I would like to thank God and all readers for all the love given to this story! :)

Hi everyone, I would like to say that I got a lot of requests from readers to come back and give an update, so I decided to give an update on a chapter I had written recently. However, my next update will be in 3 weeks because I want to get ahead in writing the chapters on this story, so I can give weekly updates peacefully without being crunched on typing out a chapter in time for a weekly update.

I got a lot of questions on why I went on hold and I did put this story on hold because I felt really demotivated as I felt that I was not able to creatively justify this story because I was working really hard on writing the chapter all day and I was not getting too much feedback and the readership dropped. So, I decided to put this story on hold and give myself time in writing the chapters and really expressing myself creatively. During this time, I got a lot of motivation and encouragement from all of you readers and I was told to write for myself and not for the idea of satisfying others. I learned also that I should write for myself and so I have decided to write this story for myself and the way I would justify Shivika. Moreover, I was told I have a large base of silent readers, so I realized that there are plenty of people reading my story and there is a whole of base of fans for this story, so I want to thank all of you :) Also, I do not want to disappoint all loyal readers by leaving this story midway, so that is why I will not give up on this story and will work hard to give it a happy ending :)

I would not say too much, but if you like this chapter then if you wish please do give feedback :) Also, if possible please do spread the word about this story and if you already did then thank you :) I may update Chapter 21 tomorrow (heavily flashback based mainly on Shivika) depending on how much time I have and if I get good feedback :) Thank you for reading :)

P.S. I really put my heart into this chapter especially the last scene at the end between Shivika. I hope you like this chapter, but we will see :)

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Flashback:

https://youtu.be/UihNEvpyVzA

A large smile appeared across my face as I twirled around in the maroon color saree before fixing it on my shoulder. I ran my hands through my long brunette hair as I quickly put on the small diamond earrings Shivaay had gifted me.

"Anika! We are getting late!" I heard him yell from downstairs as I rolled my eyes at his impatience.

We were going out for dinner with his close friends tonight and for once I had decided to dress up more nicely. Shivaay always tends to taunt me over my clothes and how underdressed I tend to be.

It does hurt. I do so much for him and somehow he still tends to weigh me against beauty standards a wife should seemingly obey and not the fact of how much I fulfill my duties as a wife by dedicating my whole day to caring for him and making sure he is at comfort. Indeed, I am not fulfilling the duties of feminism, but somewhere I feel I need to because if I don't I might just lose him. Shivaay has so many expectations and somewhere I feel the need to fulfill them because in a way it would validate my love right? So I want to believe, but somewhere cannot.

I ignored the thought as I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled once more. It's been a long time since he has complimented me. I bit my lip nervously as I wrapped the end of the saree around my waist tightly.

"Anika! Hurry up please!" His footsteps nearing as I smiled shyly and turned quickly on my heel.

There he was standing in the doorway looking dashing in a charcoal colored suit. He seems to be getting attractive every single day and I am proud to say he is mine.

His eyes moved slowly up and down as he looked at me. My cheeks reddening as his gaze appeared to burn through me. Even though we have been married for three months, he still makes me feel so shy with that gaze that makes me feel vulnerable to it and submissive to each and every demand of his.

"I know you told me to dress up, so I did," I noted as I fixed the laced saree around me pulling up the half sleeved petticoat a little up in an attempt to cover my cleavage.

I smiled as I looked at him waiting for him to endow appreciation, but no word slipped. Instead, his expression showed disgust as he bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. That was not the reaction I had imagined.

"Take it off." His voice cold like a doubled edged sharp sword. This voice had become common these days. This voice always full of anger that ordered me, judged me, told me that I should do more.

"What do you mean?" I looked at him confused as I crossed my arms defensively trying to understand what was wrong with what I was wearing.

"Wear something else. You're dressed like a tramp. Do you even understand who I am and what image you are supposed to carry of me in public? Sure my friends don't know you are my wife, but they think you are my girlfriend. So, at least try to dress classy! Look at you!" He exclaimed appearing like an unknown creature that I was not familiar with. His eyes glistening with anger which I hadn't seen before.

"You gifted me this Shivaay and told me to wear to special occasions. This dress is classy and I don't get it..." I mumbled as tears began to purge out of my eyes. I was never good at conflict. Whenever someone ends up yelling at me and gets angry at me, I always end up saying something nonsensical in an angry tone or crying. So, today was no different.

In instant, he pulled my arm in a fit of rage slamming me against his chest. My eyes dropping down as I knew that if I said another word his anger would erupt. "And now I realize this wasn't made for you. Look, I am your husband and that means you should fulfill your duty of being my wife by listening to me! At least this is what you can do for me right? I mean you love me don't you?" He whispered laying his lips against my ear initiating a set of goosebumps as his words evoked fear.

"But, I have my own rights. I have the right to wear what I want," I argued as Shivaay held his hand up.

"Don't you dare talk back to me? Don't you dare do that. Where is that love you proclaimed for me?" He questioned daring me and challenging my love that I held strongly for him.

