Wrath.

How many times have I referred 'wrath' and 'anger' over the course of this week?

I believed that it had been more than five times, and it could even be more than that. I have been easily consumed with wrath lately, especially after meeting Raphael. Sometimes, if I didn't control them so well, I would have already burst out and done some nasty shit. Not only that, I would also become overly emotional over those things.

Society had told me a lot things; one of them being that I should be more resilient and take it up like a man.

...but I didn't, and I hated it so much.

Seb was one of the reasons behind my short temper and all. Now, with him inside my house, things couldn't get any worse.

I carefully stepped down the stairs, as not to make loud footsteps. When I snuck into the living room, I noticed that Seb was there, sitting in the couch, distinct from his glittering, silver hair. His back was on me, so I didn't get to see his entire face.
Seconds later, he seemed to sniff out my presence, so I quickly hid myself behind the wall when he turned his head towards my spot.

I heard him sighing, before I watched him placing the box he was holding on the table and crossed his arms. When Mother came out of the kitchen, she had prepared a cup of warm tea for him.

"...so, what brings you here, Seb?" She questioned, bestowing the glass to him.

"I wanna meet up with Ed and talk about some stuff." Seb revealed, smiling briefly at Mother as he received the beverage. He blew on top of the tea to cool it down, then sipped it. "Where is he?"

"Hmm, he's upstairs in his room." She answered. "I think he's still sleeping. I can call him down for you?"

"No, that's alright, Ma'am. I would do it myself." He shook his head, emptying the contents of the glass into his mouth. He gently set it on the table, and stood up. "Thanks for the tea, anyway."

Mother nodded, allowing him to go straight to my room without any questions. Not surprising not only because she knew and trusted Seb since we were kids, it was because she was completely unaware of our conflict. He then started to move towards my way, probably going for the stairs.

At this, I knew that I should immediately go back and busy myself so that I won't end up strangled in his plans. I was about to creep away, but I realized that it was too late. Seb had appeared from behind me, his brown eyes zoomed straight into my blue one. Ugh, I shouldn't be staying here for long.

"I knew you've been hiding here the whole time, Ed." He sighed.

"Wow, I'm surprised that you found me easily." I sneered, with a glaring hint of sarcasm, and I didn't bother to turn my head around. Before he could answer, I continued going up the stairs, with him following behind me.

"Well, who wouldn't?" Seb snorted. "Thanks to the mirror, I can see your face glancing out from the wall. Maybe next time, not only you need to practice your stealth, but also to familiarize with things that might reveal your hiding spot."

"Stop judging me like you know everything." I snapped.

"Eh, I'm not judging you nor do I assume anything." He shrugged. "Just telling you the truth."

"...Yeah, truth my ass." I countered, rolling my eye in distate. Seb didn't bother to reply to my remark, so it was quite a relief. The thick silence drowned us in a suspense as I headed for my room. Once I arrived, I opened the door and entered. Before I could slam it on Seb's face, however, he had slipped in without my acknowledgement.

"Now this is what you call being sneaky." Seb commented bluntly, as he immediately made himself comfortable by sitting on my bed. It was as if this was his house. I shouldn't have cared about it though, as he had done it a lot of times, but this time, I can't tolerate it.

"I never asked you to teach me." I spat.

"Just showing you what's right."

"Why don't you become a stealth teacher instead of being a fashion designer?" I closed the door and faced him. "I'm sure you'll earn lots of money from it."

"Okay, okay, how about we stop bickering like idiots." Seb slightly raised his hands. "This isn't going anywhere."

I snorted contemptuously, slumping my body towards the chair next to my table. While he was distracted, I secretly hid my photo with Rena on the drawer beneath my table. Well, he did know about its existence, but he most likely didn't know that I have the copy too.

"So, why did you choose to come to my house?" I interrogated, folding my arms. I narrowed my eye. "Is it about the revelation of your stupid plans so that I would be friends with Raphael? If Rena haven't told you yet, then let me tell you: it won't fucking happen."

"I haven't even started talking, but there you go squabbling around like an idiot." He groaned frustratedly, furiously running his hand through hair. "Stop jumping into conclusions so quickly."

"I'm only guessing because it's probably true." I scowled, swinging my arm over my chair, while my face heat up with fury. With irritation surging up inside of me, I couldn't concentrate so much, but I was still able to keep it from being unleashed.

"Too bad, you get it all wrong." Seb muttered, before rummaging through his bag that he had brought. He then drew out a chocolate bread from it, and suddenly, he threw the food at me. Thanks to my fast reflex, I was able to catch it before it fell to the floor. "Here, I get you a bread. Eat it up."

"Why are you giving this for?" I inspected the pastry, still looking fresh and new, as if he just bought it earlier.

"To lighten you up, obviously." He emphasized.

I looked back at the bread he had brought, realizing that my stomach was begging me to just eat it without further questioning. I wanted to save it for later use, but I couldn't resist the hunger that devoured my body. Breathing in and out, I eventually opened the plastic and chomped on the bread.

"You sure are hungry, dude." Seb laughed briefly, raising both of his eyebrows.

