It's been a over a year since I started at True Cross Academy, over a year since dad died, but over nine years since that first incident. The following years contained similar events, and each one was just as horrible as the last, sometimes even worse. Nightmares sporadically interrupted my life, and every time they did, I would become depressed for days, even weeks. Yukio would fuss over me, and he had every right. I couldn't count the number of times I have thought about ending my life, but every time, I'd knock some sense into myself. And now that dad was gone, my resolve to stay alive has strengthened, for Yukio at least.

It's been a few months since Yukio made me promise him, and ever since then, I've been thinking of buyable lies that I could tell him. I knew it was wrong to deceive him, but the truth was something he didn't need to burden himself with. And as I sat in class at the end of cram school, I found myself thinking of him. Since it was my second year of cram school, he was no longer one of my teachers. However, whenever there was a mission, he was the one to take me and the group. Which I liked, I'd hate to have some old geezer bossing us around.

Old geezer...

"Daddy, why do you have to leave?" I said, tugging at his pant leg, he looked down at my tiny form, laughing and ruffling my hair.

"I'll be back soon, Rin. It's just like last year, I'll just be gone a week. You remember Father Naito, right? He'll be covering for me while I'm gone, you'll have fun." Oh yes, I remembered him, and I didn't like him. I wanted to tell him everything, the games he said we were playing, how he told me I'd be a bad boy if I told someone, and how I always felt afterward. However, I couldn't seem to get the words out. Tears welled up in my eyes and Dad looked immediately concerned. "Rin? What's the matter, kiddo?" He grabbed me underneath my arms and picked me up, hugging me close.

I opened my mouth, but nothing but small noises escaped. I didn't want Father Naito to come back here, he was mean and made me feel icky. But I couldn't tell anyone because I'd be a bad boy and he told me the bad boys got punished. My body shook and Dad held me tight, rubbing my back and trying to comfort me with his words. When my trembling subsided, he pulled away, a concerned expression on his face. "Hey, what's wrong?"

I sniffled, rubbing my eyes, not even realizing I had been crying. I couldn't tell him, Father Naito would be angry with me, I needed to say something else. "I, uh, *hicc* I'm just scared that *hicc* the monsters under my bed will come out *hicc* when you're gone." I realized in relief that he bought my story, but I felt horrible for lying to him.

He smiled sweetly, "Oh, Rin, you'll be okay. Father Naito can keep monsters away like me, too. I'll ask him if you can sleep in his bed when you're scared." He hugged me again, and he didn't see my eyes widen in fear. Alone with Father Naito? All night? "Everything will be alright, kiddo." I knew, however, that things wouldn't be.

.oOo.

Dad opened the front door and I couldn't help but keep my eyes downcast. "Father Naito! Just in time, I'm about to head out." I heard Dad walk over to us and put his hands on our heads.
"Alright, kids, I'll see you in a few days, okay? When I get back, we can go to the circus in True Cross, alright?" I heard Yukio cheer and clap, but the sudden twisting in my stomach didn't make me very happy. "Rin? Are you okay?" I felt someone tilt my head up and I stared into the dark red eyes of Daddy. He was going to leave me alone with the scary man again, but he didn't know he was scary.

"He must be getting sick or something, Shiro, I'll make sure to take care of him." I knew that voice, that low, booming sound made me feel weak. Dad hummed and stood up, agreeing with him. He grabbed his luggage and made his way out to the waiting taxi. I prayed that he would sense that something was wrong and turn around, but of course, he didn't. I waved goodbye to him with Yukio and turned around, Father Naito stood in front of me.

He knelt down, his dark brown eyes piercing into mine, and I immediately felt queasy. "You've grown since the last time I've seen you two. You're such a big boy, eh?" He ruffled my hair, as if he was some friendly neighbor. Suddenly, his already dark eyes grew more shadowed, "So, you might be getting a cold? Tsk tsk, now we can't be having that... Yukio," he turned to my poor little brother, a smile on his face, "why don't you go and play. I'll just take Rin to the bathroom and make sure he doesn't have a fever."

Yukio laughed lightly, scampering to our room and shutting the door. I felt myself being lifted off my feet and I was being carried down the altar of the church. Some of the altar boys said hello to Father Naito as we passed and I tried to express that I was uncomfortable to them. I arched my back slightly so that I was pulling away from him, my hand on his shoulder. He didn't seem to notice, or care, however.

When we entered the bathroom, he locked the door behind him. Oh no! I felt my body begin to shake as he set me on top of the counter, digging through the drawers. "Open your mouth." I tensed, I didn't want to, but he pried my lips apart and shoved a thermometer under my tongue. We sat in silence while the temperature on the gauge started to rise. His hands were resting on my knees and I was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable. When the thermometer beeped, he pulled it from my mouth.