Love. Love indeed is about sacrifice and being selfless and that is what I have fulfilled since the day I have married him. But, that doesn't mean I should fully submit to him and fulfill each and every condition of his.

"I love you. I love more than anything and that has been proven from the fact on how I abandoned my family to be with you. I gave up everything and chose you because you are my life Shivaay. Isn't it time that you also fulfill your duty of a husband and show me the love you hold for me. Shouldn't you support me in everything? I mean if you cannot support me in the type of clothes I wear then how are you going to support me in bigger things?" I remarked.

His jaw tightening as he took a step towards me. I slowly took a step back as I realized I had spoke too much. I remember the last time how he had gone into a fit of rage over the smallest argument we had over how he should have dinner on time. He hates being controlled and told what to do. He hates being told no which I just did.

"Don't you dare question me Anika. Don't you dare do that. I don't know how many times I have to say this, but in this relationship I am the man and I decide what will happen. I will decide how my wife dresses in public and you have to obey that. Do you understand? You claim to love me, but you cannot even do this small thing for me!"

"I am your wife! I have rights too and you have to understand!" I yelled and without another moment he grabbed my shoulder tightly kneeling his face closely towards me breathing his alcohol fuming breath upon me.

I gulped nervously as my hands began to tremble. My eyes lowering as I felt he was about to lose control. His hand entwining into the edges of my sari's pallu and suddenly the sound of a rip emerged. My eyes widening as I realized he had ripped the edge of my pallu. Grabbing hold to it, I looked at him astonished as he smirked.

"In this house and in your life, only Shivaay Singh Oberoi has a say. This is only a small lesson Anika and if you don't listen to me early on then you don't want to know what I can do..." He hissed as he slammed his hands against my shoulders. My feet tripped over the edge of the bed as I fell upon it.

Tears beginning to stream down my cheeks as I realized Shivaay had built walls around me and aimed to confide me in them...how he used his position of being a husband to prevent me from being true to myself and entrapping myself in his chauvinist ways. What has happened? What went wrong? He was never like this. Before our wedding, he always encouraged me to be true to myself, live for myself, and pursue my dreams then what happened? Why has he become so determined to trap me in this house and limit me to the role of being a traditional wife?

"Now stay here!" He yelled before walking out the door and slamming it shut.

I thought you loved me Shivaay. At least that is what you told me, then what happened? How could you change so much? Why did you change? You mean the world to me Shivaay...then how could you do this to me? How?

Flashback Ends

https://youtu.be/nsny_Ry8sJc

He never loved me. He only used me, tortured me for his pleasure, and then threw me away like trash. I was the fool to think he loved me and was the fool to abandon everything I treasured in my whole life in order to marry him.

My single act of foolishness now is threatening to ruin everything I still have at least what I portray to everyone that I have. The few remnants of integrity, pride, and character that I still carry and my family carries can all be stolen if this secret if revealed. Today only the media brought out those pictures from last night and I haven't yet been identified, but if I do get identified then what would happen? I cannot imagine my parents' reactions. Most importantly, if the media find out about your past then everything will be ruined. I will not only lose my pride and integrity, but I will lose my parents' trust and their image will be maligned forever. God, I don't even want to be think about it.

He grabbed my hand and held it in his as he looked at me with his hazel eyes. A peculiar smile played on his face as he appeared to contemplate and understand my thoughts which had darkened upon the realization of what had just happened.

My body was sitting right now in this café with Armaan, but my mind was somehow left back at the hospital where it continued to fight over and understand what had happened. Pictures of Shivaay and me had become public and in fact a rage in the media. Every single social media post somehow returned back to both of us. The pictures were all over the internet. I don't know why, but somehow the pictures have become a rage ever since the news broke out.

My face has somewhat not made it to public due to poor quality of the photos, but Shivaay and my relationship and the true nature of it has come very close to being revealed in public. In fact, I have come very close to the possibility of losing everything that I value-integrity, image, and family.

I remember looking at Shivaay and recognizing a similar fear in his eyes regarding the potential loss of everything on hand due to one secret. I remember how in an instant I rushed out of the conference room not once looking back with a realization I had to escape and not face the consequences of my actions both last night and what had happened many years ago.

I took a deep breath as I looked at Armaan as he held my hand tightly in his grasp and smiled at me. I weakly smiled trying to play along, but my mind was only fogged with worry and fear over what may happen if somehow the media finds out that I was the one in the photos with Shivaay. If the media figures it was me then they would research more upon us and find out the true nature of our relationship. I gulped as I nervously bit my lip and tapped my hand on the coffee table.

"You ok Anika?" Armaan questioned breaking me out of my trance as I looked up at him and shook my head.

"I am fine. Lunch was great." I attempted to divert the conversation as I looked at the almost empty plates as I had nervously munched upon a sandwich and drank an entire can of soda to calm down my nerves. I tend to get a sweet tooth whenever stress suddenly rushes into my life and makes me feel that I lack control over it.

