Hi everyone :) I want to begin by thanking God for giving me the strength to write this chapter. It took a lot of me to write this chapter and I am glad He allowed me to write it and kept me storng to do such. Also, I want to take the time right now to thank each and every genuine and amazing reader who reads this story with love and gives it a lot of love and kindness :) Readers, you are the heartbeats, the breaths, the life of this story and the reason why it has supposedly gotten success-for me success is defined by the amount of love it has gotten and I hope all of you share love for this story.

I have answered and replied to all comments by for the previous chapters and I am so sorry for the delay :)

I just have been very low in terms of my mood and so I just was barely able to write this one chapter and I finished it by today, so yikes! I am sorry if you do not like this chapter :(

Also I am sorry if this chapter appears as a filler chapter, but it was needed to show if Anika get's convinced to marry Shivaay and show Shivaay and Anika changing their character traits which will now be part do the next track.

The next chapter, will be a little lighter and more happy so I am sorry if this chapter was boring or a filler :(

I also so sorry for the delay in the update, but I wasn't going to update since I have been feeling quite low and out of my element in writing, but I decided to update and write to heal myself and also that I got a lot of demand for an update as well from readers so I felt bad and decided to update :)

This chapter is a big turning point as it will show whether Anika agrees to marry Shivaay, so please do tune in and read it :)

This chapter focuses on whether Anika will agree to marry Shivaay along with the relationship dynamic they have. Shivika do not have a normal relationship and it cycles between arguments and moments of love and this type of relationships do exist upon which I commented. The middle scene on the hospital's rooftop is important, so please do read that one including long thoughts as that is where Shivaay and Anika transform. Also, please read Shivaay's transformation scene in the bathroom and Anika's confession of her thin line of obsession with Shivaay.

I tried my best to make this chapter emotional, yet dramatic, but I am sorry if I failed :(

Note:

This week has been very tough for me due to some personal issues and issues that came up with regards to this story which I don't want to speak of at the moment, but I was quite low and upset, so it took a lot of me to even write this chapter. I was not in my writing element when writing this chapter and I know that. I know I may have not done justice to this chapter, but I had to write it because my thoughts are healed by writing and so I decided to write.

Thank you for being amazing and thank you for reading :) If you liked this chapter then please do not forge to vote, comment and share :)

Also, it's quite late at night right now in the U.S., so I am so sorry for any grammar issues, but I tried my best to edit and will edit for grammar again. Thank you :)

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https://youtu.be/C-hYI733Rak

My hands continued to violently tremble as I clasped my dupatta against my mouth biting into my tears, but failing as I felt my heart dropping its beats threading itself to fear...fear that it will lose the one who made it...the one who brought it to life...fear that my sins were now not only going to punish me by dwelling me into the grave, but also the ones whom I love the most...my parents.

A warm touch brushing against my hand tenderly clasping it into its comfort as my gaze lifted up meeting his blue hues finding a sense of solace touch me. His hand trailing mines' off of my lips immediately entwining our fingers together letting me know he was here...here to listen...here to hear the tears that were bleeding out of my sinful wounds.

"Anika...please calm down ok? He will be fine...Hm?" He spoke in a softened tone as he hit the gas pedal one more time in the heavy traffic in an attempt to cut someone off.

My breaths tumbling over one another as I attempted to take a deeper breath, but failing as I felt them choking on to me suffocating me in an attempt to punish me for the sin I committed leading death to trail its way to my father wanting to snatch its bare soul.

"Shhh...please stop crying Anika...This much stress is not good for you or the babies," He whispered softly rubbing his thumb against my hand as I laid my head against the seat attempting to take deeper breaths, but failing as my father's lifeless body continued to come in front of my eyes...losing its breaths as his heart suffocated in my filth...

"He has already gotten to the hospital by now and will be getting medical care alright? I called beforehand to let the doctors know he is related to our family and to be given special attention ok?...Just keep calm. Hm?" He spoke with an unusual sense of calmness, a rarity in his case.

My eyes lifting up to him, finding his eyes to soften with a tinge of care as he looked ahead, finding gratitude as he offered to bring me here since my own family abandoned me an instant once the paramedics came...not allowing me to come since they believed I was the cause of dad's sudden collapse and they are right...He has been stressing due to me for the past few days and today when all of this fiasco happened...He just couldn't bear the humiliation that I brought upon him due to my own filthy deed...Which father can bear being dishonored in front of others due to his daughter? Which father can bear their daughter's pride and dignity being buried in the ground by society?

"T-Thank y-you...f-for...b-bringing me," I whispered wrapping my hand around his that clung tightly to my hand remembering how he immediately took me by the hand and offered to drive me to the hospital.

"Please Anika, don't say this....Hm?...You are my responsibility now." My heart skipping a beat hearing his last line that held a tinge of honesty.

His responsibility? Memories weaving themselves back to me reminding me of the bittersweet words he spoke...A sense of revulsion creeping up to me crawling to my womb reminding me the moment he claimed me in front of everyone.

He wants to marry me. My eyes closing shut not being able to bear the thought of it...not able to even imagine what it would feel like...what it would be like to become his wife again knowing the murky, mold and ashes I walked on in our marriage...His rage...My temper...His havoc... My calamity...Our toxic love leading to loss of hope that brought sorrow...a sorrow that slowly acted as a bitter poison eventually taking the life of the most sacred bond that we both shared.

My heart appearing to sink not being able to bear the wounds that smoldered upon remembering the toxic vile he laid upon them without any regrets...the way he uprooted me out of his life throwing me out of it under the dark guise of the night...where I laid losing my life and barely holding on to my love that my heart continued to beat upon...feeding its life on to it.

I love him, but I can never be with him...My love for him will not allow me to. This love has been battered and burned by his betrayal...A betrayal that I can never overcome knowing how everything was a game to him. A game in which he indulged in with pleasure not once cherishing the scared marriage we held, but playing along for month even when I was pregnant with Chaaya...He claims to have wanted to work on our marriage once I became pregnant, but then...Maybe he never did...Maybe he was just sticking around for Chaaya...to give her a good home and good family...Once...once Chaya left us...He decided to leave me knowing it was the best escape along with being lured by the money that his new in-laws, Tia's family, would invest in his projects.

So, he could leave me after a relationship in which I laid my love upon him by fully surrendering myself to him...selflessly coloring myself with his desires...gathering pieces of passion to fulfill his pleasure...How could I even believe in this idea that he will not leave me once he marries me?...He believes he loves me, but...what if his love is just a moment of lust in which he is indulging and wanting to fulfill through becoming my husband?...What if he leaves the moment he realizes that he doesn't love me?...What will I do then...?

"Anika...I understand your love for your father and how much fear you have at the moment, but please also think about our children...They feel each and every emotion that swivels and rifts inside of you. They are two innocent lives depending upon you," He spoke softly as my gaze lowered to my womb feeling guilt dropping into realizing how my innocent tears were acting as thorns of anguish for them which they likely felt, but couldn't say a word as they laid entrapped under the layers of my flesh.

My hand instantly wrapping around them as a way to provide some comfort that they are fine and safe. "I-I am sorry," I whispered to them in an attempt to keep them calm as I noticed Shivaay's gaze shift towards me before hitting the brakes as we merged on to the road leading to the hospital.

"Now...listen to me Anika, you have to try to be brave inside for the sake of these two. Both of our families are there and...and emotions will run high and...I know how my family is and I think I can predict how your family will react as well seeing us together...They may say things...that will be hurtful to you, but please...please try to keep composure for their sake."

A sense of concern apparent in his eyes as I looked at them finding his words initiating a sense of panic inside me reminding me indeed how our families will react once seeing the both of us and then these two I carry...Fear unraveling inside of me remembering the bitter filth and grotesque words that were exchanged between our families and upon us...and upon these two. I know I shouldn't have come, but I have to be here for my father. I cannot abandon him when he is at his worst...I love my father and never can I think of just walking away past him as he lays in suffering.

Taking a deep breath, I looked out the window as we stopped in front of the ER entrance to the hospital. Anika...you are only here for your father no one else, but your father, so let them lay their bitter vices upon you, but don't walk away. Don't you dare. My conscience commanded as with trembling hands, I immediately opened the door stepping out into the night that fell upon us.

My eyes following to Shivaay as he handed off his keys to the valet before walking up towards me. His eyes clouted with bits of alcohol that intoxicated their perception of the world, but seemingly succor appeared to drift out of them somehow...lifting its way to me and my soul letting it know that its owner was here for me.

A warm touch brushing against my fingers, that appeared to have lost life, lifting them up and wrapping them into the palm of his hand. Hesitance, he always had when being with me in public appearing to vanquish, as seemingly he appeared to gratify towards me wanting to display me as his in front of the world.

"I am here for you. I will always be here for you Anika...Ok?" His voice awakening me from my thoughts that dwelled into the loneliness I revered inside of me not once letting it slip away, but seemingly his words wanting me to slip away from loneliness and embrace his company despite knowing how toxic it would be...despite knowing his cruel intentions that are selfish at the moment as they are focused on claiming me.

Without saying another word, he clasped his hand tightly around my fingers immediately pulling me against his shoulder as I looked at him wanting to catch a glimpse of his eyes knowing manipulation was being weaved inside of them...He does care about our children...He does care what the world would think of them...but I know for a fact that he is using our children as a way to get me back in his life. He desired me two days ago and suddenly let me go today, but now seeing that he can somehow push and crawl his way back to my life...He will not let go of this opportunity. Never.

"D-Don't manipulate me Shivaay...I know exactly what you are doing," I spoke as I felt a lone tear slip from my cheek. Shivaay's eyes narrowing as a tinge of anger came to the surface which his soul immediately pulled back knowing his manipulation would fail.

"What do you mean Anika?" He questioned in an attempt to appear confused and submerge his manipulation under the surface.

A soft smile appearing across my lips knowing exactly that he was putting a façade of innocence despite being the manipulator who was weaving a strong game. "The words you said in your bedroom...about our children...and marrying...marrying me...was pure manipulation. I know you and I know that at this moment you want to play a game to your advantage. Afterall, you know how the world see's children born out of wedlock and you know...you know how seemingly my children mean the world to me. So, now you are trying to manipulate me to use this to your advantage and marry me because this is a sudden desire you have formed...A desire that till today has created pure havoc..." I spat as I felt anger slowly piercing through my memories and igniting a fire of pure rage inside of my heart knowing how he was willing to toy with my feelings...and my thoughts...to fulfill his momentary obsession.

Shivaay's gaze lowering as he looked at my womb where his heirs laid before trailing his eyes back to me revealing a wicked smile arising from his impish eyes that were conniving a game of manipulation. "Uff... She says she doesn't want to love me, but yet...she loves me to a point that now she has completely submerged herself in my colors...my shades...even the ones she is scared of touching...she loves me to a point that now she lives in my thoughts and knows its commands..." His words in an instant braiding me in the barbarous subconscious he carried...My heart skipping a beat realizing the shallow truth his words held that somewhere initiated that barren love I carried which was barely living, but still breathing.

His fingertips gently trailing my hand against his heart as he smiled. "You are making me fall in love with you more and more...each and every day...damn. No one has able to dwell into the mysteries I hold, but somehow you can easily pierce through them and search their depths...And that is why I love you." My eyes widening hearing the words that simply lifted themselves out of the demonic phantom he carried with himself. My hand slightly trembling finding a sense of fear in the calm demeanor he was carrying at the moment since he is not a man who can dwell into such a placid manner considering he only rages and breathes his clout wherever he walks and lays his eyes upon.

Does he really love me?...Is he really falling in love with me each and every day?...Or is what he calling love just a moment of lust...a desire he wants to indulge in? A sense of confusion wrapping itself inside of me as Shivaay lifted our hands and immediately began to walk.

His body leading the way commanding me to follow him and so I did. Not once fighting the fact he was holding on to me for the perverted world to see that saw me as a his mistress...not once fighting him in how he was blatantly giving the a world a reason to believe that indeed I was the woman he indulged nights of pleasure with because somewhere...I want him to hold me like...I want him to express his love in this manner...a manner in which everyone knows I am his.

