[17] – Dumb Love

When Rory got home on Friday, he seemed to pass the rest of the day in a numb state of shock. He robotically made dinner and basically threw off all the questions Andrew asked him worriedly, kept saying I’m fine over and over again that it became a mantra in his head, almost making him believe that it was the case when his heart and mind knew it wasn’t. He ate dinner; he watched some TV, browsed a little on his laptop, took a shower and then went to sleep. It almost felt like that evening before he’d gotten home was a dream even though he knew it wasn’t.

The next morning however, was when it really hit him.

He woke up and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling and feeling horribly lost. His heart felt like it was somewhere at his feet, making his chest feel extremely light and hollow, a horrible cold chill running up his spine and he felt scared and alone and absolutely horrible.

His hands curled on the sheets as he heaved in a dry sob, eyes clenching shut against the sudden painful squeeze in his chest as he thought about Jeremy. If they hadn’t argued or broken up, Jeremy would be texting him awake like he did every Saturday morning and they would text all morning until he showed up for work or all day if they didn’t have any work planned for the day. Rory wondered if he should call in sick on Monday because he really felt like crap but he knew he couldn’t.

They were going to use Monday to start the preparations for the summer show which was only about a month away.

Gosh, time flew fast, didn’t it? But he really didn’t want to see Jeremy. He felt like he didn’t want to see Jeremy ever again. And it wasn’t that he hated him or anything, in fact, it was quite the opposite. He didn’t know if he was ready. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to pretend that this was the best decision he’d ever made, that he would wait for Jeremy.

He needed someone to talk to. He thought about the people in the office, about Simon and even thought about Frederick but he couldn’t bring himself to open up to any of them. Simon already knew anyway and he couldn’t stand the thought that the other employees were going to look at him with pity because of what happened – he had to hold his head up high and pretend that he was okay.

Swallowing thickly, he fumbled for his phone around his sheets, hands trembling slightly as he scrolled through the numbers until he came to the desired one. He dialled it before he could chicken out.

It was answered on the second ring, “Hey, what a surprise! Rory, how are you?”

Rory very nearly let the tears fall and had to close his eyes briefly to compose himself, “hey dad.”

“It’s about time you called home, eh?” his dad, Joe, boomed into the phone, laughing cheerily, “although it is a bit early. I hope you don’t have work this morning? You shouldn’t be calling if you’re going to have a busy day.”

“I don’t go to the office until two o’clock most Saturdays,” Rory replied, licking his lips and pulling the sheets up to his chin, snuggling underneath them and curling into a ball, pressing the phone harder into his ear like doing that would magically make his father’s warm voice and strong embrace surround and ground him.

There was a brief silence and then his father asked, “Okay, what’s wrong?”

Rory tried to laugh but he winced at how dry the sound came, “Does something have to be wrong for me to call you?”

“I would say no but we both know that’s not the case.”

“You’re just horrible.”

“You know you love me,” Joe said with his signature booming laugh and Rory couldn’t help but already feel slightly better. Talking to his dad did that to him. In their family, Andrew was closer to their mum while Rory was closer to their dad. He didn’t know how or why but that was just the way it was. Especially when Rory had come out to them a couple years ago, Joe had become increasingly protective than usual and Rory had basked in his father’s attention. Despite the family being extremely close, Rory knew that Andrew would call their mum if he was in trouble just like Andrew knew Rory would be calling their dad.

“How’s mum? Andrew told me you went to Dubai a few weeks ago.”

“Your mother’s in the kitchen making breakfast, I’m watching TV. There’s some parade thing going to go on in the city centre in a few so that’s what we have planned for today. How’s your brother? Not being a pest is he? I can always make him school at home.”

Rory laughed a little, “He’ll show you hell if you try that. He loves his school here.”

“I can tell. It’s been a while and he hasn’t complained…yet.”

“Glad to see you have faith in me.”

“As always,” he chuckled, “so come on my boy, what’s the problem?”

For a second, Rory had forgotten that something was even wrong, had forgotten his main reason for calling and at the mention of the question, he felt like he was suddenly plunged in a bed of ice.