"I know this is my favorite café in this area. Um...thank you for giving me a chance Anika. I really appreciate the fact that you did. I mean the way I behaved yesterday was so inappropriate and out of line. I really am truly sorry." Sorry. It's so easy to say the word that anyone can say it, but it's the genuineness that matters and somehow I see that when I look into Armaan's eyes which are transparent and give hints of a pure soul. Indeed, this transparency has pushed me to forgive him. In fact, I am thinking about giving him a chance. I shouldn't considering he is my ex-husband's cousin, but somehow I am and I want to. Perhaps, because I do feel the need to move on and he is a nice guy. Sure he is Shivaay's cousin, but that doesn't mean he just that, he is more than just his cousin and is someone who is kind and polite, so I should give him a chance.

"It's fine. It's better we move forward and forget what happened right?" He squeezed my hand as I smiled with an attempt to portray myself as being ok, but I was not. Turmoil was running at windspeeds of 100 mph in my body as all I could think about was what would happen if the media figured out that Shivaay was with me last night? What if they find out that we were previously married and had been divorced five years ago? How would my family react? What would my parents say? The questions continued to run as Armaan grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

"Shall we go now?" He questioned cheekily as I smiled as he entwined his hand in mines' as we began to walk together out of the café.

Indeed, somewhat hand holding is the next step and somehow I obliged to allow his hand to hold mines', however, it felt odd. His touch appearing seemingly cold and lack of connection utterly present. Somehow I found myself comparing how I felt with him with how I felt with Shivaay whose mere touch of skin with mines' ignites an unusual set of tension involving a range of emotions evolving from remnants of love to hints of lust that are still felt even from a distance. Isn't it wrong to compare Armaan to Shivaay? It is right? Then why is it that I am mentally comparing them both? I shouldn't be doing this.

Our feet stepped over the delicate leaves that were falling from trees indicating that autumn had finally come. We walked in silence for quite a while as I noticed him continuing to gaze at me from the side of my eyes.

"Anika...I want to say that I have really enjoyed spending time with you and I want to tell you that I am here only for you, so don't think that this is fling or something ok?" Armaan noted as I smiled and looked at him.

"I know Armaan. I can tell you are good person," I said as he smiled as we stopped at the side of the sidewalk. He smiled as he kept my hand in his.

"How?"

"I am just good at reading people I guess." With the exception of Shivaay of course. Somehow I have never succeeded in reading him and understanding his thought process and course of actions.

"Hmm...I'm impressed," Armaan said chuckling as I lightly giggled and looked at him.

Somehow Armaan did give me the butterflies. I know. He shouldn't right. I mean considering the fact what happened the night before and how I brought myself so close to...I shouldn't even building this attraction for Armaan, but somehow it is being built. His presence is giving me butterflies. But, then why is Shivaay also introducing such feelings to me? I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be stuck between two men in this way. It is wrong. No it is completely wrong.

"I-I want to say that I want to really bring this relationship forward. I think both you and I are past the age of flings and dating. We are in that age when courtship matters and...and... so does marriage." My eyes widened as I heard the last word. Marriage? What is he saying? Is he really thinking about this? My hands began to tremble as memories began to rush themselves back to me. Memories of a broken marriage that I once was in. Oh My God. His cousin was my ex-husband and now he is thinking of...oh no this is wrong. This is completely wrong.

"I know I spoke too fast, but I wanted to give our relationship perspective you know?" He said as I gulped nervously and avoided his gaze as I tried to gather my thoughts.

"Are you ok Anika?" I shook my head as I tried my best to smile.

He smiled as he pulled me closer as he placed his hand on my cheek. Seemingly admiring me as I avoided his gaze and looked away. His touch somewhat making me feel uncomfortable.

His face made its way slowly towards me as I noticed his gaze was on my lips. My heart began to beat faster as my palms began to sweat. Somehow, something did not feel right. It felt wrong and I couldn't pinpoint what, but something was not right. Without a second thought, I quickly pulled my face away and took a step back from him. I ran my shaky hands through my hair as I shook my head and looked up at him.

"What's wrong Anika?" He questioned curiously as he looked at me confused.

"Um...uh...it's too soon. I...Let's just take things slow ok?" I said with a shaky voice.

"I am sorry if you felt uncomfortable. I completely respect your decision and no problem at all ok?" Armaan remarked as I shook my head and smiled.

"Thank you for understanding. Um...the hospital is pretty close by so I am going to walk back I guess. Thank you for lunch and talk to you soon ok?" I said as he smiled.

"Of course I will keep in touch. Have a good day," He noted as I nodded and began to quickly walk away.

This is wrong and I should put a stop to it. I should right? Then why I am allowing Armaan to come closer to me? To the point that he is considering marriage. Oh My God. I cannot do this, but then Anika you do have an intention to move forward then why not Armaan. He is kind and decent, but... he is also Shivaay's cousin. Don't forget. God, what have I gotten myself into?

