I sat facing the window and the impending cold winds of the north that breezed in, legs crossed together, I prayed. The winds blew harshly, whipping my wavy hair over my face.

The weather darkening outside. It was going to rain soon but this thought didn't bring the same sense of happiness that it did in my childhood.

Ignoring the darkening weather, I looked at the serene blackish-blue Shivling in front of me. The Shivling had no face, no eyes, no physical features yet I could feel the serenity and tranquility emitting from it. I could feel a thousand eyes boring on my soul, reading my deepest secrets and desires.

Every time I'm in this room I feel this overwhelming presence. I feel dwarfed in front of the small ling, but I don't mind it. I will always be small in front of Mahadev. Closing my eyes, I chanted - Om Namah Shivaaye.

"Be with them."

I wished. Like I've been for the last six years. Like I've been since I got to know my heart was giving up on me. It has been six years since I got to know of my parent's last gift to me.

The gift that gifted me weak heart muscles.

A gift that made me lose everything, I loved. I couldn't dance to my heart content, I couldn't sprint like a deer, I couldn't do anything adventurous. I couldn't do anything I want too, anymore.

That has been my parent's gift to me. They always love to gift me such extravagant things, like abandonment and neglect. So, I shouldn't be really surprised I was diagnosed with Long QT syndrome.

Genetically inherited from my father for my half-brother on my father's side has a weak heart too. Of course, I didn't know anything about it. I wasn't in contact with them. Well, I wasn't until last winter when my heart stopped beating for a whole two minutes and thirty seconds.

When they got it going again, my heart muscles were damaged. The doctors prescribed me meds but nothing seems to work and then a few days ago, they informed me quite gravely if I might add; I might live only a few more months if I didn't get a donor's heart soon.

So, technically I'm under a death sentence. I can hit the bucket anytime soon. And trust me, it sucks knowing I can die any moment now. It sucks very much. But I guess all of us have to die one day or another and I might die sooner than the rest. But I don't mind that much. I've lost many things in my life till now. My parents, my home, my school, my Nanu, my Nani...

So another loss doesn't surprise me. Life is all about loss and gain. Sometimes loss seems to be winning the race.

But there are a few things I've not lost and I'm sure, I'll never. My di, my crazy bestie, and my faith in Mahadev. I might have not many things left but I've abundant of faith left in my Mahadev.

For my Nani used to say; "Nanhe, no matter how hard life becomes keep faith in Mahadev. He'll always guide you. He tests us but also helps us, "

I was a ten-year-old left with my Nani when she first told me this. For even though, my mother has gained my and my sister's custody after her divorce with our father. My mother didn't want anything to do with us. So, both of us were dropped at my Nani's place.

The grief-struck and highly hurt me couldn't help but blame gods for everything that went wrong in our life. For my parent's divorce. For them abandoning me and my sister. I was devastated, everything I had known changed in a blink of an eye. I couldn't call them anymore for they felt highly disturbed. They had their new lives, new family, and my sister and I didn't fit in their lives anymore. We were burdens. We were things they wanted to forget.

And the ten-year-old me just couldn't believe that my parents didn't want me. I was devastated. And angry at about everything in the world. Why couldn't I call my father? Why couldn't I live with my parents? Why wasn't mom around? Why couldn't I go to my school? Why do I have to live in this scary, huge place? It was a good adventure spot for summer vacations but not staying.

I was terrified of this ancient building. I hated staying here forever. Couldn't believe my parents forsook me and so, I was scolding the gods. They were the most powerful beings, right. And someone really needs to be responsible for my miseries. And I held God responsible.

Nani had held my sobbing, angry, heartbroken form in her soft warm embrace then. She wiped off my tears, and told me, in her eternal serene tone;

"Nav! Bad phases are part of life. Take them as important lessons. But never lose your faith in God. If he is testing us then he'll help us pass too, "

I believed her words. I've never let my faith waiver and it kind of has become a routine for me. From a ten-year-old sharing all about his new life to what some people will call a large shaped stone, of-course I didn't think of it so. For me, the stone was my friend, my guardian, my guide, my most patient listener, and my parent. A friend I could share everything with, a parent on whose shoulder I could cry for this new life seemed scary and no one wanted to be my friend in the new school. I was exotic and not quite like them. To a twenty-six-year-old me chattering with Lord Shiva for the quite same reasons, it has become a habit.

