[18] – One Step At A Time

Rory felt like he was going to throw up. During the weekend he’d been able to pretend that everything was okay because he had Andrew and TV and other trivial things to distract him but now it was Monday and he knew that seeing Jeremy was inevitable.

It made him feel really gassy. He was really tempted to pretend that he was sick so that he didn’t have to go to work and face his boss slash somehow-now-ex-boyfriend.

“Oh my God are you being serious right now?” Andrew exclaimed from the other side of his room door.

“Go away,” Rory mumbled, his voice coming out muffled because his head was currently buried into his pillow.

“How did I know you were going to do this?” Andrew said in amusement, “you are not calling in sick to work, Rory, I know you.”

Rory couldn’t help laughing softly into his pillow before yelling, “That is none of your business young man!”

“If you’re not ready in the next twenty minutes, I’m skipping school.”

Rory closed his eyes briefly and then shot out of his bed, walking to the door to slam it open. Andrew was standing there with his arms crossed, a confident smirk on his face because he knew he had Rory.

“Oh bugger off,” Rory growled before slamming the door in his face and heading to his bathroom to shower.

“Remember!” Andrew yelled from the other side of the door, “twenty minutes! Not a second more!”

“Sure thing mother!” Rory drawled back, making Andrew laugh and Rory took a really quick shower because the last thing he wanted was to get melancholy underneath the spray. He hummed under his breath, filling his mind with images of cartoons and video games and memories of what he’d done during the weekend with Andrew – playing games, reading, watching TV – anything at all to get his mind off the fact that he was going to face Jeremy sooner or later.

When he was dressed, satchel in hand, he made his way downstairs, taking note that it was nearly nine o’clock and assuming that Andrew must have left already – he wasn’t the type to end up late for school.

He blinked in surprise at the sight of Andrew just placing a plate of buttered toast on the table beside a plate of sausages, scrambled eggs and a really big mug of tea.

Andrew rolled his eyes at Rory’s gobsmacked expression.

“I’m not entirely useless you know,” Andrew teased, grabbing his school bag from the table and rushing to the door, “Remember that you have to make Jeremy work for it, if you know what I mean.”

Rory rolled his eyes but he was smiling, honestly deeply touched that Andrew had made him breakfast and a big breakfast at that, not just his signature bowl of cereal, “You’re going to miss the bus if you don’t leave right now.”

“Right, right, I’m going!”

Rory bit his lower lip, listening to Andrew as he walked out of the house, closing the door behind him. After a minute he reached for his phone and quickly typed a text to his brother.

Thank you x

He was just settling into his seat at the table when his phone pinged with a reply from Andrew.

You’ll never know if I peed in your scrambled eggs x

Rory laughed and quickly replied; Charming x

I aim to please :D x

The eggs were a bit on the salty side and the toast had way too much butter than Rory would like but it was still one of the best breakfasts Rory had ever had, mostly because he wasn’t the one who made it. Andrew who could probably string a meal or two but only if you had a knife to his neck had made him breakfast. It made Rory feel like this day was going to go on just fine.

He got to the office a bit late and it wasn’t because he didn’t want to bump into Jeremy just yet, no of course not. He was just…caught up with things at home, right. But just like the devil planned this day, the minute Rory got out of his cab, Jeremy was just getting out of his jeep.

For a long, painful second they stood staring at each other, eyes locked with only about five metres of pavement between them. Rory felt like he’d just been sucker punched in the gut and he was going to throw up all of his lovely breakfast.

He was about to tear his gaze away and ignore Jeremy but then his dad’s voice was suddenly booming in his head like the man was yelling into a speakerphone.

Be happy, laugh, show him what he’ll be missing if he decides he doesn’t have the balls to handle my son.

So Rory forced a smile at Jeremy, not waiting for Jeremy to respond before he was tearing his eyes away, walking briskly up to the studio before Jeremy could catch up with him because there was no way in heck he was going to be able to string a conversation between them now. When he got to his studio with Paul, he realized that he was shaking violently from head to toe and he buried his face in his hands, licking his lips, heart pounding painfully underneath his ribs.

