Clary

"Let's just take it slow," Jace offers.

"O.....okay," I reply. I turn my body a bit, so I can line my body up better with Jace's. I slowly lean towards Jace's head. "Do you want this?" I question merely millimeters from his lips touching mine.

"Yes," Jace breathlessly replies. A smile forms on my face as I see the warmth in his eyes. I linger above Jace, and we simply stare into eachother's eyes and time stops. "Love."

"Chilli pepper," I breathlessly whisper on his lips.

"You're the most beautiful person in the world, and I don't know how I was lucky enough to get you," Jace responds, whispering by my ear. "So beautiful, in and out." Finally, Jace breaks the tension and slowly kisses me. I immediately respond as if I'm acting on instinct. He doesn't try to explore my mouth, and I start thinking of reasons why. Am I doing something wrong? Pushing too hard? Maybe I'm bad at kissing. Chloe just reminded him how good she is and I'm not. Maybe he's not even enjoying it. Maybe I should stop. I pull away and run to the bathroom. Then, I collapse onto the ground. What am I doing? I'm such a coward! I can't run away from him! He's not going to come to me! I should've just stayed in there with him! Ugh! Stupid brain! Doing stupid brain things! I hear a slight noise and abruptly stand up from my sitting position. The door slowly opens, and I see a concerned Jace.

"Love, what happened?" Jace questions concerned.

"I...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have run," I reply.

Jace walks towards me and envelopes me in his arms. "Love, please talk to me," Jace desperately whispers in my ear.

"A...am I doing something wrong?" I ask.

"What? No, what's gotten into you?" Jace questions shocked.

I look at Jace's shoulder. "It's just that you didn't seem..........into the kiss," I blurt. "Like maybe after Chloe, my kisses aren't as good as hers were. M......maybe-"

"Clary, stop it," Jace interrupts me. "Remember, we talked about taking things slow. I assumed that meant kissing to."

"Jace, what if I don't want to take it slow?" I question. "What if I missed your touch, your lips, your hands holding me tight?"

"Love, I missed you too," Jace defends. "I missed your blush, your laugh, your contagious happiness that lit up the room when you walked in, your lips, your touch, your head on my chest."

"Then, let's have those things now that we can," I explain. "Please, just let whatever happens happen." Jace nods and then picks me up. "Jace, put me down this instant!" I playfully slap his chest and he can tell as I have a big cheesy smile on my face. He gently sets me in the bed and crawls on top of me, but keeps his weight off of me. I start kissing him slowly. His closeness triggered my insides to practically melt. If I were standing right now, I would've fallen over. Jace starts kissing my neck almost.....hesitantly. Ugh! I've got to do something about that! I stop kissing him.

Immediately Jace backs up a little. "I want to......be on top," I explain my reasoning for stopping us. Jace smiles when he realizes I'm okay. Then, he lays down in the center of the bed. His eyebrows wiggle suggestively. I crawl towards him, trying to look sexually appealing. When I get to his mouth, I start kissing around his lips lightly, almost teasingly. Jace deepens the kiss, and I know I've finally got the Jace who makes out with me back. I tug at the end of his shirt and he quickly deteches from our kiss to take it off. Once he comes back into the kiss, he takes charge and flips us over swiftly. He starts leaving open kisses on my neck, and I try to hold back a moan. His hand dances on my midriff, while his other hand stays in my hair.

He starts kissing towards my ear. "Love, do you know how much I want you right now?" Jace whispers while nibbling on my ear. I...is he asking me what I think he's asking me? Am I ready for.....that? What if I mess up or I can't stop thinking about Jonathan or Sebastian. If we go....that far, I might. I...I don't want to ruin it for Jace. Do I want to? Do I want to take that step with Jace? I mean of couse I do, but right now? Isn't it too early? Jace notices my silence and in mere seconds, he isn't even touching me anymore. I sigh at the sudden coldness. "Love, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have suggested......that. I was so caught up in the moment and then......." Jace's voice trails off.

"That.......sex, it's a big step. I'm just not sure I'm ready," I explain.

"Love, you don't have to defend yourself or give me a reason. I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry," Jace scolds himself.

"Hey, you don't have anything to be sorry about. I should be ready by now. I shouldn't have to hold you back like this. I....I'm sorry," I look at the sheets.

"Love, look at me," Jace begins. I look up. "You aren't holding me back. It's okay that your not ready. I NEVER want you to feel pressured to do anything. That's why I was so non-responsive earlier. I was so......turned on by you, it was hard to have self-restraint. Love, how about we go to bed."

"M.....maybe I could help you with your......problem," I offer shyly.

"My......No, I can handle it. You don't have to make up for not having sex with me. I know that's what people do, but you don't need to do.....that," Jace blushes and looks at his hands.

"Chili pepper, why are you so good to me?" I playfully ask.

"Because you deserve only the best love," Jace responds sweetly.

"So do you, so just let me do this for you," I reply and quickly, without giving him time to say no, I slide my hand into his hair, get him back to laying on the bed, and straddle him.

"Love, yo-" Jace tries.

"Let me so this, please, just let me do this and enjoy it," I plea.

"O.....okay," Jace whispers. Our lips meet and I continue to kiss him, but this time I lean into him. I can feel his little baby monster and it makes me happy to think I'm causing it. I slowly push my hips down, and Jace looks like he's about to burst.

"Do you want me to stop?" I tease, knowing he'll say no.

"P....please d....don't......stop," Jace manages. I smile at his desperate panicky voice, knowing that I can make it stop if I want to.

I reach into Jace's pants and feel his little baby monster, and I get a little panicky. The flashbacks come. Jonathan......forcing me. Sebastian laughing as I cried. Jonathan....Sebastian. No! Jace! This is Jace! You love Jace! Jace will never push you! Ugh! It's Jace! Stop it! I pull away and start crying. "Love, shhh, it's okay," Jace tries to soothe me. Jace is the only who who'd try to soothe you! Just pull it together!

"Jace, I....I'm okay," I manage.

"No, you're not. Ugh! I shouldn't have gotten so caught up in you. It's just, ugh. You know how to get to me. I should've been able to control myself better. I was doing so well and then....... I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I shoul-" Jace self scolds.

"Jace, it's not your fault. I'm sorry I can't do this for you. I thought I could at least give you some type of pleasure, but I....I can't," I interrupt.

"We're taking it slow, it's okay. We both want to, and it's understandable. We.....we're just not ready yet, but that's okay. I'm not going to be mad at you for being you. If you and I had sex the first time we felt attracted to eachother, it would be like every other high school love story. We can take our time and if we never get there, then we never get there," Jace responds. I nod. Jace smiles as he pulls me into his arms and we fall asleep.

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Anyone getting a little bit impatient?

I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 5/27/18