It's wrong right? Wrong to think this way, but yet it is a desire I have...a desire to be known as his despite how much he has wronged me...I want him for once to prove to me that he loves me if he really does because somewhere I want to resurrect my love fully that I have for him...But if he thinks marriage is a solution to winning me back then he is wrong...I cannot marry him knowing he hasn't changed...knowing he still toxic to a point that he will make me relive and breathe the bitter poison that his sinister mind unleashes when he enters his demonic cave that takes control of his soul.

My thoughts wandering back to my father as we made our way into the ER. Thoughts about Shivaay vanquishing in an instant as we quickened out pace entering a bitter path...a path that held the unknown...knowing it was a cave where we would be draped with filth from those who share blood with us and yet we will continue to stay for the sake of them as well.

I don't know why Shivaay is supporting me in this moment. He has always been aloof...withdrawn...not once indulging in these matters and yet he is here today, standing by me, and bringing me here.

The slew of employees continuing to pass as I noticed eyes slowly philandering towards us capturing sight of us and speaking their vile yet in silence...Shivaay's hand holding on to mine tightly not once lifting it away. Shame placing its veil upon me as my gaze lowered wanting to slip my hand away knowing how the world would see us...no me. How they would see me...a woman whose soul lacked any a gravity and desperately crawled itself back to the man who denied her of love years ago...a woman who shredded her honor and molded filth upon her to lure the this being back...Yes, I know how they see me...They see me as the fabric that spread and comforts society from obscenity.

Taking my thoughts away, my heart continued to pierce on to its fears reminding itself how its need to divulge in seduction for a moments time is now depriving the breaths of the very man who gave it a heart. Tears slipping down my cheeks as I led his shadow guide me down the path knowing that if I let go of it, I might just wither away with the vices that are being molded upon me by the filth of others.

My gaze lifting up as I noticed Dr. Huckabee rushing down the hallway towards us appearing calm and collected, but apprehension clearly swiveling in his eyes. "Ah, here you are Mr. Oberoi and Dr. Malhotra...It's good I found you both," He spoke as I looked up at him with my heart beginning to pound loudly as I clasped my hands together feeling a bulk of fear dropping into me pressing on to my guts and not allowing me to breath thinking what he was going to say.

"Um...so Mr. Malhotra suffered another heart attack...this time we will be implanting a stent," Dr. Huckabee spoke as his calm words shape shifted into poison cowering inside of me making a part of me...a part that I have of my father...wrangle wanting to collapse knowing what it had...how it had pushed the very man, who gave it life, towards the edge of death.

My feet stumbling not able to bear the burden of the very soul that was now a culprit in a crime. A force pressing on to me lifting me before I fell as I felt it wrap me into its warmth. His lips pressing against my ears attempting to fold reality into me that was now slowly slipping away with anxiety suddenly volcanizing as full force inside of me taking over my mind...my thoughts...and even my womb.

"Shh...please don't escape...Anika...stay...hm? Stay for them..."He whispered as my breaths began to become shallower beginning to bobble and tumble upon itself weaving its way out not wanting me to touch base with life knowing I didn't deserve it.

My hand immediately wrapping around him as he hemmed me into his heart immediately letting my tears become a part of him as I buried my lips into the warmth of his soul knowing I would somehow find comfort in it...

"H-how long will the procedure take?" Shivaay questioned as I stood still closing my eyes shut wanting to escape, but knowing it was needed I stay...stay for the innocent ones I held knowing they should not suffer the same anguish that I have pressed upon my father due to my own flaws.

Dr. Huckabee taking a deep breath as he appeared to ponder before finally speaking. "Approximately two hours. Right now, we are stabilizing him, but he is struggling. I won't lie, but we are doing everything to ensure he recovers from this heart attack. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go, but please go on ahead and wait in the Cath lab waiting area ok sir?" And he left leaving a trail of shards of reality behind him...A reality that was a product of my immorality...product of a moment where I dwelled into a mask of immorality pouring it over my heart suppressing the values on which it beated...and sacrificing it for my desires...my vicious desires for a man who was the cause of wounds on my heart.

His fingers trailing against my back providing me shelter from my misdeeds that were now coming to haunt me. I stood still laying my tears upon him...letting him know how a moment of our faltering...a moment in which we only thought about one another to feed our hunger for lust mixed with bits of love...has brought upon this wave of poisonous pearls that now when sipped by others would only lead to cessation...loss in form of their belief and trust upon us and demise in the tangibility of life slipping away from them.

Grief slipping out as wavering weeps not able to bear the burden of being the cause of my father's bereavement... with my own hands that now colored with vices I committed that night.

A gentle touch slipping against my cheek as I felt the creases of his nose brush against it. My eyes shut as I let my tears slip down. "Anika...please. Please do not falter...They need you," He whispered in an attempt to illume my mind letting it know that now it was not only the owner of one, but three all who depended on its sanity.

My hands immediately wrapping around him as I grabbed a hold of his shirt. "I-I...I did this...O-Our m-misdeeds did this to my f-father...Shivaay, what have we done?...What have we done?" My thoughts dwelling to that night as I remembered how I had laid my values on that trail of sand surrendering to him...surrendering to my desire to touch a thread of love for him.

"Anika, don't say this...Do not say such words. Do you know how hurt...our children will be hearing this from you? They can hear and feel your anguish...do not do this to them nor you..." His words making my womb tremble as I immediately wrapped my arms around him pulling him into a hug feeling guilt drop into me crawling towards my sanity....wanting me to lose it as I didn't deserve to be in touch with reality after how I had corrupted it...My hands tracing his back feeling the seams of it knowing seemingly if I touch a piece of another human it might lead me back to existence.

"I-I...l-love o-our children...T-They are m-my everything...I w-would never c-curse them...but I just...But you and I...we c-committed such a big mistake Shivaay...Look at h-how...we...have ruined our families...L-look are h-how w-we h-have b-brought death s-so c-close t-to..." My words barely spilling out as my body began to quiver with fear from the punishment fate might lay upon them due to our misdeeds...our weaknesses. Of course, these children are precious and a blessing. I will never blame them because they themselves have become a victim due to their parent's transgressions...How will they survive this cruel world is a lingering question that now is rolling as a broken dice in the back of my mind.

His hand trailing against my back as he held me close to his heart laying his lips against my temple. My eyes closing shut as I allowed him to lay a tender kiss against it allowing to hearten my wounds. "Shh...Anika, this is fate...This was already decided by fate," He whispered as I sighed shaking my head knowing that despite being it fate, I have contributed to this downfall of my father...I am the reason why he is suffering and begging death to leave him. This is my fault...I dipped my father into the clutches of death...

"I-I a-am...t-the c-criminal...I gave this poison, in form of losing my honor, to my f-father," I spoke once more as Shivaay sighed taking a deep breath before trailing his fingertips to my waist and awakening my flesh to follow him.

His steps leading me down the hallway passing by others whose eyes appeared to move towards us wanting to decode the mystery we both held for one another...finding interest as their eyes badgered towards us. My gaze lowering as my feet clumsingly stumbled against the ground with my vision beginning to spin as the beige colored walls of the hallway began to clump up melting into one another.

"A-Anika...Anika, are you ok?" I heard Shivaay's voice distancing itself from me as my fingers pressed my temple feeling a mix of chills and sudden heat breaching their way through my body. My hand immediately wrapping around his waist tightly as I felt a rush of weakness falter to my legs feeling a sense of apprehension not only approaching me, but the little ones I held.

His hand grabbing a strong hold of my shoulder as he attempted to keep my afloat, but knowing somewhere I was slipping away into hands of remorse.

Lifting my gaze up, I noticed a troop of blurred figures appearing in my sight as I rubbed my eyes trying to clear my vision in an attempt to keep stability, but knowing somewhere I was losing it. An unusual knot of tension wrapping itself into my womb as my hand immediately went to them in an attempt to comfort them knowing that somewhere they were beginning to become uneasy from the languishing grief I held.

"Oh ho look who is here? The one who has bewitched and seeped our family with the punishment of her sins has dared to come here!" The familiar, shrill voice spoke attempting to wake my senses as I felt my vision clearing up, but still spinning veriociously.

My eyes lifting up encountering our families standing in front of us with looks of anger and frustration criss crossing them appearing consumed by a need to incarcerate us for the lewdness we had committed. Some gazes falling on to my womb laying their revulsion upon their innocent. My hand grasping my dupatta as I lightly unfolded its seams from my shoulder veiling my womb to shield them from their nefarious eyes that appeared to question their naivity.

A sudden force pressing against my shoulder as my eyes widened feeling my feet slip against the floor before I immediately grasped on to the end of Shivaay's jacket feeling his instantly hand drape around my waist.

My eyes abruptly turning up meeting a pair of red orbits that raged with anger mixed with pure heartbreak seen in the bereavement they held. Mom's hand grasping on to my wrist as a shriek erupted from me upon feeling her nails scratch fiercely against my skin. "What are you doing here?! How dare you come and relish in our sorrow?! Why have you come? Huh! Have you come to soak your heart in bliss knowing you finally have done what you always wanted...this is what you wanted right? You wanted to sell our souls to death right? Look you have achieved it! You have finally achieved your objective!"

Tears slipping down my cheeks as the scratch of her nails dragged themselves against my heart ripping it making it realize indeed how its vicious love had now become a poison for those that gave it life.

"Please...d-don't s-say this...I-I love m-my f-father...I...I never ever w-wished this u-upon any of y-you. N-never. Y-you both are my l-life...I love you both," The words slipping out as a bare whisper from me, but holding the strength of love I held for my parents despite the strained threads our relationship held...I still love them and always will because they brought me to this world. They are a part of me and I can never let that go that their blood runs through me giving me life...

A loud clap erupting as my mother slapped her hands together pressing them against her forehead trembling with anger barely holding on to bits of poise she had. "Please! Please don't snap my womb with these malicious lines that are nonexistent! You don't love us! You never loved us Anika...Never! You only loved this man!" Her voice boisterous erupting with rage tempering me making my tears come to a standstill.

Her finger slowly trailing up to Shivaay who stood in silence. My gaze lifting as I looked back towards him as his eyes appeared to drift away into deep thought...appearing to have escaped the heat of my mother's anger seemingly lost in a consumptive hallucination of thoughts. His hand still clasped against my shoulder holding on to it tightly, but tuning out of the moment.

"You only loved this man for whom you ruined us! You slashed our honor in an instant for the sake of this man....Not once thinking about us, you ran away from home to marry him! Then after ruining yourself...you came back to us, but only to return to him again abandoning us once against in filth that the world now throws us on freely! And look now...Now look what you have done! You fell into the grave of lust, deserting your values, for him only to resurrect with a child!...A child that is illegitimate! A child whose father will be questioned by society! People will not throw filth at him, but you! Only you and this child! They will question who the father is! They will question who is the man you spent your nights with to bear this hex that is in your womb!" She spat with anger as her eyes drifted to my womb giving it a heinous glance.

Her last words daggering themselves against my children as my hand immediately clasped over them wanting to stop them from inciting torment upon them...Tears slipping down my cheeks as I bit into pang not able to bear her curse that she laid upon the innocent lives my womb held...How can she say this? How can she say about her own grandchildren?...My hand clasping against my lips not able to bear the bane she laid upon my blood.

A loud blow suddenly erupting as my body slipped out immediately jolting as my eyes widened seeing his hand barbarously slam against the wall tracing his nails loudly against it. His flesh shedding the skin of aplomb he held replacing it with sinister rage that now was dwelling out of him.

"Don't you dare! How dare you curse my child?!" The wicked anger finally losing its top as it coarsed out in full force surging in front of me. His hand immediately grabbing mines' as if I would submerge in the bricks of curses that were now being laid upon not only me, but our children.

Mom's eyes widening appearing stunned by the sudden anger that appeared to come to the surface...Her feet stumbling back as Shivaay took a step forward initiating a sly threat in his demeanor where the demonic phantom was now coming to the surface reflected in the sinister eyes that were not dipped with red.

Fear suddenly taking hold of me as my gaze stood still upon him seeing the demon inside of him teasing him...pushing him to allow it to come to the surface. No. He's going to lose it now. I can tell from that look that he will now be diving into rage....He's going to worsen the filth that we both lurk in if he dives into it.