His silence was telling and he could hear his father shuffling about on the other end of the line and then saying softly into the phone, “I’m going upstairs now because I have a feeling you want this talk to be between me and you.”

Rory couldn’t help his teary laugh at how well his father knew him, “Yeah…yeah, I do. Thanks dad.”

“Mhm,” Joe said comfortingly and Rory started to feel panic welling up inside him. He suddenly didn’t feel like talking about this and he was tempted to end the call but soon enough his dad was saying, “Okay, I’m in the bedroom and the door is locked. What’s wrong, son?”

Rory inhaled a shaky breath and plunged on before he lost his courage, “so, remember Jeremy?”

He could almost see his father’s expression change as he said excitedly, “Oh yes of course! The dreamy boyfriend?” he teased and Rory had to laugh a little.

“Yes that one.”

Joe instantly sobered up when he saw where the conversation was going, “what’s wrong? Did he hurt you?”

Rory sighed and curled up tighter under sheets, “Not exactly…I just…I want to know if I’ve done the right thing.”

“Oh Rory, do you want to talk about it?”

“That’s why I’m calling you, isn’t it?” he teased, trying to make light of the situation and Joe chuckled.

“Touché. So what happened? Massive argument?”

Rory laughed a little bitterly, “You have no idea.”

“Am I allowed to know the details of said argument?”

 “Joe? What are you doing locked up in our bedroom?”

Rory couldn’t help but burst out laughing at his mother’s panicked tone coming muffled from the other end of the line. Joe was laughing too as he replied to his wife, “Liz, sweetheart, I’m on the phone.”

“Is it work? Are you finally being fired?”

“I’m self-employed, Elizabeth,” Joe replied dryly.

“Yeah well, don’t give me fudge if your breakfast is cold by the time your call is over.”

Rory could vaguely hear the sound of her shoes hitting the wooden floors as she left. Joe was still laughing softly as he said, “well then, sorry about that. So, right, what were we saying? Right, yes, details!”

Rory pinched the bridge of his nose, “Unfortunately, I can’t give you the details. Just…Jeremy and I had a massive argument yesterday. Let’s just say he’s holding onto something and it’s ruining what we have now. So I…kind of told him we should take a break. Do you think that was the right thing to do?” Rory asked worriedly and finally his voice broke a little, “have I-I completely ruined it?” he stuttered, sounding so hopeless and broken that Joe felt his heart ache in his chest.

“Son, since I don’t know the details, I can’t exactly be a good judge here –” Rory laughed, “–but I don’t know. It depends on how big the argument was.”

“If I hadn’t done it, he would have broken up with me. See, the thing is…I…well,” Rory bit his lower lip and clenched his eyes shut against the pain, “I don’t think he loves me.”

Rory could bet that his father’s eyes had widened comically, “Then what the hell are you doing dating him?”

“I love him, dad,” he admitted, voice coming out choked, “I love him so much and I just can’t bear the thought that we don’t have a chance in hell to work this out. I know we can. I just have to give him time, right? I mean, I know he cares about me, I know that much and I really want to give him time because I know – maybe not now, but in the near future, he’s going to love me.”

“Oh Rory, always so optimistic,” Joe said tenderly and Rory hated the tone in his voice. He sounded like he didn’t believe that Jeremy would come to love him and he voiced his concerns.

“W-What are you saying?” he asked shakily.

“Look son, I’m not saying that you’re wrong but I’m saying that you should keep an open mind, okay? Because if you keep on hoping like that and it doesn’t happen, you’ll be crushed and I’ll be damned if I let that happen.”

Rory sniffed, blinking rapidly to force back the tears, “So what should I do?”

Joe was silent for a while and then he said, “You didn’t officially break up with him, did you?”

Rory laughed bitterly, “I might as well have.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“See Jeremy has a history,” Rory said reluctantly, “he always gets out of a relationship the minute it starts getting serious. What I basically told him yesterday was that if he didn’t see himself getting serious with me then it was over.”

“Well shit.”

“My feelings exactly.”