A habit, I couldn't break, and there was no other place where I felt so much peace. I was here daily telling him everything. For my Nani said; he listens.

Even though there were times when I was so exhausted by the repeated blows of fate, that in one of my morning prayers, I looked up and screamed at Lord Shiva to stop testing me further. Times where I could feel I just can't continue any more but I've emerged victorious though it all.

And so now even though I know I'll die if I didn't find a donor soon. I've left my fate in the hands of my Shiv. I don't care whether he whisks me to his lands or leaves me here with my loved ones. I'll accept his decision. But I'll ask him just one thing in return. The thing I've been asking from the last few months.

"Look after them, protect them, Alright," I asked him as one asks for something from their loved ones.

Opening my eyes, I glanced at him. He was stoic as always but I thought he was smiling, amused by me. Bowing in front of him one last time. I stood up and left the small temple.

I walked through the large ancient corridors of my home. The ancient pillars boring the burden of this house for centuries. Nowadays, I smile thinking there was a time I was terrified of venturing out alone in this home.

In the last decade or so, nothing much has changed in this house. Well, nothing apart from being on the verge of being sold and having just two residents in the large ancient palace to again bustling with people.

I walked leisurely through the corridors on my merry way to breakfast. Another routine my Nani established. Breakfast was family time. A moment of peace with family before we got consumed by the chaos of life though I had a sneaky suspicion that she wanted to be with us, have a fill of our relentless chatter, and complaints about every minute thing. She wanted to preserve those memories and now, I want too.

Every now and then a servant passed me, greeting me respectfully. They were pursuing their morning chores and I didn't want to be a hindrance in their path. I quite like this palace being filled with life though I liked the days where it was just Nani, di, and me in this humongous house. Our humble abode.

You must be pondering who I am, right? Well, I'm known from many names. Some call me Raja Sahib, Some call me anndata, Some call me bossman, some call me a workaholic, some calls me Robot and heartless though trust me I'm not a Robot or heartless.

I wished I was. I would not have been suffering from heart disease if I didn't possess a heart. Life would have been easy then.

But alas, I'm a human. So, I do possess a heart and heart disease.

But my name is Arnav. I'm not quite attached to it though as it was the name, my parents bestowed on me. And I prefer Nav, anyway as my di addresses me with it. My Nani used to call me Nanhe and I love that name though no one besides my Nani is allowed to call me that and I despise the name chotu, yet my bestie insists on calling me just that. I hate that name but I love her more than that.

And they're the only people because of whom I'm dreading my fate. Who'll look after them when I'm gone? Who'll make them laugh and make sure they don't forget to eat? Who'll remind them to take care of themselves? Who'll make sure that people don't use them? Who'll cheer them up? Who'll protect them from the world-class jerks out there? The jerks who want to take advantage of them and use them.

Well, from experience I know di can handle such jerks. After all, she did get that Shyam Jha arrested. He was a world-class jerk and deserved everything that came his way. Huh, wanted to con my di taking advantage of her handicap as if my di will ever tolerate pity. She hates pity.

But he had succeeded in making her fall for him with his sweet talks. It was that by chance di met his wife and both the woman realized his real face. Di made him famous than every news channel had his face plastered and many other women who got conned by him came forward. My di had become their superhero.

She was my superhero always though.

Well, you must be thinking how di exposed that jerk right? Well, my di is a journalist and a news anchor too in the govt. channel. Yeah, DD national that time she used to do the news narration in sign language. She does it now too but now, she is a senior journalist now.

She is an independent, empowered woman. Who loves her dearest brother the most and if that Shyam had thought he could con away this house from di then he must have been the biggest idiot on the whole planet.

