A/N: This chapter contains triggering scenes. Read at your own risk.

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Wednesday, 09:37 AM.

...

...

Yet another pointless day came into being.

The rays from the sun shone brightly through the curtains, so I could tell that today was going to be crystal clear. The nature seemed to be more lively than it was yesterday, but I wasn't at all refreshed. Time had been running fast, but still, I wasn't able to find the courage to free myself from all the suffering.

I was sprawled on my bed, lying on my stomach with my head buried on the pillow that was drenched with sweat and bitter tears. I abandoned all of my clothes on the floor, cold and spread out like garbage, so the only apparel attached to my body was my boxers. My eye was dried up and sore, and my throat was literally dying from dehydration.

All I did yesterday was crying shitless, moaning about how useless and pathetic I had become. The voices agreed, but despite their persistent encouragement for me to just grab that scissors and jab it through my neck, I still couldn't bring myself to do it. They continued on telling me to try again and again... but to no avail. The things preventing me from doing so were either the past memory... or just the thought of another life after... being free.

Where will I go next once my life ended?

Is it heaven?

Hell?

Or some sanctuary I didn't know of...?

After all... if I did it... there's absolutely no going back.

The consequences lying ahead are completely unpredictable.

These words had always bothered me whenever my plans were about to get successful. No wonder I failed every time... and that was why I was constantly bombarded with so much insults from deep inside my head.

"A brave person wouldn't care less about them. They understand risks but decided to go pass them without stopping." They told me.

Simultaneously, I kept forcing myself to pretend that I was alright so that my family will eventually lower their guard down. I have eaten both my lunch and dinner in silence, not even caring what my parents were talking about. With this 'normal' routine I had been doing, they seemed to be falling for it... all but one.

It was none other than Lu.

She continuously stared at me for no reason, even if I told her that I will be alright and get better. It was as if she read me like a book, despite how straight my expression was. Judging from her sullen looks, she was clearly watching every single moves I made, in a sense where she could to catch me in the act. I have to be wary of her, as she could... witness everything.

I have to act normal...

Normal...

There was that one word that my mind had been repeating for several days. It bounced back and forth against the walls of my skull, showing no signs that it will end.

What the hell is "normal" anyway.

Nothing's normal anymore.

I was just forcing myself to live more so that everything worked well behind the shadows. Then, that was it.

After all, what's the point of living when you get nothing to care...?

"Are you going to be in your bed for the whole day?" When I heard this, it promptly got my attention and dragged me out of the depths of my mind. It interested me because the voice wasn't the one coming from my head. My first impression was that it was probably non-existent, since I couldn't trust my own self anymore. It could just be a hallucination, but that didn't quite explain the presence of my younger sister at the door.

Fuck, I must have forgotten to lock it. The last time I went out of the room was for dinner. I was probably too tired to think about not letting anyone in, so I shrugged it off and just went straight for bed. Great job, Edward.

Before I could open my mouth to say anything, Lu simply slipped in without hesitation. Seconds later, she was standing in front of my bed, with her hands on her hips. Next, she casually plopped herself on the mattress.

I quickly flipped my body around, amd pulled the blanket to cover my exposed body. Then, I slightly hauled up, trying to get a better look of her.

"What do you want?" I croaked, sounding like something was lodged down my throat. Well, it was my first words of the day. "I'm not i-"

"You know what... Ed?" Lu interrupted me with no mercy, immediately cutting straight to the point. Once I heard that last phrase, my muscles tensed up. "Since you've tried running away, you have been acting really strange for my liking. I don't know why... sibling intuition, I guess? But I just feel like you've been hiding something from all of us. I wonder what would that be?"

"No, I'm not." Instinctively, I denied, and almost immediately, I regretted it. I quietly gulped, but I shouldn't make my... stupid nervousness obvious. I shouldn't have replied her that fast, because it was a dead giveaway for her suspicions. Just... be yourself, Edward. Don't act all stupid and oblivious, it won't work on her either... I have to outsmart her somehow...

"Not to boast or anything, but I've known so much about you for these past weeks." She practically ignored my response, while she started swinging her legs. "You had been shutting yourself off, not bothering to eat, depressed and worst of all, having panic attacks. Then all of the sudden, you're acting all normal, simply going through the day like nothing happened."

Of course, Lu has to be one of those problems... They were getting rampant by each second. Worse, I wasn't able to sort out words as fast as usual, and as a result, I ran out of answers. In the end, my straight lips became my only response.

"It's all just... too good to be true. I mean, there's no way someone could suddenly become normal again after a lot of things happened, especially those of bad ones." She continued. "If you're seriously using a routine as a mask to your issues, then sorry to say, it's not going to work on me."

Shit. I really have to say something, or else I will get checkmated, and all the plans I had been building up for days will be ruined. Ugh... I will not let anyone get in the way again... I'm sick of it... what's with everyone trying to intervene for no fucking reason...

