Jungkook's Pov

Was it my fault? Did I act too much on my own thoughts?

I didn't even care to listen to what she has to say but I jumped into my own conclusions. I know she isn't the kind of person to cheat on me, she would never. But why am I doubting her?

I shouldn't have asked her that question. Whether she slept with my hyungs. That was solely my mistake. I know she wouldn't!

Why did I let my mind control me at that moment instead of listening to my heart?

I'm so stupid!! This is all my fault.

I should appologize.

But she shouldn't have cuddled together with Jimin hyung as well.

Is it my fault that we faught? Will we be able to solve it and get past this?

I don't plan to let her go as well so I will appologize no matter whose fault it is cause it seems like we both have our own parts in this arguement. But mainly me.

I made my way to the door but my steps halted.

We need a moment to think by ourselves. We need to calm down cause right now we aren't in our right minds.

Wanting to think and calm down a little before talking, I turned around to head into the bathroom.

Removing my clothes and getting in the shower, I let the water rinse my body and my mind of all the thoughts to relax. The cold water slid down my body making me miss her little touches and the comforting warmth that radiates into me as she holds my body against her tiny frame.

I miss her so much.

I don't know how long I stayed under the cold water but after my thoughts were cleared, I got out.

Getting dressed in normal sweats, I opened the door.

"You guys will be the death of me one day." Jin hyung was screaming loudly that his voice is echoeing through every wall. "Lock the freaking doors when you come inside. How many times do I have to tell you all to not leave the balcony door unlocked! If a thief comes in and kill me, I'm gonna hunt you all down and take you to hell with me."

I smiled as I followed the screaming hyung downstairs. Grabbing myself a glass of water before heading to the living room, I checked for the familier face.

Suga hyung was slumped on the sofa while chewing on something with his eyes closed. Jin hyung was next to him scolding Suga hyung for eating before dinner. V hyung was lying on the floor staring at the TV. Jimin hyung was no where to be found. Hobi hyung is dancing to a song and Namjoon hyung is scrolling through the phone.

Where is Y/n?

I made my way towards the hyungs and sat down.

"Hyung." I called out.

"Which one?" V hyung asked.

"Anyone. Did you see Y/n?" I asked with a little hesitancy.

"Why are you asking it from us? I was going to ask you." Jin hyung said. "I need her to help me with this dish I'm planning to cook."

"No one saw her?" I asked with surprise.

"Nope. Although I came here around 5 minutes ago." V hyung said while all the other said they were the same.

I went towards Hobi hyung who removed his earphones. "Hyung did you see Y/n?"

"Nope. Why?"

"I just can't find her." I mumbled feeling a little scared at her not being anywhere. We are not in good terms now. Did she leave here and go somewhere?

I fished out my phone to dial Mark's number. But my actions stopped when a thought crossed my mind.

Jimin hyung isn't here either.

I ran upstairs again. My heart beating like crazy. I don't know what I would feel if I find her in his room. Will I be happy for finding her there or will I be sad at her being with him?

Barging into his room without a second thought, I saw him as he was sprawled on the bed sleeping. Alone.

My heart tug with sadness as well as relief.

"Hyung? Hyung!" I called out as I shook him to wake him up.

"What~?" He whined but still woke up.

"Did you see Y/n?"

"Why would I see Y/n? She's your girl." He said while rubbing his eyes grumpily.

He scanned my face then. "Did you get into a fight with her because I held her in our sleep?"

I looked down at that. "Yes."

He chuckled. "Don't suspect her Jungkookah. It wasn't her fault. I fell asleep during the movie and then after awhile I woke up to find her sleeping too. I continued watching a different movie then. She turned in her sleep and was about to fall down the couch so I stopped her. But she then grabbed my hand and pulled me to her while mumbling "I missed you Jungkook." I tried to get out of her grip saying I'm not Jungkook but she didn't let go. She kept on mumbling "Just hold me. I miss you." So I did. I though I would hold her until you come home but then I fell asleep too. So it's not her fault but mine for holding her when I shouldn't have." He explained.

I feel like a jerk with every word he said. I'm so stupid! I know she would never ever sleep with my hyungs or anyone other than me.

I felt like literally screaming.

"Help me find her hyung. I made a mistake. Please help me find her." I begged as tears fill my eyes.

She might be huddled somewhere but I feel scared. What if she is in danger and I'm not there to help?

"Okay. I will. Go ask the others as well. I'll come down soon." He said patting my back.

As I was going down, I dialled Mark's number.

"Yea hyung?"

"Is Y/n with you?" I asked hastily.

"What do you mean?"

So she isn't with him too? My blood ran cold as I slumped down on the couch.

The hyungs stood alert probably sensing the change of my mood.

