TW: mentions of addiction - don't rawdog it, seek help because a problem shared is a problem halved

https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/recreational-drugs-alcohol-and-addiction/drug-and-alcohol-addiction-useful-contacts/

https://checkpointorg.com/global/

ALSO SO SORRY THIS IS LATE I'LL POST TWO TODAY TO MAKE UP FOR IT, MY BAD I HAVE EXAMS

There are few drugs that Dick feared and there were even fewer that he feared the withdrawal of afterwards. Of course, he didn't like being forcibly drugged with anything and he couldn't name one person who looked forward to withdrawals but everyone he did know had a top five worst ones to be hit with. 

At the top of Dick's list was Joker's drug of choice, Joker Venom not only because laughing to death was a conceptually horrific idea but also because the withdrawal was probably the worst it ever felt. Joker Venom went straight for the mind as it slowly tapered out of your system. Some of its ever-so-long list of wonderful symptoms was hysteria and depression as well as sudden rushes of endorphins that made you laugh so hard you felt like your stomach was being shredded and the muscles in your cheeks were tearing. It left your skin itchy and desperate for another high even though you knew it was deadly to have to float around your system. The best part was that it lasted for days. Most drugs would wrap up their withdrawals by the next patrol and leave you tired but capable of working. Joker Venom made sure to milk it. The worst of the withdrawals lasted two days before finally letting you be capable enough to patrol if you had the energy to do so. 

That was the withdrawal from being hit with one dose and receiving an antidote immediately. 

Dick had been hit with two doses and the antidote had been delayed. Safe to say, the next week was going to be hell. 

He'd been caught off guard as Nightwing when he was hit. The patrol beforehand had been relatively calm and he'd been chatting with Kori for the most part. She was retelling him all the drama happening on the TV show she was watching, gasping every so often and frantically telling him the next update. They didn't always talk whilst he was out on his own, sometimes patrol offered them important me-time but tonight he was out simply because it was his job rather than actually wanting to go out. Sometimes she wondered why he bothered but at this point, it must be ingrained in him to go out every night. He'd been doing it since she knew him and before that even. 

Nightwing had told her he'd be quiet for a moment because he was entering a drug bust but allowed her to stay on the call. If she didn't know any better, it was because he was actually invested in the show she was talking about despite how many times he insisted it was bad. Kori had just about tuned out everything on the call when she heard Nightwing gasp and cough. She frowned to herself, not becoming immediately worried but intrigued. There was a short pause, the sounds of Nightwing panting blowing out the microphone as he presumably fought. 

"What was that?" he'd asked, his voice forcibly smooth. 

Then a laugh. At first, she'd relaxed upon hearing it. He had fun fighting crime and people often heard him laugh or cackle when he fought. Then it kept going. It turned from a small light laugh to one that continued into something more intense. 

"Are you okay?" she asked. Had a criminal done something stupid enough to have him in a fit of laughter like that? He really shouldn't be laughing as hard as he was. There was something forced about it like when he went to galas and had to play nice. It sounded knocked out of him. "Dick? Can you hear me?"

"Kori," he managed to gasp out. She was up on her feet in seconds and already rushing to change out of her comfortable sweats into something more fitting for fighting. 

"I'm coming. Just stay with me."

"Antidote." Kori's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to understand what type of antidote he wanted given the wide array of the ones they kept for various different poisons and venoms. Her next thought made her facepalm at how obvious it was. Forced laughter to the point of gasping for air? Obviously Joker Venom. She flew into his office and went to the mini fridge where he kept all his antidotes. She noticed as she took one out for Joker Venom that one was already missing. Her heart skipped a beat. If he'd already taken one and it didn't work, just how strong was what they were dealing with? How many doses had he received? She grabbed another just to make sure and then took her phone away from where it had been sandwiched between her ear and her shoulder to find his tracker. He wasn't far luckily. 

"I'm on my way baby okay?" she reassured him as the wheezing got stronger and the laughing grew ever frantic. 

