KHICHDI: A TALE OF CONFUSION:

"#Hello", Chitra cooed. She knelt down in front of the toddler, holding her hand out in a handshake.

It was the three year reunion of their graduation and the cadets had met after a fairly long time. They had of course, worked as civilians and occasionally, gotten calls from Colonel Batra for missions. Between their jobs and missions, they had barely gotten time to catch up with others.

The toddler stuck her thumb in her mouth, sucking as she smiled adorably. She waved, smiling shyly.

"#Aww", she said. "Aapke Mumma Papa kaun hai?"

She stared back, just smiling as she sucked on her thumb.

"Aap kiske saath aaye ho?"

She pointed to someone, and Chitra looked up, following her finger. Her eyes widened. Monami?

Monami was a mother?

"Kavya", Karan called, and the toddler looked up. He hadn't noticed Chitra talking to her, and he gestured to her to come to him. "Kavya, come here, baccha."

The toddler ran up to him, and Karan picked her up in his arms, leaving Chitra staring with wide eyes.

They hadn't talked a whole lot but Monami and Karan hadn't even told them about their daughter?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Bala paused as he heard the sound of a child crying. He glanced around, before following the noise, looking around and seeing a toddler.

She was sitting on the floor, rubbing her eyes and crying.

"Yeh baccha kiska hai?" He muttered. He walked closer, kneeling down. "Aapke Mummy Papa kahan hai?"

She stared at him, her sobs dying down a little. Bala stared at her expectantly, and she stared right back. She opened her mouth, and let out a scream that made him fall back, clutching his ears.

"Iss ambulance ko koi chup karao warna mujhe ambulance ki zaroorat padh jayegi", he said, as her screams continued.

"Kavya", a voice called, and they quietened down almost immediately.

Sanju appeared and the toddler stood up, running to her and hugging her. Bala's jaw dropped and he stared at the two.

Sanju picked her up, wiping her tears. "Bola tha, na, idhar udhar naa jaana", she scolded lightly. "Chalo."

She rubbed her back comfortingly, as the toddler hiccupped a little from her crying session, failing to notice a shocked Bala.

"Sid Bhai ji ka baccha hai?" He said. "Aur unhone bataaya bhi nahi?"

---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Pehle, dekhiye, aap aur Koel kitna ladti thi", Prem ji said "Ab dekhiye."

Suman ji smiled. "Ab dekho, Karan Sir ji aur Monami bhi toh ek doosre se kitni nafrat karte the, aur Sanju madam Sid se, par ab unki shaadi ho gayi hai."

"Satyavachan", he said.

A toddler's laughter made them pause, and they both peeked into Koel and Faizi's room, their jaw dropping open. Koel, Faizi and Nikhil were playing with a toddler and she shrieked with laughter as Nikhil chased her around.

"Kavya, main aa raha hoon", he said, wriggling his fingers and running behind her.

"Mumma", she screamed suddenly, laughing.

Suman ji scowled. "Iss kamini ka ek aur baccha hai aur isne Suman ji ko bataaya bhi nahi? Hamesha apne bacche chhupaati rehti hai yeh kamini. Ab Suman ji bilkul isse baat nahi karegi."

She scoffed, turning around and walking off. Prem ji glanced inside, staring wide eyed before following her.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Karan Sir", Chitra called and he turned out, waiting as she ran up to him.

"Haan, bolo?"

"Karan Sir, #Congratulations", she said. His eyebrows furrowed together. Congratulations?

"Kis liye?"

"Arey, aapke aur Monami ke #baby ke liye", she said. His eyebrows shot up and he stared at her. "Aap ne pehle bataaya hota toh main #gift bhi deti, par later, #promise." She grinned. "Okay, #bye." She ran off because he can ask her anything.

He stared after her, his jaw open. "Baby? Mera aur Monami ka baby bhi hai? Yeh kab hua? Mujhe kisi ne bataaya kyun nahi?" His face cleared into one of understanding. "Monami pregnant hai kya?"

He dashed to their room, pausing as he found his wife sitting on the desk, writing something.

"Monami", he said, and she looked up. She offered him a bright smile, and he smiled back hesitantly. "Monami... tumhe... tumhe mujhe kuch bataana hai kya?"

