Outside, it was raining, the rattling of the outside door was deafening, and the wind showed no mercy.

It was a cold night.

And she sat in the tub, her eyes closed.

Hair tousled up, and hidden under a plastic net.

It was cold, but the water was warm.

The windows rattled outside, but she wasn't bothered.

Her parents were arguing downstairs, harsh words exchanging with every new statement.

She wasn't bothered by this either.

She had on her earphones, with soft music playing.

Her head bobbed around as she immersed deeper into the song.

How beautiful it sounded.

She wished everyone would listen to the voice she loved so much.

As she takes a dallop of shower gel and rubs it over her arm, it stings.

Bruises.

Bruises by her father.

Bruises by her mother.

By her alcoholic brother, and the crowd of bullies in class.

She couldn't speak up.

She was weak.

She had no "guts".

She would get on bed everyday with a frown on her face, as she recalled all the reasons why she wanted to quit life, to run away, to hide, to starve herself to death...

The thoughts were endless.

And admist all the reasons why she wanted to end it all...

There was one reason why she didn't.

One reason why her frown turns upside down in just a couple seconds.

A reason why she felt warm inside, and it wasn't just because of the lukewarm water from the tap.

Not because she liked the rain, or the bath salts she used.

Not because she finally got a little break, at the end of the day.

Not because it was a Friday, and she was safe from bullies for the next two days.

But because of the music she is listening to.

More specifically, the person who is singing the music.

The reason why she smiles.

Why she knew her life had nothing good to offer and yet be happy anyways.

At least, for a while.

The reason why, despite the stinging on her arm, she is able to smile a little and sing along.

He had a beautiful voice, a beautiful face, and everything she learned about him was perfect.

He was perfection.

The man who gave her hope.

That after a hurricane, comes a rainbow.

The one who taught her how to laugh, even though she couldn't move a muscle.

The person who's words gave her motivation even when she felt like she should die.

He was the perfection she will never have.

The perfection she would never have the honor of meeting.

And even if she did, he'd forget her as easily as day and night passes by.

And yet, with every passing day, she loved him more.

And he gave her so much love and so much hope, too. Even though he wasn't aware, he did.

Even through all the toxicity of her life.

And she loved him for that.

It didn't matter that she wouldn't see him, ever.

Because what she had for him was...

Irrevocable, and irrational love. That was what.

For her hero, Park Jimin.

---

[519 words]

-jamlessjams, i got this dumb idea in my head and look what happened--

this is for you (even though this is shit). anyway, thank you for the support. You mean a lot to me. I love you. 💚