“And what did he say?”

“He gaped at me like a fish out of water.”

There was a brief silence and then they both started laughing.

“Well, I told him that I’ll give him time off to think about things,” Rory said after their laughter died down, “and I’m so scared he doesn’t want that with me.”

“Okay Rory, I’m going to be really cliché right now but you ever hear about that statement that if you love something and you let it go and if it comes back to you, it was always yours or some shit like that?”

“Wow dad, you’ve been keeping up with your literature I see.”

Joe laughed a little, “Oh you know what I’m getting at! I’m nearly bald son; the literature is literally pushing the hairs out of my scalp.”

Rory chuckled again, “Can’t wait to see you during Christmas.”

“I’ll probably be as bald as an egg then – or I’ll have like two strands poking out like antennas.”

“Oh my God, what are we even talking about?”

Joe chortled, “Yes, as I was saying; if he loves you or at least wants to get serious with you, he’ll come back to you. You just have to give him time to come around. I know what you’re really worried about is how long it’ll take and there really isn’t a time frame for emotions, but the minute you feel like it’s gone on long enough, I advise you to move on.”

Rory couldn’t quite hide the sob that escaped, “that’s the problem,” he whispered hoarsely, “I don’t know if I can move on if that happened.”

“Rory, you were able to let him go. Do you know how much strength that takes especially when it comes to someone you love?”

The pure awe and pride in his father’s voice made Rory feel only slightly better.

Joe continued, “Seriously, if he doesn’t come back to you then he’s not worth it and you deserve better, you deserve someone who will love you as wholeheartedly as you do them. I know you’re strong Rory and you can do this. Give him all the time you think he needs. If he doesn’t respond the way you want, your mum and I are just a couple hours’ drive away. You can come over and we’ll have a beer.”

Rory couldn’t help laughing tearfully, wrinkling his nose a little, “You know I can’t stand the taste or smell of alcohol.”

“Fine, we’ll have some fruit wine or a coke or something, don’t get cheeky with me, boy.”

Rory laughed genuinely this time. “Thank you dad,” he whispered.

“Anytime son, I’m glad you called me.”

“I’m glad I called too.”

“Now don’t go moping around, you hear? Make that man work for it. Be happy, laugh, show him what he’ll be missing if he decides he doesn’t have the balls to handle my son. Work those charms!”

“And I think it’s time this call ended,” Rory laughed.

“I think so too,” Joe chuckled, “call me anytime, okay? Have a nice day! I’ll say hi to your mother for you.”

“Thanks again, dad.”

“Yeah yeah, get up and get dressed and live.”

Rory nodded even though his father couldn’t see him and he already felt a hundred times better when the call ended.

Yes, he thought as he swung his legs out of his bed and sat up, briefly balling up the sheets in his fists before letting go, he could do this.

He took a quick shower – way quicker than his usual showers because for some reason he seemed to think a lot when he was under the hot spray and the last thing he wanted was to start thinking about the possibility of Jeremy moving on and not wanting this with him – before he was heading downstairs to make breakfast.

There was a tiny part of him that was pining uselessly and trying to get Rory to pick up his phone and call Jeremy, hear his voice and beg him not to give up on them, tell him that they could work it out but the bigger part of him was telling him that Jeremy needed this. He needed to work out his demons, face them and make up his mind on his own.

“You talked to dad.”

Rory jumped a little and turned to glare at Andrew, “warn me will you?” Andrew’s voice had only been slightly offended but Rory still felt a little guilty, “I’m sorry.”

Andrew shrugged and rolled his eyes, moving into the kitchen with a new novel in his hands, “It’s okay. So are you letting me in on the loop or do I have to pretend to have a secret with mum?”

Rory chuckled softly, “Nah, it’s nothing big. I just had a fallout with Jeremy.”

Andrew’s eyebrows raised in surprise, “oh? Are you sure it’s just a fallout? You’ve been sulking all week and avoiding all my questions, don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“We’re fine, just taking a break,” Rory said, trying to sound dismissive while he tried to flip the pancakes he was making.

“Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound good,” Andrew coughed and suddenly started imitating the women on adverts he saw on TV, “Did you know that ninety per cent of the time ‘taking a break’ leads to ‘actual break up’?”

“Wow, thank you Andrew. Thanks. I feel so much better now. You know just how to cheer me up.”

The both of them were laughing before Rory was done with his sentence and Andrew moved to stand beside Rory, resting against the counter and crossing his arms.

“If you need me to kick someone’s ass, please don’t fail to let me know.”

Rory was done flipping pancakes and pulled out two plates as he grumbled, “I don’t need you to take care of my problems, Andrew.”

“Oh I know, since you’re superman and all. You need no one’s help. Superpowers, right?”

“Cheeky devil,” Rory growled.

Andrew was smirking evilly at Rory and Rory just rolled his eyes as he dropped the now two plates of pancakes on the dining table, “Do you want tea or juice?”

“Juice.”

Rory brought out some orange juice from the fridge for Andrew while Andrew got himself a glass. He made himself a cup of tea, picking up a can of whipped cream from the fridge and then settled on one of the dining chairs opposite his brother, wrinkling his nose at the sheer amount of syrup Andrew poured all over his pancakes, practically soaking them in the golden liquid.

“If you’re not careful, you’re either going to get diabetes or a blood clot before you’re fifty.”

“Thanks mum,” Andrew replied sarcastically and then asked on a more serious tone, “So are you sure you’re okay?”

Rory thought about his talk with his dad and felt himself fill with positivity and he was able to smile genuinely at Andrew, nodding as he said, “I will be okay.”

“That’s good enough for me,” Andrew said and dug into his pancakes with extra vigour.

Rory laughed, “I see how much you care about me.”

“I’m just overflowing with lurv,” Andrew replied in a mocking drawl, face stuffed and lips glossy with syrup.

Rory couldn’t help picking up the can of whipped cream and spraying it on his brother’s nose. He laughed into his hand at how ridiculous Andrew looked while Andrew stared at him, mouth open with shock like he couldn’t believe Rory had the audacity to spray his nose.

“You’re going to pay dearly for that.”

Rory grinned and raised an eyebrow challengingly, “Oh you’re on.”

*

Since Jeremy had had the dream about Rory dying and the revelation of how he’d died in his past life on Monday, he hadn’t had another dream like that again. He sometimes had déjà vu of the past during the week but he refused to dwell on it.

Saturday morning after his fallout with Rory, he woke up feeling bereft. For a second, he was smiling and reaching for his phone to text Rory when it just suddenly hit him that Rory had – in not so subtle terms – dumped him.

The pain that flared in his chest was indescribable.

He swallowed thickly and got out of his bed almost mechanically, glancing at the clock and taking note that it was seven in the morning. He’d left this Saturday free in the Studio so that the employees would come in on Monday refreshed and ready to start preparing for the summer show. Another reason why he’d done that was because he didn’t want to see Rory just yet. He needed to think about things.

But thinking about things made his heart feel like it was a balloon in his chest, light and fleeting, making him grasp at his chest as if to keep it from flying off.

Thinking about getting ‘serious’ with Rory, about completely trusting him with his heart made Jeremy so panicked that he had to take deep breaths to calm himself.

He didn’t know if he could do it. After the disbelieving revelations about their past life, Jeremy wasn’t so sure he could trust Rory again.

The Rory you dreamt of wasn’t me – ISN’T me right NOW.

Rory’s words during their argument yesterday came back to haunt him and Jeremy forcefully pushed the words to the back of his mind, not ready to face them just yet.

He wasn’t sure how he passed the morning, but somehow he’d showered, dressed in a casual pair of slacks and a t-shirt, had a breakfast of toast and milk and was on his laptop in the kitchen checking on his emails. His phone suddenly began to ring and he brought it out of his pocket, heart beating frantically and then sinking at the sight of Amanda’s name on the screen.

