@Luciascar

Reviewer: kyrrai

Genre: Action

Summary/Excerpt:

When two differing lives are thrust into each other, will they be able to work together? Right the wrongs and unload the past, or... will their souls be served in a silver platter by a greater force than they both have expected.
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'White eyes' might not sound scary to you but it was a given nickname by the media. And they have accepted it.

A killer. A murderer. A Sadist with a quench for blood. They have many names. The ones they have always heard whispered everywhere in town. It was also given by the same unseen people. The ones who report on this person's gruesome work of arts, displaying it; names plastered on the front page of morning papers like it was something to be proud.

And they loved it.
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Hobble June is just a cop trying to navigate her life in the small town of Redwood, as well as keeping her sister's house safe while she's on honeymoon, playing babysitter for a16-year-old delinquent and for reasons unknown of her-- saving the world got into the mix of her life when news of dead bodies started to pop out all around the states.

Whatever is happening, all Hobble knows is that she's going to need more than alcohol for this one hell of a ride.

Cover - 7/10

I like the overall concept of your cover, it matches well with the plot you're developing and the overall tone of the piece. One thing I think you should include is your name or you pen-name on it, so the cover looks more professional.

Description - 6/10

So the first part of your description is great, it's an interesting hook that captures readers' attention. The second paragraph of the description confused me a little bit. It was harder to read because the sentences weren't full sentences and seemed like they didn't flow that well. The last paragraph was good. It introduced one of the characters and the initial conflicts she will be going through in the story. Overall I think you did a good job hooking the reader, but it didn't flow as well as it could.

Content - 7/10

I have to say, I really loved your descriptions and the fact that you did not give much information in the first chapter. It left me intrigued and made me want to keep on reading. I could see everything that was happening as you described the killer's actions, and the ambiguity of his motives left me wanting more. The cop's point of view was good as well. You really gave each of the characters their own specific voice. I felt that a bit more backstory on Hobble would be nice, since she's more of a stable character than the killer is. I saw a couple grammar mistakes as well, but that did not take away from the overall story. I have to say, I'm really interested to see how this story progresses!

Conclusion - 7/10

I would give your story a read over once of twice so you can pick out the subtle grammar mistakes that you may have left. I would also suggest to give more backstory of Hobble, as I feel like we haven't gotten as much of a grasp on her character like we do the other. Overall, keep writing! Your story has really left me wanting more and I hope to see more work from you!