Author: @Abigail-Lynn0

Genre: Dark Romance

Reviewer: nobodywritesstuff

Warning: This is book contains disturbing content, with prostitution (including child prostitution) and murder.

Summary/Excerpt:

Arawn: The Celtic god of the dead, war, revenge and terror

Since the dawn of time, the world has been divided into two halves. The good and the evil. Enslaved by lies and le by the devil, people have continued down the path to hell for too long. The world needs purging. A new order. A new Arawn. With the power to kill, he will reign supreme and the quest to right the wrongs done will be complete.

He will find the devil

Kill and purge the evil

Answer the people's prayers

And claim the holy crown

He will be Death.

Cover:

I like it. It fits the tone and theme of your story and it's honestly a little chilling when I look at it for a long period of time. I'm also unsure if it's intentional, but the t looks like a cross and I find that ironic and genius. If I had to critique it, I would say that it's slightly hard to read your name at the bottom but that could be just me.

Description:

It's definitely an interesting concept. The way you've written the blurb is nice and makes me want to read it. I was confused about one thing though, the genre is meant to be 'dark romance', but I don't see where that fits here? It sounds like this fits in another genre is all.

Content:

I really liked the writing here despite the poor formatting, minor deviating from tenses, and minor grammar mistakes. Your pauses and variances of sentence structure make the prose impactful and there are lines and paragraphs I genuinely liked.

The plot... is all over the place and difficult to keep up with. It starts off with a man being sexually gratified by a woman (who I think is a prostitute? And from his distaste I will say that it can be classified as sexual assault?) before he chokes her to death and runs off happy. Chapter one and two is about the oldest son Fallon hating the life he has and expresses pity for his siblings who are used for prostitution by their mother (who is also in the game), I'm also wondering if him being called the 'hero' has to do with anything. Chapter three was a man killing a baroness who is engaged and spouting out nonsense of killing impures (who are only women I've noticed). Chapter four and five come back to the past, with four only reinforcing how Fallon pities his brother who is... with a client I'll say. Chapter five is a somewhat heartfelt moment with Fallon and his sister and at the end, promises to make everything go away. Chapter six is about a man name Cosmo (who I assume is the one killing all the women and maybe an older Fallon?) the mayor getting into a heated argument with someone else who was talking bad about his wife.

I'm explaining all your chapters because I want you to understand how off the pacing is. It's also hard to understand what the story is actually about to be honest. Chapter one and two can really be connected as one chapter for starters. I also feel like there is a better way to integrate the backstory rather than put them into full blown chapters like dialogue or thoughts. Like maybe during his first encounter with the woman in the prologue he can think about how her actions remind him of home and it makes him sick, and after he kills the first impure, he could think about the promise he made to his sister (again this is only if Fallon is Cosmos)? This is an example, I am in no way trying to tell you what to do. I just think the plot could use better pacing and structure because it's making me confused and I am losing investment in the story.

Now let's talk about the characters: In the backstory we have Fallon who is the oldest son and said to be 'the hero'. He hates the situation him and his family are in, dislikes his mother, and is overall very observant and wise for his age. His mother is trying to get money after her husband's death and decides to get into prostitution, forcing her children to take part as well. Characters aren't around for very long for me to get too attached, I can only sympathise because of their situation, and that's not a good thing if all I can gather from them is what they're forced to do.

In the parts that take place in the future, we have Cosmos (at least I'm sure it's him) killing women who are considered impure and is very contradictory in his beliefs. He is an interesting character and has a lot of potential, it would strengthen your story if your chapters revolved more about him in the present than in the past.

To answer your question about what time period I believe your story takes place (which fits under worldbuilding), I never would guess that it takes place in the not-so-distant future, as a matter of fact, I was getting past vibes from your work. Doesn't help that there are only two chapters that does take place in the future and there isn't anything that tells us that your world is different than ours.

On the note of setting (especially the present scenes than the past ones), they aren't described that much, and it makes it hard for me to imagine it in my head. Though you do include some descriptors I will add.

Overall, it was definitely an interesting read and has great potential! It just needs better pacing with the plot. Please comment or pm me if you would have any questions or concerns.

Next steps:

Outline the plot

Describe the scenery more

Develop your characters

Quicken the pace