Dedicated to @sadiegirl0314

My husband had instructed me to stay home that day. I was not sure why and when I tried to ask him, he ran out the door. He kept calling every hour on the hour to make sure I was okay. I tried asking him then, but he hung up before I could finish my question. Rafael was acting so strange; it scared me horribly.

About halfway through the day, when I heard the soft click of our apartment door, I knew he was home, "You have some explaining to do!"

He ignored me and put his stuff down. He grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug. I was not having any of it. I pushed him away and folded my arms over my chest.

"Why the hell have you been acting so weird lately?" I asked.

He sighed, "I will explain everything if you just come sit down with me."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the couch, "Better? Now explain!"

He took his spot, "There is no real way of making this subtle but here it goes. I have received death threats. One of them was even on the steps of the courthouse. Another one was in an elevator. The squads thinks it is a member of the BX9 gang."

"And you never bothered to tell me this right after it happened?! How long has this been happening? I am so pissed at you right now!" I screamed my head off.

"Look," he rubbed my arm but I smacked his hand away, "It's been a few days or so. I'm sorry I did not tell you sooner! It is just that I did not want you to get scared and leave!"

"You were worried about me being scared? Well I am Rafael! However, I would never leave you! I would be a complete bitch to just leave you on your own at a time like this," I replied, "I am not scared about my own safety. I'm scared for you. I already have a brother who has been shot this year. I do not need you being in danger too!"

I started to calm down, "We are in this together. Don't ever forget that. Is SVU or anyone else providing any protection?"

"I-"

My phone rang. I gave Rafael a kiss before I went to go pick it up.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Sarah. This is Liv," Olivia said.

"Is everything okay Liv?" I asked.

"N-no," she stammered, "Mike i-is in the hospital. He was s-shot."

My heart dropped, "Where?"

"In the stomach. It hit a major artery. I- I am s-so sorry," I could hear her fighting back the tears.

"I am on my way," I was in such shock.

I pushed past my husband.

"Where are you going?"

"Mike has been shot..."

~~~

The cab ride to the hospital seemed to be in slow motion. I carried my look of unfathomable horror all the way there. The driver must had noticed this so he turned on the music to try and take my mind off of it.  The hit pop song could not take my mind off of everything. First my husband was being harassed and now my brother was going in the hospital? What kind of sick and twisted day was this? It was suppose to be my brother's last day working at SVU not his last day on Earth!

"We are here ma'am," the driver said.

"Hm?" I came back to Earth, "O-Oh! Here's your tip. Thanks."

"You have a nice day," he smiled.

I got out of the cab, "You too."

My legs were a bit shaky as I went toward the door. My walk grew more and more unsteady as I reached the entrance. I felt as if I would pass out before I got to see Mike. I spotted my father waiting for me near the entrance. I made a run for it and went to hug him. He saw me and opened up his arms.

"Oh God," his jacket muffled my cries, "Is he okay?"

"H-he's gonna be just fine," he helped me walk to where Mike was.

Liv was just outside the door with a tissue in her hand. Tucker was right beside her rubbing her back.

He has not died yet Liv. Get yourself together!

I went into the room. Mike was hooked up to all sorts of tubes and wires. He was gently sleeping and had never looked so peaceful. My father handed me a chair and I sat next to Mike. I grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

"Look what you got yourself into," I spoke, "You always wanted to a be a hero Mikey. How does it feel Mikey? Being the hero and all, huh, how does it feel? Can you even feel anything in the state you are in? You always had to push yourself so damn far and for what? What could you possibly have to prove? We all love you Mikey. Dad's a jackass, but we don't ever really listen to what he says. At least...I don't... I'm not really sure if you are gonna make it Mikey. I'm praying to God right now, but I can't tell if the voices in my head are reassurance that you will make it or just muffled cries of agony and despair. Please brother! Wake up! I know when we were younger I said I would not care if you lived but I was a bitch back then. Come back to us Mikey! Please! I love you! There! I admitted it! Will you please come back now?"

The tears streamed out of my eyes. I got up from my chair to cry against the wall. I slammed my hand into the wall. I wanted some divine power to just step in and make Mike better again. I was asking...no...demanding that a miracle be preformed.

My father took me away and out of the room to see Liv. I was still a mess and my eyes were all swollen and puffy. My hand hurt like hell.

"I'm so sorry," she said.

I felt anger well up inside me, "How did this happen? How the fuck did this fucking happen?"

"Our perp was holding his family hostage. I went to go a-and put the kids in the car. Mike stayed back at the house. When I tried to get back into the house I found all the doors locked. Mike was given the chance to leave. He did not take it. He tried to disarm the perp and during that time the gun went off. It's all my fault. I should have been the one in the house," she explained.

Anger and sadness was pulsing through every inch of my unsteady being, "Liv...do us all a huge favor and shut the hell up. Do not feel guilty for yourself for one god damn second. I feel like your more sad about being part of the reason Mike got shot than him actually dying."

Dying? Did I really just say Mike was dying?

I had finally accepted the undeniable truth. Mike was dying and then he died. I remember very little of what my reaction was. All I could see was water and a bloody hand that was my own. Screams filled my ears and my father's body nearly collapsed against mine as we felt the pain and torture of death giving us one last pinch.

The next thing I knew I was at a bar. The whole SVU squad and my husband were there. Rafael had given me some space. He was in the corner sipping on a drink and staring at the booth across from him. Random people would come up to me in whisper a mindless sorry into my ear. I just sipped my drink and looked at Mike's portrait near the wall.

I eventually grinned at the photo, "You're a hero Mikey boy."

I lifted my body off of the bar stool and walked over to my husband. Liv was sitting across from him but got up once she saw me.

Rafael grabbed my hand that was on the table. He silently stared into my eyes, "You and your brother have the same eyes."

I looked at the photo once more, "We do don't we?"

"I love you," he gave my hand a kiss.

I replied, " I love you too. I wanted to talk to you about your situation."

"Yeah? What do you need to say?" his thumb ran circles over my hand.

"Rafael," I began, "We are not going to cower in fear of this gang. We are going to live our normal lives and fight like hell to keep them happy. My brother died being brave. I want us to have the same bravery about this situation. Like I said, we cannot back down. They want a fight? Good, let's give them a fight."