She frowned, thinking back. She shook her head. "Nahi. Mujhe toh kuch nahi bataana."

'Aapke aur Monami ke #baby ke liye.'

"Are you sure?" He asked. "Kuch nahi bataana?"

She shook her head. "Nahi, Karan. Tumhe kuch bataana hai kya?"

He paused. "Monami... tum theek ho?"

"Haan, Karan, main theek hoon. Kya hua hai? Tum itna weirdly kyun behave kar rahe ho? Jo bolna hai, saaf saaf bolo."

"Nahi, kuch nahi", he said.

'Chitra ko galatfehmi ho gayi hai kya?' He thought. 'Par wo toh kitni confident sound kar rahi thi.' He looked at his wife. 'Yeh pregnant hai ya nahi?'

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Monu bro", Sid said. "Yeh Bala G bro ka kya scene hai?"

"Pata nahi, bro", she said. "Tune pakka kuch kara hoga."

They tilted their heads, staring at the passive aggressive Bala.

"Aapne yeh achha nahi kara", he said as he walked past them, shaking his head. "Main aapko kabhi maaf nahi karoonga."

"Bro... do you think yeh paagal ho kya?" Sid asked.

"No idea, bro", she said. "Yeh... Karan bhi itna weirdly behave kar raha tha dopehar mein aur lunch par Suman ji aur Prem ji bhi, aur pata hai? Chitra ne mujhe dekha aur itni weird si smile di. Aur ab yeh Bala. What's happening?"

"Kisi ne khaane mein toh kuch mila diya?" Sid asked.

"Prem ji", Monami called, and the man stopped. "Mujhe aapse kuch poochhna tha."

"Haan, haan, poochho."

"Aap Koel ko lunch par aise kyun dekh rahe the?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "Koel se hum bahut rusht hai. Usne hume nahi bataaya ki uska baccha bhi hai."

The two stared at him before looking at each other. Sid leaned over. "Clinically insane kab declare karte hain?"

"Prem ji, Nikhil ke baare mein toh sabko pata hai", Monami said. "Aap usko baare mein ab kyun gussa ho rahe hain?"

"Nikhil ki vartalaap nahi kar rahe the hum. Uska ek aur baccha hai?"

"Kya?" Sid said. "Koel ka ek aur baccha hai? Kaise hua?"

"Kaise hua ka kya matlab hai, Sid?" Prem ji said. "Jaise hota hai, waise hi hua hoga."

"Prem ji, sexual intercourse ke alaawa bhi bacche ho sakte hain, jaise IVF-" Monami started, and Sid slapped the back of her head.

"Chup", he said, elbowing her. "Point yeh nahi hai ki Koel ka baccha IVF se hua hai ya normal way se, point yeh hai ki Nikhil ke alaawa uska ek aur baccha hai aur usne hume yeh bataaya nahi."

"Correct", she said, nodding. "Par kyun?"

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Bala G bro", Sid said. "Kya hua hai? Seedha seedha bolo."

"Yeh hua hai ki aap ne iss Shaitan ke Saale se itni badhi baat chhupaayi", Bala said. "Mujhe laga tha hum bhai hai, Sid Bhai ji."

"Aye, Siddharth, ke baat chhupaayi tune Bala se?" Sanju asked.

"Maine kuch aisa nahi chhupaaya", Sid said. "Bala G bro?"

"Arey, baatein toh kisi aur ne chhupaayi hai", Suman ji said, crossing her arms. A lot of people nodded, before pausing and looking at each other.

"Tumhe pata hai?" Prem ji said, pointing to Chitra.

"#Of course", she said, smiling at Monami.

She frowned, pausing. 'Yeh meri taraf kyun dekh rahi hai? Baat toh Koel ne chhupaayi hai, na? Aur smile kyun kar rahi hai?'

"Sanju madam, aap zyaada bhole mat bano", Bala said. "Aap ne bhi chhupaayi hai."

"Humne?" She said, pausing and thinking. "Naa. Humne toh koi baat naa chhupaayi hogo."

"Accha? Aapke aur Sid Bhai ji bacche ke baare mein nahi chhupaaya?"

"KYA?" Sid and Sanju echoed together.