Oh God, what made him think he could do this? There was no way he was going to survive waiting for Jeremy to make up his mind. What if Jeremy never made up his mind? Was this how it was going to be from now on? Oh God, he didn’t know if he could stand that.

“Hey,” Paul said from inside the room and Rory couldn’t even find the strength to look up, listening to Paul’s footsteps as he approached, “are you okay?”

Rory inhaled deeply and finally dropped his hands, managing a small, shaky smile, “Yeah, I’m good. I’m alright.”

Paul raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing and Rory shook his head almost frantically.

“Right, right, I understand,” Paul said quickly, raising his hands as if in surrender, “You don’t want to talk about it. That’s completely fine by me but if this –” Paul’s eyes darted pointedly towards the direction of Jeremy’s office, “– is going to affect your work, you’re going to have to do something about it.”

“I’m fine, honestly, I was just a little surprised that’s all,” Rory said before making his way inside the room. He only then noticed that the room was filled up, everyone was present and they had been shamelessly trying to listen in on him and Paul’s conversation but the minute Rory moved away from Paul, they all turned their heads away while some of them began fiddling with the things on their easels.

Rory rolled his eyes, “Shameless, really. All of you.”

The adults all burst out laughing at that and Rory instantly relaxed although he had no intention of telling them what was going on between him and Jeremy. They were aware of their relationship status, but only the other employees were aware that something had gone wrong on Friday. They didn’t necessarily know that Rory had sort of broken up with Jeremy but they knew some big happened and the two of them weren’t talking.

Rory forcefully pushed Jeremy to the back of his mind; desperately ignoring the looming presence he felt each time he looked towards the door.

The studio had never felt more like a sanctuary than it did then and Rory never wanted to leave so that he didn’t have to face Jeremy again.

*

Let go, Jeremy. You know I’ll catch you.

Jeremy knew that the dream he’d had that morning had nothing to do with reincarnation. It was just a manifestation of all his fears. He’d dreamt that he was holding onto a rope hooked to the ceiling of a cave. The entire bottom of the cave was boiling hot lava. Rory stood directly underneath him on a tiny piece of rock, arms outstretched, his smile loving and warm.

Let go, my love. My arms can’t stay up forever, you know.

Even in his dream, Rory was still teasing. The rope had slowly been pulling loose from its bolt in the ceiling, burning into his palms because his grip was steadily weakening but he’d been terrified. He’d been scared stiff that if he let go, he would either push Rory off of the tiny rock he perched on or Rory would miss catching him and he’d end up in the hot pit of lava.

Of course, Jeremy had known this was going to be harder than he’d originally thought but seeing Rory this morning, seeing his soft smile and then watching him dart into the office like Jeremy had leprosy or something made him break a little inside.

But God, it was so hard.

It was so hard to just walk up to him and tell him that he loved and wanted him. Each time he thought about it, he felt like he was literally being buried alive or thrown into a pit of poisonous snakes. The thought of completely trusting Rory, of leaving himself vulnerable to being hurt made Jeremy feel like someone had peeled off all his skin and dumped him into a pool of pure salt. He loathed the feeling.

And the absolutely frustrating part was that he wanted to be vulnerable. He wanted to completely trust Rory with his entire heart, his entire being. But he’d grown up like this all his life, he’d grown up pushing everyone away the minute they mentioned the ‘L’ word and now the habit was proving really hard to break, the instinct to just let Rory go was almost staggering.

He’d sort of called his sisters for help on Saturday after he’d had that little dream about him and Rory and his decision and their words where the only thing keeping him going right now.

Take it one step at a time.

They’d told him not to rush himself or force it, if not he would be running for the hills again in no time. They advised him to take it slow, to only meet Rory when he felt he was completely ready to let go and face their relationship head on.

A soft cough brought Jeremy out of his thoughts and he jumped a little in his chair in surprise at the sound before looking up to spot Timothy Brown standing at his office door with a tray holding two cups of hot coffee.

The man beamed, “I just got here and I’m already becoming some sort of lap dog for Laura.”

Jeremy laughed a little, “I think I’m going to quite enjoy working with you.”