My hand immediately grabbing his arm tightening my grasp on it in an attempt to pull the evil phantom that lurked inside of him. His arm appearing to stiffen as my fingers trailed themselves against it to initiate a soothing of his anger that boiled and simmered inside of him. "P-please...Shivaay...don't," I whispered gently to entice his demon to vanquish and bury itself. His body appearing to come to a standstill as anger still appeared to run its course through him seen in how his body trembled with it.

"Wah! Look at these two! What drama is this?! Huh! One cries as if death has already come and brought its reckoning upon us while the other wails his anger as a barbarian! Truly a match made in heaven!" Thayee ji spat in anger, an ill timed joke, as she looked at the both of us appearing to observe us keenly in an attempt to decode the nature of our relationship.

"Arre stop! Shut up for once!" Thayya ji exclaimed immediately grabbing Thayee ji's arm and pushing her back. Thayya ji carrying an unusual calmness as he took a step in front of mom and thayee ji looking directly into Shivaay's eyes.

Shivaay standing still appearing to take deep breaths to soothen the creases of his anger, but failing as his lips continued to quiver with fury. I sighed keeping my hand clasped tightly on to his pressing on to his anger wanting to erase it knowing it was going to create problems.

A weak smile appearing across Thayya ji's lips as he looked up at Shivaay who stood tall not wanting to even make eye contact with him or anyone else barely holding on to patience. "Arre, Shivaay beta try to understand nah?...Nandini is not in a proper state of mind because she is a wife after all and her husband is struggling to barely hold on to life inside, so her grief has consumed her," Thayya ji spoke in a delicate voice in an attempt to insert a pill of calmness into the sinister phantom that Shivaay was carrying at the moment.

A sense of curiosity touching me knowing Thayya ji's nature that generally is blunt rarely touching upon such level of grit he was holding onto at the moment. Something is wrong...I don't know, but I feel something is brewing in his mind...Can it be because Shivaay accepted...? My eyes widening as the thought fell upon me with a sense of shock uplifting itself into me as my heart began to pound loudly with fear...pure fear of the wicked bond my family was thinking of shackling me in the moment. No. Absolutely not. I cannot do such...I cannot do such.

"What are you saying?!" Mom exclaimed appearing confused by Thayya ji's words as Thayya ji held his hand up with a stoic expression falling upon his face appearing to hold on to a tinge of temper that was slewing inside of him.

"Nandini, please try to maintain some sanity ok? I am the elder of this family, so for once allow me to talk," Thayya ji noted in an instant halting mom's anger as her mouth slightly gaped open quite taken aback by Thayya ji's statement considering he rarely was in contact with our family for years, especially after I broke off the engagement with Kunal whose proposal Thayee ji brought.

Thayya ji slightly smiling once again as he looked at Shivaay whose hand tightened its grasp on to mine as if weaving my touch on to him would erase the edges of anger that he was still holding on to. "Shivaay beta, listen...I apologize for Nandini's behavior. We would never curse our own blood since after all your child has a part of our family's blood in it as well...Anika is after all our daughter. Now, please don't take Nandini's momentary words, spilled in anger. We will never disrespect you or Anika since now you will soon be the son-in-law of our family."

His words suddenly slipping as pins through my flesh diving into my reckoned honor that laid lifeless inside of me in an attempt to awaken it and let it know that now how it soon was going to go down under in filth.

Tears gliding in an instant from my eyes falling into the coffin of my dignity that laid inside of me. My hand loosening from Shivaay's hold feeling a sudden revulsion grab hold of me right at my neck where I wore his mangalsuta trailing to the parting my hair where I wore his sindoor...No. No...I cannot do this...I will never marry him. Never.

I will not let that burned toxicity come to life once again consuming me...making me surrender to him...I cannot bear the anger that not only comes out of him, but me...

Our arguments uplifting themselves across my sight taking me back to time when we both would lose ourselves. Our screams...Our sinister sides waking up to life as he would shatter slits of glass while I would drag my hands against the wall throwing frames of our memories at him...We both would indulge in layers of our anger on a level of competition over who would overpower the other. I would never surrender, but fight and scream while he would do the same...And then the next moment...all of it would crash...Our love would resurrect and in an instant we would grab hold of one another...diving into pleasure amongst the shards of rage that remained lifeless on the floor of our bedroom. He lost his anger and I lost my temper...I lost it. He brought out my bad side and I am scared of going back to that side knowing the path of flames I walked upon to heal the anger I once held.

"Son-in-law?! W-What?!" The sudden voice erupting breaking the despised memories as I looked up finding Pinky aunty quickly approach us appearing stunned by the choice of words that Thayya ji had slipped.

My eyes wandering towards Shivaay's father and Daadi who stood in silence appearing to hold many molds of notions from anger, to revulsion, to even tinges of...humiliation. A sense of shame touching me remembering how they treated me with pleasantry during Priyanka's wedding and how I seemingly broke their trust in me by laying my filth out on the floor for them to walk on.

A warm touch pressing on to the palm of my hand as I looked towards Shivaay who stood in silence in front of me appearing to form a layer of protection for the innocent souls that now were soon to become a part of our life.

Thayya ji's words appearing to stump him as he lowered his gaze appearing to consume himself with seams of thoughts that fell upon him remembering how he claimed to marry me moments ago in front of those who were questioning how the illusive piece of honor would now be gathered back and laid upon me.

"Pinky stop! Don't say a word!" Daadi spat, grabbing Pinky aunty and pulling her away from us, claiming her authority as the head of the family.

"Yes, Pinky please stop ok? Let's not create a ruckus here in the hospital. We have an image we have to maintain," Shakti uncle spoke as Pinky aunty furrowed her eyebrows feeling touched by frustration over how her words were being surppressed by her own family.

Confusion gracing itself into me as I looked at Shivaay's family whose demeanor appeared to change its shade...anger still on the surface, but their deeper core, that laid on means of dignity and pride, appearing to soften molding itself into an unusual change...a change that I am yet not able to full gain clarity upon.

"Yes, Shakti is right that we have an image here and it's best we do not wave our private matters in public for others to see and pry upon. Most importantly, a child is involved in this matter, who carries the Oberoi blood, and to malign that life in public with such tragic momentary anger will harm all of us," Daadi spoke with a command as she looked at all of us instilling her upper hand above us designated by her more experience in life seen in the grooves of lines that spilled upon her.

Daadi's gaze lifting towards Shivaay and I as she appeared to purse her lips together maintaining an air of dignity while surpressing her anger and disappointment upon our actions.

"Acha...Shivaay beta it would be best you distance yourself and Anika from us at the moment to prevent further harm and flare of anger. So, please go on ok?" Daadi spoke as I laid my tears in silence not saying a word knowing her statement held the truth that this moment required distance as many curious eyes of strangers surrounded us at the moment and if this secret is revealed then indeed the ones who would be maligned would be my children.

Shivaay sighing as his hand grabbed a hold of mine before lifting my feet off the floor in an instant. My tears meeting his eyes as I pushed my eyes up looking towards him revealing the tinges of grief that were held within them. His eyes appearing to slightly soften pushing through the ire they held moments before.

"Let's go Anika, hm. Come on we can wait on the other side ok?" He spoke softly as my eyes wandered back to the hallway behind us where a layer of empty chairs existed.

Sighing, I shook my head pressing my hand against my cheek dabbing the tears in an attempt to force them back into my heart, but failing as they were adamant to glide not rise. His fingers entering through the gaps of my hand before slipping me away from the rest.

My feet barely slithering against the tiled floor as I kept my gaze still following his footsteps appearing to have escaped from reality lunging into haunting thoughts that were now gradually slipping from the glooms of my mind. What will happen to my father? What if death truly punishes him for my deeds? Is this happening because I denied marrying Shivaay in front of him? Did the thought of having an unwed pregnant daughter deny him breaths bringing death upfront to him so it could snarl its flesh away and send its spirit to the gallows?

A shiver going down my spine thinking about the dark, imperceptible creature that was sitting at my father's bed at the moment wanting to take him away...waiting patiently to see what command it will get from fate that now intended to out me for my immorality that pushed me to transgress the everlasting values my father had laid inside of me since my birth.

"Anika, come on sit down ok?" Shivaay's voice breaking me from the sinister thoughts that occupied my mind at the moment. His hand leading me to a wooden chair, against the wall, allowing me to take a seat. My feet slumping themselves in an instant wanting me to lay into rest as my hand wrapped against my womb in an attempt to keep them at peace knowing they were feeling the fragments of fear that were lifting from my blood and merging with theirs.

Tears streaming down my cheeks as I bit my lip looking across from our families that sat at a far distance appearing to look towards us with abhorrence and repulsion whisking by dipped with curiosity upon the relationship Shivaay and I shared. A mystery touching us as we both sat aloof in the moment not once looking at one another...just like we always did in front of them...Indeed it is a mystery to them how and when we indulged in layers of romance considering the ripples of ice that emerge, live, and breathe amongst the both of us even till this second.

A warm touch brushing me as my gaze lowered finding his fingers sneaking their way into my hand wanting to console the fear that threaded its innocent way into me. Biting my lip, I sat still allowing his fingers to light rub the wounds of transgressions that I held inside of me. "I am here for you ok?...Don't worry, your father will be fine," He spoke gently soothing out leaves of anxiety that were falling from my mind right into my womb where discomfort was running its course.

I sighed leaning my head against the wall letting my tears slide from the edges of my eyes to my neck knowing there was no use in erasing their existence as more would come. Capturing his blue hues, that reflected insight mixed with pity, I squeezed his hand gently in an attempt to trace the reasons of my tears to him in order to awaken his mind and let him know why and how my deeds brought death to the doorstep of my father's life.

"I-I...I did this...to my father...M-my d-deeds did this...to him Shivaay. I r-ruined my father's honor...p-pride...We d-don't have anything b-besides our honor and pride Shivaay...T-That is all we have...society j-judges us on v-value of m-money and honor...If one doesn't have money...then h-honor is their wealth...It's the truth Shivaay. We c-cannot deny the fact that even if we d-do not s-see our deeds as sin...society does. We cannot escape...from...the fabric of society to build o-our o-own palace of illusions where...we waltz to...our pleasures...Look at w-what w-we have done...our momentary n-need to s-satisfy our lust...led to the...d-destruction of so many lives leading to coffins that n-now...we m-might have to b-bury...with our hands..." My voice breaking through the whisper as the sound of mourning escaped from me. My dupatta clasping against my lips that began to tremble with edges of illusive blood, that gave me life, running against the tips of them burning it and wanting to escape as my flesh did not deserve to feed on it since I myself had punished its provider, my father, with my deeds.

"Coffins?....Anika do you even know what you have just said?!How can you even say that we are the cause of the ails of your father?!" Shivaay exclaimed shocked by the words that had slipped through the depths of my conscious where they had been submerged for long.

My tears slipping by as I shook my head immediately tightening my grip on his hand realizing how my words had played an array of puzzles in his mind. A sense of anger snapping out of my wounds as I realized how he failed to realize the havoc we both had wrecked in the lives of our families.

"Yes c-coffins! Not of d-death of the flesh and being, but death of...honor...pride....dignity...all that my f-family fed on d-day and n-night Shivaay!...My father's e-earnings were not the illusive touch of paper in which you...you...relish yourself in....but his....sole earning w-were...were...his honor...dignity...these were the fabrics...he stitched on a shawl...on a veil...t-that...h-he l-laid o-on o-our f-family to p-protect us from society's obscenity...and look...I-I...ripped that veil with my own...my o-own h-hands that d-decided to l-let the delicate, fragile g-grains of values slip through its palms o-only to dip themselves into m-mud that a-arose from the d-dunes o-of sensual transitory pleasure!" My voice erupting at last soaring through the clouds of sorrow that were now raining their grief upon the barren, wounded lakes of my heart snatching the palm of my fate from his grip with my feet lifting from the ground.

Shivaay's eyes halting anger...halting grief...as they became benumb appearing to lose ground from the roots of reality that were now holding them....shackling them. His body slipping appearing to want to escape the truth....our truth...The truth of that night that now is coming back as a ferocious ugly creature ready to not punish us, but those who are part of our blood...those who gave us life because it knows that is when we will realize the boundaries of life we have jumped and lunged across.

