Kaash mai tumse mohabbat kar pata...

Kaash mai tumse nafrat kar paati...

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"He came to our home that day years ago when I was just 23 to ask for my hand for marriage from my babuji.I don't know what they talked about or exactly what he said but turned out babuji was very impressed with him.At that time we were living in Mumbai with my parents.He told babuji that he saw me at some function and liked me instantly.As he is alone in this world he has come all by himself because he don't have any elder figure in his life to do the bidding."

"But what about Bhai's Dadi? Subhadra Devi?" Akash asked perplexed at why Arvind lied if he wanted to marry Garima Aunty?

"He never told us that he had a mother or anyone else for that matter.." Garima revealed thickly the anger palpable in her tone.

"But why Amma? I mean..." Payal was confused.

"Let me finish bitiya.At the end of it you'll know everything and you won't need to ask me any question because your every confusion will be cleared." Garima declared to her confused daughter and son-in-law.

As she continued speaking and revealing everything Akash and Payal could do nothing but sit rigidly and stiff in their seats because the whole truth was way more painful then it seems.

Akash covered his face with his hands.He could hear Payal's sobs besides him.He knew he had to console her but he just don't know how to when he himself was so much shocked and stunned.

Arvind Singh Raizada has stoop this low?

"Payaliya, I never wanted you to ever find out this truth but now.." she couldn't complete as a visibly shaken Payal stood up and ran outside the house whimpering with Akash following behind worriedly.

The moment his lips touched hers he forgot the world around them.

His anger, her hurt, his revenge, her sufferings, his cutting words, her pleadings, his past , his resolve to stay away.

Everything!

Everything flew out of his mind except the feel of her lips on his.

He kissed her as if he was parched for her.

More so it was the first time he was getting intimate with her after that night when they consummated their love in truest sense in his farmhouse a night before their second wedding.

This kiss was nothing as compared to those soft and lovable ones he gave her that night.

His mouth was hard, demanding and aggressive on hers.His movements were urgent as if he was afraid this moment won't last for long.

What started as an attempt to shut her mouth and stop her questions turned into something much much more.

His lips left hers as he trailed his mouth along her jaw towards her neck kissing and sucking each and every inch of her skin which came in the way.

His hand which was around her waist found the hook of her blouse but before he could unhook it he was brutally pushed away from her bringing him back to the cruel reality of them .. their relationship of what it has become because of him.

Before he could react to that sudden push he was rewarded with a tight slap.

But what stumped him more were her next words which shook the ground beneath him.

"How dare you touch me? I am not a whore!" She spat shooting daggers at him with her eyes shining with hurt and betrayal.

She has felt numb as soon as he covered her lips with his whilst he kept silent about her demands for answers of where she stands in his life?

When he thinks that she was deceiving him why was he still keeping her with him if that is so?

Instead he smashed his lips on hers brutally forcing the kiss on her.

She neither felt apprehensive nor shy neither nervous nor scared.

She felt nothing but numbness seeping in her as if her brain has stopped functioning and her heart has stopped beating.

But something .. No not something someone's voice pierced through her brain breaking everything within her cracking her heart burying the remnants in the pit of her stomach forming a knot there.

"She is nothing to me now"

"No one will come to marry your daughter who slept with a man before even marrying him properly"

"You got it right.You mean nothing to me.This is just for vengeance.Nothing more nothing less."

By now she felt him placing open mouth kisses to her neck and his hand has reached the hook of her blouse.

"I can change your feelings however and whenever I like. Because I am Arnav Singh Raizada. The man who writes his own destiny and certainly he will write yours too now that you are linked to him permanently as well"

Anger bubbled inside her so much that she pushed him away , slapped him hard biting back the sobs.

"How dare you touch me? I am not a whore!" She yelled brokenly shattering him with her.

She saw right there the stumped look on her face and then the blinding rage in his eyes.

He would not let her get away with it.

She wondered what would he do now as it seems she has hit quite a pulsating nerve of his?

Well he deserved it anyways!

Serves him right!

"Payal?"