"Is Y/n with you or Mina?" I asked again.

V hyung signalled me that he would call Y/n's number and I nodded.

"She didn't come here but I'll check with Mina." He stopped. "Hyung. Did something happen?"

How am I going to answer that?

"I made a mistake."

He was silent but then mumbled. "I'll look for her."

The ringing of her phone made my hope rise up as I ran towards the sound. Only to find it on the kitchen counter.

"She wouldn't go anywhere without the phone right?" Jin hyung asked me.

"Let's search the whole house. Every corner and every spot you can find. V check the CCTV and try to catch whether she went somewhere." Namjoon hyung ordered being the leader again at the situation that needed our full attention.

Everyone agreed. 3 upstairs and 3 downstairs looking for her while 1 searching through cameras.

I went into my room and searched every cupboard door, bathroom, behind curtains and all but found nothing. My mind was in such a daze that I even checked drawyers.

Coming out from mine, I went into the next room. Jin and Suga hyung's. Every corner, every door opened that gave away the emptiness left more and more fear inside my heart as nothing indicated that she might have been there. Coming out of the room, I was about to go into the next one when Suga hyung came out of it.

"Checked. She isn't there."

"Here either." Jimin hyung said coming out of the last room.

"I'll check the basement." I announced.

They both followed me to go to our secret basement and we quickly scanned through all the rooms. Even the torture room that we don't ever use now.

She isn't anywhere.

"Did you find her?" Jin hyung asked me as we made our way back upto the living room.

"No." I mumbled.

"She wasn't in any rooms and nor the basement." Suga hyung said.

"She was not in the garage, store room, garden or anywhere on this floor." Namjoon hyung said.

We made our way into V hyung's computer room.

Jimin hyung looked around that room too while V hyung started to explain.

"I looked through all the CCTV but found none of the doors opened, no windows were opened. I rewind the ones of the main door but after we went in, it wasn't opened by anyone."

"So she is somewhere within the house."

"But we checked everywhere."

I looked at the clock. It's 11 pm.

I came home around 5 pm. I checked my phone, I called Mark around 7.30 pm.

We have been looking for her for nearly 3 and a half hours.

Mark was asked to stay at the hotel with Mina in case Y/n ever comes to them. But they were frantic as they wanted to come here to search but I insisted to stay.

If she went out then that's one of the places she could go.

"You don't think she was... that she was..." Jimin hyung stuttered being reluctant to voice out what's going on in our heads all along.

"I checked all the exits that we have that could possibly be a way for kidnapping but nothing came up."

I asked him to put all the CCTV cameras onto the screen and slowly checked all.

The downstairs window remain as if untouched. The main door is closed shut. The garage is empty except for our cars. The upstairs balcony empty with the streetlights casting shadows on it.

Where is she?

"Hyung. Did you rewind all the cameras?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not all just the downstairs ones and main door. She didn't go out from any. The balcony is too high up and we made sure no one can up or go down through it so I didn't check it." He answered.

"Let's check the house all over again. It clearly means that she is in the house somewhere. Check for any sign of her, even a small earing will do." Namjoon hyung said.

"What was she wearing when you last saw her?"

"A white blouse with denim shorts." I answered remembering the painful moment we faced when I last saw her.

Please be safe Y/n.

"Jungkook. I don't want to think it might be this but keep your phone with you always and look for calls and messages." Namjoon hyung said while patting my back. "If Jungsoo took her, he will obviously let you know."

I nodded as I felt even more scared and lifeless thinking about the possibility of what could have happened.

"V, rewind all cameras. Even the ones on the windows of our bathooms. All and everything."

We again made our way back and searched for her in our rooms. Every space behind cupboard, curtains. I even looked behind the curtain to the balcony and looked out through the window but it remained untouched.

I was about to go out the door when V hyung exclaimed.

"BALCONY!"

That was all I needed to storm myself out, frantically looking for her.

Everyone filled out to look for her but I already found her.

Lying on the floor with her hair covering her face, her skin pale as it shone bright even in the darkness of the corner she is hiding at.

I pulled her up with my shaking hands and into my embrace. Her ice cold skin made shivers run all over my body.

Her lips were white and dried, her eyes closed with her head falling with gravity. The only contrast to her pale skin was the red hands and bleeding forearm.

"Y-Y/n?" I called out my voice being small. Hopeful to hear her voice even though I know she in unconscious.

"Bring her in Jungkook. I'll run a hot bath." I heard someone say.

Picking her up with my hands under her body, hugging her closer to me as I carried her to my bathroom where Jin hyung was filling it up with hot water.

Giving her to Namjoon hyung who was the closest to me, I removed my shirt and sweats until I was left with my boxers and got in the water first.