A silence hitting as a dominant force between the both of us while the trembles of our confrontation appeared to be felt by our families who appeared to precure themselves towards us wanting to get a piece of the mysteries that we both held within one another's hearts. Shivaay's eyes lifting up once again breaking their paralysis and escaping from his moment of daze in which my words of truth had placed him in. His hands dragging forcefully against the edges of his chair before he lifted himself with fortitude appearing to have begotten from a thought.

His lips appearing to open wanting to slip mere simple words as suddenly my hand went up in an instant slapping a barrier of fragility between him and I...knowing it was needed after the calamity we both had dropped into the lives of those we loved.

"No! You and I... h-have n-no right to justify ourselves Shivaay! Look...look at what we have done!" Screams erupting from me as my palm lifted itself towards our families that laid in the dunes of molding filth that reeked with humiliation and pure, bitter sorrow.

Shivaay's eyes appearing to widen in disbelief how my wails had suddenly turned to pure screams full of rage that was now simmering inside of me...rage upon the sins we had touched and committed. Tears slipping down my cheeks as I bit into them to keep my ground and ensure Shivaay for once would listen to my plea. "We are the reason for their miseries Shivaay! For once...for once just look at your family...and my family...not with the bitter temper that slithers within you, but with those remnants of humanity that I know you have within you...I know...I know there is some good within you Shivaay, so for God's sake...just for once skid out of your ego and run your gaze over the rows of grief they carry within themselves...grief over how we have carnaged their values...grief over how we have embezzled their honor...Can you not see the blood of death of honor on our hands?!" The edges of my voice whimpering as my soul suddenly awakened...days after laying lifeless from the death of its breaths, in forms of honor, were buried in graveyards where those go who have been relinquished from society...my soul appearing to finally come to life with tinges of anger not from humiliation, but upon encountering how a part that gave it life was now about to be snatched by death...my father.

My words appearing to pierce through the hems of barriers he seemingly held crossing across the demons he held and grabbing a hold of bits of humanity that I know fate plants in each being since their birth...His eyes appearing to lift their darkness glinting with residues of tears that appeared to lift into them...tears that were now emerging from the wounded humanity he carried all this while.

His hand trembling, as guilt appeared to run through it, reaching out for me as I took a step back implying the sacred boundary I wanted both of us to hold at the moment knowing it was needed...knowing that in this moment that a part of me...a part of my love for him...was being tormented seeing the hints of vulnerability reflecting in his lips that appeared to quiver holding on to his tears.

My eyes slipping towards our families that appeared stunned by the ripples of currents that emerged from the anger that lifted out of me questioning Shivaay and his conscience that laid somewhere inside of him...

A sense of bewilderment reflected on Pinky aunty and Daadi's faces as they looked towards Shivaay who stood in silence, showing vulnerability in his silence, as his anger appeared to not lift its finger...a rarity as his demonic ego brought his anger from the shadows to light.

"A-Anika...I...I..." Shivaay's words appearing to falter as words failed to justify his actions. Somewhere his mind was now running in havoc...touching guilt and painting itself with it realizing indeed he not only wronged me, but everyone who was part of his life reflected in tears that were now slipping out of his grasp indicating his toxic barriers were now beginning to shatter.

A sense of suffocation clasping tightly to my chest as I attempted to take deep breaths, but failing as bitter poison, from the cloak of death that lingered nearby my father, was now becoming prevalent and tainting the breaths inside of me. Remorse shackling to my heartbeats that barely struck themselves not able to bear the burden upon it from knowing how the love within it had zested upon lust while slowly sneaking away the life of those who gave it life. An urgent need erupting inside of me to disappear and deluge into the darkness that stood a few feet away from me. Without a second thought, my flesh lifted itself from the ground gliding itself up as I began to run...streaming myself away from others because a part of me, where my love for my family resided, couldn't bear scratching its wounds upon seeing those it love being tormented by my own sins.

And so I am running towards my escape...my escape where I feed on my loneliness knowing that is where I find the most solace.

Shivaay's Point of View

https://youtu.be/qSpdo7hF5J8

The pale green hues of her dupatta glided against the light that fell above her...Her feet hunting for an escape seen in her tears brushing against her cheeks, that begged for mercy...mercy for the sins that only she committed, but so did I.

My body standing at an impasse not willing to run after her knowing that somewhere I have lost that right in being her culprit. Not only her culprit, but her father's culprit as well. She's not the reason why her father is suffering on the palm of death right now, but I am.

Her words still running their long coarse right from my flesh, where they heard, trailing down to my heart and then piercing gravely in the phantom I carried within me...a phantom that often was consumed by my self-indulgence, forgetting about others...especially her...always indulging in my own desires, my needs,...my pleasures...not once giving a damn about anyone...especially her.

My hands swiftly curling up digging deeply into my fate lines that I wished to change and curve, so somehow I could go back in time and vanquish the moment I decided to cleave her honor for the sake of taking a part of her....for the sake of having her...even though I wouldn't have her heart.

Dragging my feet slowly, I looked up towards the ones I wronged...Anika's family who sat in silence appearing shocked by the words that slipped out of their daughter's mouth...Tears full of sorrow apparent across them haunting me in an unusual manner.

Sweat falling from my forehead as I felt a rush of heat mold into me with my heart beginning to beat quickly pounding loudly against my chest with the burden of being a criminal now falling down upon me.

Scathing my hand against the wall, I removed myself from the center of others crawling into my thoughts. Lingering my fingers against the wall, I trailed myself towards the door next to me immediately stepping inside of it and locking it shut.

My hands immediately grabbing a hold of the faucet as I turned the knob letting the cool water soak the palm of my hands to awaken myself out of the unusual uneasiness that was now stubbornly leeching on to me. Anika's words...her screams...her tears all appearing in front of my eyes, threatening to dive me into depths of wounds that I did not want to touch, as my hands immediately splashed the water on to my eyes forcing them to repress her cries that spoke the truth...Our truth.

Blinking twice, I attempted to awaken myself lifting my lashes and letting the cool water simmer and melt before looking into my reflection flinching in an instant not finding myself, but someone else...someone that has been a part of me for ages...not willing to shed itself away.

Slithers of red trailing as scales against my skin lifting the deep shade into my eyes...becoming part of the apparition that was now wrangling between life and death realizing how the burden of sins it had committed was now slowly beginning to poison it.

What have I done? Have I truly sinned? Am I the culprit that has brought Anika's father to death's doors? My head tilting before leaning against the mirror intending to look deeply into the reflection of my soul, that laid in my eyes, to find the truth...to explore whether the manic that lived inside of me indeed committed the wicked deed. Trailing my fingers against the mirror, I attempted to touch the bits of tears that slipped from the swirling waves of my soul that were now beginning to be threatened to be wrecked by the sheer screams of truth Anika spat upon it.

Anika's tears appearing once again in the reflection of my eyes remembering how I laid them upon her the moment I grabbed her honor and placed it in a coffin burying it right in front of her....and her parents...The moment I likely laid a wound upon her father's heart...Her father whom she dearly loves and I did this to her...How could I do this to her? How could I even dare to do this to my love?

My fingers trailing against my reflection as I peered closely into my scattered features that laid in front of me. "What have I done? Who am I?...How could I do this?...How could my love do this?...Not once...not once did I think of another soul except my love...Who am I? Am I even...? Am I even alive or just a mere slice of malevolence?...Anika has sacrificed so much for me...loving me despite the man I am and look at me...I didn't give her love, but also I dared to steal each and every cherished value she kept close to her being..."

A scream suddenly erupting from me as I slammed my hand against the frame of the mirror before dragging the edges of fingertips against the mirror wanting to conquer the apparition inside of me...the side where my anger, myself indulgence, my rage fed themselves on to me.

My hand cracking its way against the wall as I pressed my head into it dragging my mind that now was running maniacly...panicked from realization of the crime it had committed.

This is all my fault...I am the criminal not Anika...I did this to her and her father and even my children...Not only did I subdue my pleasures in Anika that night not once considering the precious ornaments of honor, pride, and dignity she carried, but I had the audacity to then waver our toxic past to the world...I had the audacity to not only claim her honor, but then snarl it away from her to put its taint...it filth to the world...and inadvertently throwing that filth at her father who succumbed to it now barely taking his breaths...

Not only this...the worse I have done is that I soaked her womb with molded mud of pleasure...

I had the audacity to wrong my own children... by depriving their right of being honored as my blood as they should've entered the womb of my lover with whom I should've shared a sacred relationship with...I didn't. I maligned my own children with my sins...to a point that my own blood is questioning their right to be my children...questioning my blood that runs through them...questioning their legitimacy.

My lips quivering as I felt tears pacing their way down to my essence that laid inside of me...trembling upon the thought how it had committed vices to not only life that existed here on this wrecked earth, but the lives that were now soon going to be brought innocently and gently by divine fate.

"No...No...I-I...I h-have to d-do something...I-I c-cannot l-live with t-this burden...I-I...I cannot..." My lips clasping against my lips as I looked into my reflection who was now beginning to shed the selfish layers of skin I carried revealing an unusual fear that now was creeping its way into me...fear of the punishment that not I, but my children my face...punishment that an innocent stranger, Anika's father, may face...

I have to mend this sin...I have to...My eyes lifting up as I looked towards my creator knowing He would guide me. "God...I...know... have sinned...I admit it...I admit it to you...P-Please...please guide me...Please tell me," My voice coming out as a bare whisper as I closed my eyes shut pleaing to Him that He may somehow lay His hand upon me...for the sake of Anika...a good soul...for her sake He would guide me to a better path...My hands beginning to tremble as I felt tears slide against my cheeks begging to be ridden of them since they were becoming encumbered by them.

Marriage...The thought coming back to my mind as that own web, I had weaved out of my selfishness to once again win Anika, began to come back towards me...A web I had even dared to weave today to Anika in a segment of manipulation to trail her back by attempting to convince her to marry me for our children's legitimacy...But now...now when I think about it...I know...I now know that marriage is essential for not only bringing Anika back to me, but most importantly giving my children my name...breathing life into Anika's father who is now succumbing due to his inability to bear the loss of honor he has faced due to my deeds...

Anika loves her father and thus I cannot bear to be culprit of his death... I cannot be a coward anymore...Anika is right...I have been a coward all my life...always committing wickedness and sin without any regret and shame as I only fed the demonic being living inside of me, but no...my Anika doesn't deserve a coward man like me. For Anika, I must face my deeds and mend them now...I have to mend the calamity that I have laid upon her and our children...I will not let anyone steal my children's innocence...I will not let anyone question my Anika's honor...I will protect them...I will give them my name...I will make Anika my wife with truest intentions...

I love her...I love her and she deserves to be loved...She deserves to be loved under the shade of a pure, sacred bond that now I will thread her with. But, love isn't enough...She deserves respect...She deserves to be cherished...She deserves solace and now I will be the one to provide her such...I will not only love her because she bore my heirs, but because I love her...I love her innocence...her purity...her selfless love that never withers for me...I love her soul not her flesh, but her soul and now I will give her my honor.

Anika will become my wife...Yes, God has shown me the path by allowing me to awaken from the sinister spirit that had commanded me for ages...This is the moment He decided to awaken me with this thought...and now I know that this is the path He has chosen and this is the path I shall follow.

Anika's Point of View

https://youtu.be/53-qBVkTd5Q

Darkness laid in front of my eyes as my hands trailed the edges of the cement laying tenderly against my womb where innocence still lasted...an innocence that rest of me was deprived of. The rasping, unwieldy winds of the moon rifting their way through the edges of my dupatta forcing it to move away since after all...why would a ruined, wretched hex like me deserved to be covered with the purity that the dupatta symbolized.

Tears continuing to stream down my cheeks as the pain of my father was not rooting itself through me punishing me for the suffering I caused him...suffering my momentary, wicked transgressions caused him leading him to lay at his deathbed...I am the reason why he is so close to death today...

My gaze lowering as I looked down, from the rooftop, at the streams of buildings laying below me as strangers ran through them criss crossing paths unaware of the havoc that was present in each and every person's life...A havoc no one could get rid of...a havoc laid my fate...Indeed, one hopes clichés exist in the world...clichés in which no gray shades are found...clichés in which love is perfect...clichés in which marriage is perfect...

Indeed such clichés were something I believed once, but you know what happened?...They shattered...bit by bit...crawling underneath the ground and submerging themselves in it because damn it...clichés don't exist...What exists is the truth...No one's life is perfect...No one has a perfect romance...No one has a perfect love...If you have one...then is it love? I question...I question that....I question it everyday...and indeed this is a question that leads me to ponder over the love that still breathes and lives within me...a love for Shivaay...

