Make me

"I don't need you to light up my world. Just sit with me in the dark"

| Ardian |

"Why would you kill him?" I asked instead
"I asked you a question" she said back
"Ivelle" I said
"Ardian" she countered, crossing her arms

"Do not use my name" I said
"Why? Too personal for you?" She asked
"Yes" I answered
"I like personal" she said
"And I like answers. So, why would you kill him now? After all of this time" I asked

She looked at me
"Because he deserves it" she said
"How?"
"Oh stop it, all of this how and why. And how could you and why would you. Because some people just deserve to die. That's life. Not everyone is cut out for it" she grumbled

"So you don't think you should have been imprisoned for these murders?" I asked
"Yes. But I want people to also see that some of them were justified. Because some people just deserve it. My father is one of those people" she explained.

"Who else was?" I asked, interested
"My dad's girlfriend" she answered
"Which one?"
"Both" she countered

"Why?" I asked
She smiled, leaning forward, arms crossed on the table
Causal. Unlike any prisoner I had met
She was comfortable in the tension.

"Because they fell for a man like my father. He treated me and my brother like we were nothing. Below everyone else. He treated my mother the same way, he treated those women the same way. Emily wanted his money but Lauren, she really just fell for the man. I tried to warn them, they didn't listen" she said, as if she was explaining something simple.

"So, let's go back to the original question, why do you think you got caught?" I asked, evading giving her a response to her thoughts.

She looked at me for a moment, trying to figure out my game plan.
But there's the difference
She's playing a game. And I'm not.
"Like I said. I got messy. Lazy" she said

"You stopped caring" I pointed out
"Oh I never cared about getting caught. I cared about staying out long enough to do everything I wanted" she said

"Like what?" I asked
"School, date. Kill my father" she shrugged
"Do you think you should have dated? Given your actions?"
"I wanted to feel normal" she said

"Normal?"
"I wanted to love someone. Feel what that does to you" she said, staring at the table
"And do you think you were capable of love?" I asked
"Well you tell me doctor" she challenged, her eyes finding mine

Cold. Calculated

"Do you think I'm capable?" She asked
"No" I answered
She wants an assessment? She can have one
It won't alter the way this works

"You killed two boyfriends" I began, watching no emotion grace her face
No remorse, no nostalgia, nothing.
"I don't think you loved them, I think you liked the attention they gave you. I think you liked controlling them without them realising it" I said

"You think?" She questioned
"Everything is open to speculation, nothing is ever certainly factual in psychology" I said
"So everything every other doctor has told me could be untrue?" She asked, intrigued

"Let's not go down that road" I said
"Fine, tell me doctor, why didn't they satisfy me? Why weren't they enough?" She asked
"That's what you're supposed to tell me" I challenged her back

"I don't know. They didn't entertain me, they didn't make me cum" she said bluntly
"The only time they ever excited me was when I got them to do things for me" she said
"What does that mean?" She asked, tilting her head in feigned innocence
Ignorance.

"I think it means you enjoy manipulating people's emotions" I said
"Maybe" she smiled softly, her hair falling around her face as she leaned forward
"Have I manipulated you yet?" She asked

I said nothing
"Come on... Ardian. Do you think I've manipulated you yet?" She asked
Honestly. Yes.
She told me about my own life when I had no clue of hers

She ruined my evening with my girlfriend because her words were stuck in my mind
And she had gotten herself out of handcuffs in one morning.

She smiled fully, straight white perfect teeth bared
She was the picture of innocence
Many had trouble believing she was capable of her charges.

