When Yukio returned a few hours later, he looked exhausted, both physically and mentally. I had debated whether or not I should question him, but decided that he had his turn earlier and I wanted to know what he was so secretive about. Yet, when I pressed for answers, he waved me off saying I'd find out soon enough and that it wasn't his place to tell me. That alone was enough to ruin the rest of my night. I spent the last few hours before bed sulking. He remained silent, as well. However, after he had showered, he went to lay in bed and almost immediately crashed. I had wondered just what he had done after he left to make him so tired, but I guess I'd "find out later."

I went to bed some time in the early morning, my thoughts preoccupying my mind to the point of insomnia. Unfortunately for me, when I finally fell asleep, it was restless. I woke up several times during the night, clawing at my chest and feeling my earlier nausea return.

I sighed, shaking myself from my thoughts as I changed in the bathroom. When I exited, Kuro was waiting on my desk. He greeted me happily and hopped down. His paws padded against the floor as I made my way toward the staircase. He jumped up and perched on my shoulder. "Rin, it's Saturday." I paused, glancing down at my school uniform. I groaned and turned around, heading back to my room. My familiar cackled at my cluelessness. I opened the closet and ripped my casual clothes from their hangers. Marching toward the bathroom, I flipped on the light and moved to close the door. Kuro's chuckles died down, and when I turned to look in the mirror, his expression was perturbed. His nose twitched and he moved to get closer to my neck. "Rin?" He said quietly, his tails slowing to a stop as he sniffed. "Why do you smell like adhesive?"

I shook my head, looking at him in the mirror. "What are you talking about?"

His tails twitched and his eyes moved to look up at me. "When you passed out before, you smelled different. You smell similar right now." Concern flashed across his face, "do you feel alright?"

I wasn't sure how I'd explain myself out of this one. Had I known that he'd be able to pick up on my habits through scent alone, I wouldn't have brought it up to Yukio to explain it. "I'm fine, Kuro. Maybe my new uniform hasn't been washed well enough. It might be the fabric."

He shook his head, his nose going back to my neck. "It's coming from you, not your clothes."

I shrugged, trying to dismiss the topic. However, I felt suddenly anxious to change in front of him. What if he made the connection? He might be able to clue Yukio into it and I'd lose my second coping mechanism, as well. I chewed on my lip and exited the bathroom, leaving my clothes. He questioned my actions and I tried to back track. "I'll change later, I'm hungry." Hopefully, I could somehow twist things in my favor. A white lie here and there was usually enough to quell any suspicion. However, he seemed distressed with my sudden change of behavior.

He hopped off of my shoulder and stood in front of the bedroom door. I could easily step over him, but I couldn't afford to ignore him now. "Rin, what's going on? You're acting weird."

I rubbed my forehead, "I don't know what you're talking about. I feel fine."

He stared at me, questions swirling behind his expression. Suddenly, his face fell. "Go change."

I flinched, "why? I said I'd do it later."

"Humor me."

I shook my head, deciding to risk it and stepped over him. He darted forward, running up to the staircase before I could reach it. "If you don't go change right now, I'll go scream at Yukio until he follows me!"

I ground my teeth, feeling my anxiety swelling. "Why are you so adamant about this?"

"Why are you refusing so hard?"

Anger flashed across my features, and I saw his hackles raise slightly.

I growled.

He hissed.

Tension passed between us, and the air turned electric. After several long seconds, I turned on my heels and stomped back to the room. I marched back into the bathroom, seeing him sit in the doorway out of my peripheral. I pulled off my academy jacket, tossing it on the counter and I began unbuttoning my shirt. My skin burned as his eyes raked across my torso. However, I knew he wasn't focusing on my scars. I shrugged my shirt off and set it on top of my jacket, turning to my familiar.

He was wide-eyed, staring at my body as if he'd seen a ghost. "You've lost so much weight." His eyes flickered up to mine, unease settling deep inside his own. "Is this intentional?" I shook my head and he continued to stare. "What is it, then?"

I shrugged and turned back to the sink. I grabbed my t-shirt and tossed it over my head. I did the same with my pants, moving to fix my hair when I finished. When I moved to stand before the feline, he was still speechless. "I've been stressed lately, okay?"

His mouth fell open, "This is a bit much for stress, don't you think?"

I shook my head, reaching down and picking him off the floor. He didn't try to fight me off, his body almost limp in my grasp. "My life has changed so much in the last few months. Try to understand, okay?" I gave him a small hug and I felt him shake his head.