My di who did tuitions while studying journalism. Did every kind of small part-time job to look after this house and me. My di who worked hard so that my Nani didn't have to sell any more of her beloved gold jewelry for us. My di who stopped Nani from selling this house for us. Well, Shyam must be dreaming if he thought he could con her. She might have loved him but she was no fool.

And I worry about her. I kind of work hard for her too. She sacrificed all her desires to look after Nani and I. And now, I have plenty of money I want her to spend it on herself. But she doesn't. I don't know why? She still spends her money on me.

And I just can't understand why?

And I hate my heart problem and father more because I may leave her. What will she do without me? Who'll make her smile? What if another Shyam tries to take advantage of her? What then?

Nowadays, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if she didn't get to know Shyam's truth when she did? What if she married Shyam murdered both of us for the property? I'm glad she got to know his truth on time. But what if she hadn't? What if after I'm gone, someone else tries to take advantage of her or bunny?

I can't help but worry about them and keep my belief in Mahadev. I know he guided her and looked after her during the Shyam fiasco. He made certain no harm fall her.

Well, I was away in college and I had asked him to look after di. And he had never let me down before. So, I hope Mahadev looks after them. I just hope.

Though di and bunny hate it when I think like this. They're certain, I'll live. They're hopeful. They think I'll get a donor. And then it'll be all happily ever after, though I know only a miracle can save me now.

Well, It'll be a miracle to find a person with O -ve blood group. Who matches with me and is dead. I kind of am the only realistic one right now. My di is certain, I'll live. So is my bunny and its kind of funny, you know. She is a last year resident in the department of cardio surgery and still so certain and optimistic.

It's plainly absurd.

"Good morning di, "

"Morning motto, "

I greeted them both merrily as I sat beside di on the dining table. Di wished me back with a smile while Bunny said something in what I guess was troll language. She kinda looked like a zombie and her face was all but resting on her plate.

"Nav! You're going to the office today, " Di said totally not looking pleased with the situation. She disapproved.

"Yes, its Wednesday so no holiday, " I stated the obvious feigning innocence.

"Its raining, "

Well, okay so maybe this was the reason. I liked rain better in childhood. A rainy morning meant a holiday from school. But no such rule when you're an adult. The world might have fallen down and you're still expected in the office.

"So are you, " I retorted with this brilliant fact. It was raining and di was going to the office. Di rarely missed office.

"Arnav, "

Okay, this was the first warning to not push her further. I know di is really worried about me. But I can't sit at home and let the world know something is wrong. I would rather in the office and pretend everything is fine. I don't know why but di, Bunny and even my PA Abhay don't approve my idea. They're all just mother hens, I guess.

"Di, there's an imp. meeting with the Oberoi's. I've to be there, "

Well, it's true. Apparently, my dear sire couldn't control himself and is still the same even in his old age. His adult video with his eldest son's secretary that leaked created quite a stir in the business world. And my brothers were afraid that the shareholders will withdraw.

So, we were kinda making a deal to stop their empire from crumbling and sending my half-brothers in an early grave.

Though I didn't kinda know-how me being the food king could help out my brothers who deal with the other industries?

"Can't you call them here?" Di asked me frowning.

Well, I told you di is kinda over-protective of me. Doesn't understand, I'm doing all this for her. I'm doing all this to make sure she doesn't face any trouble in the future.

"I can but..., " I started but di didn't let me complete, she made the decision for me.

"No, buts call them here. They're also family, " Di finished with a frown.

Yups, they signified that my dad cheated on mom. Mom cheated on dad. Both of them are happy with their new partners now. Proving once and again that Di and I just mistake for them.

"Yeah, call them here. I'm also not going anywhere, " the zombie also known as my bestie agreed with di, and I kind of know when a battle is lost. So I gave in. No smartness in dragging a losing war.

"So, the dead speaks, "

"The dead can kick you too, "

Bunny aka Lavanya Das Gupta aka my one and only bestie threatened. She kinda becomes this weird zombie ninja mutant after her night shifts.

I ignored her after blowing a raspberry in her direction.