I stared into the distance as I made my way through the crowd of people towards the hospital. My body continuing to shake as I bit my lip nervously and made my way towards the corner of the street. Everything felt like a daze as all I could think about was what was currently happening in my life.

I feel like everything is slipping away. My control on my emotions slipped away last night. My control on a deep dark secret is slipping away as it is being threatened to be revealed. Why is this happening? Why? Why now?

I took a deep breath as I made my way into the large front lawn of the hospital that circled itself and diverged into different mazes as the hospital branched out in forms of different buildings. Taking in the cool autumn breeze, I made my way through the lawn as I looked at a wooden bench.

My eyes followed the empty lawn in front of me as I stared at the crowd of employees rushing their way back to the hospital. Grabbing a seat on the wooden bench, I sat down and stared into the emptiness. Attempting to gather my thoughts and figure a way to take control of my life. But no idea appeared. My mind drew a blank in the chaos of confusion that was created inside of it.

What are you doing Anika? Why are you leading yourself down another dangerous path? Armaan is a good man and a type that would make a good husband, but don't forget that he is Shivaay's cousin. Shivaay. Your ex-husband. It is so wrong to possibly return to the same family of whom you were a ghostly part of. It is wrong and unjust. But, then why is my mind pushing me over the edge and pushing me to continue to pursue a relationship with Armaan? Is it truly fate?

"You ok?"

There he was standing like a shadow above me that never wanted to let go of me. A figure of the past that had recently returned and brought chaos once again. A person for whom I may have a never ending attraction. A person whom I want to forget, but can't despite how much he wronged me.

"Why don't you just leave me Shivaay? Why is it you are always there in the moments that I want to be alone and moments when I am vulnerable to the chaos of emotions inside of me? Why?" I whispered as he sighed. He sat down on the bench at a small distance away from me.

Rubbing his hands together, he blew heat into them as he looked back at me. He shook his head back and forth in apparent frustration.

"I don't know why fate always brings me when you feel this way, but I can say that...I... I know you won't believe me, but I will always be here. Despite the fact that I have wronged you, I am the only one you can speak your fear to..."

I raised my head and looked at him curiously as he weakly smiled. He slid a bit closer to me as I felt his knee lightly touching mines'. Somehow that touch of discomfort not present instead it felt ok.

"What fear?"

"Your fear of everyone finding out about us."

I felt tears slowly appearing in my eyes as I looked away from him. How could he read me so perfectly despite the fact that I cannot do the same for him? Is it true that only I can share this fear with only him and no one else? Isn't our secret supposed to separate us then why is somewhat pulling us more towards one another?

"I am sorry for what happened today. Honestly, I do not know how the media got those pictures. I am quite surprised. But, don't worry, my people are working hard to find out who it was and working hard to get the story off the internet...Ok? Don't worry ok?" Shivaay said an effort to provide comfort.

I felt his hand grabbing on to mines'. Somehow I allowed him to hold my hand not pushing him away because I felt comforted by his touch as he laid his hand still against mines'. I shouldn't find comfort and solace in him, but I am and that is what scares me.

"We will be ruined if our families find out. I cannot imagine how my parents will react."

"Don't say that. Nothing will happen ok? I will make sure of it alright?" He said as he squeezed my hand. Somehow his statement helping my nerves to calm down a bit. I felt as if he truly meant his words and indeed he would not allow any harm get to me.

It is so odd when one finds comfort in the person who has wronged them so much. It is wrong to turn to that person for comfort who is the cause of your pain, yet, somehow you always turn to that person only. The matters of the heart are truly unpredictable and out of touch from reality.

"Shivaay! Is she your girlfriend?!" My eyes widened as I quickly snatched my hand away from Shivaay's and looked up to realize a group of four to five reporters were making their way towards us.

My eyes quickly turned towards Shivaay as he appeared equally taken aback by the sudden rush of reporters making their way towards us. I quickly got up as my anxiety began to catch up to me. My body beginning to tremble as I realized that those capable of revealing my secret were making their way towards me...taking pictures of Shivaay and me as we stood side by side. This is it. It's over. Our secret will now soon be revealed to the world. My mind spoke in an attempt to intimidate me and push me over the edge.

My body stood still as cat clearly caught my tongue and my mind as I could not clearly think what was happening. Camera flashes made their way towards both of us as I placed my hand on my face trying to cover it in an attempt to not be blinded as hues of red, orange, and purple blinded my vision. I attempted to touch back reality, but failed to do so as fear took over.

I felt someone beginning to shove a mike right into my face as a wave of voices merged and mixed with one another. A sense of chaos not only physically present, but erupting inside of me as I felt my body go into havoc and attempting to gather calmness that had been erased from fear of a deep dark secret being revealed.

"Are you Shivaay's girlfriend? What is your name?!" A reporter asked with a sense of urgency.

Girlfriend? What are they saying? No. No. This is not good. This is it. If they begin to link me with him then they will soon find out. They will find out about everything and make it public.