"No, I understand, trust me. But this isn't healthy, Rin. You need to talk to Yukio about this."

I remained silent for a few moments, walking out to the staircase for the third time this morning. "I know, Kuro. I plan on it. He's just so stressed lately, I don't want to worry him any more than need be, He already flocks around me like a mother hen. I'll tell him sooner or later." It was a blatant lie, but it slipped past my lips like it was nothing but the truth. I treaded down the stairs and into the cafeteria, finding that said brother was no where to be seen. "This is no where near as bad as the last secret."

He scoffed, "you should try not having secrets, at all."

I gave him a pointed glare, walking into the kitchen and setting him on top of the island. He sat down on the counter, wrapping his tails around his feet. I turned around, opening the fridge and looking for something that might help calm his worries. I reached inside and fished out a container of yogurt. "We need to go grocery shopping," I muttered, just loud enough so he could hear. Another white lie. I tore off the lid and retrieved a spoon, leaning against the counter and taking a bite. Cautious eyes assessed me and I chuckled. "I don't have a problem with food, Kuro. You know me, I can eat a family sized serving of sukiyaki by myself."

His gaze was piercing, "just so I understand. This isn't intentional?" I nodded, taking another bite of yogurt to prove my point. "So, what's the problem? Are you just not hungry, or can you not keep food down?"

I shrugged, "Maybe a bit of both? I'm not too sure. This only started up a few weeks ago." That last part was the closest to the truth. A few weeks could mean as little as three, or possibly even seven. "My metabolism is just too high, I skipped a few meals and lost a bit of weight, I've been trying to snack more to make up for it."

"I would hardly call that a bit of weight," he quipped. However, he seemed satisfied with my explanation. I polished off the last of the yogurt and chucked the container into the trash. My stomach lurched, but I kept my face neutral. Kuro hummed, jumping down from the island and walking toward the doorway. "What do you want to do today?"

.oOo.

"Hey, Nii-san," my twin questioned from his bed. We had been silent for the last hour or so, busying ourselves with homework. I glanced up from my history assignment and waited for him to continue. "How come you never told me about the advancements in your powers?" He was sitting cross-legged, tapping the eraser end of his pencil against his chin.

I rose an open palm, signaling my indifference. "In the beginning, I figured you'd be pissed. Everyone gets freaked out at the sight of my flames."

He shrugged, seemingly agreeing with my statement. "Yeah, but once you harnessed the energy, you could have shown me. It's a huge success, and I feel bad that I wasn't there to congratulate you."

I shifted on my mattress, the motion stirring a sleeping Kuro. He groaned, stretching a bit before falling back out of consciousness. "I would hardly call it a huge success. Finding a cure for cancer would be an achievement worth celebrating. All I did was figure out how to not burn everything down when I get mad." Yukio rolled his eyes at me, ready to dispute my statement, but I didn't let him speak. "I'm the son of Satan, nothing I do will be viewed in a positive light."

A wrinkle developed between his eyebrows and he shook his head. "Would you stop that? You're just as deserving of love and praise as everyone else."

"Doesn't feel like it," I muttered. "Everyone else is human."

He didn't answer me for several moments. Finally, he cussed, closing his eyes. "We really fucked you up, didn't we?" I quirked an eyebrow at him. "You believe you're lower than dirt, don't you?"

I scoffed, "wouldn't you?" I rolled my eyes, moving to shut my textbook. "I have crosshairs aimed at me twenty-four seven. The second I express any sort of negative emotion, everyone walks on eggshells. I'm a walking grenade, and we are all just waiting until the pin is pulled, aren't we?" I felt my irritation starting to fester and I sighed, scratching my arm. "I'm a scientific mystery, an abomination. I shouldn't have been born. I'm too dangerous, too unknown."

"What about me? I'm the son of Satan, too. Should I have been given the opportunity to live, or should I have never have existed?"

I scoffed, unable to believe he would even try to counter me with such logic. "That's like comparing apples to oranges, and you know it. You don't pose any threat to humanity. You're the fucking prodigal son of the former Paladin." My eyes flashed up to his, and I felt my bitterness exuding in my expression. "When people look at me, they see the spawn of a monster. When the look at you, they see the perfect, adopted son of Shiro Fujimoto. We are not the same, don't try to pull the wool over my eyes by spewing some shit that states otherwise."

