TW: Cutting/mention of cutting, 'Panic Attack'
***

Evan laid nervously in his room, comforter pulled up to his nose, it was dark outside and he had been woken up when Connor got up to go to the bathroom- that was half an hour ago, and Evan was getting anxious.

Evan turned his head at the sound of wind outside- he knew it was wind but it terrified him, he slowly began to hyperventilate, the wind was getting louder until he heard a slap at the window, causing him to pull his comforter over his head and whine like a scared puppy.

It's okay, Evan...you're okay- you have to be okay, it has to be okay, you're okay-

The wind howled and there was tapping at Evan's window, a tree branch hitting it.

Evan let out a choked cry, he couldn't call for Connor, that would be burdening him.

You're a burden regardless I'm sure...I'm so scared I- please just let it be morning, just even a little light please please...He sniffled slightly, shaking.

There was silence for a moment before the sound of a dirt bike got louder until it spiked outside and its engine roared, causing Evan to let out a sob, "C-Connor! H-help!" He cried loudly.

Within a matter of a few milliseconds, Connor was darting into Evan's room, scrambling over to throw the comforter from Evan's face down to his waist, only to find the boy untouched but in a tight ball, covering his ears and shaking as he rocked back and forth.

"Evan? What's wrong?" Connor gently shook Evan's shoulder, frowning when the boy didn't answer, "Hansen?"

Evan just shook his head and curled in tighter on himself.

Connor winced as he slowly wrapped his arms around the boy and sat down, pulling Evan into his lap and holding the upper half of the boy that fit into his lap up to his chest, "Hey, you're okay...it's okay...I'm here..." Connor had a look of pain on his face.

Evan seemed to finally be awake in his mind when he blinked his eyes up at Connor until he focused on the other boy and clung to him, letting out a shaky breath, "O-oh my god..." He choked out, "I thought you left, a-and that I was alone a-and I just became irrational and...god I'm a wimp but I'm glad you're here..." He sighed, nuzzling Connor's cheek affectionately.

Connor couldn't help but give a small smile, "I'm here..."

Evan sighed contently before frowning, "Wh-why is my shirt wet?" He looked up at Connor to see an expression of pure horror on his face that reflected in the moonlight pouring in from the window into the dark room.

"Sweat?" Connor suggested.

"I-it's cold as heck in here- I j-just had my comforter on because of that- it's not hot enough for sweat..." Evan's heartrate increases when he touched the substance and looked down to see a red tint to his fingers, he stiffened up and scrambled away from Connor, looking down at his blood-soaked shirt- not entirely, just splotches here and there, he let out a small whine that grew into panicked breathing, "I-Im bleeding somewhere- o-oh god- I can't feel it- I must be in shock- or- oh no, oh no- a-am I already dead? Oh m- C-Connor..." His voice sounded absolutely helpless as he called the other boy's name, looking up only to see Connor with his hands over his face, wincing.

"Oh no...you can't hear me...it's already too late, I-" Evan squinted his eyes almost shut when Connor reached over and flipped the bedside lamp on, the room instantly lighting up with a warm glow.

When Evan finally was able to get his eyes to adjust to the light, he squinted them open to see Connor with his arms outstretched, eyes tear-stained as his arms were covered in running blood, multiple cuts running up and down them.

Evan stared in disbelief, feeling like he was about to vomit.

Connor sniffled, unable to keep a proud nor tough composure.

Something clicked in Evan's brain and he instantly went to his dresser, pulling open the top drawer and grabbing the first aide kit.

Connor was looking dully ahead now as Evan sat down in front of him, quietly counting the number of cuts before ending on 22, 9 on Connor's Inner left arm and wrist, and 11 on Connor's Inner right arm and 2 on his wrist.

Evan then nodded and grabbed a box of band aides from the kit, scattering the whole box onto the bed. He continued with grabbing a spray on disinfectant and twisted the lock off before looking at Connor, "This is going to hurt a bit, is that okay?"

Connor just nodded and tensed up in preparation.

Evan nodded and sprayed the disinfectant on a few times quickly while Connor hissed some cusses.

"All done, honey..." Evan sighed.

Connor simply nodded with a few skilled tears.

Evan then grabbed a rag from the kit and placed ointment on it before gently applying it to Connor's arms, wiping away as much blood as he could in the process while Connor let out small grunts of pain.

"Almost done..." Evan promised, grabbing one of the bandaids and gently applying it to the first of the cuts, it was a bandage that was blue with pink unicorns on it and rainbows. Evan gently kissed the bandage onto Connor's arm, figuring he could press it down, but a kiss would be gentler, and it made Connor's lips curve at the end.

This made Evan slightly happy as he continued to apply the bandages, kissing each one on until Connor let out a small giggle before slapping his hand on his mouth and sighing.

"I'm such a mess..." Connor muttered bitterly.

"I know..." Evan huffed sadly as he continued with the bandages.

"I just hurt myself to- this extent and...it felt good, I have to admit but- you're disappointed in me...?" Connor seemed to be asking.

Evan paused before nodding slowly, "I am, but I love you still."

"And that's why I'm a mess- because one moment I'm emotionlessly slicing my arms up...the next I'm all giddy with you kissing my arms up and down...what am I supposed to feel?" Connor pleaded.

Evan finished with the last bandage, delicately kissing it before sitting up, "I went from a wailing child needing his boyfriend for protection to protecting his boyfriend like this," Evan snapped his fingers together at the end to show how quick, "We're Both m-messes..." He curled up against Connor's side, "We've both got...ouchies..."

"We'd better be the ones to clean each other up then..."

"I think we are." Evan kissed Connor's side before Connor kissed Evan lightly on the head.

"We're broken- but that's okay."