Author: @Wingsxo95
Reviewer: hallonn23
Genre: Thriller

Summary:

As the detective passes through the gates of Ravenwood, she feels the weight of invisible eyes watching. Eerie shadows lurking behind the park's breathtaking scenery and the wary glances of its over-polite employees. Read and discover the unfolding truth about this place. Happy Reading

Cover:

So, let's get started by talking about your cover. I really loved it. It was simple, yet captivating. It matched the genre and the title perfectly. You had the little girl, Becky, walking into the woods of Ravenswood. The colors were dark which matched your evil content inside. The font was big and easy to read. It looks professional. Every element you needed was there. It made sense. It worked. It drew me in. The only thing I have to mark you down on, is the fact it says Ravenswood twice. You can get rid of the second one and it would work fine. (-0.5 points) I also think your name was cut off in the corner. Try centering it at the bottom! You definitely want people to know you're the writer. (-0.5 points) Own your content because you do have a talent for writing thrillers and keeping the suspense up. I know what I'm getting into as soon as I see the cover of the book and I love it. Score: 9/10

Summary/Blurb:

Your summary/blurb was so short. It was only like 2 sentences which hey, I applaud you. It takes me way more than that to sell my work. Lol. You got straight to the point. The blurb connected to the title and to the cover. The reader knows the type of story they are getting into right off the bat. You didn't give away too much information or hold back too much. I do think it could use a few grammar touch-ups and maybe even a bit of rewording, but you have all the moveable parts in place, so I won't take off too much here. (-0.5 points). I do think you should take off the happy reading at the end of it because it makes it look a little less professional. I get that you want your readers to enjoy reading your book, but maybe put that in an author's note or something to keep your summary/blurb from getting to cluttered. (-0.5 points). Score: 9/10.

Content:

Our rules say to only read the first five pages of content, but because I'm an awesome reviewer, I had some extra time, and your chapters (your whole book really) was extremely short I went ahead and read it all to be able to give you a full, in depth review! Oh, man! I'm so happy I did. I NEVER would have predicted where this story was going just from reading the first chapter. I'm not going to throw in any spoilers because I want your future readers to be able to enjoy the full oh my god moment I had at the end, but let's just say, your ending was perfect! It was heartbreaking, but also such a poke at reality and the real struggles people go through in their minds.

Anyway, I know the ending should be talked about last, but I just couldn't wait to get those thoughts off my mind. Lol. So, the content of the chapters was really good. You kept the plot moving and the suspense high the entire time. I'm normally not a big fan of short chapters; but here, in your story they worked so well. It constantly had me on the edge of my seat like I was reading at the pace I felt like I should be running. I felt the eerie vibe from the very beginning with the small random clues our MC found. Something was off from the beginning, but I couldn't figure out what. I was trying to predict your plot before it happened but I failed miserably. Lol. I also felt the strangeness of Ravenswood the entire time. Everything that happened had me like, what? Okay, then. That was weird. Did anyone else think that was weird? Then, the prisoner really caught me. I wanted to know who he was and why he acted like he knew our MC. The comparison you did of the bakery being organized and neat before our MC came back to it all messy and upside down was subtle but awesome. It really hinted at the trauma and the details she could remember. Yeah, basically your plot was great. It was unique, and kudos to you because I haven't ever read anything like it.

Your character development was done well too. Our MC was inquisitive, dedicated, and showed a lot of sympathy toward the little girl Rebecca which really came full circle by the end of the story.

Now, here is the sad part for me. Since I'm critiquing you, I have to be kinda rough on this part, but just remember I'm not doing it because I'm mean! I'm doing it because I want to help you get better as a writer, and help you make your story the best I can be. So, the first thing I would recommend is making your chapters into more separate paragraphs. The ones that were all one chunk were harder to read. My eyes never got a rest, and at points I found myself skimming. I would suggest breaking them into smaller ones because it'll give your reader's eyes a break and encourage them to read everything instead of skimming. (-0.5 points here)

I would also suggest to go back and do some edits for grammar and punctuation. I found some capitalization errors and places where a word or two was missing. This is a minor thing but it can really turn some readers off. It makes your work look unprofessional and like you didn't care enough to have the time to clean it up some. (-0.75 points here.)

So, for the content I think if you cleaned it up just a little bit and broke the paragraphs up some, I think this story would be great for a quick, thrilling read on a Saturday night! Score: 8.75/10

Next Steps:

Hey, so let's talk about what we need to do to polish your little gem up and make it shine!

Let's get rid of the extra word on the title. Maybe work on centering the title and your pen name so that everyone knows the name of this great writing and whose work it is!Let's make the blurb a little more professional by dropping off the happy reading bit, and maybe rewording a few sentences. Maybe even add something like, but things aren't not always as they seem. Just a little bit more of a hook so that once we reel them in with the title and the cover, we can really sink our teeth into them with the blurb. Then, they'll have to open it up and enjoy the ride!Let's give our chapters a quick edit and proofread. Let's make sure all the punctuation is clean and correct for our readers. We want them to enjoy it not stop reading when they see one small error! There's lot of people offering editing services in the community forums. I'm sure someone would love to help you out!Let's also break up our big paragraphs. Our lovely reader's eyes need a break every now and then. Give them time to really savor on each word and feel that maximum suspense every sentence. Trust me, it'll be better in the long run!Lastly, let's give you a pat on the back for coming up with a unique and interesting idea and bringing it to fruition so well!

Great job. Thanks for allowing me the time to review your story. I enjoyed it. I hope my words were helpful, and remember they are just one person's opinion. Always keep writing, and never give up.

"Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learn. Work hard, and never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they will come true, but you."

-Phillip Sweet

If you enjoyed my review, please leave a brief in the comments section and let other potential writers know how I did!