"But we-"

"Shut up, you just royally pissed me off. Between the two of us, you've always been faultless. You fit the ideals of every parent, with exemplary grades and perfect manners. A model citizen and an outstanding Exorcist. Praised left and right for simply existing. You have no idea what it is like." I ground me teeth and watched as his face contorted. I was hurting him emotionally, but I'd been bottling these thoughts, and now that I had uncorked the bottle, I couldn't stop the words from pouring out. "Even if I had never unsheathed the Kurikara, if Dad had never died; nothing would've changed. I'm a fucking disgrace. A waste of space and everyone's time. I've never accomplished a damned thing in this life. I'm part of the bottom of the barrel in society. Even if I had remained human, I wouldn't have amounted to anything." I brought my hands up and ticked off my fingers as I spoke. "I wouldn't have furthered my education, went to college, or get a decent job. I busted the faces of street thugs and barely passed middle school. I'm nothing. I will always be nothing." My heart pounded in my chest as I waved my hands in exasperation. Yukio tried to speak over me, but I cut him off. "No! Shut the fuck up! I was never meant to be anything. Even without the academy, without these damned powers-" I shook my head, using a trembling hand to pull at the collar of my shirt, feeling suffocated in the thickening air. "Without all the traumatic shit that has happened, I still would've self-destructed. I'm positive I would've self-harmed, became an alcoholic, or turned to drugs at some point. My life has been utterly meaningless, even before Dad's death. I hated my life, I still fucking do." I finally took a moment to breathe, my body and vision pulsating from my rocketing blood pressure.

"I'm sorr-"

God, just the sound of his voice was pissing me off. I jolted forward, shoving myself off the bed and thrusting a finger in his direction. My whole body was vibrating and my voice rose in pitch, on the brink of hysterics. "Don't you dare try to ask for forgiveness! You were along for the ride, and you didn't do shit. I watched Dad fucking die! I held his body while it was still warm! He took his last breath while looking me in the eyes. I've had to live with the burden of knowing that I couldn't do a damn thing to save him. I was powerless to help him. And when it was all over and he was underground, you made sure to remind me of that fact whenever I was even a slight inconvenience! You did nothing when the Grigori planned my death. You did nothing when Bon told me to kill myself. Actually, you did so much worse! You could've done nothing, but instead, you tried to put a bullet through me, yourself! You didn't give a shit about me until you saw the consequences of your actions etched into my arms." A memory flashed through my mind and I laughed, the action sounding unhinged. "You're not sorry, you're fucking guilty!"

He snapped up, jolting out of his bed and grabbing me by the shoulders, shaking me. His eyes swirled with several emotions, and I could tell he was just as close to the edge as I was. "Yes! You're right, okay?!" He shook me again, his fingers digging into my shoulders. "I am guilty. So fucking guilty! I didn't do a damn thing. I should've stepped in, should've been by your side. But I wasn't! I understand that, and I'm so sorry! There is not a single goddamn day that I don't hate myself for my actions. Every time I look at your arms, I'm reminded of the horrible brother that I am. There is nothing that I can do, nothing that I can say that will change that. And I know that apologizing won't take away the pain, but that won't stop me. I will fucking grovel at your feet until my dying breath! I hate myself for ignoring your pain. I hate that I was selfish, hoping you'd figure it out on your own. I don't deserve your forgiveness, and frankly - I don't want it! You have every right to hate me. If you forgave me, it'd feel like you were justifying my actions. I want you to hate me and stop hating yourself."

Both of us were breathing hard, our chests heaving and our faces red. His teal irises were overflowing with misery and desperation, and tears clung to the corners of his eyes. His fingers squeezed my shoulders once more. However, the action was far less aggressive than before. "Please," he whispered. "Stop hating yourself so much."

My ears twitched and I turned toward my bed. Kuro was on the mattress, tears falling down his face. His eyes flickered between us and as soon as my eyes met his, he burst into sobs. His gasps filled the air and he dropped his head down to the bed sheets. High pitched mewls became muffled by the bedding and his body quaked as he cried.

"Please," my brother whispered, again. I tore my eyes away from my weeping familiar, seeing the tears that clung to Yukio's eyelashes and cheeks. His lip quivered and he drew in a shaky breath. "I want to help you."

I closed my eyes, not prepared to see him cry, too. "I can't be helped, Yukio." A breath escaped me; a humorless laugh. "No, It can't be helped. I will always be a burden. I'm a dangerous weapon that's been broken. And at some point, one would have the thought to throw me away." I shook my head, pulling away from his grasp and snagging a hoodie from the closet. "I'm going for a walk, I'll be back before curfew."