I sit down next to Lizzy.

"Hi," Heidi says.

I wave at her before getting to my book.

"What did you do this Christmas?" I ask.

"Me? I had a great time with my cousin, he's all about dragons. And you won't believe this, he's going to go to New Zealand to take care of a dragon there, it's a female and it has been suffering for a while now. It's apparently going to have to get killed if it doesn't stop terrorising muggles. Apparently one of it's children is missing. I mean, bloody hell, why would they put down the thing if it's just sad over it's babies!" Lizzy says.

I nod.

"I had a fun time over in Russia, we had to go there but it was still awesome to go. We had Christmas there, it's awfully cheap," Patty says.

"Awfully cheap? Words awful and cheap don't fit into the same sentence, Patty," I say.

She laughs.

"Then let me rephrase. How the hell hasn't the economy collapsed already?" She asks.

I nod. Lizzy sighs.

"I talked with Kyle over the Christmas break," she says.

"Like the Ravenclaw? Broflovski?" Patty asks.

"Yeah," Lizzy says.

"Are you in love with him or something?" Heidi asks, laughing slightly.

"He's really really sweet," Lizzy says.

"Oh Godric no," I say.

"Kenny's also awesome," Lizzy says.

"Oh I was scared that was going somewhere," Patty says.

"I like both of them, seem like nice boys," Lizzy says.

Heidi hits her head on the table before her.

"Lizzy... really?" Heidi asks.

Lizzy is blushing.

"Oh my Godric," I say.

Patty shrugs.

"You are nobody to talk, you have Stan," Patty says.

"I don't like him like that!" I say.

"If you don't, I'll totally have him," Patty says.

"Shut up! No you won't!" I say.

Heidi honestly sighs, gets up and leaves us.

"You like Stan," Patty says, poking my cheek.

I groan.

"No, I do not," I say.

"Why wouldn't you? He's so damn nice!" Lizzy says.

"Drop it or I will drop you," I say.

Lizzy sighs.

"But anyway, about Kyle and Kenny," she says.

Dear Lord, I will actually join Heidi if this continues.

"Quidditch! What do you think about it?" I ask, right before Lizzy can start talking again.

"It's pretty cool, I might try out. You?" Patty asks.

"I love Quidditch, I'll play it until death. Um... tell me more about your interest in Quidditch," I say.

Patty, please don't drop the ball here, I beg of you.

"Well, I liked Quidditch from a pretty young age. I have a family in which my mum is a reporter for the Daily prophet and my uncle was a quidditch player. My dad was at my uncles game and they sat together. Two years later, they got married and had me. So if Quidditch didn't in fact exist, I would not exist either. I used to thank my uncle for playing Quidditch every-single-time we saw each other and he ended up teaching me as my cousin never took any interest in Quidditch, rather took interest in men and make up, which, my uncle wasn't exactly happy about," Patty says.

"What's your cousins name?" I ask.

Don't drop the ball, I don't want to hear about Lizzy's crushes.

"Evan, his name is Evan," Patty says.

"So, Lizzy," I say, trying to find something to say.

"Wanna know about my family life?" She asks.

"Yes!" I say.

"Well, mum and dad are pretty shameless and I wouldn't be surprised finding one sucking my dad dick over the table. They also told me to be as mean as possible so I wouldn't fall in love with anyone. I don't particularly think they like me, I'm much less preferred than my cousins. But anyway, seeing as they're pretty much fucking at any corner of the goddamn house, they have given me quite advance in things about sex. Just purely because they can't close the goddamn door," Lizzy says.

Patty is quicker to recover from this hit.

"Is that not abuse?" Patty asks.

Lizzy laughs.

"Abuse or not, I can say I get free, disgusting, porn," Lizzy says.

"That's... that's actually so awful," I say.

"What the fuck did you expect from me? My dad is a goddamn ministry man and never was particularly involved other than the fact he relieved his stress a lot and likes to fantasise about killing mudbloods. My mum is pretty much the wet dream of anyone who is a controlling freak. She doesn't speak and nods along to any bullshit. I wasn't given birth to because they wanted a kid, I was because they couldn't find a fucking condom and decided to not use spells," Lizzy says.

She shrugs and takes one of her books.

"Basically my home is the nightmare of a feminist," she says.

Patty and I look at each other.

"What the Hell is wrong with your life?" I ask.

"Quite many things. But eh, I've got my girls," Lizzy says.

Heidi comes back in the compartment, smiling.

"What's going on here?" She asks.

"Sit your ass down, Liz is telling us how her home might be one of the most terrifying things I've ever heard of," Patty says.

Heidi's eyes widen but she sits down.

"So my plan for life is to marry a Squib or a mudblood so I can properly piss of my dad. Then I'll fuck him or her in his face and finally crush his damned feet," Lizzy says.

Patty nods along to this plan.

"My dad told me, this summer, that he's working to get power back to a dark as shit person who wants to kill all Squib spawn and Squibs, this and mudbloods. My dad works in the ministry, remember? Um, he is an Auror, a person that chases after dark wizards... I don't really know if that's slightly stupid of the ministry or genius of my dad," Lizzy says.

"Oh come on, is this an action novel now?" I ask.