A pair of hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me away from the toilet bowl. Unable to fight against them, I complied. However, my body wasn't cooperating and I fell backward. My ass hit the tile and my hands went back to break my fall. I turned to the side, using my free hand to grip the front of my shirt. There was a crushing weight inside of my chest, and my heart felt moments away from exploding. Oxygen ripped through my tightened windpipe, shallowly filling my lungs as I hyperventilated. Hands grabbed me once more, pulling me away from the floor. I kicked against the tile, trying my best to sit up. "Shhh, hey, hey, it's okay!" Yukio rushed out. He leaned me against the bathroom wall and I slammed the back of my head against it. "Hey! What's wrong?!" I couldn't speak, I couldn't even see. My vision was clouded with tears, and my rapid breathing was making the world spin. I shook my head, my fingers digging into my chest, trying to pull the faulty organ out. "What happened?" His voice was a bit more composed this time.

"I don't know, I asked him out to the dance and he went quiet. He zoned out for awhile and when he finally came back to earth he started panicking." Izumo sounded distraught and it was a foreign emotion for her. Guilt rippled through my body and I dry heaved.

"You asked him out?"

"To the dance, yes. Why, did I do something wrong?"

Fingers gripped my chin, but I swatted them away. "Nii-san, try to take a deep breath. You'll pass out if you keep it up." I knew that, but it's not like I could do anything about it. If I could breathe any deeper, I would have by now. His fingers went into my hair and he pushed my bangs away from my face. "You're having a panic attack, Rin." No fucking shit. I tried to vocalize the thought, but my voice was strangled in my throat. I snapped my head back, ripping his hand from my hair and slamming my head back into the wall. "Aht! Stop that!" He pulled me away from the wall, leaning me forward. My throat was torn to shreds at this point, and breathing felt like I was inhaling glass. Strange noises escaped my body and I heard my brother cuss. Suddenly, his hand was over my mouth. I pulled my hands from my chest and dug my nails into his palm. Was he trying to suffocate me? That didn't seem like the proper reaction to a panic attack. He didn't flinch, however, clamping his hand over my mouth, forcing me to breath through my nose.

"Hold your breath, I'll count to five and you breath out." I shook my head. "Can you hold your breath?" I shook my head, again. He sighed and moved his thumb to close one of my nostrils. My lungs struggled to pull the oxygen through only half of my nose and I whined. He hushed me, "give it a minute, just trust me." My tears dripped down and over his fingers as he held onto me firmly. My wheezing persisted, but after what seemed like an eternity, my panicked breathing slowed down.

I dug my nails into his palm and he released me. I sputtered for breath, choking on the fresh wave of air. After my coughing subsided, I drew in a shaky breath. I moved to rub my eyes, blinking away my tears and looking upwards. Yukio was crouched down next to me and Izumo stood not far behind him. My twin held a reserved expression, his eyes unreadable and his lips a thin line. Izumo wasn't as guarded, her concern shining through freely. I swallowed, rubbing my sore chest and shifting into a more comfortable position.

"You okay?" My twin questioned, his voice level.

I nodded.

"Good. Now, what happened?"

I pulled my knees closer, bringing my hand to my face and chewing on my nails. I shrugged, not really sure how to explain myself.

"Let's start from the beginning, then." Yukio shifted, moving to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of me. He ran a hand through his hair and readjusted his glasses. "What was the catalyst? Was it Kamiki-chan's question?"

I nodded.

He mirrored the action, his eyes never straying from mine. "Okay. What about it upset you?"

I pulled my fingers away from my face, using my hands to hug my knees closer. My words were quiet as I spoke and I broke my gaze away, preferring to stare at the hard water stains in the shower. "Because I can't accept it."

There was a moment of silence in the room.

"What?"

I huffed, clutching my knees tighter and speaking a little louder. "I can't accept it, her offer."

"Why not?"

You know what, Izumo had called me dense. However, everyone else seemed to be glossing over some very important details. "Because it would be selfish."

"What...? Rin you're not making sense."

I snapped, my eyes darting over to meet confused teal irises. "What is so hard to understand? Why would I go out, gallivanting around, when it'll all be thrown away?"

He shook his head, genuine concern plaguing his features. "Rin, what the fuck are you talking about?"

I couldn't contain my annoyance, my arms snapping forward as I gestured to him. "No, what the fuck are you talking about?! Did you actually forget or are you just that stupid? Do the words six months ring any bells for you??"

He blinked several times, processing my words. Izumo seemed to catch on just as the gears clicked in his head. "Wait," she started, speaking for the first time in awhile. "Are you talking about the Grigori?"

Yukio raised a finger. "Hush." He stared at my frustrated expression, as if he could find the answer written on my face. "Explain yourself, Nii-san."