Namjoon hyung gave her to me with her back against my body as I let the hot water engulf her body completely.

Gathering her small frame in my arms as I let her head rest on my shoulder, I caressed her pale face slowly watching for any indication of the heat that's returning into her.

But she remained pale. What concerned me more were the scratch marks on her wrists and forearm which is more and more visible now as the blood was washed away.

"Please Y/n. Wake up." I begged. Tears fill my eyes as I watched her face.

"I'll make her a soup." Jin hyung said but I quickly held his hand.

"Stay. Please." I mumbled.

I don't want to be alone. But I specially want Jin hyung by my side.

"I don't know what I would do if she doesn't wake up."

Jin hyung crouched down next to me as he patted my head softly.

"She will wake up. We just have to make her warm. You can do that right?" He asked me softly.

I nodded.

"Good. Let's focus on that now okay?"

"I'll go make some soup." Suga hyung said.

One by one they all left the bathroom while Jin hyung stayed behind with Namjoon hyung.

"We got into a fight." I mumbled.

"About what?" Jin hyung asked.

I kept staring at her delicate features as I felt her skin returning to her usual warmth painfully slowly. My hands unconsciously caressed her wrists where small droplets of blood still oozes out.

"I saw her cuddling with Jimin hyung which happened by an accident. But I acted out on my jeolousy."

"What do you mean by accident?"

"Jimin hyung said that she thought he was me and snuggled closer."

"What did you say to her?"

"I-I asked if she slept with him and... and... whether s-she s-slept with o-others too." I said while tears ran down.

How much of a jerk I am to ask her something like that?

"What did she say?"

"She said she didn't sleep with anyone but me. And told me to believe her without making my own assumptions." I said and then finally looked up at Jin hyung through my tears.

"Hyung, she said she wants to marry me one day. That she wants to marry me even after everything I have done."

"That means she won't give up on you." Jin hyung muttered making my tears spring up.

"Yes. But for that she said that I should learn how to trust her properly cause she doesn't want to fight about things like this again."

Jin hyung smiled dearly at me. "Are you willing to trust her?"

"Yes. I trust her. I do. I don't know what happened at that time. I love her so much! But... will she want me now when I have hurt her like this?" I asked with my voice breaking.

"She isn't the kind of girl that would let something like this ruin what she has with you. And just like how she is your whole world, you are her's. So she will never leave you. You just have to talk to her well Jungkookah."

I looked down at her again.

"We should get her out of water for now. Her colour is returning." Jin hyung said then.

Namjoon hyung gathered Y/n up in his arms without a second thought even if she is making him completely wet. Jin hyung wrapped a towel around her body before handing me one as well.

Wrapping myself in the towel before grabbing my clothes. I quickly got dressed again.

We took her into my room and Namjoon hyung kept holding her while I took a large shirt of mine to cover her up.

With help from both the hyung who kept their eyes closed, I changed her clothes to dress her in my mine and then we laid her down in bed before I got in right next to her.

Cuddling her to my body as I let my warmth guide her awake, I stroked her skin, waiting for her brown orbs to open up.

Jin hyung made sure that her vitals were normal before he mumbled that she will be okay. After putting ointmenton her wounds, they left the room.

I heard the banging on the main door soon after which ricocheted off the walls of the house. Confusion flickered through my head as to who it may be so letting Y/n's soft body come closer to me, I kept my eyes locked on the door.

The door flung open to show an angry Mark.

Silently, he made his way closer to us while I let her body go to make her lean back down on the pillow.

Her features still showed how cold she had been outside on a winter night for nearly than 4 hours.

"What's the mistake?" He asked me through gritted teeth as he kept looking at Y/n.

Mina came in as well and sat next to Y/n, pulling her away from me into her body while stroking her head. Getting the signal, I got off of the bed to stand.

"Hyung. What is the mistake you made for my sister to end up like this?" He asked again this time with a clear voice and a sharp glare at me.

"I misunderstood her." I mumbled.

"Did you try to listen to her?"

I shook my head.

"Do you even know how much she hates it when people judge her before she could explain?" He asked me then.

I shook my head again. I didn't know that.

"How could you know when you didn't even care to spend time getting to know her but straight on started fucking her instead!" He screamed.

This time it was me who looked at him with a glare. "What? You think I want her for sex?"

"What else? Tell me hyung. What exactly do you know about her?" Mark asked me then.

"We have been together for over 5 months now Mark! We didn't start dating 2 days ago!" I exclaimed getting exasperated.

"Okay then. Do you know why she didn't date before you?"

No. I don't know.

"Do you know why her first kiss was a failure and why she broke up with him after that?"