When she got to the site of the drug bust, she could hear the manic laughing from outside echoing throughout the night. Starfire's stomach churned as she flew in to find her lover curled up on the floor with one arm around his aching stomach and a panicked look in his eyes that only slightly softened when he took note of her. She was quick to uncap one of the needles she brought and jam it into the fatty part of his thigh, rubbing the area to help it move through his system whilst also offering comfort. The Tamaranian took a moment to look around to piece together the crime scene but she could hardly think with the rattling laugh-laced breath filling the room. She did see a discarded needle on the floor that wasn't too far from him so that had either been what gave him the Joker Venom or was his failed attempt at curing himself. Her eyes returned to Nightwing who looked positively exhausted from laughing. She whispered some soft reassurances as the laughing died off and ran her fingers through his curly mullet hoping to distract him. 

What felt like forever was only a handful of minutes in reality before Nightwing was breathing normally albeit a little shakily. He remained curled up for a further few minutes before eventually peeling himself off the floor to sit up. She could tell he was in pain by the way he held himself so tightly so she gently pulled him to her chest so he could lean against her and relax. His torso was probably on fire at this point. 

"What happened?" Starfire asked. 

"Home," he pleaded instead of answering the question. There was no way she was going to push it at that moment so she readjusted him so she could pick him up comfortably and set off back home. He leaned against her the whole way, his arms wrapped tight around her shoulders and his face hidden in the crook of her neck. Starfire knew that dealing with Joker Venom was hard but if her theory about receiving multiple doses was correct then she feared the days to come.

Despite his exhaustion, Dick remained wide awake itching at his skin and whining in discomfort. His whole body hurt from the jolt of the forced laughter that had wrapt him for far too long. When Kori let him down, his knees promptly buckled and she was glad to have kept her grip on his waist otherwise he would've crumpled into a heap. She pressed a kiss against his temple and led him to the bed. 

"Should I call someone?" she asked unsurely. In their time together, she hadn't seen him under the side effects of Joker Venom. Usually, he was in Gotham when it happened and he'd be looked after by his family there. She didn't intrude. It would be one of the rare times that Dick would receive the comfort and support he deserved from his father figure. Unfortunately giving him space now meant that she didn't know what to do with him. 

"No," he replied softly. His voice was still croaky from the strain of laughing. 

"What do I do?" she asked. It didn't feel right to quiz him when he'd clearly been through a lot tonight and looked so bone tired she wouldn't be surprised if he passed out immediately. 

"Just," he paused. "Help me out of my suit. It's gonna be a rough few days."

"Days?" He nodded distantly. Kori hadn't thought about how often her lover spoke but now that he could only communicate through minute nods and short sentences. Still, she had a command now so she helped him stand and got him out of the tight suit. She noticed that there were two puncture marks on his thigh. One had been from her and the other had presumably been from him. The skin was red and swollen slightly, likely from the force he'd jammed the needle in. There was also a noticeable tremble to his hands that she hadn't noticed before. Once out of his suit, Dick got into bed and wrapped himself up in the covers as though it was freezing in the room. "I don't know how to help you, my love," Kori told him. "Are you sure I don't need to call someone?" He made a strangled distressed noise and reached out for her, relaxing only when she held his hand. "I promise I'm not going anywhere. I only worry for your safety. I need to know what to expect."

"Some stuff on the laptop."

"Will you be alright on your own?"

"Be quick." She nodded and kissed him on the forehead, silently noting how warm he was. She'd get him some water whilst she got the laptop. 

She couldn't have been gone for more than five minutes but when she came back, Dick looked worst for wear. The skin of his forearm was red from constant scratching and what could be considered a nervous giggle came out of him occasionally but it didn't sound right. It sounded too high and uneven. It made his features tight and there was a slightly panicked look in his eye as though he wasn't sure if he was able to stop. Kori took pity on him and handed him the laptop so he could do something with his hands. Whilst he got the right file, she kicked off her boots and got into bed on the other side, offering up the cold bottle of water she'd gotten on her way. He took it gratefully, struggling slightly to open the cap before taking a tentative sip. He typed a few things with his free hand before turning the laptop her way. She cringed as she read the long list of symptoms, all of them getting nastier than the other. 

"So, this will be the next few days?" she asked. 

"A week. Got hit with two doses. Why I needed your help."

"Oh, my love." He hummed and closed the laptop, moving it to the side so he could lie down fully in bed. He kept the water bottle by his arms to cool them from where he'd scratched the skin raw. "It might help to have a shower. Then settle in for the night?"

"Don't wanna get outta bed."

"I'll help you."