Payal turned around and looked up at him with excruciating hurt that Akash reached out to console her. She stepped back shaking her head as if she was trying to gather herself.

His eyes weren't dry either.

"Payal?" He called again moving closer to her.

In the next moment she was in his arms sobbing profusely against his chest shaking and writhing as if pain was killing her physically too.

"Akash I- Me? Amma .. I never.. Oh Babuji.." She was mumbling incoherent words her voice was muffled by his shirt but he heard it all clearly.

"Payal, cry as much as you want because only letting it all out will heal you and make you accept the reality." Akash murmured against her ear rubbing her back trying to atleast lessen her pain.Because other than that he can't do anything because what they had just learned was too shocking.

Too unexpected!

She pulled away rather stepped back angrily.

"How can I accept that. No Akash. Never!" She shook her head shivering with emotions.

He cupped her cheeks wiping her tears.

"Akash, all these years .. For years and years I thought he.." She turned around moving away from him.

He turned her to face him.

"Payal. Its.."

"NO!!" She gripped his collars seething.

"NO!! NO!! NO AKASH!! ONLY HE IS MY FATHER!! NO ONE ELSE!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO ARVIND MALIK IS?!!! THEN HOW CAN HE BE MY FATHER?"

"Kya bakwaas kar rhi ho?(What rubbish are you saying?)" He shouted enraged at her for using that word for herself.

"Hum ne wahi kaha jo aapne suna aur jo sach hai..(I said what you heard and that's the truth) Stop treating me like a whore that whenever you want you can use me for pleasure and then go ahead belittle my self respect and dignity infront of all and then come back wanting me to be all okay with it and let you play with me all over again?!" Her words threw him on the edge.Breaking down everything inside him.

He took her hand in his and pleaded looking into her eyes.

"Please Khushi don't use that word for yourself ever again. It hurts."

"Kyun na karein?(Why shouldn't I?) That's what you made me feel when you said that before our families.I felt like a w-"

"Shut up! Just Shut up dammit!!!" He bellowed shaking her pressing her arms.

"Nahi karein gay shut up(No I won't.) I dare you try and make me." She shoved him away.

"Very well then!" He took her elbow and pulled her back in his arms before fastening his lips on hers again as she protested with full force in his arms punching her fists on his chest trying and failing miserably to break free.

"There I completed the dare!" He said pulling back looking at her with triumph before his face depicted pain seeing her vulnerable form as she glared at him with her eyes full of tears of hurt and ... hate?

His heart dropped. He realized what he did. He has done exactly what she just has said he always did. He has made her feel like a wh-

He closed his eyes not being able to say the word with her name in one sentence.

"Khushi?" He stepped forward.

"No!" She stepped back whimpering.

"I swear I never thought about you that way. I-"

"I have seen and experienced what you actually think about me for the last three months already Mr.Raizada. I felt it all literally." She cried out."I know where I stand in your life. I know what I am to you ever since you married me this time around. I am just a pawn. A pawn to get back at my mother." She stopped to breath hard making him swallow past a lump.

Every word of hers was true. What could he possibly reply to that?

"I just want to know for how long will this go on? Because I don't know till when would I be able to tolerate it all. This life , the burden , the accusations and your ... hate." She choked at the end.

He clenched his hands resisting the urge to take away all her pain.If he wanted he could make it up to her for the three months of pain in three days.But the bottom line here is if he wanted that is. The truth is he can't and he won't. Not until he breaks that Garima Gupta to bits.

But will Khushi let him make up after all he had put her through?

He was gambling with their future to avenge his mother and he don't even know what consequences he would've to bear once he would be done with his revenge game?

She was pursing her lips in anger seeing him standing silent still and it wrecked her some more.

"I don't hate you Khushi." He said simply.

Despite not wanting to but she did feel a surge of hope build inside her at that which he crushed with his next words.

"I told you clearly on our wedding night didn't I? That you mean nothing to me.When you don't mean anything then feeling something for you is out of question. Hate is also an emotion don't you think Mrs.Raizada?" His stomach churned as he said that.

She stared at him aghast. In disbelief.