A love for him that still begs me to awaken his humanity despite knowing it might not come to life, but holding on to hope that it will...Many say to women like me that men do not change...men can never change as that only exists in a world of fantasy...well you know what? God says everyone has good in them...has humanity in them...and so I shall believe in that because I truly...I truly know and believe that one day my Shivaay will change...One day he will. There is a part of my heart...entwined with my soul...that keeps this hope...this bit of hope that he will change because somewhere I see humanity in him...I do...There are moments when I know I am talking to the true Shivaay that exists...The way his eyes glistened today after hearing our truth...shows he has humanity. He has it...and I know one day my God and divine fate will awaken him.

But does it mean I will accept his love? Does it mean I will against join the sacred threads of our relationship?...I don't know...I don't know...It took me a lot of strength to bear our marriage...A marriage in which both of us were equal culprits...we both indulged in arguments on a level of equality...He was not dominant nor I was the subordinate...We both competed against one another for who could scream the most...who could outrage the other the most...who could love one another the most...It was toxic...A coaster of emotions that I wanted to fall from, but couldn't because he and I were still holding on to one another's hearts...begging to heal one another from tragic pasts we both carried...I know he is broken and at the time I could tell he was a broken man, but somehow our toxic fights got to such a peak of aloofness that we just couldn't come close to searching ones' wounds...finding their tormented cause...and healing one another...We were coming close...close until...until he left me.

No. I cannot marry him. Never. It's not possible considering what we have gone through...considering how Shivaay may never been serious about the vows he took as he left me in an instant for greed...for money...for power...Not once did he think about each and every moment I loved him...moments in which I sacrificed myself for the sake of his happiness...moments when I was beginning to build our life...our home...our family. We had plans...so many plans and somehow he just ran a gash through them and walked away not once looking back...not once looking at the woman who gave up herself...her life for him.

You love him Anika...and he loves you. My heart spoke in an instant shattering the fragile walls my conscious was building...wall to block the tainted path covered with thorns falsely alluding themselves as roses...

A pain erupting inside of my love that laid in the barren dunes of my heart as my hand immediately clasped not able to bear the truth...a dirty truth I held...a truth that I want to dip into the burning fire that erupts beneath of ocean where love deprived from lovers go and is buried in secret, but I cannot because this damned heart loves him. I love him. I love Shivaay. But do I love him the way I did as his wife...no. No that love was manic dosed with a burning tinge of passion that colored my shades to a point that I shackled myself to love allowing love to control me, command me, and make me surrender to my lovers' wills and desires...Indeed, that is the love that I may never have. Never.

"Anika..." My name appearing as a hymn slipping from my culprit's lips.

My hands slipping from the edge of the cemented barrier as I stood still with my eyes following the havoc as clouds erupted in the sky with winds blowing their rage....scattering fear upon the breaths of lovers that struggled to keep life...only divine standing in silence watching above the lovers...laying its light from the palm of its hand...in the form of crescent moon that symbolized the power fate had in threading lives and entwining them in an instant.

A gentle touch trailing the edges of my hand before taking a grasp of it and caressing it. His coarse touch brushing against my back as I felt him lean closer towards me. My gaze lowering finding our shadows merging into one against the moonlight that fell upon us. The heat escaping from his lips that gently trailed at the fringes of hair. Tears slipping down my cheeks as I stood still letting him admire the destruction he had spawned with his own hands.

"S-Shivaay...just leave...please," I whispered keeping my gaze settled at the moon wanting to make it a witness of the tragedies that divine fate had laid upon me...but who am I to find faults in fate knowing I am the sole cause of the misfortunes that my family is suffering at the moment.

His hand tracing gently against my back inciting a layer of chills, running through the thin cloth of my anarkali, seeping themselves against my skin...His innocent touch delicately igniting allure that cruely made its way through me...Revulsion spontaneously conniving its way into me upon the thought of how a man, responsible for my ruining, dared to incite such tender desire of pleasure even in this moment where my family is suffering because of his and my sins.

A warm touch brushing against the edge of my ear initiating a rise in heat against it upon realizing the gentle touch of his lips that were leaning against it. "Anika...I cannot...I can never leave you alone especially when you need me the most," He spoke barely allowing the words to escape from him.

My eyes closing shut feeling a need to blockade the pity that he was throwing at me as I was a beggar in dire need of it. Need him? Why would I need him after everything he has done to me?...Why would I need him after he has ruined each essential precious value that I had kept as my wealth which he looted in an instant without any regrets? A sense of anger bubbled itself inside of me realizing how he yet still failed to realize the consequences of his deeds at the moment...Of course, I do not blame him for my father's health, but I do find him as my culprit who snatched my honor...my pride...my dignity in front of the entire fabric of society not once thinking how his actions would malign my being forever...and more than that...the vicious decision that the demon inside of him made to dishonor me not only maligned me, but also my womb where our children are now living and waiting to be borne.

My hand snatching itself immediately from the grasp of his palm as I threw my eyes towards him showing him the anger that now was coming to a fully, animated creature that I had buried years ago, when we indulged in our frequent moments of rage. "N-need you? And why would I-I...n-need you the most? Huh...Why?!" My voice grasping to a sudden brash, boisterous tone as I met his gaze immediately lifting my hands against his chest pushing him away with full force not wanting his shadow to even lay upon my children as I remembered the wicked sins he has committed not only against me, but our children as well.

Shivaay's feet stumbling back with a shock appearing to swivel through his eyes that widened appearing caught off guard from the anger that now was taking full life inside of me. My heart beginning to pound loudly with anger now running its beats rapidly through me provoking me further with memories in which he not only wronged me, but buried my love, my pride, and my honor into graves from where they can never return....I love him of course, but the love that I once had perhaps will always stay in that graveyard.

Silence beginning to enter, through the gusts of wind, whistling loudly and slowly dancing between us.

Shivaay's hand appearing to lift towards me as I took a step back not wanting him to even lay a finger upon me knowing it would be a crime to allow such considering how an innocent moment of closeness had brought this day of reckoning upon us...a reckoning in which we not only have caused layers of scorching destruction within ourselves, but also have dared to lay it upon our children.

"Anika...I...I understand that grief touches you at the moment concerning your father, but just...just listen to me once...We need to have a reasonable conversation Anika...for the sake of our children..." His voice appearing to plea to my sanity that somehow had submerged itself below the turmoil of madness that now was cracking through the surface of my soul and finding its own life.

Wind blowing against me, wanting to slash the bits of strength I had gathered somewhere from inside of me. My hair beginning to stick against my wet cheeks where tears dripped away, engraving themselves letting me know that they were enduring...everlasting not vanquishing themselves easily. Clasping my hand against my temple, I sighed knowing that my conscious was not ready for reasonability at the moment...reason had seemingly drifted away now overcome with a revulsive blend of anger with sadness that was now spawning into a completely new creature which was deprived of sanity.

Lifting my eyes, I looked into his soul that reflected some life within his eyes. A loss of strength touching me where my will to argue or even reason with him had completely dismissed itself knowing that reasoning does not exist within him...that he will always fondle his desires not the nature of society's wisdom that has been set in stone since ages. "I...Shivaay...what reasoning is there now left between us? Huh? How can you...even...think about having a reasonable conversation...after everything...we both have gone through?...There is n-nothing...nothing left between you and me...We...we both have wrecked everything with...o-our own hands...we h-have ourselves burned o-our kingdom...t-there is nothing...we o-only have ashes with which we cannot even play with...find life in...our lives are now barren...t-there is n-nothing to bring life to..."

A sudden pressure erupting against my shoulders as his hands took hold of them forcing me to looking into his blue hues, reflecting a clout of tears, appearing to beg my attention...begging me to not escape into insanity and for once grab the hand of reason. Hiccups slipping through me as I clasped my hand against my womb attempting taking sips of air, but failing as it tumbled rumbling up and down against my chest leading a cough erupting from me from tears that were now beginning to suffocate me.

"Then let's breathe life into these ashes Anika...let us both for once...for one think about those we love...I...I know you Anika. I know you love your family...and I know for once...you will think about t-them above...yourself...and I...I for once will n-not t-think a-about my desire...but my children...our children..." His voice barely cracking, lifting confusion to me as I looked at him not able to understand the depth of his words...or perhaps not wanting to understand the path where he was taking this conversation knowing that path has layers of poison upon it.

Dragging my hand across my womb, I lowered my gaze towards my womb realizing the precious lives it held...lives that were now dependent on each and every heartbeat I held...dependent upon my breaths...dependent on each step I took in life...Think about them? Of course I will always think of them...above me...they are the reason I am still standing above ground and haven't become buried beneath it...They are the reason why I am gathering bits of lifeless strength and breathing into it to allow me to become their protector to the cruel world that has ruined their mother...abandoned her for the sake of values that are a mere farce, but still followed.

His fingers trailing delicately down my arms appearing to take in each and every inch of my skin...molding it with his touch in an attempt to lure me into surrendering to him...to his thoughts that appeared to have reached a clarity reflected in the light touching the hues of his eyes which captured me. His hands immediately taking grasp of my palms laying them together molding the lines of our fates into one.

My lips quivering as fear took hold of me...making my eyes keep still finding themselves charmed by his...a fear appearing from a feeling...a feeling within my heart that told me that the words that now will spill out of him may forever change my fate.

"Anika...I want to marry you because I want to give our children the life they deserve...a life in which you and I will together...together as parents raising them with happiness....with love...where you will give them the values that will make them not like me...a man who has lived and fed on greed all his life...I want my children to be under your guise...under your shadow...because you are the mother that they deserve...a mother who will love them selflessly and instill them the precious values that will give them humanity...I am only capable...of giving them my name...but that is enough for our children to live with pride and honor...I don't want our children to be questioned by others...I want to lay honor upon my children and give them the solace they deserve....but more than wanting to marry you for the sake of our children...I want to marry you because I love you. I want to marry you because I want to give you the world...I want to marry you because you are the reason why somehow...somehow I still am living but...I am...tired of living like this...living as if I am not human, but a creature that reeks the slums of hell...I am tired of feeding myself only on tangible pleasure...I want to feed on to love...love that will give this wrangling, tormented demon inside of me life...peace...that I have been hunting for ages on the barren earth that lays underneath me...I want to love you...and I promise that I will love you for the rest of your life...I promise to cherish your heart...I promise to love you without my desires of self-indulgence...and most importantly...I promise to wait...I promise to wait for you to accept me as your husband...but I want you for once...for once to just give me a chance...for once think about those precious, innocent, naïve souls that lay within you...for one l-last t-time...I-I a-am asking...begging y-you to be s-selfless...for y-your c-children...f-for y-your father who is laying in the bed of d-death b-because o-of m-my s-sins...For one l-last time b-be selfless...after that dive into s-selfishness....dive into and feed it because y-you d-deserve to live for y-yourself...but for one last time...for the sake of my heirs...our heirs...marry me......" The words escaping from him in an instant and immediately piercing through the seams of my spirit that appeared to be awakened by the phantom who himself had laid it to rest after stitching its honor away...an honor on which it fed itself.

My love for him appearing to unravel itself filling it up with beats of my heart that were now skipping with a sense of thrill....diving into a fantasy where I would be his wife again...A wife who would be threaded to his being by sacred, divine vows once again...A wife that may now never part for him because somewhere...somewhere my love is telling me each and every line that has left his tender lips have slipped through the love...once buried within him...now resuscitated... brimming with more passion...simmering with worship for pure, divine love...entwining itself into a part of his spirit that now begged to be loved by me.

We stood in silence as raindrops began to fall above us...Lightening suddenly flashing falling on the distance of the hospital's rooftop...Thunder beginning to rumble loudly as its grace, in form of rain, began to slip against us as we looked into each other's eyes waiting for one another to speak...letting our hearts to do the talking as we laid our love before one another.

His hands slipping away from mines' as they began to tremble...not from anger that tended to give it life...but from desperation...an unusual desperation apparent in his eyes...eyes that reflected a father's love that he appeared to have surrendered too...eyes that reflected a pure love...a love that perhaps was for me.