“I’m really glad to hear that,” Timothy replied, making his way into the room to give Jeremy a cup of coffee and take the other one.

“So, you’ll be starting work today with Laura. I know you’ve done it before but on a smaller scale and to be honest, it really isn’t any different. You just have to help the people that come into the exhibition room, explaining art pieces – which I’m sure you researched during the weekend – telling them where the bathroom is, advertising our adult and children classes and shows, that sort of thing. I’m sure I don’t need to fill you in on the details because you’re a smart man and if you need any help, you can talk to Laura. Are we okay?”

“Completely okay. I hope you don’t mind if I finish my coffee first?”

“Already slacking off on the job, I see.”

They both laughed but Jeremy waved his hand when Timothy was about to stand up, telling him that it was okay to finish his coffee. They chatted randomly and Timothy sternly told Jeremy that he’d like to be called Tim because he felt that Timothy was such an ugly name. Jeremy laughed at that and obliged his request before escorting Tim back down the stairs to Laura.

Laura raised a questioning eyebrow at Jeremy when he lingered in the exhibition room, bouncing a little on the soles of his feet before it suddenly dawned on her and she wiggled her eyebrows knowingly at him, making him blush furiously despite himself.

He swallowed and puffed his chest out, trying to take on the ‘boss’ persona as he made his way to the studio for the adults. Just as he was about to reach the door, he chickened out and moved to the corner to poke his head through so that in case Rory looked over, he could dart away quickly.

The sight of Rory leaning over some skinny blonde woman made Jeremy’s stomach churn with distaste but that was all drowned out by Rory’s familiar soft laugh at something the woman said before he pointed at her easel and said something, making her nod in agreement or understanding.

God, seeing Rory in his element made those feelings in Jeremy suddenly rise to the surface and he bit his lip, unable to help the swell of pride in his chest as Rory walked around the room, talking to the adults and helping them on whatever pieces they were working on for the day. Nowadays, the adults were working into the Mondays and Jeremy was thinking of just making Monday a day for the adults.

Normally, only the kids were tutored on Mondays but the way things were going, it looked like the adults might need the extra day.

Jeremy let his gaze soak into Rory, taking in his messy white hair, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, teeth worrying on his pale pouty pink lower lip in a gesture Jeremy knew he did when he was thinking hard about something. When he was done thinking, his face brightened and he turned to face the man sitting beside him to tell him the probably brilliant idea he’d just imagined and that swell of pride in Jeremy’s chest grew even bigger.

He missed him. God, he couldn’t remember when last they’d had lunch together or just hung out or Jeremy had taken Rory home in his jeep. He missed him so much.

Get in there.

The words were resonating in his head but he couldn’t find the strength to move his feet. His heart was suddenly pounding at the thought of walking into that office and pulling Rory out to kiss him hard on the lips.

Oh, he’s missed kissing him so much.

Thinking about kissing Rory made him remember other things, Rory’s soft breaths and seductive moans, his beautifully responsive body and Jeremy had to bite back a soft sound of pure aching longing. He swallowed hard and pulled away from the door, quickly darting across it to get to the stairs and then rushing up to his office. He could talk to Rory later, he thought; it was time to focus on getting things ready for their show which meant that an employee meeting was in order.

He’d never dreaded an employee meeting as much as he did right then.

*

“By the time Friday hits, we’re going to have only three weeks left until the summer show. I’ve put up some example fliers on our social website for us to work on and I’ve got an assignment for each of us.”

Jeremy turned to his briefcase, fumbling within it. Oh God, his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. It was ridiculous. He felt like he was in high school, giving his first presentation and it made him feel anxious and jumpy.

Work had ended a few minutes ago and they were currently gathered around Jeremy’s desk in his office, discussing the summer show.

He could feel Rory’s presence sitting two seats from his right in the room like Rory was standing right beside him even though Jeremy hadn’t even so much as looked at him since he entered the room. He couldn’t bring himself to do it, to look up at Rory and see those dark eyes staring right back. The thought made him feel like he was going to lose his lunch all over the table in front of them.