"98.8, you don't seem to be sick." He sounded angry, "were you faking it so your Daddy would stay longer?" I shook my head quickly, I wasn't faking anything! He laughed sourly, "open your mouth." I slowly parted my lips, my eyes shining with fear. Suddenly, he shoved two fingers down my throats and I gagged. He only pushed farther and I gripped at his larger hands, trying desperately to push it away. He yanked his fingers out and laughed as my high pitched coughs and gasps echoed off the tiles.

"Mr. Okumura!!" I snapped out of my haze, eyes wide as I stared at my teacher. "Is there a problem?" I opened my mouth, but no words fell out. I quickly glanced around, the first thing I noticed was Shiemi's hand on mine. I shifted my gaze downward, realizing that I had snapped my pencil in half. After I few more moments I felt the hand on my shoulder squeeze tighter, I flickered my eyes up and saw Bon standing behind me. He looked concerned, I must have created a big fuss. I felt anxiety crawl in my chest, did I say anything out loud?

"Mr. Okumura? Do you need to take a walk outside?" I returned my gaze to the front of the room and slowly shook my head. The teacher sighed and continued his lesson, "as I was saying, this weekend, you all will be put on a mission. This particular one will require time, so you will all be spending a couple days in another town. Thankfully, Okumura-sensei has offered to let you all stay at his family's monestary. He will be here tomorrow to explain it all to you and then you will have the rest of the day to pack, but in the morning you will all be off. Alright, any questions?" He paused, but no one spoke. "Class dismissed."

My fellow classmates started to chatter around me, and I focused my gaze on my broken pencil. I crossed my arms on the desk and bit my lip, my thoughts tainted with memories.

Don't bite your lip, that look is sinful.

I gasped and quickly put my head on my crossed arms, staring wide eyed at the wood grain of the desk. My lips tingled and I felt the phantom feeling of fingers trailing across my skin. I bit down on my tongue and squeezed my eyes shut. Please go away.

You've got some crystal clear, blue eyes, kid. Look at me when I'm talking to you.

I gasped again and I started to feel claustrophobic, my heart hammering against my chest and my skin breaking out in a sweat. Suddenly, someone started shaking me harshly. I sat up in my chair immediately, a small noise escaping my lips. My breathing was uneven and I probably looked insane, when I glanced up at who had shaken me, I knew I looked insane.

Bon had a concerned look in his eyes, "Dude, last bell rang like five minutes ago. You've been shaking like hell and we haven't been able to get your attention." Someone pushed him aside and I felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over me.

"Nii-san, you're okay, alright? Whatever it is, it's okay, I'm here now. Can you understand me?" I nodded my head, dazedly looking around the room at the worried expressions of my classmates. I really fucked up this time, didn't I?

"What was that?" Bon asked my brother.

I hung my head in shame, Yukio's voice filling the tense air. "I don't know, it's a personal thing. I'm sorry to have worried you all, but he's okay now." I felt my cheeks burn red, he had to apologize for me, how embarrassing. I stared down at my trembling hands, feeling helpless and pathetic in front of my friends.
Another pair of hands came into view and grasped my own, "come on, Nii-san. Let's go back to the dorm." He pulled me up to my feet and I kept my gaze on the floor as he guided me out of the room. He apologized again and told everyone that he'd see them tomorrow to explain the mission.

As soon as he pulled me out into the hallway and shut the door, he hugged me. I tensed but slowly relaxed, burying my face in his neck. "Now you're having these...these attacks in public, Rin. Did something trigger you?" I pulled away and shook my head, shoving my hands into my pockets and starting to walk down the hallway. He followed beside me, sighing and scratching his head. "Do you know what causes them at least?" I nodded and he sighed again, "well, at least that's a start. You going to tell me what it is?" I shook my head and I heard him laugh bitterly, "of course."

We walked the rest of the way to the dorm in silence, but when we entered the building, I sighed. "So what's this little field trip we're going on?" He stopped in his tracks and turned to me, a smile on his face.

"Nuh uh, you don't get to hear about it before anyone else. But I can tell you this; you're going to be happy when we go. This mission is probably going to be like one big sleepover." I gave a small laugh at his overjoyed expression. Well, if he was happy about it, I suppose I'll be happy too. I felt excitement bubble in my chest, maybe this was the perfect way to take my mind off the past.

"Alright, this sounds fun, but if it isn't, I'm going to be disappointed in you for a long time. It'll be the biggest disappointment of the century, well, besides our births." He slapped my arm and walked up the stairs, no doubt going to do his homework.

I thought about the future trip ahead of me, things could only get better, right?