"Because it felt wrong?" I said it more like a question than an answer. I remember she mentioned that once.

"Because she felt like that guy didn't deserve her thinking that she isn't worth it. She won't be able to handle being left behind by someone for the fact that she isn't worth anything so she broke up."

"But that's not what sh-"

"That's because she didn't want you to know the truth. She hates the fact that she feels like she needs someone to live. But she does. Right now you are her life. The reason she wants to live. She might not have wanted you to know because if you knew and get overwhelmed by it, you would leave."

"What do you mean?" I asked being scared and worried about what he is trying to imply.

"She has autophobia hyung. Fear of abandonment."

W-what?

It was like my world was struck by lightening as I felt a shock wave run through my whole body.

"W-what?" This time I voiced my confusion out loud.

"Ever since she lost her memories, she was really clingy. Always held onto my hand even if I was only a baby. She would never leave my side but if she had to she would always hold onto either mom or dad without ever letting go. She was afraid that she would have to lose another person. I asked who it was that she left once but she said that she doesn't know.

She lived in constant fear everyday when she went to school that when she comes back home, we will be gone. It was like a thought in the back of her head always making her nervous and anxious.

The time when I left to go to a baseball match one night, I got late to come home. But that same night both mom and dad has extra hours of work so she was alone at home. I came home to find her screaming her lungs out crying. She was shaking so hard and when she saw me, she passed out.

It was intense and we went through a lot of therapy to get her to accept the fact that we would never leave her. It took years and years to convince her. Why do you think I'm so close to my sister? One because I love her so damn much and 2 because I'm afraid of her hurting herself if I ever show that she isn't worth it. She is worth fucking everything!

She was finally okay. Less frequent panic attacks to almost none and we were so happy with that. When she let you in, I was nervous. She is finally recovering and with you it might just be another threat if you ever leave. But seeing as how you make her happy, I didn't have to heart to do anything as well. That's why I always kept a close eye on her.

When we came here, dad told me to make sure she is safe and won't have any attacks. Basically to make sure that she is okay and happy with you. But then you do this.

Hyung, if her phobia is returned and if she gets another fucking attack, that's when you will lose her completely. I will take her away and make sure you will never see her again."

I looked at Y/n when the silent stretched throughout the room.

You never told me.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked my voice barely a whisper but I know it reached those responsible.

"That's not the point." Mark stated which made me snap my head at his direction.

"That's not the point? Mark! What the hell is the point then? I didn't know! I never knew. I-I.."

"You should know!"

"How will I know if no one told me that!?" I asked back being exasperated with everything. "I love her so fucking much. Do you really think I want this to happen? I would never ever want to see her like this. And do you seriously think that if I knew about it, I would still let her get attacks? I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW!"

"Jungkook calm down." I heard the soft voice of Namjoon hyung call out to me making me breath deep as I let my anger calm a little.

"I didn't know! I just didn't! None of you cared to tell me. Not even her. So what am I suppose to do if she had gotten an attack with only me around? How will I be able to protect her then? Huh? Why the fucking hell did none of you cared to tell me that my girl is suffering from a phobia? That she is in a constant fear of me leaving her behind?" I asked loud and clear for both Mark and Mina to hear.

"She accepted my past. She accepted all the fucking stuff I did in my whole life yet she couldn't trust me to accept her one flaw? What do you think I feel right now huh, hearing about all this when all I have been trying to do is put a smile on her face!"

I walked closer to Mark. "So tell me now, why didn't anyone tell me?"

"She didn't want you to know." Mark said more calm and with an apologetic face.

"Why? Why didn't she want me to know?" I asked, with sadness filling me. "Did she not trust me enough?"

"She was afraid of you leaving her." Mina whispered for the first time since she came.

"She was just afraid hyung." Mark said then.

I turned my gaze to the floor. So she doesn't trust me? Is that why she didn't want me to know?

Or was she having doubts that there will come a day when I will leave her?

I looked up at Mark and then at Mina before finally looking at the peaceful face of Y/n.

Why do I feel like I lost a fight I didn't even know I was involved in?

Why does my heart clench knowing that you kept another secret from me?

Why do I feel like this love is one sided when I clearly know you love me too?

Why can't you trust me to never let you go?

~~~~~~~

Hello!

So a small fact. Yesterday I finished writing the whole book. Actually as a rough sketch. It needs editing and rechecking with facts but the story is done now. I feel excited to show you guys all I have prepared. Hehe!

Oh oh also!! I have gathered a plot for my next book too! Yay me! It took me a while to make it properly and exciting. So I really hope you like it too. Though it will be released after this.

I really really really hope you enjoy the story and stay tuned for the next one!

Thank you guys so much! Love you!

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