A/N: This chapter contains SERIOUS triggering scenes. Read at your own risk.

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It sure took me a lot of time to realize that I wasn't worth living in this world.

My entire life was a joke, and my purpose of being born was to fill up space. On that day of the accident, I was supposed to die out of blood loss, but for no reason, I narrowly escaped death. I had cheated on fate, and so it decided to continuously torment me and give me pain, gradually tearing me apart pieces by pieces. It did its job successfully, and now, I was an empty shell which will soon rot away.

I struggled with myself as I went up the stairs, clutching both the rope and the knife tightly on each of my hands. My breaths had gotten somewhat heavier by each second, and if there were people around, they most likely will hear it. My body couldn't even take in oxygen properly, but that made it easier for me to carry out my plans. The weaker I got, the better.

Due to countless of hallucinations I had seen, I was severely paranoid of everything, which explained why I felt like my actions were being watched. The skin on the back of my neck tingled, as an alleged pair of eyes bored through me, but in reality, there was no one around. It couldn't be Mother, because she was out for the day and Lu... well I didn't sense her presence downstairs, so I assumed she was on her room.

It was probably me imagining that same kid from yesterday to be watching me. He was probably satisfied and thankful that I was able to build some courage to do what he said, so he shouldn't be of an obstacle to my goal. Ugh... I shouldn't let my stupid paranoia get the best of me... or else... it would fail again.

Once I stopped in front of my room, I stopped for a moment. Before going in, I took my time to scan around the area, making sure there was actually no witnesses. It was completely silent, only there were background noises from the outside world, so it was safe to proceed. In fact, this will be my last time standing in here, so I should take this chance to bid farewell mentally. However, I should do this fast, otherwise, second thoughts will end up stuffing my head.

After I was done, I slipped inside, and gently closed the door behind me with a satisfying click. There, I tossed the rope and the knife onto the floor, and the latter landed with a loud, clanging noise. I recoiled at the sound, as I thought it was loud enough to be heard from the other room... but obviously... there was nothing to be worried of. Lu wouldn't really pay attention to those kind of things, after all.

I was about to make use of these objects, when an idea flashed inside my head. At a glance, it seemed like it would take an excessive amount time and effort, but after contemplating deeper, it sounded like an excellent idea. Half of my mind disagreed and demanded me to go straight for the plan, but I ignored their complains and shut them off.

Well, it was to write my last words and apologies for those people involved in all my shit... then left it on the table so they could read it and rejoice.

There... I thought of my parents and how disappointed they were in having me around. They hid their true feelings, and acted like they cared about me.

My siblings... well, especially Lu... they were probably annoyed at why they had such an unusual brother. Lu... she probably haven't forgive me when I shouted at her, and saying sorry... was the best thing I could do.

My friends... well... I had severely hurt them. I destroyed most of their relationships with each other, and with me as well. They had known that whenever they cared about me, they will be harmed no matter what. I was the cause of every horrible situations they confronted... especially Rena.

Worse, I made a family lost their beloved daughter. I didn't deserve their apology at all, and I was ready to accept any consequences.

It all started with me...

This was all my fault...

If only I was gone sooner... then bad things won't ever happen...

Approaching the table, I pulled out some empty papers from the drawer. Settling on the chair, I snatched a random pen from the pencil case and gripped on it tight. I expected myself to write immediately, but unfortunately I found myself looking blankly at the paper, as if I waited until words began to appear. Well, how was I supposed to continue, I didn't even know what to write, who should be the first one I should address, and how the letter look like...

Ugh... if I'm like this the whole time... when am I going to carry out my plans... I couldn't just delay it again...

In the end, I decided to pick a random person that came into mind and it was my own parents, both Mother and Father. I recalled their expressions as they looked upon me, a look where they wished they had a stable, better son...

Father, especially.

Thinking about it made my heart crawl towards my throat. Without any further thoughts, I forcefully clicked the pen and jotted down whatever words that came into my head.

Mother & Father,

I know you both are going to be happy once I'm gone.

You don't need to care about me anymore, and you can go on with your life not worrying about your pathetic excuse of a son. Whatever pain and distress you had gone through because of me, I'm sorry, but I know you're not going to forgive me. That's fine. It's understandable. I couldn't even forgive myself.

Father, I'm sorry I had made you spend your time thinking about me when you could have spend it in other things like work. I'm sorry that because I ran away from home, you had spend so much energy looking for me. I sure had more things that I should be talking, but I'm sure that's self-explanatory.

Mother, I'm sorry to make you witness such horrible things that I have, both panic attacks and nightmares. You totally don't deserve a child with mental illness and a problematic mind. I've even made you cry as well, which was the worst thing I had done to you.

Maybe I know things will get better once I'm gone, so please do not make a situation out of this.

This is all my choice.

Your son,
Edward.