"Don't have to."

"I want to. You would do the same for me. Well, you would try to. I believe your short stature might make it hard." He smiled softly, the first real smile she'd seen that evening.

"You like me being small." She nodded, unable to resist matching his smile, and peppered his face with kisses. They were both physical people when it came to love and intimacy of every kind did wonders for them when they weren't feeling 100%. Naturally, she doubted that anything further than kissing and cuddling would be on the table for the next few days but she didn't mind at all. He was melting underneath her kisses and God knows that he needed to relax on a regular day let alone one where he was experiencing a dramatic drop off of dopamine and endorphins. "Koriii." She smiled against his skin, moving her kisses down his neck and across his chest where her lips pressed against gnarly scars both old and new. She pulled away once she felt him fully relax against the mattress. 

"I love you," she muttered quietly. "But I would love you more after you had a shower." She crawled over him to stand up and usurp him from the bed back into her arms. Dick yelped slightly at the sudden difference but relaxed back into her. 

"I love you too. I'm sorry for the week you're about to go through," he replied.

"We are going through it. You have the symptoms after all." 

"And you won't mind taking care of me?"

"I always want to take care of you. Especially when I can pick you up so easily." He laughed but she could see the panic in his eyes and the way his body tensed when he didn't know if he could stop. She pressed a kiss against his temple and hushed him gently. "It's alright. Take a deep breath." Dick sucked in a breath and let the laughter die out. "There you go."

"This is gonna suck."

"Definitely but I'm here." He nodded, resisting the urge to smile for fear he wouldn't be able to control it. 

Their shower wasn't as big as the one at the Manor so it only just fit the pair of them but neither seemed to really mind. Kori turned on the shower, allowing her lover to lean against her, and took silent inventory of any injuries he'd picked up. It was nothing more than a few bruises but she still frowned at the splotches of black and blue. He was about a head smaller than her so his forehead rested comfortably on her collarbone. 

"We're using my shampoo."

"Kori, I'm gonna smell like a mango," he grumbled.

"It's better than smelling like," she paused to read the name on the bottle of his shampoo, "ice chill. What does that even mean?"

"It means I smell cool," he told her, smiling cheekily. She hummed but made no move to get his shampoo, instead still reaching for her own.

"I like it better when you smell like me."

"You're possessive when you want to be."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't hear a no anywhere in your defence." He narrowed his eyes.

"I don't wanna smell like a mango...I like smelling like guava."

"Do you use my shampoo, Mr Grayson?"

"And what if I do Miss Anders?"

"I'd probably say to get your own bottle," she responded. 

"We're partners, it's free game." Kori hummed, distantly thinking about getting another bottle so it didn't run out twice as fast. She'd also stop buying the mango one too. She wasn't a fan of it either to be fair. It was slightly too sweet. Grabbing the bottle of guava-scented shampoo, she put some into her hand before massaging it into his hair. His eyes fluttered closed and let out a long sigh. "You should've worked in a spa for your civilian ID. You're amazing at this."

"I think they would have a slight issue with me being a 6ft alien."

"Who wouldn't want a 6ft alien in their life?" She hummed, glancing away to play off her blush. 

"You'll tell me if the water is too warm, won't you?"

"I like it this hot. Takes away the itch from withdrawals. Besides, you'd get cold if it wasn't this warm."

"You know that I'm always warm. That is why I can afford to run around in the artic in a bathing suit whilst you have to be wrapped up in twenty layers," she replied. "So tell me if it's too warm."

"I told you I like it this hot you worry wart," Dick teased. It was like a flip switch a moment after that as the cheeky mischievous smirk he wore dropped into an expression he would always be too young to wear. It was the look of a person who'd seen far too much all too soon. She frowned and helped him wash the shampoo out of his hair before adding the conditioner. "Kori?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that I care about you too right? More than anything?"

"I know. Where did that come from?"

"Drop off," he stated. "Hitting hard. Really hard. Feels like I'm grieving but I don't know what I'm grieving over. It's dumb but...what if I took another hit? Just to tide me over and not even a lot just enough for it to feel less intense."

"My love, that's a symptom that I refuse to indulge."

"I know. I know it's dumb it's just my dumb brain not being able to handle-"

"No, you are experiencing symptoms. You are not at fault for experiencing those."

