Switch off

"His expression was serious, but I liked how it softened slightly when he looked at me. Like the way he looked at me was different from how he looked at everyone else"

| Ardian |

"You like people doing what you want" I pointed out
"You're not the only one that can read body language" she said. Her lips looked... sore, dry. Plump.

"No, but you're pointing it out in an effort to make me feel embarrassed. So you have the upper hand. The power" I explained
"Isn't that what all therapy is? Doctor and patient, fighting for the power in the room" she said

"You like having control" I said back
Abandoning all thought of my notebook as this seemed to be tame. Too tame to write any notes yet.

"That a question?" She asked
"No" I said shortly

She didn't seem to like my short answers
Or my lack of talking and questioning
I was trying to appear different than her other psychiatrists. Or else she would be too used to my behaviour and she would break me down easily.

"I've been called a narcissist, a psychopath. A sociopath. I have a need for control, for mental dominance. I like peoples attention... apparently" she tilted her head
"You don't believe the doctors?" I asked

She titled her head fully
A subtle movement that most people wouldn't blink twice at
But for her, it's the subtle yet obvious message that she thinks I'm stupid
That my questions aren't 'good enough' for her

That I'm boring her.

"What do you think of me? Doctor Ellison" she asked, leaning in
"I haven't spoken with you enough to have an answer" I said

"First impression though" she pushed
"You seem... friendly" I said
"Friendly" she smiled, her face lighting up
"But that's what you want to be. You like to appear approachable" I went on

"Don't start that. Not right now" she rolled her eyes
"Start what?" I asked
"The psychological games. Let's just... talk for a moment" she sighed
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked

"You" she said
"These sessions are not about me" I said
"Of course they are, all you doctors get a kick out of it" she said
"How?" I asked

"Listening to all the horrific depraved things I've done. Fascinated by how it doesn't effect me. Concerned about how I sleep at night and why there's no psychological reason for my behaviour" she said

"Everything has a reason behind it" I said simply
She stared at me a moment. An unnerving stare
Those blue eyes I was curious about, now unsettling me as they appeared to turn darker
"So why do you do this? What's the reason?" She asked

"I told you. These sessions aren't about me" I dismissed
"How can I open up to you if you don't open up to me?" She said, looking genuinely sad
"Because that's what therapy is Ivelle. This isn't a friendly conversation. There's no give or take. We're going to discuss the issues you're facing as well as how you can manage your anger and your time here" I said

She chuckled, a full smile
"I'm in here for nine consecutive life sentences" she laughed
"Time here is all I have" she said

"Nine. Yet you killed seventeen" I commented, crossing my arms. Physically blocking her out
"But they only got me on nine" she said proudly

"The next six months are going to be so... fun" she said

"It isn't supposed to be fun" I said
"No, but you said it yourself, I like control. I like playing with people" she said
"And you plan to play with me?" I asked casually

The head tilt. The subtle judgement of my words
Before she pounced
"Well yes, I can't imagine Enora is any fun now is she?" She asked

I stopped. Looking at her surprised
And yet I don't know why I let myself be surprised
She knew people
She knew it was information she could use to get to me.

"Who told you about my girlfriend?" I asked, trying not to sound too bothered
"Does anyone have to say anything when a picture is worth a thousand words?" She teased

She's seen a photo of her?
She hadn't even met me before

"Such pretty cheekbones" She said
"Stop" I warned
"I imagine she'd be a lot prettier strung up" she said
She was trying to rile me
"Who gave you her photo?" I asked

"What you should ask, is that if I got a photo of your girlfriend before you even walked in here. Then what else would I know?" She mused

I looked at her. At the challenge before me
It did scare me. How she knew so much already, when I didn't even know who she was until today
I slowly stood up, gathering my things, but not turning the recorder off yet

"Leaving me already?" She joked
"I'm going to have a talk with the warden. Cut off your information" I said simply, heading for the door

"Well that won't happen..." she laughed, remaining still, her back now to me
"But I look forward to seeing you again Ardian" she said

She knew my name,
I walked out.

Of course she knew my name
If she knows of Enora then she knows my fucking name.

"She scared you off already?" A guard laughed as he walked with me back to the main building
"Who's giving her information about me?" I asked bluntly

"Nobody? She only sees me and the other guard and we're never alone with her. It's policy" he relayed

•

"You're home early" Enora called as I neared the kitchen
She was cooking already.
"Session was cut short. After my subject told me my own name" I said

I didn't want to mention that she had talked about Enora
I didn't want to scare her.
"What's wrong with that?" She chuckled
"She didn't know it, well... she wasn't supposed to know it" I sighed

"Are you sure this case is worth the time baby? She sounds... insane" she said
"They all have problems. It's my job to find out why" I said
"And what is her story?" She asked

I shrugged
"I don't know. All she did today was rile me and talk about detailed points of my life. Information she couldn't have known" I explained.

"Then she's won your first battle, you need to show her that you're there to talk to her, to assess her. Isn't that what all the nut jobs you talk to do? Think it's a game" she laughed
"They're not nut jobs" I defended, pulling my shirt off

"Of course not" she relented, winding her arms around me and looking up with sad eyes
Guilt trip.

Despite our healthy relationship, a psychiatrist can't switch their brain off
And everything Enora did was evident in my head.
Just like everyone else.

"Hungry?" She asked sweetly
Subject change. Deflecting from her comment that hurt me.
"Always" I smiled

People pleasing.
See? Never switches off.

•

The next day I went back to the prison. Ready to face my opponent once again
And the thought itself stunted my brain
Because I shouldn't be viewing her as an opponent

She's a patient
She needs help. Or she at least needs assessing 
And she won't scare me easily
Don assured me they were looking into who fed her information.

And when I entered the interview room, she was facing me this time
The other side of the table
I wanted her that way

I didn't want her back to the door
I wanted her to see it
I wanted her to know it was locked and she couldn't get out of it
I wanted her to see the boundaries
That it was me standing between her and the exit.

Me and cooperation.

"Good morning Ivelle" I said, sitting down
This time. I'll take notes

"Morning doc" she smiled
"Miss me?" She asked
"Are you ready to talk more? About why you're in here?" I ignored her question

"I did a lot of talking about all of that. All the murders" she said
"No. I mean why you're here. You got caught didn't you?" I said instead
I read her files last night

All the thoughts and feelings she let out, lying or otherwise, about the murders she committed
And her mindset at the time of them.
I wanted to know how she got caught
How she slipped up.

She's intelligent.

She shrugged
"I got too angry on the last one I guess" she said
"The last one. Freddie Hallaran. Your boyfriend" I remembered
She nodded slowly.

"Yes. He got a little angry when he found out I killed other people" she said
"How did he find out?" I asked
"He pieced it together. He was smart too. He would have lived if he wasn't so emotional" she said

"How so?" I asked
"I begged him to let me explain" she said, feigning sadness, staring at me in an unfound emotion before she began to cry
"I pleaded with him to stay and let me tell him and I cried and I..." she stopped herself

Looking up at me and then ceasing crying
"And then I stabbed him twenty eight times" she said emotionlessly

"So it's his fault he died?" I questioned, writing down her responses
Cold. Playing up to me. She wanted to make herself appear harder than she was.

"Well if he didn't love me and give me the chance... he would have left. Gone to the police, told them everything" she said in an obvious tone
"But he still got you caught" I said

"I got myself caught" she corrected

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