I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate as my body began to shake. My mind spinnig as I tried to take a step away from the reporters as they began to huddle around me. Flashes triggering a series of chills throughout my body as I felt my thoughts becoming a daze. My body feeling lifeless as if I was not part of it. A sense of reality becoming fogged as anxiety began to explode.

"Back off!" My mind trailed to the yelling of the man in front of me. Shivaay. I noticed him taking an extra step and coming right in front of me as he attempted to move the reporters away from my personal space.

"Can you all please back off! Please give her some space ok!" Shivaay repeated clearly and loudly as he grabbed a hold of my arm and pushed me behind him.

"Anika you will be fine ok?" His voice seemingly calm and soothing as I looked up at him catching his gaze. I noticed an unfamiliar sense of worry apparent across his face as he quickly turned back and continued to tell the reporters to move away. In that moment, he appeared in a sense as protector of me. Not moving away once, keeping me close, and ensuring I was ok. An unusual concern was present that I hadn't seen for long.

"Look she is my employee ok? There is nothing of that sorts that you are questioning right now. We were both discussing an upcoming project. So, please do not try to tarnish the reputation of this innocent woman ok?" His voice having a sense of command as his statement initiated an immediate fizzling of questions from reporters.

He's protecting me. He is actually saving me from having my integrity being devalued in front of everyone. For the first time he actually cares about me and about my character that he himself had dared to tarnish years ago.

"But, sir who was that woman last night? Can you tell us more about that?" A young reporter asked.

My heart began to beat quickly as I clenched my hands trying to look calm and not give any hints to the reporters that the woman was me. They are so close to finding out about last night, but no matter what I must not give any hints that it was me. I have do everything possible to bury this secret because if it is revealed...I cannot imagine what will happen.

A look of annoyance appeared over Shivaay's face as he looked at the reporter. Seemingly, his large figure towering over the reporter as he stuck his lip out and furrowed his eyebrows as a means to intimidate him. I could tell he was attempting to intimidate the reporter because he often used the same trick on me.

"Why are you so interested in my personal life? It's my personal life and I don't think I owe an explanation to anyone because it's my life and my decisions alright? My position of being head CEO of Oberoi Hospitals should matter to you and it should matter to you what I do as a CEO. I don't think my personal life should be played out in public alright?" His statement quickly drowning down the flutter of questions as the reporters appeared dumbfounded by his statement. One man seemingly played off an entire group of news reporters with just a few sentences. Indeed, only Shivaay is capable of this.

Shivaay clapped his hands and waved at them before tightening his grip on my arm. He looked back at me matching my gaze in an attempt to ensure I was ok. For the first time he was standing by his word. He was protecting me and that was something I hadn't seen before. He never did that.

Without a second thought, he grabbed my lower arm and we began to walk down the lawn as I heard the loud clicking of cameras around us. I held my head low as Shivaay quickened his pace and began to look around for an entry point into the main hospital building.

"Can you please just back off?" Shivaay demanded as we began to quickly walk towards the entry point of the hospital. I noticed a group of security guards as they began to make their way towards us.

"You could have come earlier!" He yelled loudly as his tightened his grip on my arm as we quickened our pace towards them. A reporter coming out of nowhere as she continued to take pictures of the both of us as I attempted to hide my face.

This is not good. Not good at all. If these pictures get published in the media then the links would become clear very soon. The media might begin to do research on us and worse our secret could be revealed. The media might even link me to being the girl in the photos with Shivaay from last night. Oh no. My parents were already suspicious about me lying to them about a hospital emergency and if they see this in the news then they would definitely begin to question me. Oh My God. What will I do? Oh no what have I gotten myself into? I shook my head back and forth as we made our way into the main entryway of the hospital as security guards blocked off the reporters.

Walking into the large lobby of the hospital, I noticed employees looking over their desk and some standing as they appeared to have seen the entire debacle that just happened outside. My ivory colored cheeks reddening as I felt everyone's eyes upon us. Eyes full of suspicion, questions, and confusion. I felt a sense of shame blanket over me as I quickly pulled my arm from Shivaay's grasp catching him off guard.

I looked up at him with a realization he didn't seem to have any shame as he appeared cold, distant, and emotionless as he looked at the employees in front of him. He didn't seem to be affected at all by the suspicious looks. He didn't seem to care at all. In that moment outside, he may have protected me and perhaps said those words because he valued my integrity and character, but I think it doesn't matter to him what suspicions his employees may carry towards him, regarding us, because he always see's himself as a dominant person in a position of power over them. He was always like this and still is.

"I want to talk to you in my office." I looked up at him curiously trying to understand what he was trying to get at. He appeared to have a look of dominance as he appeared to order me.

Why is he so unpredictable? One minute he was protecting me from the ravages of the world and the other minute he is dominating me as if he owns me. He a mixture of blue and red that he never wills to separate from and choose one, but instead he wants to keep both and be both.

"Anika I am your boss and I want to talk to you in private, so please come to my office ok?" He again repeated as I sighed at the realization he has used his "boss" card on me. I shook my head in annoyance as he began to walk with an expectation I would follow and I followed.

