@oliviarose85

Reviewer: shinrili
Genre: Romance

Summary/ Excerpt:

With only a month left of high school, barista and student Ada Sinclair prepares herself for the next chapter of her life; her dream college and a fresh start that doesn't put labels on everything she is.

But Ada's life takes a turn when her mother returns home with a diagnosis - one that will change their lives forever. As she tries to hold it together for those around her, she seeks comfort from the man who has mentored her throughout the last four years - Mr. Bennet.

Tom Bennet has watched Ada grow from a timid and self-loathing girl into to a confident woman, ready to take on the world. But when Ada comes to him with a struggle she cannot face alone, he puts his career on the line for a friendship Ada desperately needs.

Tom opens her eyes and shows Ada there's more to life than good grades and playing everything by the book; It's about finding something worth holding onto when life is dragging you down.

COVER ~ 7/10?

I'm aware you're going to replace the current cover shortly, and I'm glad you will. Thus, I don't feel the need to review the cover, but I must express my thoughts nevertheless. It's definitely not a bad cover, but its black background and those pastel colors make it less eye-catching. Furthermore, it kind of looks like a non-fiction book cover. I'm happy you're changing it, and I hope the next one suits the description better.

DESCRIPTION ~ 7/10

The description is definitely decent. It seems to follow the basic template for a story summary, and that has its up and downs. It has this cliché "everything is perfect - now everything is horrible - now everything is getting fixed" pattern that may or may not be enjoyable to readers. I suggest you add more dramatic elements to your description, depending on the content of the book; maybe hint a love story between her and this mentor or something similar. I personally like the way this story is described but it seems terribly underwhelming, which is most likely false judging by the number of chapters you have published. Some of your tags are #forbiddenlove, #youngadult, and #romance, yet none of these are implied and trust me when I say nobody checks the tags. It sucks, I know. But it's the way things are, and for optimal reader engagement, you must try to incorporate the technique of briefly stating some of the juicy drama of this book in the summary. A simple example that works in literally any story; "[...] But despite their attempts, many obstacles hinder Ada's path to a better life, including betrayal, grief, and worst of all, love." Note that I'm reviewing the description before the actual story, so I'm not aware of what twists you may have added in there. Customize this as you want, but a sign of conflict in such a large story is essential to prevent readers from clicking on another book.

CONTENT ~ 9/10

First of all, let me start off by saying this; your story does not feel slow at all. It does take some time for the plot to kick in, but by then we get the chance to learn about the characters and have a good laugh. I'll begin with the things I liked about this book. It was really entertaining to read despite its relatively slow pacing and the subtle humor/sarcasm made me chuckle a few times. Swear-words are well balanced; not too many and not too little, just enough to spice up your writing a bit. Your vocabulary is adequate and so is your grammar. The characters seem interesting, and your descriptions of them make it easier to picture them.Now, there are some things you could improve. For instance, there is some repetition. I've seen this in many books and it's probably due to your not reading through what you write. In a paragraph, never use the same adjective twice. Here, Thesaurus and Google Dictionary are your best pals. Also, some sentences are quite large, which results in wordy and complex sentences that may hinder the flow of your writing. Another thing you may want to consider, and this is completely optional, is getting rid of Tom's nickname. "Mr. B" sounds cute, but seems slightly redundant as the surname "Bennet" isn't long enough to require shortening. Plus, it gets kind of repetitive and dull after a while.

NEXT STEPS

+Make the summary more interesting for the readers. Add conflict, hints, and maybe even a sneak peek.+Avoid repetition by checking your drafts first and then publishing them. You could even get an editor.+Try not to use the same adjectives and words in general twice in a paragraph.

OVERALL SCORE ~ 8/10

I believe this story is great, and its humor and wonderful descriptions make up for most of its flaws. However, if you want to perfect it,  there are some little details you could fix.