He stared at it with indecision before deciding that he wasn’t ready to face his sister’s wrath and put the phone on silent. After a while, his phone vibrated, telling him that she’d left a message.  He wondered if he should play it but then thought, what was the harm? And played the message, wincing when Amanda’s angry voice flew out of the phone. Damn, she sounded livid!

“Jeremy how dare you! Are you even interested in your own parents’ goddamned wedding? The girls and I have been trying to contact you for the past THREE WEEKS FOR GOD’S SAKE! Do you realize how much effort and time it takes to plan a wedding? We have just two months – TWO MONTHS I REPEAT – to get everything settled, ready and perfect for OUR PARENTS and this wouldn’t be a family thing without you and you know it! You’re not picking your calls or responding to your emails and you might as well have fallen off the corner of the fucking earth!”

“That’s not actually possible –” Octavia’s voice interjected in the background and Jeremy’s lips twitched in a ghost of a smile, Octavia was probably on Skype with the other girls but Amanda growled at her interruption.

“Who’s talking on the phone right now? Do you see who’s talking on the phone right now?”

“Right, carry on, I’ll just…yeah.”

“As I was saying – Jeremy Walker you are in for it! I swear if you don’t respond to this call by the time today ends, I will be boarding a flight down there to slap you in the bloody head! And probably cut your balls off and send it to hungry animals in Africa!”

“That’s racist,” Reina mumbled.

“Is that racist?” Octavia asked curiously, “I thought that only applies if she said children in Africa.”

“I mean why Africa, though? Why not the South Pole or something?”

“Oh my God can you guys shut up!”

And there, the call ended. Jeremy stared at his phone like it had grown two heads, laughing a little under his breath. He inhaled deeply, realizing that he couldn’t avoid them forever and besides, he didn’t want to miss the planning of his parents’ wedding. That just wasn’t fair on the girls and on his mum and dad.

So he sucked in his belly and clicked on Skype, logging in.

His status had barely gone green and his sisters were instantly calling him. He bit his lip as he clicked ‘accept’ and braced himself for their screaming.

“Jeremy you bloody cunt!”

“Reina!” Octavia gasped with shock, “That’s such an ugly word!”

“Jeremy you bastard! What have you been doing all week?”

“Why didn’t you answer our emails, texts or calls?”

“Are your balls that precious? It really took Amanda threatening to cut your balls off for you to answer us, like, what? I’m confused, someone explain.”

“Maybe Rory likes his balls.”

At that the girls’ anger seemed to disappear and they started giggling. Jeremy buried his face in his hands and prayed for strength. If Rory ever wondered where his crude streak came from then all he had to do was meet his sisters. They were the worst.

“So Jer, what’s your excuse?” Reina asked after their giggles had calmed down.

Jeremy sighed and looked at their three identical faces on the small screens in front of him. The three of them had identical locks of dark brown hair, cute heart shaped faces and big blue eyes, much like Jeremy’s. They were devils when they were kids, using their identical faces to mess with boys’ heads and turn them mad when they realized the girl they liked had two clones of herself. He couldn’t help smiling at the memories.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly to them, “I was being an ass, I admit.”

The girls frowned suspiciously at him because Jeremy truly sounded contrite.

“So, mum and dad talked to us and they said they want a beach wedding.”

“Which is totally cliché if you ask me.”

“But that’s what they want and we’re going to make it the most perfect beach wedding ever.”

“Mum wanted purple to be the theme colours –”

“But dad wanted peach –”

“So we’re going with both. I think purple and peach complement each other beautifully so we got the colours settled.”

“We wanted to time the wedding for the sunset so that it would be too romantic for them to even breathe –”

“And Reina thought about a fifty step cake because it’s their golden jubilee but I thought that was too big so we made it ten steps but with gold linings –”

“We were thinking of adding gold to the theme – gold, purple and peach – but three colours is a bit much, right? And we already have purple which is a bold colour; we don’t want it contrasting with the gold.”

Jeremy couldn’t help smiling as his sisters babbled on, sending him links and references through the Skype message box as they talked and Jeremy opened a new word document and started typing down notes as they spoke. When they were done telling him about their ideas, they began discussing making the invitation cards as soon as possible because they had only two months and it wasn’t a lot of time.

