@PhoenixBMeadows
Reviewer: shinrili
Genre: YA/ Fantasy

Summary/ Excerpt:
The son of Death is summoned by his father in a meeting that will change his life--and not for the better. Zekarian may never see those he loves again.
*****
Almost 500 years later, the Shade is growing again. An evil thought stilled in the land, now spreading ever faster in its mindless will to consume and twist everything in its path.

Not everyone is content to sit by, but when the head of the Queen's counsel suggests sacrificing his own son for his magic, it isn't taken well--least of all his eavesdropping heir.
Suddenly plunged from his world of books and careful study into something far too real, Anril flees the capital to escape his father's scheming, hoping his mother holds the power to protect him. But is she really even his mother?

Twins, Saphier and Ashen and their troop of traveling performers and misfits make their way towards a patch of the Shade, a wagon loaded with supplies for the Island city beyond in tow. It is a trip they have made countless times, but this time, something is different. This time the Shade is alive with things bent on taking them and never letting them go.

Somewhere, beneath the Ta'varyh mountains, Zekarian remains, placed where Eshengael put him, very, very long ago.

Cover ~ 6.5
Alright. When I started reading this, I was intrigued by how much I liked it. I noticed the reads were quite low and I wondered why that was. Well, I'll tell you why. The cover. It needs to be changed or even completely replaced. As a reader, I would never click on this story with that cover. Sadly, people judge many things by their appearance, including books. It's such a shame this cover isn't appealing at all. The title is barely legible and I cannot tell what the bottom image depicts. It would be much better if the title switched places with the subtitle. I suggest visiting the forums (wattpadwriters.com), going to the multimedia forum or the story services one, finding a good designer and requesting a cover from them.

Description ~ 7
When I first read the description, I was beyond confused. We get five paragraphs and four different stories in one description. I was really puzzled as to what - or rather, who - the story was going to be about. We get Zakarian, then Anril, then the twins, then Zakarian again. It would be very helpful if you a. found a way to connect these stories (it currently seems like you have merged four completely irrelevant excerpts from different books) and b. made it briefer. It was well written, don't get me wrong. But as a reader, seeing such a large description would make me click away immediately.

Content ~ 9
So, this is where you really shined. At first, while reading the prologue, I gave this a 9 and told myself I would adjust the rating later based on the book's strengths and weaknesses. Turns out, I didn't have to change it. Your writing is exceptional and the descriptions immersive. The dialogue is also very easy to read. I like the balance of your vocabulary; you do write slightly formally, but this remains a truly light and easy read. The prologue hooked me immediately, and I suspect it did that for other readers too. It's one of the only times I've seen the execution be equally as good as the initial idea on Wattpad.

There are some small details you could work on, though. Firstly, you really like mentioning the characters' heartbeat, don't you? Especially in that prologue, I felt like I was reading the same line every other paragraph. At least you describe it differently, making the text more interesting to read. I would suggest using other symptoms to describe anxiety. These are just some of the more interesting signs; numbness and tingling, burning skin, electric shock feeling, neck tension, pulsing in the ear. The trick is to find more and better ways to narrate certain repetitive situations.

The grammar was correct, except for some stupid mistakes that don't really matter. I barely noticed them at first. One that really stood out to me was in the first paragraph of Chapter 1 (part 2), where a character says, "Make not mistake." Overall, everything was right. Make sure to read through what you write at the end so you can avoid these inaccuracies.

Because we spend most if not all of the existing story indoors, we don't get many details about your book's lore. You don't need to add it in these first chapters, but make sure you slowly but steadily build your world in the following scenes. World-building in fantasy is beyond important, and for some the sole reason they read fantasy in the first place. I hope you have something in mind.

Next Steps:
+Anxiety, fear, and other similar emotions need to be differentiated and diversly described.
+Make sure to optimize enjoyment for the readers by being careful not to make grammatical errors.
+Get a new cover.
+Shrink the description, if possible. Don't give away information that the readers will get in the prologue anyway.
+Start explaining your world, and make it interesting.
+Do not repeat yourself.

Overall Score ~ 8.5
Yes, the cover isn't my favorite and the description needs to be smaller. But the content makes up for it. Don't forget us when this blows up, okay?