Without any hesitation...without any shame...he clasped his hands together...folding them...cusping them together...appearing to beg...his ego...his demons...all appearing to escape with the thunder that the heavens laid....

His hands trembling as they laid in front of me...begging me...begging for mercy that he saw through this marriage...a marriage that would place the veil of honor upon our children...For the first time...he came to beg for love...relinquishing his ego...his selfishness...everything...for the sake of his children...and for the sake of the love he had for me.

Never would I have thought he would ever come back to me...stand on the doorstep of my heart... and propose me like this...Never would I have thought that this moment would return again after the dark, chaotic night I was thrown out by fate from his home...our home. Never would I have thought that fate would bring me back to this moment where...he would propose me in such an innocent way...a way in which he would beg me...beg me to take him back...

Tears slipping down my cheeks as I clasped my hand against my mouth with shock lingering into me...disbelief in what I was witnessing in front of me. Marriage...How can I be his wife again?...How can I...how can I just surrender to him so easily?...I love him...but then...how can I just give him mercy so easily?...What is the proof that he has truly changed or beginning to change?...That wickedness still lingers close by him...a wickedness that he has yet to relinquish...

But then what about our children?...If in this moment...I walk away then...I will be the most selfish mother who ever walked on this ground, where divine being has blessed me with such grace,...I have failed as a mother before...I failed by not being able to fight for my precious, my love...Chaaya...I failed to protect her that day...and now I will be...committing the same mistake if I decide to walk away...I will be choosing a hard path for my children...for my own selfishness...I will forsake my children....No...I cannot do such.

My hands wrapping around my womb as I closed my eyes feeling them lifting their tiny heartbeats which were depending on my love...my love for them...The moment I forsake my love for them will be the moment they may just...may just escape...like Chaaya did...because I failed to be her protector...No...No. Never. Never...My children deserve happiness....love...I know Shivaay...I know my Shivaay...He will love them...He will cherish them...

But not you. My conscious spoke as I felt tears fall as hotwax upon my love...knowing that likely this love I have for him will not be cherished...but then...so what?...So what if he fails to love me?...No...That doesn't matter...I don't matter...My children matter and they are my everything...They deserve legitimacy...They deserve their honor...Haven't I already seen how my own blood...how their blue blood...how both of our families see these two innocent souls as?...If our families cannot accept them then think of this cruel world where they will be questioned...their blood will be questioned...No. Absolutely not. I cannot let their naivity be sacrificed. No...

Taking a deep breath, I slightly opened my eyes finding his hands still folded in front of me as wind blew against the both of us forcing us to speak...pressuring us to be vulnerable...but somehow we didn't give in. The ground appearing to spin as I pressed my fingers against the side of my temple before taking another deep breath to bring calmness, but failing. My heart beating fast as loops of anxiety began to again come to the forefront.

I need time to think. I have to contemplate and dwell into this matter before saying an immediate yes...I just need time...some time...Without saying another word, I turned my back towards him before beginning to walk towards the door leading down to the stairwells.

My head turning back as my sight fell back to Shivaay who appeared to be drowning amidst tears that began to endlessly flow out of him...tears that were emerging from the sacrifice of his ego for the begging he now had come forth to....An unusual pang erupting in my heart seeing him like this...knowing that he was never vulnerable the way he is today...

Suddenly, my foot began to slide against the ground stumbling against the cement...Fear volcanizing within me immediately jumping to my womb as my hand clasped against it. A scream erupting from me realizing I was about to lose my blessing. Instantly, my hand moving back as the ground from me slipped away before a force pulled me back turning me around on my feet pulling me into comfort.

https://youtu.be/ZDnVYNfhJHI

My hands immediately wrapping around my protector as I buried myself into his embrace. My lips biting into his jacket as I let my tears crawl on to his heart. "Anika! Anika...are you ok? Hm?" His voice reflecting panic as he immediately buried his lips into the nape of my neck before trailing it against the side of my ear. My heart continuing to pound as my hand dragged itself to my womb that I began to caress to comfort them that they were alright...

His arms tightening themselves around my shoulder as he pulled me into the comfort of his heart. My hands tightening their grip around his waist as I stood still allowing his lips to lay tenderly against my temple where he laid a gentle kiss. "Anika, please be careful...hm?...God, this is my fault...I am the cause of this stress for you...I am so sorry Anika...I am so sorry for what I have done...I am so sorry for everything...That night...I shouldn't have taken things forward...I should've stopped so...this day wouldn't have come where our children...would be brought to this world in this manner...and I am sorry for what I did to you...I am sorry I betrayed you and dishonored you....I am sorry for being the cause of your father's ails...I am sorry Anika...I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but at least allow me to apologize," He laid out his deeds in front of me letting my heart drop its beats finding itself conforming and melting to the fact that his ego was lifting itself away from him allowing him for once...to be human...for once to accept his transgressions he made in moments of obsessions he allowed to consume him.

Shaking my head, I dragged my lips against his chest...realizing he was not completely at fault. "I-It's...a-also m-my fault...I also gave in t-that night...I g-gave up my v-values t-to be with y-you...I-I myself...maligned...my c-character...and a-am the r-reason my f-father is s-suffering..." I barely let the words out before whimpering and pulling him closer dragging my hand around his neck allowing him to bury his lips into the nape of my neck wanting his tender kiss to mend the pain that was felt at the moment.

Somehow...somewhere...I cannot let go of Shivaay...Something inside of me...my heart or my soul...doesn't allow me to part from him...doesn't allow me to see him in this vulnerability...doesn't allow me to forsake my love for him...I know I shouldn't love him, but my heart is telling me another story...My heart is telling me that somewhere...somewhere something went terribly wrong that he left me...The love he laid upon me throughout out marriage...which deepened through my pregnancy with Chaaya...speaks to me and tells me that he genuinely was tying the knots of love with me...

"Shhh...don't cry hm?...I cannot see you like this Anika...I cannot see you broken like this...I love you so much," He whispered as I laid my head against his chest allowing myself to hear his heartbeats that were speaking tender words of love to me. The rain beginning to soak us with the mercy of love that now we were completely drowning ourselves in...a love that I was allowing to consume me...making me forget everything that went wrong....making me forget the moments we destroyed one another...with our anger...with our fears...with our obsessive passion that burned one another...

Perhaps my love is an obsession....an obsession disguised as selflessness...I sacrificed him and myself for him...but not once have I let him go...Everyday I thought of him...Everyday...I looked at his pictures...Everyday...I admired him in my mind...repeating his features, his laughter,...his words in my mind...Not a second went by when I didn't think of him...when I didn't think of us.

My therapist tells me it is toxic of me to continue to think of him in such a manner...it's not love, but an obsession, but somehow I have labeled it as a love...Perhaps Shivaay and I are not different...we both just are obsessed with the idea of being with one another...holding on to one another...and fulfilling our pleasure for one another.

"Anika...allow me to love you...please...please allow me to become your husband..." His voice pleaing as I sighed not able to bear him cracking like this in front of me. His feet stumbling against the ground as my back leaned against the door, to the stairwells, behind us. The edges of the small roof falling above us barely covering us from the rain that now was igniting its rage and veriociously falling on to the rooftop.

"Are you feeling dizzy? Hm?" He questioned with concern as I nodded finding the sight in front of me rotating violently weaving me out of reality. His arm wrapping around my shoulder before lightly sliding my back against the wall allowing me to slip onto the ground.

A warm cloth wrapping around me as he slipped his jacket around my shoulders before pulling me into his chest. My head in an instant finding its comfort on his shoulder as I wrapped my hands around his waist laying my lips against the edge of his shoulder closing my eyes shut realizing in this moment...I found home in his arms...

"W-Why are w-we l-like this?" I whispered staring at the moonlight that barely grazed itself through the lightening that flashed before retrieving back into darkness.

Shivaay appearing to turn looking towards me intently appearing to ponder over my question before laying his lips against my temple. His hand slipping against mine entwining it into mine molding our flaws into one another.

"W-Why d-do w-we fight...as if there is no end...fight to a point we are ready...to drag each other's souls out...let our rage consume us...and then suddenly we allow this silence...this silence to overcome us in which somehow...we hold on to one another...as if we let go...we may just lose ourselves...to...our madness that lives as an apparition within us...ready to consume us, but something we try our best to push away...I...I don't understand...what we share Shivaay...What are we?" I whispered lifting my eyes up revealing my tears to him.

Silence overcoming him as his eyes stood still looking into mines' appearing to dive deeper within them wanting to search my layers that were existent within me...wanting to find the answer to my question from me, but appearing to fail as he chewed his lip...chewing on to his contemplation. "I...Anika...I...what I have seen in life...is that nothing is flawless...nothing...even love...Who am I to say what love is?...But my love is learning Anika...It laid on the surface of clichés before scattering into the lakes of regret where it...became an obsession...a demonic obsession leading me to bring calamity to the one who I loved...and now...this love has spilled completely into the deeper layers that touch grains of divine that lay beneath the shallow lake of love...I never loved Anika...I never loved until you came..."

My eyes widening hearing the confession slip from his love...a love he naively had barricaded within him as if it was a weakness of his...a weakness that would lead to his downfall...yet now he is freeing this love from its cage allowing it to scatter and find its true path...a path leading to me.

His hand trailing mines' to his heart allowing it to be placed there. "I am sorry...I didn't love you...the way you loved me...You deserved better...but what can I do Anika?...Love has been rare in my life...It appeared as an illusion until you came...The way you loved me without any crude intentions...the way you held me in my darkest moments...the way you never saw me as an exchange for money, but as a human being...who deserved love...the way you loved me selflessly...I learned from you what love is...I am learning Anika...I am learning how to love..." He whispered as thunder rumbled appearing to be witness to the fact that for once he was speaking his truth...His eyes screamed his truth that his lips just slipped...Pain touching my love in silence as I observed his tears realizing he was never loved...his eyes reflecting a deprivation of love that rarely touched the lonely deserts his eyes held where tears of love never fell until now...

And without making another thought, finding myself not able to bear him breaking down like this...knowing that for once he was now beginning to perhaps realize who he had become...this is the moment he needs me...knowing if I do not hold on to him in this moment, he may just retrieve back to the gates where demons like him feed on sadistic miseries of others....I pulled him into my arms wrapping him into my refuge. His lips burying into my shoulder as he whimpered...His cool tears trailing down my shoulder tipping them to my heart where laid my love for him. My hands wrapping around his neck tracing them into the waves of his hair to soothen the uneasiness that was now appearing to suffocate his breaths that barely escaped him.

His hands sliding around my waist pulling himself into the solace he appeared to find within me before sketching his lips against the tip of my ears."I always...a-always...l-loved o-only y-you Anika...I...I just f-failed...to r-realize what the r-rules of l-love were...a-and i-if I was really in love...But...Anika...even i-if I w-was scared of loving you at the moment w-when I was your husband...still I...I had decided to never l-leave you...n-never...but I-I was...forced to...I won't l-lie...b-but I-I d-did w-walk a-away for g-greed...f-for m-money...f-for p-power...b-but...damn it...I-I had to walk a-away for these vices for s-someone d-dear to me...someone who is my world...I...I want to tell you e-everything Anika...I do...but r-right now is not the time...right now you are not in your senses and...this t-truth may lead to f-further d-damage...But f-for now......I...Anika...I n-need you to believe me..." His words weaving a flight of confusion as I sat still not able to understand what the true meaning of his words were...He didn't realize his love for me yet he wanted to stay with me?...He gave into his impish vices yet he did it for someone else?...Who?...Shivaay rarely loved anyone else....He isn't close to his family...The one he truly has loved was...was Chaaya. Tears escaping me realizing that Chaaya...our Chaaya had passed.

"S-Shivaay....t-tell me...please...I-I want to k-know...I want to know why y-you decided to walk upon our v-vows for the sake of such wicked vices...t-tell me..." I spoke wanting...an excuse...an excuse that would allow me to give him a chance...a chance in which he could win me back.

Shivaay sighed shaking his head not giving into my demand before cusping my cheek and lifting my chin up making me look into his eyes where a haunting secret laid...a secret that now was begging to be revealed as now it was suffocating in the filth of lies he spoke before. "I-I c-cannot right now Anika...you have to understand...You will need time...to process everything...to understand...and to even believe me..." My eyes widening as my heart began to flutter igniting a small pain across my chest not able to bear the devilish secret that he was keeping within himself...My core telling me that somewhere this secret may just change the waves of our love...a secret that may pull us out of the depths of hatred and for once thread us back to the path of love we walked upon...