“There we go,” he said, thanking God that at least his voice was steady even though his hands were not and he handed files for them to pass over, “We’re going to recruit some of the artists I’ve mentioned on the files being passed around. Each of us are going to recruit the artists I’ve marked with your names or at least get them to showcase their art for the studio for the exhibition. Advertise, market, sell…do all you can to get these artists. This show is going to be really big and I want to be prepared.”

“This sounds like it’s going to be fun,” Laura said with an excited giggle, her eyes scrolling down the file at the artists, “this is going to be good, I can tell.”

Jeremy was able to go over some things and then the meeting was over. He remained frozen in his seat as everyone got up and packed their things, discussing the summer show excitedly. He couldn’t hear Rory’s voice, but he could feel his presence still lingering in the room.

Go on! Get up and tell him!

But he couldn’t move. He suddenly felt like dead weights were attached to his arms and legs, hooking him to the floor. He felt so heavy and slow.

And just like that, the office emptied, leaving Jeremy still frozen in his seat.

After a few minutes, he buried his face in his hands, feeling completely useless. He didn’t even notice that Laura had come back to ask him something but the sight of Jeremy looking so helpless and defeated made her change her mind.

Her heart ached for him as she watched him struggle to let go of his fears. She knew that it was going to be hard but the fact that he was even trying said a lot to her and she hoped that Rory at least noticed how much Jeremy was fighting.

Sadly, Rory didn’t notice. It took everything in him not to break down after the meeting, after Jeremy had blatantly ignored him throughout the day, it was almost painful to smile at the others before he headed home but he forced himself to take it.

You promised to wait.

And wait he would. He knew that Jeremy needed time. He wasn’t going to just get over his fears and insecurities in just a day. It was going to take time and he knew that he would wait. He just wasn’t so sure he was going to be able to stand the ache. And with the way things were looking, he tried not to think that this might really be the end and he would have to get used to the way it was.

*

The next day was a busy day for all the employees of Walker Design Studios.

They were all over the place, on their phones and laptops, booking appointments with their designated artists, looking up for art for the exhibition and planning the printing for the fliers. They gathered up in the main exhibition room after lunch, discussing the fliers and printing. Jeremy was cooped up in his office, his face probably buried in his laptop and a mountain of files while the rest of them were downstairs.

“So, who’s going to print the fliers, then?” Laura was asking them.

“Oh, Simon and I are heading out because we have a meeting with one of the artists this afternoon so we can’t do the printing,” Paul said a little apologetically.

“I’ve got to sort out a few things with Harry,” Minnie beamed and it was obvious by the blush on her cheeks that working with the Harry Goldberg was like a dream come true to her and she proved that statement by gushing, “Oh gosh, it’s like a dream come true!”

Laura laughed politely, “Well, Tim and I need to start looking up some extra hands to help with the exhibition room so we can’t do it.”

“So that leaves…”

The silence was deafening. Rory was currently on his phone so he’d missed the conversation. He noticed the silence however and looked up with eyebrows raised questioningly, “Pardon? Sorry, I was a little busy booking appointments with le artists,” he beamed as he shoved his phone back into his pocket, “what have I just missed?”

Minnie’s eyes darted towards the stairs briefly before turning back to Rory, “Uh, well, the rest of us were wondering who was going to do the printing but it turns out that we’re all busy and can’t do it.”

“So that leaves just you and…”

Another silence fell over them and Rory felt dread creeping up his spine. Oh God, seriously? It had barely been a day and this was already happening? Like Jeremy ignoring him yesterday wasn’t enough, he just had to be stuck with him again?

At first, he frowned suspiciously, thinking that the employees had ganged up on him again like they’d done when his feelings for Jeremy had just been a blooming crush but Laura noticed his look and actually looked affronted.

“Rory, you should know that we wouldn’t butt into something as serious as this. Whatever you and Jeremy are going through is between the two of you and, I mean, haven’t we been good?”

Rory blinked in surprise. They had been good. In fact, they’d been downright…wonderful about it. None of them talked about it in the work place – at least not in front of him – and they didn’t confront either him or Jeremy and Rory was suddenly so grateful for that.

