Clary

"I've got an idea," I smile at him.

"Okay, let's hear it," Jace replies. I gently get closer to him and brush my lips against his. "A...are you sure?" Jace asks concerned. I nod and start kissing him again. We move to his bed to get more comfortable. Jace is being so gentle and I feel like a baby. His hand finds my neck and I snap. I push his away quickly. I see a look of realization in his eyes and he steps away from me. Clary! Pull it together! I thought you were fine! You told him you were fine! Ugh! Why can't you do this? What is Jace going to do? He should have someone better.....

"J...Jace....I'm...s...sorry," I stutter.

Jace quickly shakes his head. "No, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn't have done that. Angel! I'm such a selfish ass! I...I should've known you weren't ready. I...I should've-" Jace says.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. I...it's me. I'm a mess and broken and I'm sorry," I explain.

"Clarissa Fray, listen to me for just one second," Jace begins. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you're broken and I know you're a mess, but I still kissed you. This. Is. On. Me." H....he really thinks I'm a broken mess?

"Y....you think I'm really a....broken mess?" I ask reluctantly.

"Yes, right now, I think you're broken and a mess. It's not a bad thing Clary. I....it's just a fact," Jace responds.

"Jace, a fact is that one plus one equals two. A fact is George Washington was the first president. A fact is that blue and red make purple. You think....me being broken and a mess is a fact?" I question. How can he even compare them to eachother?

"Clary, you are broken and a mess.  I know you and so I can tell you with 100% certainty that you won't be broken and a mess forever. But....right now. You don't know what you want, you're doing what you think you should do, and the idea of being intimate with me or anyone else probably makes you squirm in your skin. You can try and tell yourself otherwise, but it's the truth," Jace pauses. "Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong."

H...how does he know? Am I still mad at him for calling me broken and a mess? Will I get better? Do I know what I want? Am I simply doing what I think I should? Why does the idea of being intimate with Jace make me shudder when I know he'll never hurt me? "Y....you're not wrong," I manage. How can he read me like this? Am I a freaking open book to him? How does he sneak past my walls? And why do I want him to?

"Clary....I'm sorry," Jace whispers to me. He comes back to the bed and we lay side by side with inches between us. I....is he breaking up with me? H....have I finally put too much on his plate? D....does he want me to leave right now? I....I.... "I.....I shouldn't have -"

"No, I don't want to hear you say it. Not those words. I promise I'll leave and I.....I know, but please just don't say those words. I...I don't think I can take them right now," I plea.

"Clary, I'm confused," Jace questions. "I..I was just going to say I'm sorry for being so harsh a minute ago. Y...you just have to be aware of your current state. What were you thinking I was going to say?"

"I...I thought you had finally had enough of me. That you.....didn't want me anymore. That I was more trouble than I was worth," I explain. That's what my dad must've thought; oh, that Clary is more trouble than she's worth.

"I'm not leaving you, especially now. Y...you need someone to talk to and lean on. Someone who isn't your mom. Someone who won't tell you it's going to be alright. I know it'll take time. It's not going to magically dissipate one day. I'll always be that person as long as you want me to," Jace explains.

"I'll always be here for you too Jace, always," I reply. Jace wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug. This! This I'm okay with? What is wrong with my brain?

I hear Willow crying. Jace and I quickly stand and go to her room. "Baba wats rong?" Jace asks. ("Baby, what's wrong?")

"Dada, baba scaried," Willow cries. ("Dad, I'm scared.") I gently pick Willow up and swallow her in my arms. I set her on the air mattress and pull her close to me. Jace stares awestruck as Willow clings to me.

"Jace, you can come and lay by us if you want. Maybe it'll make her feel more comfortable," I offer. Jace finally snaps out of his thoughts. Slowly, he lays beside Willow and I. Willow in the middle of us.

"Mama baba seepy," Willow says. ("Mom, I'm tired.")

"It's otay baba, mama and dada got you," I smile at her. ("It's okay baby, dad and I got you.")

"Ni ni mama. Ni ni dada," Willow yawns. ("Good night mom. Good night dad.") Her eyes close and her breathing becomes more constant.

Jace and I silently lay by Willow for hours. We haven't mumbled a word, but have an unspoken understanding that we won't leave until she wakes up. She won't be waking up alone and scared. I lay there and admire Willow's babyness. (Author's Note: I'm not sure if that a word.)

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I'm done and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 3/22/18