping my cheerful songs, I looked closely at the shell, why the hell was it being so stubborn? I turned it over in my hands and found the weakened spot that I had hit to the counter. With furrowed brows, I pushed my thumbs into the egg, and I shouldn't have been surprised when it pretty much exploded from the force. The surprise was short lived, however, as raw egg flew in multiple directions, some landing on my face.

My eyes grew wide and I dropped the shell from my grip, my vision becoming unfocused. Clamping a hand over my mouth, I stumbled backward, my back hitting the island counter. Sudden images surfaced in my mind, and I began to feel cornered. I frantically wiped away the raw egg whites from my cheek, my mind racing as I recalled being in situations with similar substances. I felt my heartbeat grow rapid and my throat felt like it might close, the memories flooding my every thought and I could feel tears fall down my cheeks.

He was pushing me against the wall, his tall stature looming over me as he shoved his fingers into my mouth. We were supposed to be playing a game, but this didn't seem very fun. His dark brown eyes shifted from friendly to hungry and he was starting to scare me. His other hand pressed against my bare chest, trailing lower and lower. I tried asking what he was doing but he wouldn't let me talk around the fingers he had in my mouth. What kind of game was this? I didn't know if I liked it.

I felt someone shaking me and I was brought back to the present time. My body was shaking with sobs and I felt like I might throw up. I rubbed my eyes and looked up, concerned teal eyes only inches away. "Nii-san?! I've been calling your name, what happened? Why are you crying...?" He couldn't know, he could never find out, I'll have to lie. Another sob ripped through my chest and I pushed down my emotions, my breathing wavering. I swiftly got to my feet, drying my tears and thoroughly washing my hands. "Nii-san..?" He sounded so worried, and it broke my heart to hear him unhappy.

"I-I just burnt my hand on the stove." Oh shit! The food, how long was I hysterical for? I looked at my cooking station, sighing in relief when I realized that Yukio had moved the food off the burner. The veggies were still slightly undercooked and I had a suspicion that he had witnessed my panic attack from the beginning.

I shifted my gaze toward him, and sure enough, he didn't seem to be buying my fib. His eyes traced along the counter, the egg mess didn't seem to fit with my story. He sighed, keeping his eyes downcast and away from me, "This isn't the first time I've seen you like this, Rin... Yet, every time I ask you what's wrong, you lie to me." He turned to me again, grabbing my shoulders so firmly I couldn't help but flinch. It wasn't his fault, I was still feeling the effects of my memories. My sudden movement shocked him and he let me go immediately, his next words were quiet, "Nii-san, something has happened to you, I know it. And someday, I'm going to find out what, and I'll be there for you, no matter what it is."

I nodded quickly, turning back to my cooking and shoving the frying pan back on the burner. I heard Yukio walk away to sit at the table, sighing helplessly. His words made me sad, I wished dearly that I could have someone to confide in, but I didn't want to burden anyone. This was my problem, I didn't need to add others into it. Besides, maybe I deserved this pain... I shook my head, ridding myself of the thoughts and placing the pan back on the burner. I successfully cracked another egg without causing myself a fit. How pathetic, an egg made me cry, for the son of Satan, I'm not very menacing.

When I finished with the food, I brought our plates to the table, Yukio was staring at me and it made me slightly uncomfortable. I cleared my throat, "Where's Kuro?" He just shrugged, stating that he was probably still asleep. I sighed, grabbing the plate of leftover scraps and setting them outside the kitchen door. The feline loved eggs, so I'm sure he would be grateful for the meal. Returning to the table, I ate in silence, but every once in awhile, I felt his gaze on me. Finally, before I had finished, he sighed.

I looked up at him as he stood from his seat without his plate. He walked behind me and my eyes grew wide when he engulfed me into a hug. My breathing started to grow uneven and I feared that I might freak out, but I calmed down when the scent of his body wash filled my nose, instead of sickening peppermint candy.

That's right, it's just Yukio, he's touching you because he loves you. He's not like that bastard, you're safe.

I relaxed into him and he mumbled into my ear, "Please, Nii-san, I don't care how much it may upset me, I just need to know. Whatever this is, we can get through it together. It's been years since I've first saw you like that; crying and huddled into a corner, mumbling phrases that I couldn't understand." He squeezed me tighter, and I heard him swallow, "I don't want that happening again, you don't deserve this. Please, tell me." His words contained so much sadness and desperation, they ripped a hole in my heart and I closed my eyes, swallowing hard.

"Yukio... I... I don't know, I can't... I'm so sorry, I just..." I bit down on my lip harshly, keeping my emotions at bay. I felt him shift, the warmth of his body moving away from my back and I opened my eyes to see him kneeling next to me. He reached up, pulling my lip from my clenched jaw and giving me the most miserable smile.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me right away. And I understand the pressure I just put on you, so don't worry. Take your time, but please, promise me that I will eventually know." I felt my eyes water, I didn't want to promise that to him, he didn't deserve it. He had no part in my issues, why should I drag him down with me? He looked expectantly at me and I felt a treacherous tear escape. I quickly wiped my eyes but it was too late, the waterworks had already started. Yukio hushed me quietly and pulled me into another hug, but this time I didn't hesitate to return the favor.

I clutched his shirt and buried my face into the side of his neck, crying and hiccuping helplessly. I held onto him like a lifeline, and he essentially was, as my only family member and twin, he understood me the most. He understood the subtle things that I hid from everyone else, and he understood that I wasn't able to speak of them. I pulled away from him, wiping my cheeks as more tears followed.

"Thank you, Yukio... I-I promise."