"Shut up." I blurted, muffling. He chuckled even more, acting as if the argument we had earlier did not happen at all. I continued chewing down on the bread as Seb stopped laughing, and started looking around the room.

"So, what brings you here, then?" I asked, wiping my lips with my tissue. "...if it's not because of Raphael."

"Well..." Seb paused. "I come here to... apologize."

I was about to enter the food into my mouth, but when I heard him saying that, I stopped every of my actions and literally froze in my spot. My jaw almost dropped, and none of the words I was trying to say out loud left my mouth, so basically, I was left speechless in my place. It took sometime before eventually, the reality flowed back into my mind.

He came here to apologize...?

Something was definitely up, and my guts were definitely not feeling well. He could have apologized through texting and all, but he had chosen to visit my house to do so. Maybe, this was part of his plan so that I could befriend Raphael and shit. I just can't trust him that easily, especially after all of that. I couldn't let my guard just because he was my best friend...

I didn't respond, and simply looked away from him, staring at the wall behind him.

"I said, I'm sorry." Seb repeated.

"You don't need to say twice." I murmured, before biting on the last part of the bread. As I savoured the sweet chocolate that melted inside my lips, he continued with his so-called explanations.

"I'm serious, Ed," he breathed, "especially when I yelled at you two days ago and yesterday. I didn't mean to, so please, do not take it to the heart. I've also been so impatient lately."

"You're always impatient." I curted. Even though he was, indeed, serious, I didn't allow myself to trust him so easily.

"Not always, just sometimes." He corrected. "I have fashion projects dumped into me right now. To make it even more, I have to finish up some proposals and I need to send them as soon as possible. Talk about being busy in holidays."

"You don't seem busy."

"You might not see it, but I am." Seb sighed. Next, he showed me his sagging eyebags underneath his dull, brown eyes. "Look, this shit is getting more obvious."

I shouldn't act like I care, as it was his own business, not mine, but something slightly pulled my strings. It was like I felt his struggles with his works, even though I shouldn't have. There were also many projects on the factory I had been working in last month, and so I was able to relate. However, despite the empathy, I cannot allow myself to give in.

"Hey Ed," Seb called out, and my eye trailed towards him, "indeed, what I said days ago is completely out of hand, but it is also true... You can't just be stuck in the past the whole time. It's sad seeing you like this, man. You really have to try to move on."

Suspicions were at stake at this point, and I couldn't help but to interrogate him further.

"...Are you saying that so that I can make up with Raphael?"

"Jesus, why are you so obsessed with Raph...? It's not even related to him at all. I'm just concerned about you as a whole." Seb frustratedly rolled his eyes. "Well, frankly, you're right about me trying to get you and Raph together, but Ren told me that I should respect your choices and be a little bit patient. She told me that I should understand your feelings. It's a good thing she told me that, otherwise it would have been bullshit."

Rena... Now, I remembered that Seb was the one also responsible in dragging Rena to my problems.

Even so, I began to realize that she wasn't actually making the problem worse. In fact, she was the one trying to end the conflict between us. My heart pounded at the thought, as more regrets crashed into me.

Yesterday, she was informing Seb exactly the same thing like what he had said earlier. She wanted both of us to set our differences aside and stopped this madness.

Fuck...

I didn't even know what she was doing right now, but I was sure that she was definitely upset with me. I still remembered her cries as she left my room, and recalled the disappointment on her face. I had jumped into conclusions so quickly that I had misunderstood her plans.

I lowered my head, and tightened my fists.

I could apologize, but...

"You can despise Raphael for whatever you like, Ed," Seb then spoke out, "and I don't give a damn. However, all I wanted is that you treat him like he's human, that's it. Or maybe, in case you're ready enough... you can forgive him."

I didn't know what to do as soon as I heard this.

I was on the verge of pouring all of my feelings out like a waterfall. I have been bottling them down for so long, and the overwhelming pressure it was giving me was already too much. From Seb's words, I knew that Raphael was seeking for my forgiveness, but I was far from that.

Too far.

Not to mention...

"I can't." I muttered, shaking my head.

"Huh?"

"I can't forgive him..." I repeated clearly so that he could hear. I thought I heard my voice cracked, but maybe it was just my ears playing tricks on me. "I can't even forgive myself to begin with..."

What the hell am I talking about...?

"Forgive yourself...?" Seb was confused, as he raised one of his eyebrows. "Uh, what do you exactly mean by that...?"

I didn't bother to explain the meaning behind my words, because I didn't fucking know what I was saying. It simply came out of my lips without being refined nor put into a thought. All I that understood was that I told Seb that I can't forgive Raphael, and that was it. In other words, it was partly a meaningless answer.

Speaking about Raphael, I recalled about the dream I had last night. The grin that he had as he held a pair of scissors was still etched in my head. The piercing pain was back, and I could feel it penetrating deep through my skull.

The air around me wasn't at all that cold, but my body shivered for no apparent reason. My skin started tingling, as if there were thousands of needles piercing against it. I clenched my arms against my chest and bowed my head, allowing my bangs to cover my face.

"N... It's nothing." I mumbled under my quickening breath, barely audible. My head started throbbing, and suddenly, a sharp pain jabbed through my chest, as if someone stabbed me with a knife.