"Why don't you let me go then? If you don't want me to go to Amma fine I won't. I just want to go somewhere. I need a break from all this."

He swallowed.

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know. I really don't know. I just want to go .. go aw-"

"Away from me?"

She nodded averting her eyes.

Why this heart of hers was protesting?

"Will that make you happy?"

She looked at him to find his face stoic.

"I don't know about happiness but I would sure be content."

She murmured hoping he would for once let her be.

He stepped to her and she didn't move back this time looking expectantly at him.

"I have always wanted to meet the woman who made me orphan." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Khushi shuddered as she wasn't getting good vibes about where he was moving the conversation.

"Because I wanted to sue her and her family for jeopardizing with my world , my family."

A chill ran down her spine.

"For years I lived with this hate for her. Hate would be an understatement Mrs.Raizada."

She moved back feeling scared with the way his face has turned stony. She knew that look. The look she has seen multiple times a while ago when they had met. In Lucknow. In Sheesh Mahal. In his office. In RM. On days when he has mercilessly hurt her without any reason.

Now she shuddered to even think of what he would do when he has a solid concrete reason to be a monster to her?

"What happened?" He stepped in her way when she tried to leave.

"You wanted answers Mrs.Raizada. Now when you are getting them where are you running to? So where was I?"

"I- I don't want to listen. I-I am t-tired. I-I will just go .. just go and sleep." She don't think she was ready to handle the venom spewing from him which he has in him for years. Not yet.

"Oh so you don't want to go somewhere now do you? Don't you want a break?" He scoffed.

"I do. But I know you won't give it to me. I was a fool to even think of possibility of asking you nicely." She spat walking past him.

He gripped her upper arms turning her to him sharply.

"You are my wife aren't you? Share a bit of my burden sweetheart. That's what you are here for!" He gritted.

"Share your burden? I would have if you had thought of letting go of your past and embrace your present. If only you had married me to move on and leave your past behind. Not to wreck me to shatter my mother."

"I got to know she is a Sharma. My father's mistress." He said as if she didn't say anything.

"Shut up! She-"

"She lived in Mumbai. I went there to her address. She wasn't there. Neighbours said they left years ago and now they don't know where they are. Do you know what I felt that day?" His bloodshot eyes gave her a fright.

She don't know this man. She hasn't seen this side of Arnav Singh Raizada.

"Do you know?!" He shook her.

An involuntary yelp escaped her mouth.

"On one hand I got my home back. Sheesh Mahal back but on the other I was met with dead end to reach that woman. It infuriated me and to add to that you ruined my show by stepping on to that goddamn stage with your ridiculous class-less green lehenga."

She gulped. No wonder he was so angry that day. Not to mention monstrous with her.

Failure was something he wasn't used to facing and that day he tasted just that.

She swallowed the hiss biting her lips feeling his grip tightening to painful until she couldn't help but whimper.

"Who the hell told you to come up that stage and step foot in my life?"

She closed her eyes in pain.

"I didn't do it deliberately. I-"

"If only you has used your brain and has seen the models walking in fucking red theme dresses. If only dammit. If only!" He growled."But No! Dimagh toh hai hi nahi na tumhare pass toh istemal kaise karti haina? (You don't have brains so using it was out of question right?)"

"They pushed me to the stage. I didn't do anything. I told you then and I am telling you again!" She gritted trying to break free.

"Even if you got there on that ramp why the hell did you have to fall in my arms?"

"I slipped! I fell!" She defended herself.

"Yeah fell down to your morals in an unknown man's arms who was rich and healthy and most certainly the tycoon. He would have made your life."

"You are an asshole!"

He chuckled darkly.

"Glad you realized that. But isn't it too late for you Mrs.Raizada because you are the wife of that asshole only aren't you. Not only that he is ruling your life too isn't he?"

"Go to hell!"

"Ah. Aren't you in there already? Does your so-called Amma know what are you going through?"

Her eyes widened when she saw him moving back and taking out his cell.

"You wanted to talk to your mother right?"

She swallowed. No. Not like this. She saw the glint in his eyes. Maniac one.

