My breathing hitched and my eyes snapped up to my twin's. My reality crashing into me like a tsunami. The concern and anger in his eyes suddenly made a lot of sense, and my helplessness to placate his negative emotions shifted into the helplessness in my situation. He knew. Not only has he seen my scars, but I'm sure he was also shocked with the newfound knowledge of my connections and abilities I'd gained. I knew, however, that the latter realization paled in comparison to learning about my coping mechanism.

His eyes swirled with apprehension, but he spoke after a few tense moments. "Why?" It was his only question, but I couldn't even begin to find my reasoning. My mouth fell open, but no words came forth, and I heard him take a deep breath. "Dammit, Rin. You can't expect me to understand this, can you?" His eyes raked my naked torso, perturbation flashing across his features.

Abruptly, Yukio was gripped by the collar and pulled back. His body was replaced by another, and I barely registered Shura's presence before I was yanked to my feet. I sharp sting spread across my cheek and I was left staring off to the side. Shocked, I blinked a few times, processing the sudden change of events. I had barely digested the fact that my secret was out. I was exhausted, and now my mentor was pissed. "What are you thinking, Okumura? And I expect an answer," she seethed. I dragged my eyes back to met her fuchsia ones, a fire burning deep within them. Some of my classmates protested at her actions, but I didn't pay attention to their words. I was at a loss, and it was like I'd forgotten every word in the dictionary. "No! I'm not taking it easy." She quipped back at the group. Her tone was sharp, and if I hadn't been the cause of her irritation, i would have warned my peers not to set her off. "I need an answer, right fucking now. What the hell are you thinking, Okumura? What is the meaning of this?" Her fingers poked at the tender flesh on my shoulder. I winced, biting back the pain and taking in a deep breath.

"I-I..." What could I even say? There wasn't a thing on this earth that could placate her, not if she was this pissed. Even if there was something I could say, anything to justify my actions, it's not like I could speak the words. My jaw was locked, and my body felt stiff. I could feel just how rigid my muscles were and how shaky my hands felt at my sides. I couldn't even tell if my jitters were from anxiety, adrenaline, or fear. A combination of all three was highly possible.

"Come on! Spit it out!"

I exhaled, my head falling to hide me face. "I'm sorry."

Shura seemed to hesitate, her posture relaxing ever so slightly. Her voice remained firm, however. "That hasn't answered my question."

I nodded, understanding that my lack of communication was a bit frustrating. "No matter my answer," I swallowed the lump in my throat and met her eyes once again. "It won't be good enough."

He eyes searched mine, and I saw her falter. Something in my expression made her soften, and she sighed. "Any answer is better than no answer."

I nodded, there was no running away from this. I drew in a shaky breath and tried to explain myself. "Uh, so you wanna know why?" My voice came out timid, and I hated how vulnerable I felt. However, there was no turning back the clock. I had to deal with the repercussions of my actions. Hopefully, my cooperation lessened the consequences. "It keeps me grounded. Helps me stay... sane, I guess." It was a shitty excuse, but I knew that no matter my reason, I wouldn't be able to convince them. My actions were deranged, borderline insane, and explaining them would only dig me a deeper grave.

Shura exchanged glances with my twin, and after a few moments I watched him straighten. He guarded his expression and cleared his throat. "Let's get back to the academy. We can discuss this more when we are in a safe environment."

I nodded, and my classmates copied my actions. My supervisors turned on their heels and made a bee-line for the front door. As we walked out, I let my eyes wander over the expressions of my peers. The were all disturbed. Their concern was borderline fearful, and I wondered dryly if they thought I might snap on them. Little did they know that the only harm I'd cause would be directed toward myself.