Assured di that I'm not stepping outside and asked Abhay to inform the Oberoi's that today's meeting will happen at my place. Then ate my breakfast peacefully, listening to Lav moan and sulk about stinky, grumpy bosses and stupid interns.

"I remember someone puking all over me while I gifted her chocolate on Raksha Bandhan, " I commented innocently cutting her rant.

"And I told you like a thousand times that I had just gotten out of a really gruesome surgery in which we couldn't save the patient, "

Lav retorted and I rolled my eyes. Watching her eat with closed eyes. It was her hidden talent.

"My chocolate had suffered a very grave insult, " I bemoaned feeling really upset on behalf of my chocolate.

Bunny ignored me altogether making puppy eyes towards di.

If there was someone di loved like me. Well, not like me a little less than me, of course. It's Lav.

My bestie since childhood. Well since nursery, when my teacher had assigned us the same bench. She had interconnected our fate. Lav had been always with me since then. My constant.

My bestie who didn't mind I was penniless. Who provided the money for the opening of my empire. She was totally against me taking a loan. What if something went wrong? She didn't want us to lose this palace. She knew how much this abode mattered to me and di.

She is practically my trouble loving twin if you considered all the hand made Rakhis she sent me. Well, I was her practice dummy for rakhi making competitions.

The girl who was enraged realizing I might have given up my dream college and dream course if my school teachers didn't realize my plight and paid my college admission fees. She was livid.

I had gotten quite a long lecture on how friends help each other in dire situations. And how I've broken some deep bestie rule or something. She is insane.

But I still love her.

You must be thinking if we were in so dire financial conditions. How did I become a billionaire? Well, I'll say it was Nani's blessing. When Nani died during my final college year. Di and I went through my Nanu's things and I found Nanu's secret diary consisting poems, short stories and my ancestors some poems, short stories, and secret recipes.

It was a gamble. I could restart the family business and face a total loss or it could reach great height and help di and me survive. I decided to take the gamble. I wanted to take a loan but Lavanya didn't let me.

I started Nanu's magazine Sandesh first. It was an instant hit. Though the spices business took time saw the ups and downs of the business world. But it survived. And then gave me enough profit to venture on new platform.

Now, I, Arnav Raizada is the proud owner of Nav spices. Nav printing press. Nav food Pvt. Ltd. Nav chocolates. Nav basmati. Nav bread and dairy products. Well, I kinda rule the food industry and it won't have been possible without the trust and help of my loved ones and strangers alike.

And well, I kinda didn't want to be like my parents if someone ever asks me to prepare a list of men I hate. My dad will top the chart followed by Shyam and Nakul. Well, Nakul is Lav's jerk of a Bf. He pursued her and when she gave in he walked away, breaking her heart.

And that again brings me to my worry for these two girls. Who'll look after them? I wanted to watch them get married and settle in life before, I died. Now, I'm thinking like an old-timer. This is just wrong. I'm not old. How come I'm thinking like old people?

But still, I want both of them to be happy.

Mahadev look after them alright. I won't ever forgive you if you let anything bad happen to them. I threatened Shiv Ji while chewing on my poha. And watched as Di gracefully got up from her chair kissed Lav's forehead.

She had fallen asleep on her food.

Kissed my forehead.

"I'll see you in the evening, alright, " Di told me like always. It's her way of reassuring herself I'm not going anywhere.

"Yeah, I heard we are having chappan bhog for dinner, "

Di just smiled at my statement. Like, I'm allowed to eat chappan bhog.

"Love you, Nav, take care and don't trouble Lav, " di warned me like I was even planning to disturb this zombie ninja.

"Love you too, di," I said. It was a feeling.

Di smiled her eyes lingering on me until she left the premises of our home. Di will break if I don't get a donor. But she'll collect herself again. She always does. Everything will be fine.

I'll make sure everything stays fine for them. Even when I'm gone, no problems will touch them ever. They'll have money, power, and everything.

And till the gods grant I breathe, I'll keep on testing how hard its to stay loving and soft in a burning world?

~to be continued~

So, what do you guys think?
Arnav is certain he won't survive while his bestie and sister, don't want to let go.

And Happy friendship day everyone.