They were acting really professional about all this and Rory suddenly felt a bit ashamed at immediately jumping to conclusions.

Minnie smiled at him, “when it was just a crush, it was easy to put in some playful meddling but this isn’t a little crush anymore and it really isn’t our business unless you ask for our help or our opinion. Just, well…”

“We’re here for you if you need us,” Simon completed with a shrug, “you don’t have to bottle it all in.”

Rory suddenly felt choked up and had to swallow repeatedly before saying shakily, “thanks so much guys.”

“If you don’t want to go with Jeremy, I’d be happy to substitute,” Paul suggested, his eyebrows furrowing with concern but Rory shook his head.

“Nah, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” Minnie asked, eyeing him doubtfully, “I can always postpone my meeting with Harry.”

“Like hell,” Rory said and Laura gasped dramatically.

“Did…did you just say ‘hell’?”

They all burst out laughing and Rory rolled his eyes and got up from his seat, heading towards the stairs, “now I’m definitely going. Anything to be away from you rascals.”

They laughed again but Rory could see the worry on their faces and that only made him more determined to prove that he could do this with Jeremy. But as he approached the office, he felt like he was approaching the gates of hell. He knew that the others were probably still watching clearly from downstairs, so he couldn’t slow his walk or hesitate by the door, instantly knocking before pushing the door open and popping his head through the opening.

“Hey.”

His heart shot up into his throat when Jeremy looked up in surprise. His mouth dropped open like a fish out of water and the files he’d been holding slipped out of his hands. It took a second before he was scrambling to pick the files up and saying nervously, “h-hey. Is there a problem?”

Rory frowned a little before stepping into the room. Even though his heart was pounding frantically beneath his ribcage, he found it surprisingly easy to talk to Jeremy, “oh no, not at all. I just wanted to let you know that the others are going to be busy so it’s just me and you left to do the printing.”

Rory half expected Jeremy to come up with some excuse to get out of it but Jeremy looked more nervous than anything. He also looked slightly panicked and his hands were shaking as he stood up from his desk, piling up his files, “is that so?” he asked as he looked up with a shaky smile, “I guess we have no choice, then, eh?”

Rory managed to smile back, “yeah.”

Rory couldn’t help it. He could feel his heart swelling painfully in his chest because at that moment, he knew. He knew that Jeremy was feeling exactly like he was about this and he was determined not to make it any harder for him than it already was because even though it was hard to believe, he knew deep down in his heart that Jeremy was actually trying.

“Are you ready to go now?” Rory asked and Jeremy nodded.

“I’ll just…” he did a few things on his laptop before shutting it and looking up, “okay, I’m ready.”

They left the office, Rory trying to ignore how badly the remaining employees were trying to look nonchalant and failing horribly. He could practically feel them running to the windows to watch them and couldn’t help his snort of amusement.

“What’s funny?” Jeremy asked with a raised eyebrow.

Rory grinned and leaned a little closer to Jeremy, all awkwardness forgotten as he whispered, “Don’t look now, but I think a few people are a lot more interested in our relationship than they might be letting on.”

Jeremy slyly glanced at the office and sure enough, the employees might as well have their faces comically plastered to the windows with their shameless watching. Jeremy laughed and turned to say something to Rory, his hand reaching over to casually rub Rory’s arm in an unconscious gesture of affection.

They both froze at the action and Jeremy snapped his hand away like he’d been burned and just like that, the awkwardness was back as they were both reminded of their dire situation.

The ride to the printing office was silent. The elevator ride up to the office when they got to the building was even more constipating but they finally got there and ordered to print, discussing with the people in the office. It really wasn’t a busy day so the man said they could either wait or come back later to get the prints in a few hours.

Jeremy said they should wait.

It was exactly like the very first time they’d had lunch together – strained and awkward with a little dash of mutual attraction simmering underneath the surface except now, more intense feelings like love and confusion and fear were thrown into the mix.

What exactly is he playing at? Rory wondered a little desperately, was he actually trying to work things out between them or was this something else? What if Jeremy was working to get over him and not work things out? What if Rory was being optimistic again, just like his father had mentioned three days ago?

