Hi! If you guys follow me as an author, then you would have seen my new update for ETERNITY, right? Just in case you haven't seen this, I just wanted to say thank you for all the support and love I've been receiving as an author. I love you all, and seeing your comments motivates me to write more and improve myself =)

Enjoy, and thank you again!

WARNING: This contain trigger-related stuff, please do not read if you are sensitive. Since I don't want to give away what it is, as it'll reveal the plot, will someone please kindly comment what it is on the comment section to warn people? Thanks. I don't want to spoil.

Your Majesty,

If you are reading this, then it means that I must have died, one way or another. Although I am not so sure if you will even bother to finish this letter, I hope to speak to you one last time, even though I will not be facing you directly, and I hope you will not be too repulsed to listen to me once more.

We were very close, weren't we, growing up? I remember still, the days of hiding out from our tutor, and climbing trees to look at baby birds. Or what about the time when we ran away from the Royal Guards and flew a red kite next to the river? What a scolding afterwards! Neither of us could sit on the wooden bench the next day in class, and I still remember how you gave me your outer coat to sit on so that I wouldn't be so hurt anymore. If I haven't said it, thank you. I still cherish that memory til this day.

In my chamber, inside the bedside drawer, is a jar of seashells. If you still want it, I'd like for you to have it. We collected it together on the trip to the sea. It was sunny, and very hot, I think. How you loved the waves, recklessly swimming further and further away even when the Royal Eunuch was shrieking in terror. Luckily we never told him about how we sneaked out in the middle of the nights to play by the sea or he would have fainted dead. I could remember now, it was a full moon that night, and I was 10, you 11, and to my little mind, your face under the moonlight was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen until then. I still think that, you know?

As I was writing, it suddenly came to me that it is now March. Do you see how gorgeous the cherry blossoms inside the Gardens are? I don't venture outside my chamber too much anymore, but my maid, Xiao Lian, was kind enough to bring back a few stems for me the last time she went out. I've made some cherry blossom wine, and I've left it on the shelf next to the blue vase, you know which one. But, they probably won't be very good. You didn't like them very much the last time, remember? We were visiting the Royal Pagoda, and I'd made some wine with the cherry blossoms I found. "It sucks" was your exact words, I believe. Ah, how time has flown. We were nothing more than adolescents then, a mere 16 and 17.

You know, I'd give everything to relive those days one more day.

You were stunning at 17, did you know that? I spent days dreaming about running my hair through your black hair. And I love your eyes. Deep black, with the lightest tint of brown when they hit the Sun. I wish I'm more of a poet to tell you how beautiful they are, but alas I am not. But I felt so special, always, whenever you looked at me with that warm gaze. It made me feel like I was the most special person in the world, that you looked at no-one else but me.

Do you know what I love most about your face? The corner of your mouth. Did you know that when you smile, your left mouth corner would curl up just a tad more than your right? I love it. I wanted nothing more than to kiss that left corner, whether when you're smiling, or when you're frowning in anger. I dare not dream about your kiss, but know that I've wished and wished a thousand times. I think, since I will never have your kiss nor your embrace, a dream to kiss your mouth corner is not so far-fetched, don't you think?

How I wished I'd never fallen in love with you.

How I wished you'd never found out that I was in love with you.

I know, I know. I was special. What more could I ask for, being your best friend? Your confidante? But the selfish person that was me, wanted more. The selfish person that was me died a little inside everytime you described the female you were courting. Your eyes would light up with that warm gaze I'd thought only meant for me, and your mouth would quirk up with a gentle smile.

You two must be married now, right? I have not heard from the outside world for a while, so please forgive me for my ignorance. I wish you only happiness.

Forgive me for acting so foolishly, but I knew I was running out of time. You were getting married, and leaving to form your own Residence. I knew my time with you was up the moment I decided to do what I did. For hurting your feelings, I am sorry, but I will forever cherish that one night with you, and for that, I am unapologetic.

I will spend what is left of my life atoning for hurting you, but I hope you'll let me have that one happy memory – the one time you ever held me in your arms, and the only time we are joined together.

I miss our friendship, our close relationship, and I am sorry to have seen it break. I knew that, though, when I chose. It still hurts, distancing myself from you, but it's a bit like bleeding, do you not think? Painful only at the beginning, and then throbbing again and again, until your body bleeds no more. Perhaps one day, the pain will dull, and I can let go. Do you think I'll ever be able to move on from you? You hate me, I know, but can you ever find it within yourself to forget I have ever existed? Indifference is worse than hate to some people, but so long as you do not hate me, I will take even indifference.

I will end this letter now, I've said all I wanted to say. I am only sorry for our, nay, my child. I never knew I was born this way, and by the time I found out, it was too late to do anything about it. Someone has been poisoning my food, and I am helpless against it. The toxin corrodes my body day by day, and it pains me to think I am unable to carry this child to term. I love it so much, and I only wish that after I die, it will reincarnate in a normal family and enjoy being loved by both of its parents, something that I cannot do.

Today marks our 21st year knowing each other. It marks my 8th year loving you. You know, sometimes, I feel very tired. Loving someone without ever being loved back is very exhausting. It's alright, though, I've come to peace with it. Sometimes you can't help who your heart beats for. And for me, it is you.

If you can ever find it within yourself to be kind and remember our times as the closest of friends, please do me one last favour. I promise after this, you will never have to see or hear from me again. After I die, please scatter my ashes on the river where we flew our kites. I only wish to relive our childhood again and again, you see.

I love you, Your Majesty, so much. I pray that we never meet again in the next life, and I'll find someone who loves me as much as I love them. This lifetime, I am yours. My heart is yours. I've given my all to you, please allow me this one kindness, to be able to move on and to be loved.

For the last time, I hope you will allow me to say your name.

Your Majesty,

Seungcheol,

Elder brother,

I love you. So much.

This is goodbye.

Jeonghan.

Prince Jeonghan (1120 – 1141): the 7th Prince of the Royal Household. Died while protecting his elder brother, Emperor Seungcheol from an assassin. Ashes spread on the Han River.

So...incest? Sad? Uh... sorry, I'd been in a cheesy mood, so...

Please comment! Comment = love

Thanks for reading, I hope I did not let you down. This was written in 1.5 hours lol.