And for a while, Jeremy had forgotten completely about his troubles with Rory.

By the time lunch rolled around, the four siblings had gone from discussing their parents wedding to getting nostalgic about their childhood.

“I still don’t believe about how dad and mum met,” Octavia was saying after a round of laughter and jokes had just ended.

“I don’t think I remember hearing that story,” Jeremy said, smiling with interest, “care to remind me?”

Reina giggled, “So see this, mum said when she was like sixteen, her uncle took her and her cousins abroad for a Christmas holiday.”

“And dad just ‘happened’ to be friends with one of mum’s said cousins,” Octavia added with a lewd wag of her eyebrows.

“So when the cousin came back, showing dad pictures of the wonderful New York, dad spotted mum in one of the pictures and fell in love at first sight.”

“How romantic!” Amanda cooed dramatically, making Jeremy laugh.

“And then dad asked the cousin who that beauty was and they got introduced.”

“But!” Reina added dramatically, “as all these stories go, mum wasn’t interested at first. Dad had to ask her out several times before she finally said yes and they started dating and the rest is history.”

“See?” Octavia said, waving her arms in the air, “it’s like a scene out of a romance novel! Completely unbelievable!”

Jeremy rolled his eyes at his sisters, “I think the way you three met your husbands is pretty novel to me too. Reina met Jeff in a coffee shop, I mean, really? Octavia casually bumps into Chase in an elevator? And don’t even get me started on Amanda becoming Brett’s secretary – that’s the worst.”

“Shut up!” Amanda growled and Jeremy could see her blushing brightly.

“And you, huh?” Reina teased, “Isn’t Rory like your intern or something?”

At the mention of Rory’s name, Jeremy felt a sweet pain fill his chest. He tried to keep his expression even as he replied, “He’s not my intern – just another employee.”

“Sounds like a secretary to me,” Amanda said with a pout and they all laughed.

“By the way, Jer, are you still inviting Rory for the wedding? I know you’re in denial about your feelings and I really don’t want to butt into your relationship more than I should but you know, sometimes we all need that push,” Octavia said with a concerned smile.

Jeremy sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face, mumbling, “We’re kind of taking a break,” through his palm.

“What was that?”

“Can’t hear you over your hand, Jer, you might want to move it.”

Jeremy sighed again, louder this time and dropped his hand, “I said we’re kind of taking a break.”

His sisters inhaled collectively, their faces identical masks of shock and horror and it was almost comical.

“Uh-oh.”

“Jeremy, that’s bad. That’s really bad.”

“What did you do now?”

“Hey!” Jeremy gasped indignantly, “Why do I have to be the one that did something?”

“Because you always are!” his sisters gasped simultaneously and Jeremy knew he was in real trouble now. When the triplets finished each other’s sentences that was okay but the minute they started talking simultaneously it meant they were all thinking the exact same thing – down to the letter – and will not hesitate to rip you apart.

But Jeremy was quick to talk before they started ranting, “He was the one who called it off.”

His sisters wore the same expressions of shock again and Jeremy felt like he’d just poured salt into and open wound. He’d pushed this to the back of his mind while planning the wedding and getting nostalgic with his sisters but now here it was, out in the open and he felt really terrified.

“What did he say exactly?” Amanda asked softly.

Jeremy bit his lip, remembering Rory’s words, “He…well, he didn’t exactly break up with me. He said we should take a break –”

“That’s basically the same thing –”

“Don’t interrupt Reina.”

“Sorry, please continue.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, “We had a really big fight and he said we should take a break and if I wasn’t ready to get serious with him that it was over but if I wanted more that he was going to wait but not for long.”

His sisters all heaved in sighs of relief and Amanda even whispered, “Oh gosh, that’s so romantic,” and Jeremy frowned, a little confused at their ease.

“Uhm, am I missing something here?”

Octavia raised an eyebrow, “Jeremy, he said he’d wait for you. What more chance do you need? Why’re you wasting time? Get your ass to his house and tell him you want him.”

