ClarityNMercy

Reviewer: StoryWritersNeverLie
Summary -

Mercy is a world-famous musician and actress. Together with Alex, her husband, also an acclaimed actor, they enter a polyamorous relationship and must keep their life hidden from the public eye.

Journey with them from their first encounter with one another, the struggles they face, and opening their hearts and relationship to not one, but two other people. Find out what happens when their well-kept secret is revealed to the world.

Cover - 5.5/10

The cover didn't pull me in. The words were smaller then I would suggest having them, and slightly blurry on both my phone and computer. While the grey box helped the words stand out compared to how they would've, I wouldn't say that I was a big fan of it. However I did like the picture in the background.

Description - 8/10

The description was nice, it told me who the mc's were going to be in the story, Mercy and Alex, and that they were both well-known in their jobs but that they had a secret. It made your story sound interesting about what type of romance laid ahead and that things might get sticky when they open their heart to two other people.

Content - 7/10

Your writing is rather good, with a good hook and great introduction with the main characters. You described a lot of things in the show not tell way, which means that it helped with picturing what was happening in some scenes. So there are a few things I noticed as I was reading your story:

There were some parts where I was pulled out from reading, (ex: "You might be thinking, 'but she's a celebrity too!'; She continued out through the door, got in her char, and drove off, furious!), a few grammar mistakes that I noticed but didn't try to look for, (ex: John, the on-set still photographer), while the descriptions were good I would suggest going into more detail in areas (ex: explaining how someone looked, ie: eye color, hair color/style, tall/short/medium; The chemistry you tell us about that we haven't really been able to see very much of;).

Then we have writing in third person pov, which you seem to have done pretty well in. However there were times when we suddenly switched point of views, ie: in the middle of a chapter, beginning/end of a paragraph, and the like. While this can been done it should be done in a smooth way where the reader knows that they're about to jump from one main character to the other, or even to a sub character.

Pacing felt a little fast to me as you jumped the chapters I read jump a lot into the future, which has the story feeling rushed at times. You could also slow it down, show us more of what is happening with the filming, or other small things so that we can see how they connect better in the first couple of chapters. However the plot was noticeable from the get go, that this would be about Mercy and Alex, and their relationship.

Next Steps -

Take the first two chapters slower to show us the chemistry between them and how they really fell in love; Have a title that shows clear words or slightly bigger words; Add more descriptions about people, and places;