Once I finished with the letter, I instantly folded the paper in half and put it aside. I didn't want to proofread nor re-read what I had just composed, or else I would probably have... other things that I shouldn't have. However, I did manage to briefly skim through the paragraphs, and I definitely agreed on everything I said.

With another empty paper, I swallowed the lump in my throat, since the second thing that came into mind was... Lu and my older siblings.

Lu had been the one who tried her best in guiding me through hell, but ended up being pulled to hell instead. I knew she was really frustrated with me, and hid it behind her welcoming smile. I ended up fighting with her often, and I knew that it scarred her, even if she claimed she was alright. On the other hand, Kat and Luke probably didn't even care. They were busy with their own business, but that was what I have always wanted.

Luke, Katherine & Lu.
When you're reading this, it means I'm already gone, but I knew none of you will care about your stupid brother, and that's a good thing.

Luke, I knew you won't read this, but I wished you and your girlfriend a prosperous life, especially when you're planning to propose on her.

Kat, good luck with your college preparations. Unlike me, you had a life and purpose. Just keep on chasing your goals... you'll get there someday.

Lu, you had been the closest sister I could have and whom I can trust the most. At the same time, I had hurt you the most. I had made you witness the same thing as Mother, but you had seen more, both my hallucinations and my mental breakdowns. Yes, all my screams at nothing were because I'm mentally ill.

Such a bad liar, am I?

At the rhetorical question, I almost stopped writing and let out a sob, but I forced myself to continue. Why the hell... I shouldn't be so emotional about this...

Now that I'm gone, please don't regret whatever you had done. You absolutely did nothing wrong, and you don't have to feel guilty. It all started with me, Lu. It's my fault from the start. So please don't remember me, as it will cause you so much pain, and I don't want that. Forget me, and just live your life normally, and you'll feel much more freedom.

There's nothing I could do other than saying sorry and making myself disappear and I deserved more punishment, but this was the best I could do for you.

Please, take care of our parents, and I'm sorry...

Your brother,
Edward.

Once again, I simply scanned through the whole thing and just acknowledged it as it was. I repeated what I had did earlier: I hastily folded the paper and placed it aside.

Then, my right arm suddenly shot out in pain, and since it took me off the bat, I let out a silent groan. I must have used up most of my energy, causing it to fall tired so easily, despite the fact that I had only produced two letters so far. Although two letters weren't even that much, especially when it was short, my body now reacted otherwise.

Obviously, I was too weak to go greater lengths... but I couldn't just abandon the mission. After all, there was only one letter to go... which will be my last words to... my friends. I couldn't just leave letters for my family, but not for them... Seb and Alyssa.

...and for Rena... she should be on a seperate letter... since I have a lot of things to say to her before I go... I gulped, feeling my Adam's apple bulging on my throat. After moments of silence, with cold sweat trickling down my back, I pushed myself to write, even if my cramping hand demanded me to stop.

Alyssa and Seb
You had known that by getting close to me, you'll end up having problems and unwanted things. Since I made you all involved in some useless dramas and shit, I wanted to say, please accept the fact that I'm gone as an apology. This was all I can do.

Seb, we had a fair share of memories and fights. We always bounced back, and always did things together. As for the conflict days ago, I'm sorry for not knowing the fact that you had been hurting, and that you couldn't get over Lynn's death.

I'm a bad friend, yeah?

And as for your feelings for Rena, I hope you can get it through her. Be sure to take care of Rena for me. You'll do a good job.

Alyssa, you're the longest friend I ever had. We always had fun and hanged out together, but as I grew older, clearly I had become a stupid asshole and abandoned you. I had pushed you away until we became nothing but strangers who knew each other's name.

Even so, you even still had feelings for me, and I don't understand why.. but please don't. You'll just get hurt, and I don't want that.

Please, don't be jealous of Rena.
There's much more guys out there who will care for you, and please keep Rena safe. She's your best friend, and she cares a lot about you.

Promise me.

Your friend,
Edward.

I folded the letter and put it away without even reading it this time. As Rena came up next, however, the amount of sweat just multiplied and I even thought I lost my ability to breathe.

Out of all people, she had helped me the most, and just like Lu, she ended up confused, frustrated, and worst of all, heartbroken. I had owed her countless of stuff that I could never return back... even with the smallest of things. I never did anything for her anyway... all that I remembered was frequently finding comfort on her shoulders and yelling at her just because my stupid emotions got the best of me..

With a shaking hand, I began, while my handwriting quality degraded.

Rena,

I don't know what to start with you

We met in fourth grade, you started out as a shy but friendly girl with so much stuttering, buy I always think it's cute. We had our childhood moments as well, and I treasured them so much. However... just like Alyssa and most others, I pushed you away after that accident and then, we never talked again. Regardless, you acted differently from the others.