Humanity found it hard to understand these days that psychopaths and murderers have the ability to be 'attractive'

"No... you know the answer already don't you?" She asked, slowly standing up, palms down on the table
"Sit down Ivelle" I warned calmly
"Why? What's the matter Ardian?" She asked
One step. One step around the table and I had stood too
"Ivelle" I warned

She smiled, eyes shining, alight with excitement
"Are you scared?" She asked
"No" I said honestly
I just didn't know what her plan was

She took a step closer to me, my own feet stepping back, closer to the door
"You wouldn't be able to get the guards quick enough to save your life" she said calmly
Another step
And my feet didn't move

"You won't hurt me" I said
"No?" She taunted
"No" I reiterated

"Why not?" She asked, inches away
She remained separate
Because she knew not to break the boundary
"Because if you attack me, or kill me, you lose these sessions. And you go back to being alone, in your cell, without anyone to talk to" I said

She laughed
A light melodic laugh. Like a young pretty woman on a date.
Laughing to convey that she was 'fun'
I had heard that laugh from women. Trying to big me up

And the only response is to smile, to drink, to carry that conversation on.
But she was laughing at me for a reason unknown to me

"I have many people to talk to. They try and keep me isolated but..."
She closed that distance, and broke that boundary
Her hand clasping softy over my forearm
"People just... like me. They're attracted to me" she said quieter, her face close

I looked at her, remaining strong and waiting for her to see that it didn't effect me. That she was playing the wrong game.
"I don't want to hurt you... because I like you" she said
"And that doesn't happen often Ardian. But I do. I really like you. Why would I want to risk that?" She asked.

"Then step back" I said
She obeyed, holding her hands up in surrender as she raised her eyebrows at me
"See? Not a scratch" she said amused
"Sit down" I ordered her
And she didn't. She stared me down. Still.

"Sit down Ivelle" I said
"Make me" she teased
I said nothing
"Don't look at me like that, come on... make me" she dared
"No" I said, stepping backwards and knocking on the door

She sighed, sitting down as the door began unlocking
"You're really no fun Ardian" she said
"Everything alright?" The guard asked
"Peachy" she answered, staring at me
"It's fine, I'm just leaving" I said, moving forward to gather my things.

I left the recorder running as usual
She always had something to add when I left her
"I'll make you fun Ardian, don't worry" she said lowly
I looked at her for a moment, before I grabbed my recorder

And she grabbed my wrist
My eyes told her to let go. Before I had to get a guard
"Miss you already" she said, I yanked my arm back
Leaving the room.

"Don wants you in his office" another guard told me
Fuck.

•

"Are you stupid?" Stella asked
"No" I said, watching her swig the coffee she had
Clearly a replacement for the cigarette she couldn't smoke in here
"You told them to uncuff her, you never uncuff her" Don said sternly

"She won't hurt me" I said
"You're talking to her, she's already hurting you, believe me" Don said
"It was my call. And I'll take the fall of it" I said confidently
"She isn't to be left unrestrained" Stella said

"She's in a locked room" I argued
"With you" she argued back
"Exactly. I'm the only one at risk. And I'm happy to take that risk" I said
"Then on your head be it" Don said

"God knows she's cut off enough of them" he commented, leaving

"You better know what you're doing" Stella said
"I do, don't worry" I said
"Good, if you die then I have to hire someone else" she groaned

"Did you set up a meeting? With Angelo Honeycutt?" I asked
"Yes, tomorrow, noon" she said disinterested

•

I was home before Enora
So I made dinner, hoping to make up for yesterday
Enora liked gestures
I liked communication
It was an area we needed to meet halfway on
Yet we somehow always failed.

I love her. She's beautiful and kind
She's intelligent and funny. And yet... we go through the cycle many relationships do

We fight, we 'forgive' each other. And then we retain that anger and guilt and we pretend we are happy again, until the next fight and all the problems we had before resurface because we never fully close an argument.

"Something smells nice" she called, shutting the door
"Only the best for you" I called back jokingly
She smiled as she appeared in the kitchen

"This is lovely Ardian" she smiled
A warm smile, happy that I did something for her
Not because she was happy to be playing with my mind
She was nothing like the people I assessed
Nothing like Ivelle

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