As we walked along the sidewalks, I pulled my hands up to cover my wounds. Not only was I exposed, but the chilly air had goosebumps sprouting along my skin. I shuddered and sighed, not realizing that the group had stopped our trek until I'd almost rammed straight into Moriyama-san. Surprised, I tore my gaze off of the pavement, watching as Suguro-san moved from his position from farther ahead in the group. He shrugged off his academy jacket as he made his way toward me. My eyes widened when he draped the fabric over my shoulders, the residual warmth soaking into my skin. "If we are going into town, you might want to cover up. I'm sure the last thing you want is the whole town to question you; let alone us." I choked out my appreciation at his gesture, and his gaze lingered on me for a few moments before he returned to the front of the group.

I chewed on my lip as we entered the city limits, licking the dried blood that tainted my skin. The wound had closed, thankfully, since it had been caused by my teeth and not an Exorcists weapon. My arms burned as I thought about my knife and just what would happen after all of this. I couldn't wrap my head around the abrupt change of events, so I couldn't even begin to think about the possibilities of what was to come.

We entered the gates of the academy, and I breathed a sigh of relief when there was no one in the courtyard. Yukio turned to Shura as we continued to walk, his tone hushed. "Come with me to the dorm, I need help."

She scoffed, "all of us will come with. You'll need more than just my help." My twin argued with her, but she cut him off. "Chicken, you're barely holding yourself together. You're useless in this situation. There are so many unknowns at the moment, and the more bodies and brains to aid us, the better." My twin grumbled, but hushed himself as we directed ourselves to the old dormitory. Yukio pushed open the front door and held it for all of us, his eyes remaining on my vulnerable form for a few moments longer than I was comfortable with.

The warmth of the dorm brushed against my chilled abdomen and I took a shaky breath, thankful to be out of the weather. "Rin! Where have you and Yukio been?! It's nighttime! Are you alright?" Kuro came running down the stairs, his tails flickering behind him as his concerned questions ramped up. "Why are all the kids from cram school here? Who is the woman with pink and yellow hair? Rin, why do you look so sad? Where is your usual uniform? Is that someone else's jac-"

"Kuro!" I snapped, his incessant prodding only fueling my anxiety. My familiar quieted immediately and I sighed, raising a hand from inside the jacket and running my fingers through my hair.

"R-Rin, your arms..." My familiar could only muster those words before his eyes went wide and he was rendered speechless.

"I can't talk about this at the moment, okay?" I was mildly aware that my peers were waiting patiently for me to finish. My eyes fell down to the floorboards below, moving my feet in unison with the others as we made our way up the stairs. Far too soon, we were entering our bedroom. The space inside my chest seemingly collapsed, constricting my heart and lungs as a wave of anxiety slammed into me. My brother walked ahead of our group, going toward the desk and grabbing the chair. He flipped it around and gestured to it, meeting my eyes. His expression was still guarded, and I wondered just how much he was hiding. My mind chided back, letting me know that no matter what he was concealing, it was drastically less than the monster of a secret I'd been burying. I urged my legs to cooperate and my feet slid across the floor as I made my way to the chair, sitting down and feeling my shame tingle on my cheeks.

Yukio repositioned himself, moving to stand before me. His hand reached out and gripped the bottom of my chin. He paused, momentarily flaking off some dried blood before pulling my face upwards, forcing me to meet his teal eyes. "Rin, tell me, where is it?" His expression hardened, his eyes turning stony. I flinched, but his grip persisted. Dread shot through my bloodstream. I knew this was going to happen, but I wasn't prepared. "You lied to me. You stole that knife from me, didn't you? The one I lost; you have it. Tell me where it is." My heart thundered in my chest, so hard that my ears would buzz every time it pulsed.

The saliva in my mouth felt thick and I almost choked on my answer. "N-No."

Teal eyes flashed with dismay, but he hurried to rebuild his walls. "Guys," he barked to the group behind him. "Find the knife, even if you have to tear the room apart." My heart skipped a beat and I tore my face away from my twin, watching with unease as my classmates began rifling through my belongings. "Rin," his voice tried to draw my attention, but I couldn't break away. They couldn't take the knife, what would I do? "Rin," he called again and I grunted. "In as much detail as you can, tell me why you do this to yourself." I shivered as Bon crawled on top on my mattress, reaching his hand in the area between my mattress and the wall. "Rin, answer me."