Despite distances, I could see that you wanted to talk to me back. You wanted to be friends with me again, until finally you found the courage to. We started talking, time by time, and eventually I feel a pull towards you. At that time, I didn't know what it was, but now I do.

You had picked my broken pieces and try place them back together, and even if you failed, you tried again. You comforted me whenever I needed it, and you had always come to my defense, even when I don't need it sometimes. However, you helped me so much, that it started to affect you, breaking you apart as well.

There I realize, that there's no happy ending if you keep on doing this. It's not going to be like in those fictional movies and books. I'll just fall apart, again and again and again. I'm destined to be broken at the first place, Rena. I will turn into a shard, piercing people who bestowed their hands upon me.

It's pointless to save me, and I'm just a hassle to everyone, so it's better off if I'm gone, so if you read this letter, it means I'm already dead.

My hand trembled so uncontrollably that it abruptly stop me for a while, and every parts of my body stiffened. Despite so, I forced myself over my limits to resume with the long ass note.

This is my choice Rena, and it's for the sake of you and everyone, so please, don't think it's all your fault. None of this is putting you to blame, it's all on me. That's the least I could do to compensate your kindness.

Please, take care of everyone, both Seb and Alyssa and my family, if possible.

I'm sorry I hurt you, but thank you Rena.

I love you.

I can't do this anymore...

I just... can't...

I was literally on the verge of having another meltdown. Of course, there were still no tears forming on my eye, its glands were still dried out. I was shaking from head to toe, and I couldn't even close the letter properly, so I finally gave up.

I didn't bother checking the letter, and I have no intention to. It will make me unable to contain the sudden increase of my emotions, and I will end up exploding. With so much shakiness, I folded the letter into half and cast it aside. Next, I simply buried my head on my arms, with one being severely numb.

...I'm finally done...

My arm hurts... but it's all worth the pain...

Now...

"What the fuck are you waiting for, Edward? Don't just sit there and be a pathetic shit you already are." A voice interrupted my short rest. "Now that your job of writing some sweet shit is done, time to do what you want. You said there's no turning back, is there?"

No... there's not...

"Well then do it." It commanded. "Use the rope to put it over you and hang yourself. Then, you can be free."

I had no more control of my body, as it began to move on its accord. I stood up on my feet, albeit stumbling, and trod towards the place where I had left the rope and the knife. Another rack of sobs escape from me as I began to use the knife and cut the rope into a reasonable length.

Once I turned it into a noose, I looked for the place where I could attach it to something hard, until I came across the handles of my closet. I could pull myself hard against the rope, strangling myself until I break my neck.

"Goodbye, Edward." I saw Chrissy waving at me before disappearing rapidly. "Hope you have a nice afterlife."

I didn't even want to bother with him anymore, however, I was happy that I didn't have to face him any longer. I gingerly tied the rope into the handle, with the loop on the other end, making it sure it was big enough to fit my head. It seemed loose, but I could just tightened it up.

Without warning, flashbacks of the past began to come back. I remembered all those old times, where my immature self always expected my life to be awesome and full of happiness. I remembered all the friends and enemies I had made as I grew up, and not to forget... the accident that had changed the perspective of my life and turned it upside down.

I remembered all the good times I had with my parents and my siblings, where they would love to laugh with each other while I stayed silent. I remembered those times when Rena came into my life and tried her best to become my friend. She succeeded, and through darkest times, she had guided me through it, even if I melted down once more.

This time, there was no one to help.

It was me, and me all alone.

The last memory I remembered was everyone smiling and grinning at me, even Lynn. They finally could gain their happiness once I was gone, and not to mention, I would be free from all the suffering.

I'm sorry...

I wished... I could be more useful...

Mother...

Father...

Lu...

R... Rena...

Goodbye...

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"I know you're going to do this, and if you think I'm going to let it happen, then you're so fucking wrong."

Suddenly, something cut me off.

No... not something... someone...

...Who... who the hell-

Before I knew it, I heard something burst out open, making a thunderous noise that snapped me out of my reverie. Everything was a total blur, but I did feel a hand forcefully snatching my wrist. The burning sensation around my neck was suddenly gone and my body was dragged across the floor. I was literally gasping for air, coughing and hacking like a maniac.

My vision was foggy, but I did manage to see a figure crouching down. At a closer look, I could see that this person had a long hair, and when I could see that its color was... that of a fire, everything around me froze and ceased.

I couldn't move a single thing.

No... please no...

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...Why...?

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Just... why...?

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...WHY?!

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A/N: This chapter is NOT, in any way, encouraging anyone.

If you, your loved one, or someone you knew is contemplating things that bring harm to themselves or yourself, please please please, do NOT hesitate to call the suicide hotline available on your country or... if not possible, tell someone you trusted the most.

They're there for a reason.

They're there to help and listen to people's problems.

It's not worth the risk, and it's not going to make anyone happy.

Please take this note seriously.

- Tara