"Sanju?" Karan asked, staring at her in shock. "Tera baccha hai?"

"Naa, Sir ji. Humaara koi baccha naa hogo."

"Mera baccha hai?" Sid said.

"Matlab, tumhaara ek baccha hai par wo Sanju ka nahi hai?" Faizi asked.

"Nahi, nahi, Sid aisa nahi kar sakta", Monami said.

"Mera koi baccha nahi hai!" Sid protested, holding up her hands as Karan and Sanju took threatening steps forward.

"Siddharth, kaun hai wo?" Sanju demanded.

"Kaun kaun hai?"

"Jiske saath tera baccha hai?"

"Mera koi baccha nahi hai. Naa tumhaare saath, naa kisi aur ke saath. Mummy promise, tumhaari kasam, Monu ki kasam. Pakka nahi hai."

"Arey, Bala, tumhe koi misunderstanding hui hogi", Chitra said. "#Baby toh kisi aur ka hai?"

"Satyavachan", Prem ji said.

"Kyun, #Karan Sir?" She said.

"HAIN?" Monami said, looking at Karan. She narrowed her eyes. "Karan, tumhaara koi baccha hai?"

"Arey, #dono ka hai", Chitra said.

"Mera baccha hai aur mujhe hi nahi pata?" Monami said.

Karan looked equally confused, staring at his wife. "Yeh kab hua? Main kahan tha? Kyun tha? Monami, tumne mujhe bataaya kyun nahi?"

"I want to know too", Sid said. "Bro, tera baby hai aur tune bataaya hi nahi?"

"Mujhe hi kisi ne nahi bataaya toh main kaise bataoongi?" Monami asked. She stared at her stomach as if it will tell her that she was once pregnant and carried a baby and delivered it.

"Ek second, ek second", Suman ji said. "Tune bhi apne bacche ke baare mein chhupaaya?"

"Arey, nahi", Karan said. "Humaara koi baccha nahi hai." He paused. "Ek second. Tune bhi? Aur kisne chhupaaya hai?"

Four hands were lifted and pointed straight at Koel, and she stared wide eyed at it.

"Kya?" Faizi said. "Koel, Nikhil ke alaawa tumhaara koi aur baccha hai?"

She swallowed. "Main bataane waali thi."

Everyone stared at her. "Tumhaara baccha hai aur tumne yeh baat kisi ko nahi bataayi?" Karan said. He slapped Faizi over the back of his head. "Oye, saand. Tujhe kaisi nahi pata?"

"Use kaise pata hoga?" Koel asked.

"Kaise matlab?" Monami said. "Tum dono ek saath rehte ho, na? Faizi, tumhe kaise nahi pata?"

Faizi stared at his wife. "Hume nahi pata. K-Kahan chhupaakar rakha hai tumne use? Aur... aur kiska baccha hai wo? Tum... tum humaare saath aisa kaise kar sakti ho? Kahan hai wo?"

She pointed to her stomach and everyone tilted their heads.

"Oh", several people said at once.

"Tum... pregnant ho?" Monami asked. She nodded.

"Nahi", Suman ji said.

"Kya nahi?" Koel said. "Main pregnant hoon. Is mein kya nahi?"

"Nahi, matlab tumhaara ek aur baccha hai", she said. "Nikhil aur iss waale ke alaawa."

"Suman ji, itne bacche bhi nahi hai mere ki yeh bhool jaoongi ki kitne hain", she said. "Ek Nikhil hai aur yeh hai. Bas. Koi aur baccha nahi hai mera."

"Toh uss bacchi ka kya jo tumhaare aur Faizi Sir saath thi?" Prem ji said.

"Kaunsi bacchi?" Koel said.

"Arey, main keh raha hoon Sanju Madam aur Sid Bhai ji ka baccha hai", Bala said.

"Nahi, #Karan Sir aur Monami ka."

"Nahi, nahi", Monami immediately protested. "Mera koi-"

"Arey nahi, Faizi Sir aur Koel ka", Suman ji said, talking over her. "Waise bhi, ise bacche chhupaane ki aadat hai. Ek aadh chhupa kar bhool gayi hogi."

