Eva looked out the window. A girl with long braided hair wielding a stick was running after a boy. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, angry tears streaming down her face while the boy was laughing running around in circles that further agitated the girl. A small smile graced seven year old Eva's face as she watched all this. The laughter and even the tears, she craved it all.

Her smile slowly faded as she stared longingly at the padlock on her gate.She felt an ache in her chest and she adjusted her position on the cold staircase from where she was watching 'the world' from.She leaned against her knees as if that would help lessen the ache.

She glanced out the window. They were playing hide and seek now.She wanted that.She wanted it so badly.

Maybe today. Just today.Zawadi would let her go outside and play,wouldn't she?She got up,resolved to go outside and play.

"Just today,"she told herself.

She pattered softly to the kitchen and found Zawadi doing the dishes.

"Auntie,"she pulled out the last syllable sweetly,"could I go out and play?"she uttered politely in Kiswahili.

Zawadi huffed then turned towards Eva.

"You know it's your mother who told me to lock the gate. Go watch TV and wait for your mother to get home."She said flippantly, turning back to the dishes.

Tears threatened to leak out of her eyes.

"Auntie, please,"she muttered in a small voice.

Zawadi just made a sound of disapproval and continued with her business.

The aching in her chest intensified and she broke out in a sob as she began tearingly pleading with Zawadi.

"Please. Auntie........ aki please auntie," she pleaded as she held onto Zawadi's skirt.

But Zawadi remained unmoved and totally unaffected by Eva's tears.

Eva was so desperate. The aching in her chest was so painful. She just wanted it to stop.

She would do anything to make it stop.

The next thing that happened was something that both her and Zawadi could never have anticipated. Years later, Eva honestly still didn't understand what got into her. It was plain crazy that a seven year old like her could even think of that.

She remembered loosening her hold on Zawadi's skirt. At the same time, she quieted down and stopped sobbing. For a brief moment, the aching in her chest disappeared as she snatched the kitchen knife from the cutlery drawer. She turned to face Zawadi and with all the seriousness she could muster, she threatened to take her own life.

There must have been something about the look in her face because that day, that heavy padlock on the gate was unlocked and Eva finally got to step out of the house. All thoughts of knives were forgotten. She just felt so happy. Gosh! If she could have bottled that moment and carried it around for the rest of her life, she would have.

She enjoyed herself thoroughly as she played 'hide and seek', 'police and robbers' amongst other games. She didn't even complain when she was tackled roughly to the ground during the game of 'police and robbers'. And when Zawadi came to call her back home, she left with no qualms.

Eva remembered how nervous she was when her mother arrived home that day. Oh! She was going to get the spanking of her life,she was convinced. After Zawadi had recounted the whole story to her, her mother turned to her and with a deep look of disappointment, she told her,"Si ungejiua basi."You should have killed yourself then.

Years later, she discovered her mother's reasons for being so overprotective. She had suspected one of the neighbours to have an unhealthy interest in children and she just wanted to keep Eva safe. Her suspicions were confirmed when he was arrested an year later.But mostly,the padlock was put in place because she was just overprotective like that.

The next day, the padlock was back in place.But that didn't make a difference to Eva.She decided she was not going back to feeling that deep ache in her chest. Soon,she learnt the art of jumping over the gate.But moat of all,she learnt to fight for her happiness.She would fight tooth and nail before she let soneone take away her happiness.

And fight she had,for her happiness with Guy.Right before their break up,she had endured insults and even a backhanded slap from his mother all in an effort to just see him.In fact,she was carried bodily out of the hospital when she had tried to go see him.But she didn't give up,she was ready to lay her dignity and everything else down just for him to see her.

Seeing him was her undoing.

"Guy."she called out tentatively.
He was lying on the bed,facing the other side so that Eva couldn't see his face.

She called out to him again and received no response.Didn't he understand that she had to sneak into the hospital just to see him?

"Please François don't do this to me."She used his real name.

"Fran..çois,"she choked on his name.

He was killing her.Did he realise it?He was killing her just by lying there and pretending she didn't exist.

This was a slow painful death burning her on the inside.And she couldn't help it, painful sobs tore through her throat.She stumbled to the other side of the bed to force him to face her.Maybe if he just saw her....

"I blame you."Three words are all he said.

"I blame you and I will always blame you."He enunciated each word,making his accent thicker and more perceptible.That accent that she found so sensual in the past.That she shivered at when he whispered sweet nothings to her ear.

It broke her.He didn't have to say anymore because the truth was,she agreed with him.It was all her fault.

Dejected,she dragged herself out of there.She didn't care if his mother caught her.

It was done.

The deep-seated loneliness that she felt when she was seven years old that had her so desperate that she threatened her own life was back.But this time, her resolve to fight for her happiness was weakened.Why fight for it when you don't actually deserve it?she reasoned.

When she looked back at that incident when she was seven,she'd laugh about it.It was honestly amusing.But she couldn't do the same each time she remembered the last time she saw Guy and in a few days she'd mark the anniversary of their break up.

The feel of a warm liquid on her chiffon blouse brought her back to reality.These days she would so easily get lost in her thoughts.She looked down to see a golden spring of liquid still aimed at her blouse.Little Mwamba had done it again,he'd peed on her.

She bent down and kissed his chubby cheek."Marking your territory,huh baby?" He stuffed his little hand in his mouth and giggled almost as if he knew that what he'd done was a very naughty thing.But he wasn't done,he let out a few short farts that made him giggle even more.It was adorable.

Eva laughed.This is why she came here.She couldn't bear her own company and her friends just wouldn't understand.So she had decided to be selfish and visit a children's home.Selfish because, she didn't do it out of feeling generous or 'philanthropic',it was because these children were honestly such good company,she benefited more from being around them than they did from her.

She finished changing his diapers then placed him in his cot before she took out an extra blouse from her bag.Yes,she came prepared.George had marked his territory before.

It was funny,it was actually Guy who first brought her here.He randomly asked her if she wanted to meet his friends.She wanting to impress,dressed to kill.Shock on her when she found out his friends were little babies.That was the first time little George had peed on her.And she had just bought that dress!Guy couldn't stop laughing.

"I'm telling you,it's love at first sight,"he said between laughs," and he's just marking his territory 'cause he can see competition,"he later said trying to placate Eva after she got angry with him for laughing at her.

"What do you mean by competition?"she had playfully asked.Then he proceeded to show her just why he should be considered competition when it came to her.She smiled against his lips, his shirt would end up smelling like urine too.

She took George and swung him around eliciting another round of giggles from him.

"You have me all to yourself now,don't you George?"she said a sad smile gracing her face as the deep ache in her chest that she had felt years ago,resurfaced.

Hello,

aki doesn't have a real meaning.It just emphasizes on how much she's pleading in this context.

Diana!!!I see you.Thank you.I am deeply humbled.

Haig thanks for editing.

Enjoy the read.