"I'm not hiding anything, Lu." I started, forcing myself to look back at her. "It's just that... I wanna start over and have a normal life again. I know my recovery and healing takes so much time, especially when I have to try not to dwell on the past, but it's worth it. I'm sure everything will get better someday."

That was the most bullshit thing that I ever said in my entire life. Not to mention, it was a total contradiction to the truth. Probably, one of the worst lies I had ever told to someone, particularly my own sister.

"Wow... Honestly, this is one of those times where I've seen you talk so much." Lu marveled, as her eyebrow raised. Regardless of what she commented, I still couldn't interpret much of her. She probably wasn't so sure of me, but decided not to show it.

"I'm just trying to explain so that there will be no misunderstanding." I explained.

Lu firstly said nothing, briefly nodding in acknowledgement. In here, I began to think she was going to interrogate me some more and finally exposed me. After all, she was... sometimes unpredictable, and there were times where she had pulled me towards some unexpected situations.

I have to be ready just in case she didn't trust me.

Much to my surprise, she suddenly jumped out of the bed, landing perfectly on her feet. With folded arms, she whirled around. My mind quickly perceived this as a red flag, and as such, I gulped again, preparing myself get bombarded with a lot of questions. However, my prediction was proven false when she cast me... a tiny smile of... approval?

"That sounds rather like a good news." With a tinge of relief, she chuckled silently. All of the sudden, her frown turned upside down. "...Geez, sorry about doubting you. I've been really sensitive lately... and well... your sudden change just concerns me a lot, but I guess I don't have to be much of a worrywart anymore."

"...Yeah, you don't have to."

I can't believe it... I successfully managed to fool her into thinking that I was recuperating. I never expected that this would happen, considering Lu's intelligence...

I didn't know whether I should feel bad or happy... because the only emotion I felt was emptiness, as if there was a large hole drilled through my body. There was nothing to be regretted nor to be rewarded.

"You had been through a lot, after all, so it's completely understandable to start over." She went on, picking up my hoodie and my pants, and carried them on one of her arms. She wrinkled her nose as she stared down at my discarded clothes. "I will support you on your recovery, but... it will be so much faster if you involve a therapist."

Ugh, this again...

She still haven't learned her lesson...

"Didn't I tell you from the start? I don't need one." I instantly disputed her suggestion. "I know how to handle it by myself."

"Ah, I see you still haven't changed your mind, and here I thought you'll finally give in to Dad's wishes." She sighed in frustration, and rolled her eyes. "Such a stubborn guy, aren't ya?"

"Visiting the therapist will be the only thing that I won't change." I asserted.

"Yeah, yeah, I know that since the first time you refused." She groaned. "Sure, you'll keep insisting, but I'm just gonna wait until that time comes. You'll eventually soften and come to learn their importance in assisting you."

"That won't happen in a million years."

"Whatever you say, Ed." She waved the back of her hand, dismissing my rejection. However, her disappointed face shifted into a relaxed one. The wrinkles on her forehead disappeared, as she beamed with delight. "At least you're trying to put your head back on the game, and that already makes me glad."

I didn't bother to give a comment, as I settled back to the comfiness of my bed. Now that I had pushed her away from figuring out the truth.. I just need to overcome my fear of death and get pass through the challenging questions that had prevented me from executing my goals.

...but how...?

"Anyway, put some clothes on, man. Breakfast's gonna run cold." She announced. Without warning, she hurled my clothes towards my direction, which smacked right onto my face. It i impeded air from entering my nostrils, and as an act of reflex, I tossed it aside.

I watched as Lu strolled out of my room, and a few seconds later, she was already behind the door. I held my breath as I heard her disappearing footsteps across the hallway. Once she was out of range, I exhaled it out profoundly.

Breakfast... huh...

I couldn't handle any more food, since I have eaten so much yesterday. Mother unusually gave me more portion than usual. I have no intentions to create problems... so to make her at ease, I decided to devour them all. She seemed pleased, and that was already great enough.

Now, my stomach was literally about to explode... it was packed with so much food that it probably haven't digested the recent dinner. There were countless of random times where excessive amounts of nausea caused me to nearly vomit right on the covers.

There's no other way... I couldn't just skip breakfast... but...

"Aw, you are trying to act normal now so that your family won't find out about your schemes? How cute." As I heard that particular drawl, there were chills running across my skin. I hauled myself up, and snapped my head towards the source of the voice.

It came from... Chrissy, who was sitting on the table. The outline of his body seemed faint, but I could see his lips curling into a smirk, and his blue eyes glinting with pure menance.

"So, why are you just sitting there?" He questioned, filled with mockery. "Go and do stuff that makes you goddamn useful for once."

"Don't tell me what to do." I growled, but it didn't seem to affect him at all. I used most of my energ to finally get off the bed, and threw off the worn clothes into the basket under the table. No wonder Lu was appalled at it; it smelled like shit.