A cold touch slipping against my cheeks as he wrapped his hands around them. Our eyes capturing one another not once looking away as they spoke their secrets...secrets that they held...my secret of still desiring him...wanting him to love me...and his secret that appeared malicious speaking its truth to me, but failing to reach my conscious where I could give life to it.

Raindrops soaking our lips that quivered appearing to lure one another wanting to mold into one as the moonlight fell upon them. My fingertips tracing their way up to his chest, lingering near his heartbeats before tracing them to his pulse that bounded itself at the cornerstone of his lips. His lips leaning forward as he lightly pressed his temple against mine inciting me to look into his blue hues where now few tears still scattered themselves into glass pieces.

"If...I knew...that fate had decided to place a blessing for us that night where...we dipped our values into that ocean of wickedness for the sake of a moment...I...I would've not submerged myself into it...I would've never done this to you...I know that with my own hands I maligned my own children's honor...but now I want to mend my mistake...I...I am begging you to be selfless one last time...just one last time...I promise after this...you can...be free to l-live your l-life...live according to the way you always wanted to...fulfill your desires...fulfill your dreams...I promise...I promise I will s-stand by you...I will wait for you...to accept me...and even if I have to wait my entire life...then be it... but f-for one last time...for the sake of our children...marry me," His lines stealing my strength and in an instant slitting my concerns with my love lifting itself through the shackles of my soul that wanted to keep it imprisoned since it wanted to punish him for the way he had buried its pride alive...Malaise gathering itself from my womb feeling uneasy upon the thought in how for the sake of these two...I may just have to sacrifice myself...and remnants of a dead pride and dignity...For one last time I may have to be selfless...one last time.

And without any misgivings, I let the moment's tonic slip into me consuming my sensibilities as I dragged my fingertips across his lips that appeared to tremble upon being provoked by an innocent touch. A small gasp lifting through me as I felt the heat of our lips merge with one another teasing and igniting a hidden gratification that now was pulling us towards one another. His fingers trailing at the edges of my cheeks before pulling me closer keeping his hues still upon my lips that quivered begging to be held...His comfort appearing to mend a charred being that lived inside of me for a moment...charred from being unable to bear what it had done to its own loved ones.

Silence reaping the both of us as his lips gently pressed onto mine letting the drops of rain falter and slip as he allowed me to taste the bittersweetness enshrined on to his lips. The soft gentle kiss folding itself in as my lips trembled not able to bear the thought that I was giving into the man who had wronged me nights before...feeling revulsed, yet wanted to ravish upon the vulnerability that a sinister creature like him had revealed to his sole lover...a lover that barely loved him, but yet still found herself enticed by the danger, toxic potion mixed with tinges of grace that laid within him. His lower lip entrailing gently into my upper lip appearing to capture a tight hold of it...wanting to release the entailed sorrow and guilt that now was apparent in how he was allowing the moment to hold standstill...not once leading it, but allowing it to play into its naivity.

My hands wrapping into the dark locks of his hair feeling their softness as I slithered myself into his shoulder allowing him to take control of the moment...His hand trailing at the end of jaw allowing him to gain a deeper access to the purity the lips carried...always touched by him and no one else...always surrendering to him and no one else.

His lips increasing the pace as mine clumsingly followed losing their gravity as an overwhelming thrill leaped inside of me...making my heart drop its beats before collapsing on to my womb where I felt a small butterflies running through that craved for a slice of his malevolence. The rain continuing to dip and tumble upon us as his hand graced the edges of the wet kameez that lightly stuck itself to my waist appearing to tempt it...My cheeks suddenly flaming a deep, flaming, crimson red realizing the innocent moment was now diving into a state of passion that seemingly we always have buried within ourselves only to have it resurrect at the worst moments...

My mind screaming loudly inside of me pressuring me to back off, but the web of desires splashing with shades of a deeper craving wanting him to fulfill a pure lustful pleasure that clung tightly on to me...This is wrong...All of it...He has wronged me....betrayed me...yet I still love him...Perhaps it my realization of my love for him that is pushing me into this moment...or perhaps it is the nature of love we both have for one another...

No one can understand us....No one...Some relationships are meant to be toxic...We both tackle each other's rages that seemingly rise form the sadistic demons we both hold...we both scream voraciously to see who could shatter the other's spirit...we both compete for who would win the brawl of words we dive into....yet we both still indulge in these moments of passion that we ourselves cannot tempt our ways out of them...We always have been like this...always...We hurt each other the most with our cruel words and tempers that we both carry...yet we both only find solace in one another because for us...we only have each other...no one else, but only one another...so we indulge in this toxic cycle of arguments, tears, and then passion...a lustful passion we both know that is a vice, but still we indulge in it.

Lightening suddenly flashing catching our lips off guard as instantly his lips escaped their way out of the deeper kiss he himself had nourished his lust in. My eyes widening realizing what I had just done...how seemingly...I may just have answered his proposal.

Rain beginning to fall steadily upon the both of us as we sat still finding solace in one another...My lips quivering as I felt my cheeks flaming realizing what seemingly that lust...that has led me to commit so many sins took over me once again...My hands beginning to tremble violently as I clasped them against my cheeks feeling a little ashamed upon myself.

His eyes capturing mine, as they appeared to soften recoiling the temper they carried...eyes appearing to etch in the features of my thoughts in order to unravel them...His lips pursing together tightly not knowing what to speak of since he himself realized the unusual lethal relationship we both shared...a relationship running in cycles from which we both could not escape...

https://youtu.be/xOWTtcFaT3Q

Keeping the silence alive, his wrapped around me pulling me into his heart as I clasped against him...laying not uttering a word and letting the moment...and his proposal soak through my flesh and fall on to my soul to awaken it...awaken it from its illusion that seemingly everything will mend itself by divine fate, knowing that it wouldn't...as until I decide to tread a new path...divine fate cannot guide me. His lips beginning to trail tender, gentle kisses upon my cheeks as I closed my eyes shut allowing him to suck the raindrops off of them allowing them to taste a gentle sweetness that lingered upon me. My heart beginning to skip beats as I buried my lips into his chest as he trailed his lower lip against the edge of my neck finding itself capturing each and every inch of bare skin...laying gentle, soft kisses that intended to mend the wounds held in my heart.

I have always loved my parents, but they seemingly and selfishly have always sacrificed me for their honor and their pride. The sole heir to my love...Shivaay...perhaps loved me, but it was shallow, only rippling the currents of love, but not rickshaying into the depths of lovers' lakes where love is sacrificed and molded into being benevolent...his love failed to bear the test of time...I felt loved, but he never loved me because if he did he would've fought for us...our love...instead of being deprived to sacrificing it...He accepted me as his wife, allowing me to carry the symbols...bare symbols without true meaning, upon me...but he never found me as his soulmate...because if he did then he would've fought for me instead of sacrificing me.

Indeed I have always loved, but never learned how to love...never learned that love is not about sacrifices...not about giving oneself completely to the other expecting nothing in return...I don't even know what I label as love is truly love or is it just an obsession?...In this moment, even now I am beginning to question my love...

Perhaps now time has come that I do live for myself as Shivaay has spoken...He unknowingly has awakened the buried desires and dreams I have kept for long inside of me...desires and dreams I have weaved since I had just begin to peek into the world's atrocities yet full of wonders...desires and dreams I always have sacrificed for those whom I have loved...for their happiness...sacrifices I have made believing that if I make them then would love me...

My gaze lowering to my womb as I looked at the lives barely keeping their breaths gathered depending upon me...on my actions, my gestures,...my decisions. Fate is giving me one chance...one chance to decide the future of my children...their precious lives depend upon my decision of whether I shall give into my selfishness, as in not wanting to pursue a lifetime of marriage with a man I may not fully ever love again, or give into the pure, selfless love as a mother...who would secure their life free of shame and taint caused by their mothers' bewitchment...who would place veil of honor upon them and wrap a fabric of solace around them the moment they take their first breaths having the shadow of a mother, but also a father...a father who will cherish them, protect them, and love them just like I...

Shivaay will love them...He will do anything for our children and I know that...that is a belief my heart has completely surrendered to...I don't know whether we will mend ourselves and our lost love...but if my children's happiness, their peace, their honor is found in this marriage...a marriage that may appear as an illusion of delicate roses only to feel their burns and thorns that would induce callouses that may just weaken my strength...I will still give into it...because now I have no one to live for besides my children...Now I will live for them...only them because they are the reason why my flesh is still breathing and churning heartbeats...They have given me a new life and now I will live for them only...

So, perhaps now...I shall marry him...I shall marry him for my children...not because I want to be his wife...I will never be his wife until he sheds his vicious, malicious, wicked phantom and surrenders to humanity...I will never be his wife until he is granted mercy...I will never be his wife until he learns to love me...but I shall marry him to veil my children's solace.

Will we both share moments like these...once married... in which we will fight and then instantly give into one another?....Yes...yes. I know myself and I know him and I know that we both are broken...sick...revulsive creatures...who seemingly still find the need to fulfill lust that has brought upon this day of scourge upon us...I know women may label me with a lot of words...weak, coward, bound by shackles of regression....well they can label me as anything, but the truth is...He is my obsession...I am equally obsessed with this man the way he is with me...I am obsessed with wanting him...wanting him to touch me with seduction...to kiss me with passion...to hold me with devotion...I don't know what I call love is love, but I do know that he is a secret obsession that I myself cannot let go of...He is toxic and I love that...He is dangerous and I love that...He argues with me and I lose my temper with him...yet he is the one who always stands by me and protects me like no one has ever done...in essence I love him and he is a guilty pleasure that I will always allow to bewitch me.

Shivaay's lips slipping against my temple as he kissed it one more time before pulling me into an embrace. Allure dripping down on lust as I lifted my gaze finding myself shamelessly captivated by how droplets of rain clung tightly to his shirt which etched the mysteries of his flesh hidden underneath...where I often laid a trail of kisses...The way his lips quivered having tinges of red from the lipstick I wore...My cheeks turning a flame red realizing what I was thinking appearing to have caught myself in a fantasy. Stop Anika...Stop. It's only my hormones...that is it. Now wonder I am getting hot flashes and these unusual thoughts...it's the twins...Yes the twins. I thought as I lowered my gaze molding myself into the mess I laid not wanting to even think about this thought...a sick thought...that my mind brazenly decided to indulge in.

Tears slipping down my cheeks as I bit my lip realizing the complete filthy, molding mess I was...always saying one thing and contradicting it the next moment...moments before I was cursing this exact lust that led us to this cursed, reckoned life...yet now here I am diving fully into it and yet loving it...

I sighed holding on to him and keeping my silence, but knowing that by now he likely figured what my answer was to his proposal....there is nothing romantic about this...this proposal is purely a means for our children to gather a better life...and for us to continue to be the toxic, married couple that never loves one another to a point of worship, but fails to let go of one another as well because lust, with a dab of bitter love, nourishes both.

"W-We...should get going hm?" He spoke gently as he rather his fingers through my damp hair before grazing his limped jacket back on to my shoulders to shelter me from the chills that escaped from the rain.

"I...am here for you ok?...Be strong alright? Your father will recover ok?" He spoke one more time as if suddenly forgetting the proposal he laid in front of me and the untimely kiss we shared on a hospital's rooftop...One thing I can never understand is how he detaches himself from moments of seriousness and instantly dives into another stem of life.

Don't say a word Anika...Keep your silence for now...Let the moment play itself because now even you know that this marriage is likely going to happen...Even he knows it...He knows my answer which is why he is not fighting it anymore...Afterall he has won this battle again...a battle for his desires...Of course he wants to marry me for our children, but somewhere that desire he had to marry me...to play off his lustful pleasures... has been fulfilled.

His arm wrapping around my shoulder as I wrapped my hand around his waist slipping my feet against the floor as he helped to lift bits of strength back into me. My eyes capturing him as he appeared to look at me intently before playing a soft smile across his lips...a smile that reflected that he likely knew my answer.