She rubbed her arms where he has held her brutally.

"No. I don't want to." She said quickly seeing him swiping his fingers over his phone.

"You sure do." He touched call button.

"I said I don't want to." She shrieked trying to reach for the phone. He caught her wrist stopping her.

Her heart slammed in her chest.

"Hello mother-in-law!" He said sarcastically and Khushi paled.

Wounding one arm around her waist he pulled her to his form lest she escapes.

"Yes its me Arnav Singh Raizada."

Khushi shook her head pleadingly at him. He in turn put the phone on speaker mode.

"Arnav bitwa?"

Khushi closed her eyes hearing her Amma's voice laced with pain after months.

"How is my Khushi?"

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she touched her head to his shoulder feeling too choked up.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"Please don't do this Arnavji.." She whispered placing her palm over the phone speaker.

"Actually she can't talk because she don't want to. How can she when she is sobbing right?" He stated making Khushi dumbfounded.

"What?" Hearing her Amma's torn voice made her inside churn.

"Yeah." Arnav said casually."Do you know we are all alone in a big mansion and your daughter is being watched by me 24/7? She needs my permission to do everything. Even if its sleeping , eating or breathing even!"

"Amma please put the phone down. I am fine. Don't worry." Khushi said but she failed to hide the quiver in her voice.

Hearing Khushi's voice made Garima burst into tears giving immense satisfaction to Arnav.

"I know you are not bitiya. I am so sorry. Trust me I-"

"Oh save that for later on." Arnav cut her in a bored tone."Oh so I was saying that your daughter is living in a hell as she liked to call it. Do you know she just begged me to let her go because she can't bear it anymore?"

"Please let her go. I will do anything. You want to punish me right? Do whatever you want to but just don't do this to her."

Knives twisted in Khushi's guts hearing her mother plead like that. She reached for the phone again. He extended his arm away from her and with the other kept holding her to his side.

"She is mine do you get that Garima Gupta?! And you ... you are going to live with this guilt of being responsible for the ruined happiness of your daughter every minute , every second of your life."

"Please bitwa?" Garima sobbed and Khushi couldn't handle it anymore.

She wriggled extending her arm to thrash the phone or better break it to stop him but he folded her arm painfully behind her back even before she could hit the cell.

She couldn't help but cry out in helplessness as she heard the heart wrenching sobs of her mother tearing her apart.

"I am surprised Garima Gupta. I have just started and you are breaking already. What would become of you when I will be fully done with you?"

Khushi heard her mother gasp.

"What is it you want to do? Please do it all at once but just spare my Khushi."

"Spare your Khushi? How can I when it is only because of her I can't hurt you directly? Be thankful that you are her mother figure otherwise I don't show mercy to my enemies. Not even a bit."

His tone not only chilled Garima but also Khushi.

"From now on. You will be filled with every single detail of what your daughter is suffering. I mean what's the fun in just keeping her away from you? I want more than that. I want you to die and live every moment of your life like my mother did because of you until she couldn't bear it anymore and ended her life!" He pressed Khushi's waist in rage involuntarily causing a pain to seep in her lower abdomen. She tried to push him with her body but she was no match to his strength.

Khushi heard the guilt ridden pleads of her mother ripping her apart.

"You won't do any such thing Mr.Raizada." Khushi could only whisper yell to which he only raised his eyebrow asking her.

Are you challenging me?

She pursed her lips. She can't provoke him more than he already was.

"Why not start from right this moment?Your Khushi is all alone with me right now in this mansion and do you know what I have in store for her tonight?" He stopped looking in her eyes." Actually I don't think I have to spell it out to you now do I? You know its a couple thing huh!"

On the other side of the phone Garima's face whitened.

"Don't be harsh on her please!"

"Amma- umm" Khushi started only to be cut by his lips on hers.

Garima's eyes widened.

"Good bye mother-in-law." He cut the call and threw his cell on the couch before turning to his wife who was shooting daggers at him.Her eyes full of hurt and tears. Some spilled on her cheeks.

"How can you be so cruel?"

"So? Just so? I can be much more. You will know that in coming days. Let's wait and watch."