"You want to commit suicide, do you? Do it then. What are you waiting for? No one's stopping you. I'll be watching here as you die." The kid ridiculed, laughing his ass like it was an easy shit to do. I ignored his remarks as I went to get another set of hoodie and pants... this time it was completely black.

After getting dressed, I hovered over to my phone to see whether someone, like Rena sent me a text. There was nothing, but I felt somewhat comfortable. Rena... the last time she texted when she told me she would go to Seb's house today and told him... everything. I didn't know whether to agree or disagree... but... I went with the former because... I just felt she was able to settle the conflict...

"Rena has more balls than you do." Chrissy jeered. "All you achieved throughout your entire life is crying and killing innocent people, just like your friends."

I immediately covered my ears with my hood and tried minimizing his voice. I shoved my phone to its pockets and was about to leave... but... I abruptly stopped in the middle of the way.

"Haha, pathetic. You just don't want to face the truth do you?" My eye widened when I saw that Chrissy... had splitted into two, the other one being a clone.

Regardless, both had the same intentions, and they were all walking up towards me. Consequently, I found myself taking steps backward, as cold sweat began to form on most parts of my skin. When my back hit something hard... my hands impulsively tried to grope on something, but it turned out to be the wall.

"You poor, pitiful thing. You can't even do simple things. You can't even kill yourself because of fear." Chrissy taunted. "You're seriously flawed beyond belief."

"Shut up..." I mumbled, as I felt my heart starting to crawl on my throat.

"You can't even save anyone from their despair." The other clone added. "Well, you can't even save yourselves. You know what, you better off be dead, and no one's going to care about you."

"Your sister deserved a better big brother, the one who cares for her and mans the fuck up. Instead what did you do? More crying."

"I know that." I snapped, but... this just worsened their daunts on me.

"If you know, why are you in denial?"

"Why don't you kill yourself right now?"

"It's all your fault everything's a mess."

"It's your fault, Edward, and you'll never get away with it."

"The world will be perfect without you."

"You're just a waste of oxygen."

"Go and do us a big favor, will ya? Oh wait, you couldn't even do anything. There no hope in you."

Then, they all burst out laughing as they pointed their accusing fingers at me. I expected myself to have another breakdown and in tears, but... here I was, clenching my head with my hands, unable to... feel anything. Sure, my blood boiled and my heart pounded twice as fast... but that was it. There was no burst of emotions, just like what I used to... so I was totally numb.

In fact... I agreed with them. These Chrissies... they somewhat encouraged me to find something that will... end me. Why the hell am I still refusing to confront the truth...? It's simply right there, waiting for me to finally accept it.

Their guffaws died down, as I saw their ghastly figures vanished into thin air. Not more than seconds later, I was gradually alone, still pinned against the wall. The next minute, I slid myself down to the ground below, and stayed in such position, while thick silence surrounded me.

I glanced up, eyeing at the pair of scissors I was about to use yesterday. It was lying on the table, patiently waiting for me to use it.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Edward? Why are you still here?" Again, something boomed from deep inside my head. "Prove those Chrissies wrong by taking that scissors and stab yourself. In that way, they won't able to haunt and torture you, and all of your pointless days will be over. You will eternally sleep in peace."

Sleep in peace...

That was what I always wanted for a long time...

I struggled standing up, and my legs were wobbly and unstable as I reached for it. I senselessly obeyed what this voice was telling me, since its tone was rather persuasive compared to the others. I shouldn't be stopping now, as this was another chance given.

However, just as my shaking hands were about to reach for its handle, everything just stopped moving when I heard a call for my name.

"Ed?"

I almost let out a yelp, but I quickly choked on it. My heart skipped a beat, and as a result, I froze on I immediately retracted back from whatever I was doing to glare at who the fuck was stopping this time.

It was Mother...

No no no... I shook my head, as I began to breathe fast.

Did she just... witness everything...?

She didn't... no, she didn't see anything... right?

If she did... I will be doomed... and it appears like she did se-

"Lu called you down for breakfast... aren't you going to come?" She asked, disrupting the speculations that I started making. "Or is there something... troubling you?"

"...Oh... uh... no. No, there's nothing. I'm just getting ready... Sorry for taking so much time." I blurted out, immediately brushing off some imaginary dust out of my clothes. "I am about to go right now."

"...Alright, I'll be waiting downstairs." She informed, before she left, and that was where I breathed out a sigh of intense relief.

It seems like she didn't see it... thankfully...

...but... I just... let another chance slip by...

What the hell is wrong with me...?

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A/N: Edward should have been giving up on his attempts as they kept on failing... but considering how stubborn he is... would he? The only way to find out is to seek the next chapter next week! :)

Sorry for the really late update, I still have writer's block ^_^"

As always, hope you like the chapter, and don't forget to leave a vote and a few comments.

That's it for today, and hope to see you next week :)