I followed not because I like the dominance, but because I also want to talk to him about the current matter we have on hands. A matter that could destroy us and everything we seemingly carry with pride in our lives.

We again made our way to the crowded elevator. I avoided him as I squeezed myself into the crowd and leaned against the wall on the opposite of him. He laid his body against the wall opposite of me as we waited patiently for employees to exist on each floor.

Rumors. They are unique webs that once one gets entangled in they can never escape from. Spiders weave the webs of rumors and spread it and share it with one another in order to trap innocent beings. Spiders find luxury in trapping the innocent who can never escape the web no matter what. In this case, people are the spiders and Shivaay and I are the innocent beings. Everywhere Shivaay and I go, we only find ourselves being trapped by webs of those around us. Webs of suspicions and questions seen in the eyes of employees and others, such as those standing in the elevator with us. I could tell suspicious gazes followed us as I looked at the employees in the elevator who seemingly stared at both of us back and forth without any shame.

As the final employee exited the elevator, I sighed and stared at my reflection in the elevator doors. Shivaay standing right across me as he appeared to look towards me without looking away for a moment. His eyes somehow unwrapping my features and looking at them keenly. A sense of shyness began to drape itself around me as I felt my cheeks warm up. I bit my lip and looked back at him with an idea he would look away, but he didn't. Instead, he kept his eyes still without any thought of moving them away from my face. I tried to glare at him at which I utterly failed as he only appeared to smile.

https://youtu.be/HUye_Vt3Ej8

"Don't look at me like that." I felt surprised by the tender dominance the statement appeared to project, however, I felt it was needed to establish boundaries that we seemingly broke last night.

Shivaay shook his head and smiled as he crossed his arms and continued to gaze towards me.

"But, you always wanted me to look at you like this before and when I did at times...you adored it. Adored my attention...you felt loved..." He whispered the last sentence as I stood still not knowing what to say. He trapped me in his words.

Well, perhaps, he did, but maybe he didn't considering I don't feel that way anymore. I don't crave that attention anymore.

"Now I have realized that someone's love cannot be obtained by dressing with the heavenly ornaments of the world...I have realized that one should never work so hard to catch the attention of their lover because if that lover truly loves them then it can be expressed without the meaningless words of the world...through gestures of care and respect because at end of the day that is love Shivaay. That is love..." Not once did my eyes flinch and move away from his as my words reached his ears. Words slowly weaved around him as he dove into contemplation. My words bewitching him as he appeared to shake his head and look back at me with a sense of hopelessness.

The positive shade of a painful heartbreak is that it teaches you the difference between what the true shades of love are and those that are just surface level and not deep enough to actually spark love. Perhaps, Shivaay and I were never actually bound by a relationship of love considering he never respected me. He never did. He was too toxic for that. I loved him. I loved him too much, but now that love is no more because the minute he broke me, he lost my respect and care for him. It all fell apart and indeed our love is now broken and unrepairable.

As the elevator doors opened, he quickly walked out as I followed him. We walked in complete silence that appeared to build the tension between us that already existed from the realization that we were at the edge of having our secret revealed. We walked to the large wooden doors of his office that he opened holding it out for me to walk in.

I felt a sense of awkwardness approach me as I realized it would only be just the two of us in his office and this would be the first time after...after last night.

I took small steps as I heard my heels tap against the wooden floor. I clasped my hands together to dry the sweat they began to have. The door shutting behind me as I felt him approaching from behind. Breathing against the back of my head, I felt his arms lightly brushing against my back. My spine of my back seemingly projecting itself inward as his touch brought a sensation that I did not want to test. I nervously ran my finger across my lips as I looked around the dimly lit office as surprisingly barely any lights were on. Biting my lip nervously, I took a step away from Shivaay and walked towards a large window looking out towards the suburbs.

A loud silence erupted as not a single word attempted to escape from both of us. Instead we stood in the silence, embraced it, and didn't attempt to break it. Silence was the best way we could still be near each other without breaching and touching the shattered glasses of heartbreak that is carried by me and, perhaps, him. I highly doubt it though.

I took a deep breath as I looked out towards the gray sky that symbolized the exact emotions I held. Emotions of confusion, lust, and pain from a heart break that somehow still pierced me. Last night only has brought these emotions more to life and has led me to become more tortured by the mixtures of convoluted emotions running inside of me.

He broke the silence as he coughed attempting to grab my attention. I sighed as I could tell he was about to breach a topic that I did not want to talk about.

"The reason I called you here is because I cannot get last night out of my head-"

"Don't!" I quickly jumped on my feet and turned towards him as he stood afar from me. I felt my hands tremble as I began to flashback to last night's memories. The way I let down my guards and allowed him to come so close to me despite the pain he had caused me...the heartbreak he had given that I haven't yet been able to repair.

"Don't...I told you to not speak about this and keep your silence then why are you doing this?! Why?!" I exclaimed as I took a step towards him throwing my shoulders back in frustration.