"Oh hello", Koel said. "Main koi kidnapper nahi-"

"Siddharth, sach sach bata. Tera koi baccha hai?"

"Nahi hai, Sanju", he said. "Pakka-"

"Monami, tum #Mom ho, right?" Chitra asked.

"Nahi hoon", she said, sighing.

"CHUP! SHUT UP!" Karan yelled, and everyone fell quiet, turning to stare at him. "Sab chup. Ab jo main poochh raha hoon, sab sirf usi ka jawaab denge." He pointed to Sid. "Teri koi baccha hai, Sid?"

He shook his head. "Nope. None. Zero kids."

"Waise bhi, tu khud baccha hai", Karan muttered. He pointed to Sanju. "Tera hai?"

"Sir ji, Siddharth ka naa hogo toh humaara kya asmaan se tapkega? Humaara bhi naa hogo."

"Point", he muttered, turning to Koel. "Tumhaara Nikhil aur new baby ke alaawa koi hai?"

She shook her head. "Nope. And mujhe pata hai mere kitne bacche hain." She glared at Suman ji as she opened her mouth. Karan gave her a stern look to Suman ji and she fell quiet.

He turned to his wife. "Monami, in case I missed any? Baccha hai humaara? Pregnant ho?"

"Nahi, nahi aur nahi", she said, crossing her arms. "And what do you mean missed any? Humaara ek bhi baccha nahi hai, toh agar hoga, toh miss kaise karoge? Baccha hai ya call jo miss ho jayegi. Koi baccha nahi hai humaara."

"Nahi bhi samajh aata hai mujhe", he muttered. "Chitra, tumhe kyun lagta hai mera aur Monami ka koi baccha hai?"

"Maine aapko #ek bacche ke saath dekha tha. Abhi kal ki party mein", she said. "Aur jab maine uss bacche se poochha tha ki wo kiske saath aayi hai, usne #Monami ko point kara."

"Bro, tera baccha hai and you didn't even tell me?" Sid asked.

"NAHI HAI, NAHI HAI, NAHI HAI", she screamed. "Ab agli baar kisi ne mujhse mera koi baccha hai, main goli maar doongi use."

Everyone leaned away from her, staring wide eyed at her.

"#Karan Sir ki company ka asar", Chitra muttered. She slid down in her seat, when both Karan and Monami glared at her.

"Main... main keh raha hoon ki Sanju madam ka baccha hai", Bala said. "Mujhe naam bhi pata hai. Kavya."

"Haan", Suman ji, Prem ji and Chitra said before pausing and looking at each other.

The six stared at him before they all facepalmed in unison.

"Wow, #sync", Chitra said.

"Itni der se yeh Kavya ki baat kar rahe hain", Karan muttered.

"Mera dimaag kha liya hai inhone aur yeh Kavu ki baat kar rahe hain", Sid said.

"Dimaag hai tumhaare paas?" Koel said.

"Ek second, yeh #Kavya hai kaun?" Chitra asked.

Monami and Sid raised their hands, opening their mouths.

"Tum dono ka baccha?" Suman ji shrieked.

"NAHI", they screamed together.

"In dono ke bachpan ki dost ki beti hai", Karan said. "Wo kal busy thi toh isliye Sid aur Monami sambhaal rahe the. Wo hai bhi nahi ab academy mein."

"#Ohh", Chitra said. "Matlab, aap dono ka koi baccha nahi hai?"

"Nahi", Karan said, sighing tiredly. "Koi baccha nahi humaara."

"Waise, #cute bahut hoga. Kar lijiye", she said. Monami and Karan stared at her, and she shrank back. "#Sorry."

"Ek second, ek second. Hum iss sab mein main cheez toh bhool hi gaye", Sid said. He turned to Koel. "Koel, tu pregnant hai? Kab, kaise?"

"Kaise matlab? Jaise hota hai, Sid", Karan said.

"Nahi, actually, there are other ways like IVF-"

"Arey, tu dobara wahan pahunch gayi", Sid said.

"Toh tu bhi toh dobara 'kaise' par pahunch gaya", she said back.

"Kin paagalon se shaadi kar li hai", Karan said to Sanju, a hand on his face.

"Katayi borante", Sanju agreed.

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