Shit, I am going to hyperventilate again...

No...

My body gave in to my weight, causing me to tremble down to the ground. My throat narrowed for no reason, and I felt oxygen started escaping from my body fast, and it was severely suffocating me. To compensate, I took in loud breaths and of course, it was painful. All I can see now was stars circling around my sight, and they all looked kaleidoscopic.

It was worse than days before, and this one felt like someone was choking me to death.

I'm surely going to die right now...

"Ed! Stay with me! Ed!"

I couldn't see who was it, but it sounded like Seb. A pair of hands grabbed my shoulders and rocked against my body. Despite having a vague, partly blackened vision, I still managed to see Seb's dilating brown eyes and his horror-stricken expression, before everything went blurry. I can't even move an inch of my muscles, and they were literally spasming.

"Calm down, Ed..." A soft voice abruptly whispered into my ears amidst my torture. "Everything is going to be okay, and I know you'll be alright."

There I found myself being embraced by a pair of arms, pulling me closer to a body that seemed so captivating and affectionate. Its welcoming vibe cloaked against my cold body.

A hand then rubbed circles across my back, inducing some sort of warmth. The smothering pain was still going on, but with that kind of support, I was able to catch my breaths bit by bit.

"...See, I told you, it's all okay." The voice continued to soothe me. "You're not alone, dear. You'll never be alone."

A few minutes had passed, and the suffocation eventually disappeared. I was able to sort things out clearer now, and all the stars that filled my vision were gone.

Looking around my surroundings, I noticed that Mother was the one hugging me, with Seb and my sister sitting beside me. I noticed that they have the same chocolate brown eyes, and both glinted with concern. My breaths were still a bit fast, but otherwise I could still handle it. When I touched my cheeks, they were a bit moist, probably due to the tears I had shed from my eyes.

Seb, with his lips bitten, handed me a cup of lukewarm water. I weakly took it and drank it real slow. As I finished it, I placed the glass on the table and drew my attention towards him, but he rapidly turned away and looked at some space in my room. His shoulders noticeably heaved up and down.

I didn't give any comment, because I have nothing to say.

***

Seb decided that it was the time for him to leave, as he needed to catch up with some works. For no apparent reasons, he kept on ignoring me and pretended that I wasn't there. He saluted Mother his gratitude and apology, while giving me only a brief glance of acknowledgement before he departed.

I didn't know whether I should feel relieved or saddened. A bit of me was relieved that there had been no more conflicts between Seb and I, or simply relieved that he finally got to leave me alone. However, another part of me somewhat yearned for his company, even though I shouldn't.

I was currently sitting on my bed, staring blankly at the floor. I blinked, as if something was going to happen, but it didn't. I breathed in carefully, and breathed out normally, like what humans normally did. I kept gazing below, as if I was expecting something to come out of it.

Of course not, idiot.

I slapped my temples, attempting to get everything straight. With that, I could think what to do.

Right.

I should apologize to Rena...

I grabbed my phone, fully charged, from my nightstand. I turned the screen on and unlocked the phone using my PIN. I directly went to her message board, and managed to see some old texts from yesterday. Without further ado, I typed in my reply.

Rena.

I'm sorry that I made you upset yesterday. I shouldn't be, and I regretted it so much. I realized that you're actually trying to stop Seb and I from bullshitting around like idiots, but you know, I jumped into conclusions so quickly that I thought that you're just helping him initiating his plans. So... I'm sorry about that.

When I thought that it was good enough, I immediately pressed the send button before I have a change of mind. I sighed, and set my phone down.

Now, only one question haunted me.

Will she forgive me?

The answer to that was...

I don't fucking know.

I mean, I made her cry, and I hurt her feelings. I was positive that when one did that to someone else, the latter will still have that scar on his or her heart. I had been in that situation a lot of times, so I knew how it felt.

As I held my hand on my head in defeat, I heard my phone vibrated, causing my heart to drop. She responds so fast...

Well...

Here goes nothing...

I checked her message board, and read the new texts she had sent.

Hi Ed

Please don't blame yourself... It's definitely not your fault at all 😅

I should have told you, but I chose not to. I'm upset because I'm so disappointed and angry with myself. I could have done better, but I don't, and so I ended up making misunderstandings 😅

How could she be so selfless...?

At the texts, I felt my fingers clenching on the corners of my phone. Sealing my lips shut, I stared down at my legs. There, I clenched my jaw while I shut my eye. When I felt my phone vibrated in my grip, I briefly opened it, seeing that Rena sent another new message.

So, how are you feeling...?

Seeing this, I already have a set of answers in my mind.

Horrible.

Upset.

Depressed.

Lost.

And most of all...

I need help.

However, in the end, I chose to ignore all of this. I didn't want her to be worried about me, so I decided to type in the greatest lie of all time:

I'm fine.

***

A/N: Welp, despite some resolved conflicts, Ed still hide his feelings from Rena and the others. He really hasn't given up with the "I'm fine"... oh well... Hmm, but what would happen next? What would Ed do next? As always, tune it up next week!

Question
Do you think Ed would reveal his feelings?