@abigailgarlandx
Reviewer: @loveeboat
Genre: Romance/Teen Fiction

Summary/ Excerpt:

" I miss him;

His stubborn words;

His sensational smile;

His crippling touch;

I miss him. "

Naomi Wakeham, a fifteen-year-old soccer player, went into a coma in a car accident on her way to a game. During her coma, she met a boy around her age, who both weirdly had the exact same interests. His name was Jonah Davies, a Hispanic boy with honey brown eyes that drew her closer to him. Before she knew it - she even fell in love with him. He was, in fact, her dream come true.

Or was he?

Once Naomi had awoken, 'her dream come true' had disappeared. Both were entirely distraught.

And yet, she did not let go. No matter what it took, she was determined to find him. After all, "love is not only something you feel; it is something you do."

Neither did he.

Cover:

The cover kind of confuses me. I don't know what to expect from the image you have for it. It's a styrofoam mannequin head with a blue flower crown wrapped around it. To me, it doesn't necessarily scream ,"Romance" or "Teen Fiction." I'd assume on first glance that it was some sort of DIY book or self-reflection story. I think you should work on this a lot. I'm not saying it's bad or completely horrifying, but if I was a reader who was looking for a good romance or teen fiction story, I'd surely skip over your book without glancing back. It does not fit any concrete theme that you want to reflect for your story and does not coincide with your description. It's definitely something you should look into because your cover is one of the most important selling points for your story. 3/10

Description:

Wow. Naomi is 15 and is already finding love before me? Haha! Anyways, let's get down to business. I actually really enjoyed your summary. I think the way you described your main characters were quite nice and your word choice would definitely attract me if I was an average reader scrolling through book recommendations. It does sound a bit too good to be true, however. Yeah she was in a coma and yeah that is traumatizing but who really is Naomi? Who is this main character and what defines her? Most importantly, how could she know what true love is at such a young age? Maybe she does know what love is and all but a fifteen year old girl shouldn't be worrying about a lover after nearly dying in a coma. I guess that's just my take on it all. It sounds like an interesting read though, as both characters look like they're going to go through a lot together. I personally don't know how to write descriptions myself I shouldn't  punish you too much for yours. 7/10

Content:

First chapter was extremely sweet and light-hearted. Both characters definitely sounded their age. They didn't seem too mature or too naive in the way they spoke to one another. I can sense their bond is quite close and it was a good read. I liked your descriptive words at certain points, and the way you wrote their interactions. I think it's always important to show and not tell in your writing which is what you did so that was good. I still think it was extremely light and didn't seem like a dark scene. The second chapter was a little different for me. I didn't feel anything when I read it. They just seemed like two teenagers having fun but it didn't hold any substance. It was extremely cute, of course, but I just can't imagine them having any problems in the future with one another because their dynamic now is so jubilant.  The remaining chapters I read were just of Naomi waking up and dealing with the illness she has. It was refreshing to see the change in events. Overall, at certain points you were strong and at others it all kind of fell flat. Perhaps inputting more detail about their dynamic beforehand would be good, unless you explain this in later chapters. Also, I think that your premise is good but it just needs a little more love and affection to make it perfect. This includes more detail about Naomi and her illness. How she deals with it mentally (I would like to read about her emotions more) and just her life with Jonah in general. Maybe you included this in the later chapters but I think you should add more to the first few. 7/10

Next Steps:

1. Create a cover that matches the theme of your story. You don't necessarily have to use a specific image of a couple or a teenager but something that relates to your story genres.

2. Add more detail to your characters. You have good descriptive words but I don't feel connected to your character as of yet because there isn't much detail about her life. It was all very happy but I'd like to see a more grungy side to her.