The thoughts were slowly depressing him as he thought of the bad side of things, that Jeremy might not want him, that his feelings might not run that deep and that cut him like a blunt knife scraping and digging into his skin.

Jeremy’s heart was racing so badly in his chest it was making his ribcage hurt. The words ‘this is your chance’ kept echoing over and over again in his head and it was making him feel so fucking suffocated.

This is your chance. Take it!

“So, how’s it going? With work I mean?” Coward; he was a coward.

Rory nearly jumped a mile off his seat when Jeremy spoke to him and he glanced up at the sandy blonde in brief surprise before he said quickly, “fine, its fine.”

“Right. Okay.”

And the silence and awkwardness was back.

Jeremy’s hands curled into fists in his lap and he closed his eyes briefly, hating how hard it was to just tell Rory how he felt, how badly he wanted him. He turned to look at Rory, simply aching as he took in his messy white hair, pale skin and pale pink lips. God, he missed him so much.

Rory was brimming with confusion. What the hell was happening right now? He glanced up at Jeremy from underneath his eyelashes and caught Jeremy watching him, the man instantly blushing handsomely at being caught staring before tearing his gaze away quickly and shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

A sudden bloom of warmth spread in Rory’s chest and his hands unconsciously curled into fists on his chair. He glanced up at Jeremy again, discreetly watching the way one of Jeremy’s knees kept bouncing up and down, a nervous habit Rory noticed he had when he was worried about something and he could swear that his heart stopped beating in his chest when Jeremy tried to slyly turn and stare at Rory again.

His cheeks darkened when he was caught again and Rory felt his own cheeks heat up in an answering blush.

Rory couldn’t help smiling hard as he turned to stare down at his shoes. He was suddenly so darn happy and he didn’t even understand why. After that, the tension reduced and they finally relaxed in each other’s company, basking in the silence instead of straining.

It took just a couple hours and then they were heading back to the studio with a healthy stack of fliers to distribute during the week. They didn’t speak during the drive there but the silence was comfortable. It was when they got to the studio that Rory felt the atmosphere change as Jeremy stopped his car.

Rory didn’t know why he hesitated, but he did, licking his lips and pausing as he reached for the door handle.

“Dinner,” Jeremy suddenly blurted, hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel, knuckles white.

Rory stared at him in surprise, his heartbeat soaring underneath his ribcage. He could tell how difficult it must have been for Jeremy to blurt out those words and that just made it all the more heart-warming.

He’s really trying, Rory thought in a bit of surprise, the thoughts actually taking root inside him and warming his heart even more, he’s really trying so hard.

Jeremy coughed a little before forcing himself to look up at Rory, “Dinner later on tonight?”

“Yes,” Rory replied immediately, blushing a little at how little he was resisting but he wanted this so badly and he didn’t want to wait, “Yes, I’d…I’d really like that.” He’d been ready to wait for Jeremy for as long as it took but he didn’t know it would take such a short time for him to make up his mind.

“I…” Jeremy looked a bit surprised at Rory’s answer, “Okay. I’ll…pick you up at seven?”

“Seven sounds perfect,” Rory said happily.

Jeremy’s eyes dropped down to Rory’s lips and Rory’s tongue darted out on instinct to wet them, the action making Jeremy’s blue eyes darken with desire, hands clenching harder on the steering wheel before he suddenly turned away, opening his door and stepping out, breaking the spell.

Rory inhaled a long shuddering breath and then stepped out of the car to help Jeremy with the fliers.

And suddenly, he couldn’t wait for tonight to come and at the same time didn’t want time to move at all.

*

I’m doing this. I’m really doing this.

The number of times Jeremy had nearly picked up his phone to call off the dinner with Rory was astounding but he forced himself not to do it.

He was ready. He knew he was ready on the inside.

Now he just had to make that readiness manifest itself physically in the form of words. God, it had taken nearly everything in him to suddenly ask Rory to dinner that afternoon and there was no way he was going to back out now. He had to do this. He could do this.

He couldn’t do this.

They’d been in the restaurant for almost thirty minutes and the only words they’d said to each other was what they’d like to order and how the day planning the summer show had gone.