"I can't stop thinking about it."

"Then concentrate on me."

"If this is your lead-up to having sex I appreciate it but I really don't think I can do that right now."

"I meant like this," she began. "Focus on where I'm touching you."

"Still seems like a sex thing."

"It is not a sex thing. A sex thing when you feel better, maybe, but not right now. Right now it's a much-needed distraction. So focus on me. My hands, my smell, my voice. Just me." So he did. 

Over the course of a week when he could barely get out of bed for one reason or another, he focused on Kori. When he couldn't sleep, he focused on how her arm was draped around his waist and her soft breathing. Sometimes she'd tug him closer but he wasn't sure if it was intentional or a strong twitch in her sleep. Either way, it didn't matter. He focused on her moving around the apartment when they weren't together, noticing how she walked more often than floating around the place. He liked to think she was making an extra effort to be loud so he could hear her. When she was in the kitchen, she had a habit of humming a song to herself as she cooked. It changed every now and then, sometimes it was out of tune but it would always be music to his ears. They were practically attached at the hip for the most part though so he could focus on being close to her, chasing the bad thoughts away by focusing in on how warm she was and feeding off her laughter at watching the shitty reality TV shows she loved. 

"Y'know, this is actually the second time I've been through this," he mentioned at one point during the advert break. He knew not to interrupt the show even if she did empathise with his position. 

"You have?"

"When I disappeared for a while, I had a run-in with this stupid knockoff Joker gang. They were so inexperienced, I must've used all my antidotes on fixing them when they blew their own stash of venom. I got hit with two doses. I would've been fine had I not blown most of my stuff on fixing them."

"What did you do?"

"Gave one to myself and then ran home as fast as I could. I just about got there and spend a whole day just on the floor. Then managed to get to bed and rot there for the rest of the week. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, and I did something stupid." He paused, unsure if he wanted to admit how vulnerable he was back then. Perhaps how vulnerable he was now. "I needed to feel better. I couldn't handle it. For some reason or another, I had a sample of the venom. When I hit my low, I gave myself some. Only a little, less than a teaspoon, and then I evened out. You build up immunity to it fast in those small doses and it wears off so fast. For about three weeks I was using it on and off."

"You never told me that," Kori said quietly. He couldn't hear any judgement in her tone but he still feared that she was forming something deep down and was only keeping it to herself because he wasn't well. 

"I stopped when I saw Roy. Literally a one-off encounter. He was coming off something, I knew he had a problem and I checked him into rehab and I just-" He shook his head because he didn't have the words for it. "I wasn't doing heroin but it was basically the same. I didn't have the money to go to the doctor since I hadn't reconnected with Bruce yet and I didn't have the means so I worked on it on my own. It was so hard, but eventually, I only stopped because I ran out and said to myself that I couldn't get more because it would be a problem and I would see Roy in rehab and I'd have to tell him. I couldn't do that to him." 

"That's how you know one of the symptoms is addiction," she muttered. He nodded against her.

"I would've been better if I got professional help. If I reached out to you or any of the other Titans it would've been so much easier because I was having to lock myself in my room away from it and this experience has been so much better with you here but I was so afraid of how you'd see me. I didn't want Bruce to know either. He already hated me for leaving, for not being there for Jason and I saw what Oliver was like when he found out. I couldn't do that." Dick shrugged because he was unsure of what else to say. She was the second person who knew. 

The first was Roy. He'd contacted him when he felt close to a relapse, accused him of not understanding how hard it was and it just slipped out. Roy promised he wouldn't tell another soul and apologised. It would be their secret to share, one that meant they understood each other better and could say things that others simply wouldn't get on the same level no matter how much they empathised with them. He didn't know if Kori would react the same. Whilst he knew she was compassionate and forgiving for Roy, what if she saw this as a betrayal of their trust? He was supposed to tell her everything from the beginning and he hadn't. 

"Dick," she called. He must've gotten lost in his thoughts. "This does not change a thing between us but thank you for telling me. I wish I knew sooner."

"I know. You're here with me now though to make sure I don't go back. I think that's more than I could ever ask of you." Kori kissed him sweetly and he was like putty in her hands yet she would treat him like a fragile piece of fine china. He smiled against her lips and watched her through half-lidded eyes when they parted. "I love you."

"I love you too."