"WHY?!" She yelled pushing him away. He staggered a step back before looking at her sharply.

"I told you never to think of leaving me again or your family will suffer. Not theirs its your fault of what happened here. I am a man of my words. I do as I say."

"Oh wow! Are you? Because whatever promise you made to me you didn't stand by either of it or did you?" She gibed.

"I would've if you hadn't been her daughter."

His eyes filled up from the corners.

"When I was getting ready for our marriage I have vowed to make you happy but when I got to know about your mother's real face everything changed. Including my love for you. Promises were just a small thing." He declared in a small voice making her choke.

He rubbed her arms softly now pulling her closer.

"When I married you then I promised myself that I would snatch your mother's happiness and peace even if means snatching yours too along with hers."

He inched closer to her face.

"What did you say that you would be content if I let you go huh? I would never let you be happy or content for that matter not until I snatch it all from Garima Gupta."

"I will stay with you forever. Just spare my Amma." She whispered silently making him gulp as he looked at her shattered form.

"Oh I haven't done any major damage yet because of you." His tone turned soft.

"I wish I haven't met you.Ever. I wish you haven't fallen in my arms that night. Only if you hadn't I wouldn't have had to have you in my life at any cost neither would I have to be careful not to lose all my chances to be with you. All this would've been too easier for me. All I would've done was make a phone call and she would have faced what my mother did in the blink of an eye." He touched his head to hers.

He pulled back when he heard a sarcastic chuckle leaving her mouth.

"Chances to be with me? Let me tell you Mr.Arnav Singh Raizada you have lost all of them if you ever had any." She freed herself from her.

"Khushi?" He moved to her restlessly.

She held out her hand to stop him sternly.

"Don't you dare touch me because you have no rights on me" She declared looking straight int his eyes which she noticed turned red with anger and disbelief at her words.

"Khushi listen to me. When all this would be done I will make it up to you. Just bear it till I have my revenge." He cupped her cheeks even though she protested.

"Your mission is to destroy my mother. How can you even think that I would stay with you after you will shatter her beyond repair?"

"I said I would make it up to you. Didn't you hear me?" He yelled burying his fingers in her hairs nuzzling his nose with her whilst she dug her nails in his wrists to get out of his hold.

"Listen to me goddammit! We passed that contract marriage phase too didn't we? We will pass this too. You will angry for a few days. You won't talk to me. Fine. I will live with that but at the end you will come running back to my arms won't you?"

She stared at his face in disbelief.

Was he serious?

Indeed he was!

She looked at his stoic face as if telling her that he would make it all happen.

Ofcourse he writes his own destiny don't he?

She scoffed.

"Can you forget your mother's destroyer?"

"Never!"

"So how can you expect me to give you a chance when you will become the reason of all the pain my mother will go through?" She hissed.

"Why is she so much important to you?" He growled his face turning red.

"I can ask you the same!" She retaliated.

He shoved her away running his fingers in his hairs.

After a minute he came to stand in front of her with all the confidence.

"I know you are too hurt Mrs.Raizada. I know I will hurt you again and again in future too. But when the time came for us to be together I will move heaven and earth together to keep you with me."

"WHY? Why? When you say I mean nothing to you? Why when you say you would never let me be happy? Why this pretense then?"

"That's because I am helpless. I can't love you neither can I let you go. You have become a necessity for me Khushi. Aadat ho gayi hai tumhari. Badal nahi sakta. (I am used to having you around. Can't change that.)"

"And I am regretting every moment I ever thought that you love me." She croaked.

"What? But you yourself said you never regretted any moment spent with me.Remember?"

"Hum nay apke saath aisa koi pal jiya hi nahi jiska humein afsos ho balke hum har pal jee uthe (I haven't regretted any moment spent with you. Infact I have fully lived only in them)"

Her eyes filled up.

"Wo hum nay apne Arnavji se kaha tha. (That I said to my Arnavji.N-Not you!)" She mumured shakily looking up at him with hurt and pain.

"I-I am the same man Khushi. I am your Arnavji." He said pulling her closer to himself till their was no gap between them for even the air to pass.