Now they were silent as they awaited their meal to arrive.

Jeremy kept postponing his confession. Maybe after dinner he would say it. Yeah, that sounded perfect.

“My parents are getting remarried.”

Rory felt his heart plummet to the ground and all his hopes dash out the window. So that was why Jeremy had called him to dinner, not because he’d made up his mind. He bit his lower lip and tried to ignore the flare of pain, managing to smile brightly at Jeremy, “Oh Jeremy, that’s wonderful.”

“And I…” Jeremy felt like he was slipping as he said in a rush, “I want you to come with me for the wedding. As my partner. I want to introduce you to my family. I want you.”

Jeremy felt like by blurting those words without preamble, he’d just jumped off a cliff without a parachute. He stared at the cutlery on his table with wide eyes, panicking and already getting ready to withdraw his confession when he looked up at Rory.

Rory felt like he was going to cry but he held the emotions in, clenching his hands around the napkin on his lap instead as he gazed at Jeremy like he was the only person in the entire universe.

That look, God, that look made Jeremy feel like he was on top of the world and gave him a confidence he didn’t even know he had and the rest of the words that had been brewing inside him just spewed forth.

“I want you,” he said, voice aching with passion, “God knows I do and I can’t promise that it’s going to be sunshine and roses, or that I’m completely over my…issues with commitment, but I want to try with you.”

“Jeremy,” Rory whispered softly, unable to help how choked up he sounded. That was the closest confession to love that had ever graced Jeremy’s lips and he was going to take it, God, he was so going to take it.

“One step at a time,” Jeremy said softly, “that’s what my sisters said to me. I’m sorry for being such an asshole. I’m sorry for clinging onto the past and hurting you. I’m so sorry; Rory and I hope you still want to do this with me.”

“I want to,” Rory whispered with a shaky smile.

“I’m going to be stubborn. I’m going to piss you off. I’m going to be downright irresistible.”

They both laughed and God, Rory felt like his world was back on its axis.

“Good Lord, I missed you,” Rory whispered tearfully.

“I missed you too,” Jeremy replied honestly and they shared a look before tearing their gazes away shyly, their cheeks burning.

It was almost dreadfully wonderful.

The drive to Rory’s house was silent after the dinner, but it was that perfect, content kind of silence.

They finally got to the front of Rory’s house and Jeremy parked his car. He bit his lower lip and before Rory could blink, he was suddenly wrapped in a tight embrace. Rory tentatively wrapped his own hands around Jeremy, hugging him and feeling emotional as he inhaled his familiar scent and basked in the familiar warmth of his embrace.

“I love you,” Jeremy blurted and then froze. His heart plummeted to the floor and his hands unconsciously tightened around Rory. He felt completely raw, exposed and painfully vulnerable. He was falling into the volcano and he suddenly couldn’t breathe.

Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.

The feel of soft lips suddenly covering his brought him back to earth and he inhaled shakily, a bit lightheaded because he really had been holding his breath, waiting for Rory’s response.

He kissed Rory almost desperately, unable to help the tears that pricked behind his eyelids as he poured all his emotion into the kiss, still feeling like he was falling and falling but then Rory was there and Rory was catching him, whispering, I love you, over and over again against his lips and Jeremy was shaking so hard, unable to help it, slight fear mixed with happiness and relief bubbling up inside him like an overdue volcano erupting.

They pulled apart when it got hard to breathe and just rested their foreheads together, breathing hard.

“I’m terrified,” Jeremy confessed softly and God, he was still shaking, gripping Rory’s hair to try and prevent the way his hands were trembling.

“I’m here,” Rory whispered softly, his hands rubbing up and down his back like he was trying to sooth a cat, “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I love you,” Rory pulled him into another hug, squeezing him in a tight embrace before whispering almost subconsciously, “I’m never letting you go, not again, not ever,” and he pulled back again to smile at Jeremy, “one step at a time?”

And the volcano was suddenly gone; all around them was just a sparkling shallow pool, showing him the illusion of the depth of his own insecurity.

 He smiled back at Rory, “one step at a time.”