My mouth was locked shut, the panic that spiked in my chest when Bon began taking the sheets off my bed caused the air to escape my lungs. My other classmates were digging through several other spots. Shura was next to me, opening desk drawers and sifting through office supplies. Shiemi was in the closet, searching pockets and baskets. Shima was next to her, using his height to reach the shelf at the top of the closet and looking through the boxes.

I felt Bon's jacket being removed from my shoulders. Shortly after, I felt someone kick the chair leg, I got the hint and scooted it forward. My brother's presence reappeared behind me, and I realized I hadn't noticed he'd left. Warm fingers trailed along my skin, pushing me slightly and I leaned forward obediently, not tearing my eyes from the mayhem in front of me. Stinging erupted on my back and I bit back my grunts. The sting was something I'd learned to deal with and I knew it was caused by rubbing alcohol. Nonetheless, I focused on the pain, allowing it to take the edge off of my anxiety, but it barely held a match to the raging fire that threatened to consume me.

After a few moments, Yukio moved to stand in front of me again. In his hand, he held a blood stained washcloth. He murmured something to me, but I didn't catch it. Soon enough, he was wiping the last of the dried blood off of my chin, moving down to rub the fabric against the front of my neck. Just how much did that mouth wound bleed?

"Rin," he said once he was finished. "Tell me where the knife is. I just want to protect you."

I grimaced at his words, I didn't want to be protected. Moreover, I didn't want them taking away my only escape. "I can't." My brother sighed, finally expressing his unease.

My gaze moved back to Bon, where he had completely dismantled my bed. My sheets were on the ground, as well as my bare pillow. He was shaking out the fabric, a frustrated look on his face. Unexpectantly, Kamiki-chan walked in front of him, stepping over the bedding. Kuro was on her shoulder and she glanced at him a few times before stepping forward. My breath caught in my throat as she got to her knees before my mattress. Her fingers pried underneath and time seemed to slow when her hand came back, my knife in her grasp.

Her eyes shot in my direction, her maroon irises swirling with sadness as her eyes met mine briefly before shooting up to my twin's turned back. "Yukio!" She called and my brother turned on his heels.

"No!" I howled, throwing myself out of my chair and toward her. Arms encircled my torso and I was held back by my taller twin. My eyes shot up to my familiar, who was still perched on Izumo's shoulder. It dawned on me just how she had figured out the knife's location. The memory of Kuro almost figuring it out himself last night flickering through my mind. The melancholy eyes of my familiar met mine and I felt my lips turn up into a snarl. A growl ripped through my chest and I allowed my thoughts to speak to him. "You bitch!!" My thought reached him and he flinched, his ears pinning back as his expression turned hurtful. "How could you?!" A high-pitched whine escaped from him and Izumo's wide eyes flashed to him then back to me. Anger flashed across her face, but her voice remained level.

"Don't you dare take this out on him, Rin. He's only trying to help you."

"Help me, my ass! I trusted you, you fucking stray." I growled out my answer and Kuro's eyes began to well with tears. Izumo used her free hand to pull him from her shoulder, holding the feline close to her chest. She cooed her apologies to him, her steely eyes never ripping from my own. I snarled at her, baring my teeth and thrashing against Yukio's hold on me. "Fucking rat!" I barked, a slight blue haze clouding my vision. I became acutely aware that my twin's hold on me tightened with that change, but I didn't care. Every fiber of my body wished to reach the shivering sidhe in Izumo's arms. My blue vision centered on discolored maroon eyes. The intensity behind said eyes seemed to match my own emotion. Another growl ripped through my chest, a warning, but she didn't even flinch. I glared at the two, hostility seizing hold of my actions as I thrashed against my twin. Moments passed and a silent war ensued between us, the air starting to still as my snarls slowly quieted down, replaced by labored and uneven breaths. The other's in the room didn't challenge the silence, the atmosphere growing tense as Izumo and I threw mental daggers at each other.