"No! You are not! Nafrat karte hain hum apse (I hate you!)"

"Nafrat?(Hate?) But you said you love me." He said remembering her adorable confession.

Hum bhi apse i love you dammit (I love you too dammit)

Blinking back the tears he tried kissing her but she turned her face away but not before glaring up at him.

He took a raged breath.Her refusal made him feel even more worse.As if he was walking on eggshells.

"Irony Mr.Raizada...Just few minutes ago you were mocking and doubting the same love by accusing me for scheming with my Amma and now you yourself are confirming it huh? Why not first clear out your own confusion and then question me?" She said sarcastically looking back at him still encaged in his arms.

"THEN CLEAR OUT MY CONFUSION!! SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME! REPEAT THE SAME WORDS YOU SAID THAT DAY. JUST REPEAT THEM!!!" He yelled as he couldn't take it anymore.

He needed some assurance. Something to hold on to that one day she might forgive him even if he went to extremes to hurt her mother.

He just wanted to hear her say those three words again.

He badly wanted to hear them.

Just once from her lips again.

Maybe saying them might make her feel the same for him all over again?

"For repeating those words I need to feel them which I don't think I feel for you anymore after what you did to my mother and .. me."

What does he think he is?

Like hell she will say them again!

Arnav didn't knew what was this sudden need he felt to hear her say those three words again.He just couldn't understand what he was feeling right now.He knew he don't deserve to hear or feel those words and he knew she won't even say them.But he just wanted to hear them once and he would.

No matter what!

He needed some solace from this aching pain.

"Say that you love me." He demanded pressing her to him.

"I hate you." She spitted out the words infuriating him.

"Say.that.you.love.me!" He chewed on each word, a hint of desperation evident in his voice.

"I.hate.you!" She repeated refusing to relent.

"No! You don't!!" He bellowed on her face.

"YES I DO! Jitni nafrat aap hamari amma se karte hain, usse kahin zyada nafrat hum apse karte hain (I hate you way more than you hate my mother)" She declared as his eyes turned moist.

And then his face hardened.

"I am giving you a minute Mrs.Raizada. Either you confess your love for me or I will make you scream it the other way."

Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second at the implication behind his words.But then a challenge glinted in her eyes.

"Apko jo karna hai ap kijiye.Hum nahi kahein gay(Do whatever you want to.I won't say..)" She said confidently.

He pressed her more to him if that was even possible.

"JUST SAY IT DAMMIT!!!"

His urge grew more and more with her denial.

"No! I won't!" She shouted back standing with the tip of their noses touching whilst they both were glaring at eachother breathing heavily due to the onslaught of emotions raging within them.

"Fine! Don't say them!" He growled at her face and then pushed her away furiously.

Pointing a finger at her shaking form he warned her.

"Now! Don't even think of coming near me."

"I don't wish to come near you either!" She answered back with same intensity but in the next second she screamed with fear.

He had smashed his hand against the glass table shattering it into pieces injuring his hand badly.

"Arnavji!!!"

She rushed to him and tried to hold his bleeding arm but he pushed her away.

"I SAID DON'T COME NEAR ME!"

"Arnavji, your hand...please?" She pleaded her tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Stay away!" He said rigidly.

What happened next was something Khushi hasn't anticipated in her wildest dreams.

She screamed, pleaded, yelled and tried to stop him but he didn't let her near him and continued hurting his already injured hand with glass wares.

He ran to the windows, smashed his other hand across it forcefully that it cracked piercing his skin.

Then he smashed his battered hand to anything and everything which was made of glass.

"ARNAVJI!! STOP IT!!! PLEASE STOP IT!!!"

Khushi sobbed but he didn't listen to anything.The noise of shattering and breaking glasses was everywhere in the living room reverberating in the air, the drops of blood on the floor were the last straw.

Her knees buckled up as she fell on the floor and screamed at the top of her lungs clenching her saree in her fist stilling his every movement.

"I LOVE YOU!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! I LOVE YOU ARNAVJIII!!!!!!!"

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