I shook my head in utter disbelief. "Yes, the Grigori! The death sentence? The six month time limit I have to become an Exorcist? In two weeks, that six months is up. Does no one fucking realize that?!" I shook my head again, bringing my hands up and rubbing my face, harshly. "Am I in the twilight zone or something?"

"Rin," my twin barked and I dropped my hands, meeting his eyes. "When was the last time you and Shura talked about the Vatican?"

Why the hell did that matter? "Months ago, after you shot my ass. She grilled me hard, told me to get my shit together. You know, the usual."

He nodded, "and there has been no mention of it ever since then?"

I waved my hands in front of me, "No? What's your point?"

Izumo chimed in, "Didn't-"

Yukio cut her off. "Zip it."

She turned on her heels, walking toward the door. Her hands went in her hair and she took a deep breath. I had no idea why they were behaving like this. I glared at my twin, waiting for him to explain himself. However, he reflected back to our earlier topic. "So, let me get this straight. You're refusing to go to the dance with Kamiki-chan because you don't want to hurt her later on?" I nodded my head slowly, glad that he was finally understanding. "And if you didn't have this death sentence, would you accept her offer?"

I blushed, stumbling over my words. "I-I mean, if we are speaking hypothetically, then yes. I wouldn't mind going."

He rubbed his chin, his eyes flickering over to where Izumo was. The purple-haired girl turned back to us, her features becoming stoic. My twin returned his gaze to me, taking a few moments to assess me and ponder before speaking. "If you didn't have this death sentence, would you have hurt yourself all those times?"

My brows furrowed, becoming exasperated with these questions. They were all pieces to some sort of puzzle. However, it felt like I was looking at the puzzle pieces from the wrong side. "I don't know, maybe? There were a lot of reasons why I did it." I pondered it for a moment, thinking back to how my emotions had played into my self harm. "I'd be lying if I said it didn't play a crucial role, though. I knew I was going to die, anyway. So I was being reckless with my body, knowing I wouldn't have to deal with the long-term consequences."

"Yukio." Izumo ground out and my eyes flickered up to see her pissed expression. My twin hummed, but didn't do much else. She remained silent, as well, and I realized there was some sort of wordless conversation happening between the two of them.

"Would someone be kind enough to fill me in, here?"

Yukio sighed, giving me a pained look. "You said you'd go to the dance if you weren't about to die, right?" I nodded, becoming disoriented with the flow of this conversation. "So, instead of waiting for your death, go with her. You know that phrase; live like you're dying. Why waste your time? Go out and make memories while you can."

My mouth fell open and I gawked at him. "That is still selfish, Yukio. I don't want to drag anyone else down by getting too close to them."

My brother took a deep breath and pushed himself up. He stood before Izumo and gestured in my direction. "You know about the death sentence, are you still willing to go with him despite it?" There were a few tense moments as they continued to have a silent exchange. After a few seconds, however, she sighed and nodded. Yukio turned back to me, "see? Go with her and have fun while you can."

I was at a loss for words. Did he not fully grasp the gravity of his words? His own brother was going to die in two weeks, and he was completely emotionless about it. Still in shock, I nodded, not sure if I even had a choice in the matter at this point. My twin nodded and started walking out of the room. I scrambled to my feet and followed after him, Izumo trailing not far behind. "Where are you going?"

He shoved something into his pocket and cast a glance in my direction, his face unreadable. "I have some business I need to take care of."

I cocked my head to the side, "but you just got home, why didn't you do it before?"

He shrugged, walking out of the room and calling back to me. "Something came up, suddenly."

I stared at the empty doorway, speechless at his actions. I shook my head and turned on my heels. A small squeak escaped my throat when I almost smacked into Kamiki-chan. I stumbled back, my hand going to my hair as I blushed.

"So," she started out, slowly. "What do you plan on wearing to the dance?"

"Um, I have a suit from before I came to the academy. I'll probably wear that."

"What color is your tie?"

Did I even have one, besides the one provided for the academy? I thought for a moment and realized that I did. "Blue. Same shade as my eyes."

She looked thoughtful for a moment, her eyes roaming my body as if to picture it. I felt shy under her gaze, but tried not to let it show. Eventually, she sighed. "I don't look the greatest in blue."

I quirked an eyebrow, not sure what that had to do with anything. However, my blush returned with a vengeance when I realized she wanted to coordinate our outfits. "Uh, what color dresses do you have?"

She held up a hand, ticking off her fingers as she rattled them off. "I have a black one, of course. One emerald green dress, but it's a little short. An old white one, and a pink one."

I copied her earlier actions, my eyes roaming her body. I felt a little embarrassed to be so casually checking her out, but it felt necessary. I chewed on my lip, coming to a decision. "Maybe the pink one?"

She seemed to perk up at my choice. "That one's my favorite. I was going to wear it either way, but at least I know which one you'd prefer."

A smile crossed my lips and a chuckle escaped me. "Glad we are in agreement."