"Anika just listen to me for once!" He exclaimed as he slammed his hand loudly against his table. I winced as I looked at him picking his head up and matching his blood colored eyes with mines'. He appeared to clench his teeth tightly as he tried to calm himself down. My stomach slowly sucking itself in as I felt his anger beginning to tense up and become animated.

"You cannot just deny what happened last night...Don't deny you didn't have a connection with me. I know you felt something deeper for me that pushed you towards me...You're not someone who drowns herself in lust. That is not you...For once just admit it that there was a deeper reason to why you made love to me!"

My eyes widened as in an instant I grabbed his collar pushing him back with full force. I felt my mouth going dry as my hands begin to feel clammy and tremble. A hidden tyrant emerging from me as adrenaline began to pump through my body.

My mind was not ready to hear the allegation that he just made...I made love to him...oh how obscene and how disillusioned this man can be? How can he just claim hostage on my mind and claim he can read it and knows that I made love to him...that I felt something deeper for him? How can he just throw dirt on precious emotions and attempt to convince me that I love him?

"How dare you?! How dare you say that?! You have no right to publicize our matter like this in the professional workplace! You have no right to make berated claims against me! Do you understand Mr. Oberoi?!" I exclaimed as he held the chair behind him, balancing himself from the shove I had given him. He appeared a bit taken aback from my abrupt anger. However, he did not bow down. The way he pushed his jaw forward and furrowed his eyebrows indicated that that selfish, egoistic man was still alive inside of him.

"How the hell dare you push me?! You have no right to do that Anika! No right at all! Do you even know who I am?! Do you?!" His voice trembling the walls as I felt myself flinch. The toxicity of his anger blowing against me as I felt goosebumps arise. I took a deep breath as I realized I had triggered him. He is a man of ego. A man who never respects boundaries and a man who see's the world only weaving its events for him.

"You cannot deny me Anika! You cannot deny your love for me! Do you hear me?!" He screamed and in an instant he grabbed a glass mug on his desk.

His hair scuffled as his eyes showed an unfamiliar anger and possession that I had never witnessed. He seemed vulnerable to his anger, yet, dominant as he stood tall and not once flinched in fear from himself and his capabilities of what he could do in anger.

Our marriage had seen the consequences of his anger and I knew in a heartbeat what it could do. I gulped nervously as I tried to build nerves to confront him. I attempted to decode his body language and his mind to understand the reasons of this dramatic change from a protector of me that I had seen outside to a sheer monster that was pushing its bewitching powers upon me.

Gathering my strength, I lunged towards him pushing my body against him as he leaned back on the desk. "Stop! What are you doing?! What has gotten into you?!" I screamed as I grabbed his hand trying to stop him from creating a ruckus that would only lead to more problems and get attention from the employees working right outside of his office.

An unintentional growl rose out of him as anger steamed from the heavy breaths he took. His chest moving up and down in a quickened pace as he stood tall above me.

"Let go of me Anika! Let go!" He screamed as I struggled to pull the glass mug away from him as I leaned on to him. Too close for comfort as his lips ran unintentionally against the side of my chin as he attempted to be the man in control.

A tinge of awkwardness ran down my spine as memories of his touch ran up back to me. Somehow being close to him brought back the same untouched desire that I held for him...a desire that was sinful and could only destroy me.

"I cannot! First let go of the mug! Do not create a commotion!" I yelled back as I held on to the mug tightly as he held it from the opposite side.

And suddenly a sharp pain arose in my hand as the glass mug screamed and shattered itself into my hand. A loud scream emerging from me as Shivaay's hand instantly dropped with shards of glass spilling on to his desk.

"Anika!" His hand quickly grabbing mines' as I looked at blood beginning to ooze out as a piece of glass pushed itself through the palm of my right hand. I bit my lip as I placed my left hand on my wrist. Tears making their way down my cheeks as I tried to bear myself through the exotic pain that erupted through my hand.

"Let go of me!" I screamed as I tried to snatch my hand away from his as he tightened his grip on my hand and attempted to get the piece of glass out.

His mind in havoc as he appeared fazed while attempting to purge the piece of glass from my palm. I clenched my teeth as I looked at him and tried to control my anger. His anger had gotten the best of him and he had decided to break that glass with a clear intention to hurt me. That's all he could do. That's all he is capable of.

"Stop pretending! This is what you always did...hurt me through the smallest things to signal your dominance. I know you broke that mug on purpose to hurt me! So, now stop showing fake sympathy and let go of my hand!" I yelled as I pushed his shoulder roughly.

He pulled me back as he held the piece of glass and latched his eyes with mines'. "Anika please just stay still alright?" He sighed with an appearance that he had somewhat calmed down. I winced as I wriggled my hand in his grasp before he pulled the piece of glass out. A yelp slipping from my mouth as I grabbed on to his arm tightly, digging my head into it.