Jeremy groaned, “It’s not that easy.”

“Don’t you want him?”

Jeremy bit his lower lip, “yes, I want him.”

“Don’t you want to get serious?”

There was a brief silence and then his sisters all whispered a quiet ‘oh’ and Jeremy felt like sinking into his chair, raising his hands up to hide his face behind his palms like he was a five year old again and had dropped his ice-cream and was too scared to tell his sisters so they could get him a new one, not wanting to be the pesky little brother.

“Look Jeremy,” Reina said gently, “I don’t know what’s holding you back but this isn’t your first relationship, we know that. We know that you have fear of commitment and we completely understand, more than you know. If you’re not ready for this, don’t force yourself okay?”

“Exactly,” Octavia added, in the same gentle tone, “I mean, if Rory can’t make you overcome your fear of commitment, then this might hurt but just like all the others before him, maybe he’s not the right one for you.”

Those words hurt a lot more than Jeremy expected, making his heart squeeze painfully underneath his ribcage.

He didn’t even care how whiny he sounded when he replied, “But I want him to be the one.”

Because his face was behind his hands, he didn’t see his sisters exchange knowing looks.

“Jeremy, he’s given you time off to think about this and personally, I think that’s the most amazing thing ever. He must really love you. But you have to make this decision yourself. Sit down and think hard about it. Ask yourself the big questions…where do you see yourself, relationship wise in five years? Do you see yourself with Rory or can you picture yourself falling in love with someone else?” 

The thought of not being with Rory, now or hundred years from now left the taste of bile in the back of Jeremy’s throat.

“We’re going to go off now,” Octavia said, stretching a little, “It’s time for lunch anyway.”

“Don’t burst an artery thinking about this, Jeremy, take your time.”

“But be quick about it, don’t want to leave Rory waiting too long now do we?”

“That’s contradictory.”

“But it’s the truth.”

“Hey,” Jeremy called before they could end the call and they all looked at him curiously. The words were stuck in his throat and he just kind of waved his hand really vaguely.

But being his sisters though, they got what he was trying to say and giggled.

“Why, we love you too, little brother.”

“Ugh,” Jeremy groaned, “goodbye,” before ending the call.

He swallowed thickly, once again trying to imagine giving himself fully to Rory, trying to put all his trust in their relationship but it left him feeling raw and extremely vulnerable and he didn’t like the feeling at all.

*

“Soul mates?” Jeremy scoffed at the TV in the hospital room, “Is there really such a thing?” Jeremy asked, gazing lovingly down at the man lying beside him, his bleached blonde hair almost blending in with the white hospital sheets.

“Yeah,” Rory replied, his voice a bit cracked, a slender hand reaching up to gently stroke his lover’s face, “and you’re mine. Our love,” Rory teased, his finger tapping Jeremy’s nose playfully, “is infinite.”

Jeremy shot awake, realizing that he’d fallen asleep while sitting on the couch. The TV was playing a commercial and he had an unfinished plate of Chinese fried rice toppled over in his hands. Licking his dry lips, he dropped the plate on the side table and sank back against the couch, rubbing at his eyes sleepily. The clock told him that it was just past midnight.

That little dream he’d just had kept replaying over and over again in his head and he was almost scared of the sheer amount of love that swamped him as he thought about Rory.

His hands curled into fists. He loved him. God, he loved Rory so much.

His heart was racing as he finally admitted it to himself. And just like that, he was able to at least admit his fears to himself. He knew what was holding him back was the fact that he was still subconsciously harbouring the hurt, anger and betrayal he’d felt from his past life and he had to forgive past Rory for letting go, for hurting him. But just thinking about how Rory had just selfishly let go in the past made a spark of anger and betrayal throb in his chest but he told himself again to breathe and let go.

Our love is infinite.

Jeremy wasn’t spiritual, not in the least but he knew. He knew that this was his second chance with Rory and he had to the choice to either take it or leave it. He could either trust Rory with his heart again or keep running away for the rest of his life for fear of being hurt. 

Besides, they say that opportunity comes but once in a lifetime, right?