"I'm sorry." His voice was low, eyes filled with regret as he spoke.

For a moment you could only sit and stare, the emotions from the previous day and a half resurfacing.

"Hey..." he soothed, wiping the tears that began to shed with his thumb.

"I just..... i was finally starting to open up to you and you shut down on me." You said, sitting up. "What did I do wrong?" You asked, choking on your own voice as defeat began to prick at your lungs, weighing heavy in your chest like a cinderblock.

"No, y/n, you didn't do anything wrong-" he sat up, instantly pulling you in for another hug.

"Then what's going on?" You pressed, softly pushing him away.

You needed to know what was wrong.
You needed to know why he was shutting you out.
You needed to know why he was broken.

"Jungkook..." you called, taking his hands in your own as you noticed him flinch at your previous action. "I'm here for you no matter what."

"I-........." he paused, searching for the words inside his mind before sighing in defeat. "I don't know what to say..."

"You can start with the truth," you said, beginning to grow frustrated with the boy you cared so deeply for. You instantly regretted the tone when he scoffed, pulling his hands away and retreating from the bed.

"You think this is easy for me Y/N? Huh?" He sounded hurt, his voice, usually bright and strong, wavered dully. "You don't even know me."

He was right.
You didn't know anything about him, not really. All you knew was the strong flirtatious face he showed the world. You knew nothing of his troubles or secrets. You didn't know anything about his past or present. You didn't even really know much about his career. But the more you realized just how little you knew about him, the more you realized you wanted to learn everything- you physically needed to.

"Then let me get to know you."

"It's not that simple Y/N-"

"Isn't it? I care about you so damn much- and i know you feel the same!" At the moment you were beyond frustrated, eyes watering from the overwhelming emotions coursing through your veins.

"Y/n please... don't....." he said defeatedly

"Don't what?"

"Don't make me fall for you...." he looked broken as he barely whispered his reply. Your heart ached as you watched his shell finally crumble. Slowly, you found him off the bed and gently you took his hands into your own once more, ducking to catch his eyes.

"Jungkook, what are you so afraid of?"

"Loosing you....... hurting you......" he mumbled, playing with you fingers. He felt exposed.

You stood on you tippy toes, placing a lingering kiss on his cheek as you wrapped your arms around his neck. "You won't loose me, and the only way you can hurt me is if you keep shutting me out."

He stood quiet. You could tell he was doing everything in his power to not break down again, his breathing shaky and slow.
"Lee Soonjin," he mumbled.

You remained quiet waiting for him to continue, softly stroking the back of his neck with you thumb. "She meant a lot to me- we were together for 2 years. She got sick..... she didn't tell anyone until it was too late." He took a deep breath, shifting stiffly as he fought from crying.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anymore"

"No, I have to get it out." He said, choking down another unstable breath. "I knew she had been lying to me for months. She'd say she was going to go out with her friends but I'd see them later on and they'd say they hadn't seen her in weeks. She'd avoid messaging me for days, saying she was just tired and wanted to be alone. I had assumed she was cheating on me, so I followed her one day. She stopped at a cafe downtown- a really nice one. I waited across the street, watching as she hugged a man and sat across from him. They were smiling a lot when they spoke. When she glanced out the window she saw me, and the look of guilt on her face only made me more convinced of my take on the situation. She practically ran to me, begging me to listen to her when she said she could explain. But I snapped at her, saying a lot of things I still regret to this day. I shut her out that day. Left her in the rain crying for me to come back."

He was crying now, he looked physically exhausted. "Here, sit down." He nodded slowly, recomposing himself to continue his story.

"For 5 weeks she tried to call me. She left me countless voicemails, emails, texts.... none of which i opened until Jin came home crying. They were close friends since middle school, in fact he's the one who set us up. When i asked what was wrong all he said was 'Soonjin.... she's gone..... she's really gone.'
I didn't understand at first. At first i thought she had run away with the guy from the cafe, but none of it made sense. Why would Jin cry if she ran off with someone, she was practically his little sister. Then it sank in.
I tortured myself with those voicemails for months, listening to her explain over and over again that she was sick, and that she was running out if options. She had explained that the guy from the cafe was an old family friend who was there to discuss a new treatment- he was a doctor, one of the best in Seoul actually. I listened to her explain that it wasn't working and that she needed to see me before she was out of time.

I pushed her away and she died without the person she needed most by her side."

"Jungkook......." You were the one crying now. You had no idea so much pain was hiding behind such a bright smile. You pulled him into a tight hug, allowing him to sob into your shoulder until there were no more tears left to cry.

"She would have liked you.... you'd have had a lot in common." He said with a saddened smile.

"Really? Like what?" You asked, genuinely curious about what she was like.

His sad smile turned into a mischievous smirk as he leaned over to whisper something in your ear.

Something that left you flustered and breathless......

Not to mention shocked....

Something that instantly awoke all your sleeping senses..........

Causing a breathy gasp to leave your lips.

"She liked my thiccc juicy thighs too........... especially in tight leather pants."

A/N:

Yaaay. Finally updated. Sorry it took so long, i wrote myself into a wall of angst and I couldn't figure out how to get out.
So now you know why kook was being an emotionally unstable bean. Poor kook :(

But hey.....
At least he knows he has great thighs ;)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure this fic will go back to being jokey and fun again, and the group chat will return. YAAAY FOR BANGTAN SHENANIGANS!!!!

Also did you guys see Kookies lip sync tweets this morning? Omg that was the best thing to possibly wake up to. God he is so frizzle-frazzling Extra.... i love it. 😂

Anyway, i hope to update this more frequently again.

And shameless self plug, keep an eye out for Project Hyde. Its a completely original novel I'm working on and I am super excited about it. Im sure those of you who follow me are probably getting sick of me talking about Hyde CONSTANTLY on my message board, but I can't help it, she's my baby.

Anyway. Project hyde. Coming soon. Your support would mean the world to me.

Swaeg long and prosper 🖖 😎
Kook-Book out~