Tear began to scream down my cheeks as I placed my lips against his arms and tried to bite on the cloth of his jacket as I felt him hold on to my hand tightly. His fingers attempting to slowly touch the ripped boundaries on my palm as he took out small shards of glass still remaining...his touch tender and soft-a complete contrast from the rough edges of touch he tends to project onto me. Indeed, this unfamiliar touch brought comfort as I realized he wouldn't let go of my hand until he took out the shards of pain he himself inflicted. I laid my head against his arm not moving an inch.

"It's ok alright? I took all the pieces out ok?" Shivaay whispered as he fumbled for something in his jacket. His hand holding on to my palm tightly as he appeared to wrap a cool cloth around my hand.

"The cut is not too deep. However, you have to put antiseptics on it..." He whispered softly with an attempt to hold my jumbled nerves and calm them down.

His hand softly laying down on the back of my head as his fingers ran through the tangled strands of my hair. We stood still not moving an inch as I felt Shivaay take a deep breath in an effort to calm his anger. I bit my lip as I felt tears drying on my cheeks as the gash on my hand continued to sting and remind me of the intentional pain he inflicted.

A sense of déjà vu hit me as this moment somewhat resembled a past I held. A toxic past. It was always like this. A storm would build up upon the both of us where we would scream and yell at one another with mostly him doing the screaming while I just listened not saying a word. Then an eerie silence would follow with tears that calmed down with his soft touch. It felt as if the past was beginning to repeat.

I shook my head as I realized Shivaay hadn't changed. Somewhere, the way he had behaved today from morning to the moment he protected me from the photographers, I thought he was shedding his ego and pure narcissism for a better soul that embraced selflessness and a need to stay true to humanity, however, I was wrong. He hasn't changed and he likely never will. How can I think that last night might have changed him? That perhaps our closeness somewhat stringed an unstrung chord in his heart and perhaps made him realize how he wronged me and how he might...just might have an attraction for me...an unstrung romantic attraction...

Picking my head up from his arm, my eyes fell down to his hand that was bleeding from the glass barely scraping his hand. I shook my head in frustration as I leaned back on the desk grabbing on to his hand. My fingers lightly running over the scrape as I found no pieces of glass in it.

A deadly silence held between us as we stood closely together not saying another word. Only our breaths matching one another as we looked into each other's eyes thinking over what just happened and how it resembled closely to the past we shared.

Once again we had destroyed ourselves like we always used to do. We were always self destructive. Ready to destroy everything we built upon after each and every fight we had. What happened right now was a prime example of what always happened.

"You love hurting me don't you?" I whispered as I reached into my pocket taking out a small hankerchief as I laid it against his scraped hand wrapping it into a knot.

His eyes stood still as he appeared to contemplate over what I said. I smiled at my painful plight realizing he would never change. He doesn't have the courage to challenge himself and question himself-his lying, conniving, egoistic self. It takes courage to do that.

I pushed his hand away from mines' and took a step back. I took in his image that seemed calmer. His eyes showing vulnerability as he appeared to drop his shoulders down giving up the demeanor of dominance he had. He bit his lip and got up taking a step towards me as I held my hand out.

"Don't. Don't you dare come near me now...You can never change. Never. The words you uttered and the pain you inadvertently just caused me shows that you are a man who craves attention and has an unusual desire to be wanted...to be desired by everyone...You crave the need to be the center of everyone's universe and you crave it so bad that you can do anything to push someone to confess that you are the only person who's the star in their life and who they desire. That's what you always have been and that's a habitable trait you can never change. You are a narcissist who finds pleasure in hurting others and pleasure in being wanted. You only care about yourself and that is who you are."

A dead silence caught him as he stood still looking into my eyes. He appeared to have shed his rage as he came back to reality...However, I know that rage and pure selfishness can never completely leave him because they always come back...no matter what realization he may have. No matter what, he can never get over this embodied nature that he has.

"Anika...please..." He whispered as I shook my head and wiped a tear from my cheek.

"For once, I thought you might be changing...the way you protected me outside and told me you would not let our secret be revealed comforted me and somewhere elicited a thought in my mind that maybe you have changed...I thought maybe for once you lost the path of caring for yourself and only thinking of yourself, but chosen the path to care for others and to be selfless...to live to the true name of humanity that God has endowed upon us, but God I was wrong...You can never change. Never. And that is why you are incapable of loving anyone... because you only know...how to love yourself and not someone else..." I began to hiccup as I tried to take deep breath and calm myself down as I wiped tears streaming down my cheeks.

A rush of memories associated with a toxic relationship began to run back to me. The awful vulnerability that I kept as I tried to be selfless and teach him to be like that. The energy I put in a stupid belief that I could change him when I knew I couldn't.

An awful silence erupted between us as I looked up to see Shivaay with his head down appearing to run over his thoughts as he seemed locked out of reality. He leaned against his desk with his back towards me as if he didn't even want to look at me in the eyes. Somehow, I did want him to look me in the eyes. Somewhere I wished he would just look at me and admit for once that I was right. For once admit how he failed to love me and how he always was just driven to fulfil his ego.

He didn't look up.

And I walked out the door not looking back.