Kuro's cries quieted down into sniffles, and I felt my anger begin to dissipate. The sad sound of his mewls made my heart ache, and I felt numbness creep up inside of me. After everything that has happened, I welcomed it, begging for it to to dampen my chaotic mind. I sighed and closed my eyes, clenching my jaw. Yukio noticed that my temper had eased and he pulled me back to the chair. I plopped down, shoving my head into my hands and cussing. I rubbed my face harshly, my fingers going into my hair and my nails digging into my skull. When I had composed myself, I returned my gaze to those before me.

Yukio stood by Izumo, his attention on my weary familiar. He stroked his fingers over his head, between his horns. My twin murmured a few things and Kuro nodded. I swallowed my guilt, not ready to face just how harsh my words had been toward him. My twin glanced up at Izumo, and the knife exchanged between their hands. Yukio pocketed the knife and his eyes flickered to mine. He took a few steps toward me and I sunk back in my seat, defeated. He crouched down, trying to meet my eyes through my bangs. "Rin. Where do you go to hurt yourself."

My voice was deadpanned, the intensity in my tone had been numbed along with the rest of my body. "The roof."

"And when do you do it?"

"After cram school, usually."

He took a deep breath, "when did you start?"

I didn't speak, simply holding my hand out to him. I knew he would see the deep scar that ran across my palm. I didn't need to say it out loud. There was an audible gulp and I knew my assumption was right. Fingers gripped my outstretched palm, and I felt him trace the scar. After a few moments, he flipped my hand and ran his thumb over my knuckles. I didn't know if the gesture was meant to comfort me or himself. His next words came out a bit hoarse. "Rin, do you want to die?"

I closed my eyes, remembering all the times I'd sit on the roof, asking myself that same question. I didn't want to exist, yes. I wished I was never born. But I didn't have the courage to kill myself. I deflated further in my seat. "I... don't know."

There was a strangled sob and my eyes snapped open just as he threw his arms around me. I straightened in my seat, and I stared, wide-eyed at my classmates shoes. Instinctively, my arms encircled him, hugging him close as another sob erupted from his chest. "Nii-san, I am so sorry! I thought there might have been something wrong, but I didn't want there to be, so I made myself believe that I was making it up." His remorseful sobs pulled at my heart, and sent a pang through my chest. I gulped, feeling his own emotions breaking through the numbness. "I should've said something. I could have helped you! But I didn't, and I failed you. I'm so sorry!" My lip began to quiver and I bit down on it harshly. I closed my eyes, feeling a traitor tear spill from my eye. I buried my face into his neck, a distorted whine climbing up my throat and becoming muffled by his jacket.

Yukio sniffled and whispered more apologies into my ear. I clutched onto his jacket, letting my sobs wrack my body. There was several months of harrowing emotions that imbedded themselves into my tears, and I could no longer contain them. My fingers dug into his clothes, so hard that my knuckles hurt from the pressure. My sobs echoed in the room, and became so fervent that I was left breathless; my stomach hurting and my body curling inwards. I gasped and hiccupped, feeling him hug me closer as I came down from my outburst.

He pulled away from me, wiping the tears from my face. I saw his own eyes were rimmed in red and guilt flashed through me. He shook his head, "don't worry about me." He spotted the surprise in my expression and he smiled, albeit it was rueful. "It's written on your face. For once, Rin, don't focus on others and just worry about yourself." I sniffed, my eyes going around the room. I noticed that we were alone and my twin answered my silent question. "Shura had them do a few things... Rin?" My eyes met his and I saw that the rueful smile was gone. Sincerity flashed in his eyes and he sighed. "From now on, come to me whenever you feel the need to do anything reckless, okay?"

I had no other option but to agree.