"As I promised...I will wait for you...to accept me as your husband," He whispered reaping honesty into it as my gaze lowered in an instant feeling demure overcome me with a tinge of acceptance that indeed this time his promise appeared genuine...that he would wait...but am I willing to give him a chance?...Will I accept him as my husband?...I don't know...But I do know I will accept him to cast his shadow and protection over our children...that is something regarding which I can trust him.

His hand slipping against mine as I allowed him to take hold of it not saying a word knowing that now we perhaps have to keep this facade of a couple to the world...Shivaay opening the door allowing me to enter. My hand grasping on to his jacket tightly as he closed the door behind us before leading me down the steps.

"You are pregnant with twins Anika...you shouldn't have climbed all these stairs to come here," He spoke appearing a little frustrated from the childishness I did seemingly indulge in for a moment. Memories of him scolding me with my pregnancy with Chaaya coming back as I looked at him finding a tinge of annoyance just like he had when I was pregnant before...an annoyance that resembled bits of concern for his child, but also perhaps me.

"Out of all the places, you found a rooftop to surrender your grief to hm?...You know last time...how tough everything was and still you are doing this...We both know what you suffered through..." He spoke once again as his temper appeared to build before looking back towards me. His concerned scolding seemingly comforting me realizing that his concern was not only for our children, but also me...My gaze lowering as I felt a little ashamed realizing how correct he was and as a mother...not once did I think of them only to become selfish to my grief...No Anika...You failed as a mother before...failed to protect Chaaya, but not these two...Shivaay is right, I should focus on these two rather than anything or anyone else.

His hand holding on to mines' tightly as if he let go something would happen to me. My gaze lifting towards him as he appeared to chew on to his anger not once letting it slip by him...appearing to force himself to bury it. "Do you know how worried I was about where you went? Hm?...It's just I figured you may be up here knowing how you are...but...please next time you want to cry...to express your grief...then come to me...You have every right to express your anger, frustration, and rage upon me, but don't ever wander alone without telling anyone and don't wander to express your sorrows to the world who will only feast upon it...nourish their egos with it..." He spoke as I immediately looked towards him feeling taken aback by the depth of thoughts he seemingly unraveled...thoughts that appeared to give insight upon who he was...as someone who always buried his sadness, anger, bliss, within himself...only to emerge as aloof and a cold sadistic phantom lurking in the shadows...There is more to him than I know of...More to his being than I know of...

Our feet finally reaching the last end of the stairsteps as I sighed taking a deep breath feeling a small cramp snarl its way into my womb. My body appearing to merge into heat as I felt sweat gently pricking its way down to me. Shivaay's arm wrapping around my back as he appeared to look back. "See? Look at yourself Anika, you are completely pale right now. This is why I was scolding you...You have to take care of yourself...And I am not only saying this because of the twins, but also because of you...because I love you," He spoke as I looked into his eyes reflecting a small slice of love etched with care. My heart fluttering hearing the simple three words once again escape from the sadistic layers he carried...words escaping from a layer of perhaps...intimate, pure love that somewhere he held for me.

"Now, please don't stress ok? Sit down and relax and I am sure your father will soon recover...Come on," He spoke once more as he opened the door out to the hallway before entwining his hand into mine.

As the door open, I immediately flinched caught off guard by the two figures standing against the wall lost in deep and profound conversation. Shivaay taking a step forward appearing to shelter me from their guises that appeared to become revulsed once laying their sight upon me.

Daadi and Pinky aunty breaking their conversation as they looked towards us. Daadi pursing her lips together as she craned her neck appearing to look towards me who soaked in tears ...raindroplets clinging tightly to my anarkali that now was lazily laying lifeless upon me.

Pinky aunty appearing aversed as she lowered her gaze looking towards my womb eyeing with a vice look...a look that appeared to question their existence. Tears slowly building themselves inside of me realizing how the world thought of them...how the world...even their own blood...saw them as those that bore a questionable identity...bore blood that was a product of a their mother's sins....bore blood that may have filth...

Pinky aunty rolling her eyes as she tapped Daadi's shoulder before gesturing her hand towards the both of us. "Hm look Ma...look at these two. One thing I never understand is what you both have...What is the nature of your relationship? Huh? Which sane person behaves in such a manner? One moment arguing, screaming, and raging as sworn enemies who despise each other until death and next here you both are...hand in hand, she is blushing while you Shivaay are looking at her lovelorn...oh and madam ji is wearing your jacket while you shamelessly carry a lipstick mark on side of your cheek..."

My eyes widening as I immediately looked towards his cheek finding a shade of romantic red drizzling against it where my lips may have brushed in a moment of euphoria we shared at the rooftop. My cheeks soaking in the shade, I laid on him, as my gaze lowered feeling mortified that his family caught on to a private moment we shared. What must they be thinking of us? Thinking of me?...Already I appear as a piece of filth, laying in the edge of gutters where no one should be lifted from, and here I am once again perhaps proving their concern right that I may not be a woman of dignity.

Shivaay appearing to fumble upon his words immediately grazing the back of hand against his cheek erasing the mark the laid. "S-So, why do you care?...Huh?...This is Anika and my matter...and you please do not intervene...After what nonsense you spoke about my child...I don't even want to look at you...Just seeing you makes me revolt upon the fact that a part of you has brought me to life...Being a mother yourself who has carried three children, you still lacked the soul or even the heart to once show some empathy towards Anika and what she may be going through at the moment...No. All you did was spill the sick, abhorrent, disgusting thoughts that lay in that treacherous mind of yours. So please relieve us of your presence," Shivaay spat as word by word his anger began to once again come to life cracking through the compassion that was barely laying its will moments ago. I shook my head realizing the tone of his voice with Pinky aunty was wrong...despite how or what Pinky aunty thinks or says, he still shouldn't be speaking to his mother in such a manner. A sense of guilt drifting into my realizing how I was becoming the cause of a rift between the mother and son.

Pinky aunty appearing stunned by the piercing, bitter words that spilled out of her son's mouth as I noticed a set of tears brimming into her eyes finding some creature of humanity within her. "Acha? So I cannot even for once assert my right as your mother? So, you will go out in the world committing your wicked ways and philandering while I will stay quiet?...Do you both have any logic or reasoning in terms of your actions? Both of you are acting like savages...You both got secretly married without telling anyone and then also got divorced without letting a peep slip by to any one of us. Afterwards, out of nowhere you both again indulged in an illicit relationship which now has led to this! This....this child...Are relationships a joke to both of you?!" The last lines barely leaving her gritted teeth as by now she was simmering in fury that uncanningly reflected her son's.

An impish chuckle escaping from Shivaay ringing my ears immediately me look towards him finding that unusual phantom finally coming back....resurrecting as his eyes showed a tinge of red...his rage churning into a storm within him. "Acha?...Now you will teach me what relationships are? Oh really?...Says the woman who all her life only has indulged in pure, filthy money, drinking alcohol, holding charity events for image purposes only...says the woman whose entire life is a farce....says the woman who has allowed her husband to indulge in affairs to benefit the empire...says the woman who neglected to care for her children because she was busy being an alcoholic!"

"Shivaay!" Daadi yelled lunging between him and Pinky aunty as I grabbed Shivaay's arm pulling him away from them realizing his anger was now soon going to churn into rage...pure rage in which he loses himself completely. His breaths tumbling with animosity as his skin flushed a shade of red wine that splintered into a heinous apparition that was now fully entwining into the humanity he had.

Shock lifting itself into me after hearing a bitter truth...a truth that Shivaay never has spoken of before. His father had extramarital affairs?...And his mother was an alcoholic? Discomfort forming its wheels and skidding as I felt a dark molding, pain scatter across my chest not being able to bear the thought of Shivaay...witnessing such vices,corrupt degeneracy as an innocent child...I was never loved before Anika...His confession reaping itself back from the grave of my mind as I felt a tear slip down my cheek before looking at him finding that sadistic, demon rising from the ashes within him...a demon that was spawned from a childhood that may have been deprived from love...from compassion...from solace...a child that may have seen worse than I...a child that early on had his innocence snatched by immorality...

Silence catching hold of us as Pinky aunty began to cry not being able to bear the cruel truth that Shivaay had laid in front of her...a truth that appears to be one which she wants to bury in her past not wanting to revisit it again.

"Pinky please....please keep your peace," Daadi spoke grabbing Pinky aunty's arm forcing her to look into her eyes.

"M-me?...W-What about h-him? Look how he is s-speaking to his mother in front of a stranger? W-What respect do I have left? Now...watch even she will speak to me in this manner knowing my son doesn't give me any value in his life," Pinky aunty stuttered as my heart appeared to soften not able to see her in her tears....finding grief overcoming her as she appeared to be a mother deprived from her son's love....a love she was begging to have again.

Shivaay sighing as he chewed on his anger not saying another word...a rarity considering how he is. His hand tightly gripping on to mine as if pressing his rage into it...holding on to me in a manner that if I let go then something worse may happen.

Daadi shaking her head with displeasure upon Pinky aunty before looking at her once again. "Pinky...we have already now had a long discussion about Shivaay and Anika and yet here you are still unleashing your fury over their improper actions. As I have said, we now have to honor Anika as our daughter-in-law since she is carrying the Oberoi family's eldest son's heir...We need an heir for Shivaay after all since...since Tia never conceived...We all know Omkara's sons will not lead the family business knowing that is not the tradition we have carried as the eldest son heads business with his children to follow...So Shivaay needs an heir that will be the one to replace Shivaay once old and taking the throne...And now you must accept this fact that Shivaay's heir needs legitimacy which we shall give," Daadi's words swiveling appall as I heard her decision come through...Heir?...They want to accept me as their daughter-in-law because of a potential heir?...Is that the worth I will have in this family...? So, this family will give me the value and honor of their daughter-in-law if I give them a potential heir?...If I don't then I will have no place in their family?

Nausea appearing to hint and crawl its way up my throat feeling disgust taper into my conscience upon the mentality that the Oberois appeared to carry within them...a mentality in which a woman was worth on her status of bearing children...being an ornament that laid in their home...nothing more.

"Anika, let's go...I don't even want their presence to be upon our child. Come on," Shivaay spoke immediately pulling on to me hand and dragging me down the hallway. My head turning back towards Pinky aunty and Daadi who appeared to dive into another deeper conversation with Pinky aunty appearing to weep while Daadi consoled her.

My family coming in my line of vision as they looked up towards us revealing tears from bereavement over my father's health...My heart dropping realizing that I was their culprit...Finding guilt latching on to my womb tightly knowing that a potential death originated from it...a death that now was following my father. Tracing my fingers against my womb, I attempted to cover their naivity from the anguish that my family laid due to my own immorality.

"Anika...sit down ok?" Shivaay spoke gently awakening me from my thoughts as I stumbled back taking a seat on the chair across from my mother who laid in her tears...appearing lost in deep thoughts...thoughts that incited fear...fear that her sacred vows, that she made to my father, were about to be broken.

"Let me get you water...You look pale hm?..."He spoke before walking away leaving me shackled to the melancholy and remorse that now gripped on to my family...a remorse that I may now begin to mend by claiming my honor...claiming my children's honor...through marriage...Indeed, now marriage may be the way that my family's honor may finally be laid upon them once again.

Shivaay's Point of View

A soft smile appearing across my lips realizing what had happened. She wants to marry me...She has taken the will to once again share our sacred vows with one another...vows that I will cherish...I will follow...and I will promise to her.

Words were not spoken, but expressed in the innocent kiss she laid upon my lips to express that somewhere she accepted my proposal. A sense of disbelief triggering itself inside of me feeling as if I am walking through an illusion not able to realize that somehow indeed...God has shown mercy upon me...giving me another chance to be with the woman who I love the most...the woman who I have solely loved...God has shown me mercy by allowing me to gather and build my family once again that I myself had ripped apart with my bare hands.

Anika will now be my wife...She will carry my name. She will become my pride and my honor. She will once again wear a mangalsutra, symbolizing the threading of our hearts into one, and a sindoor in my name claiming her loyalty, her love, and her soul to me. She will be mine again...She will be cherished. She will be protected. She will be loved...

I know she has chosen to marry me for the sake of our children...I know she is scared of loving me and she has every right to do so after what I have done. The maleficence from my hands cannot be cleansed freely...I know this path will be tough, but I will walk on it for Anika. As I promised, I will wait for her to accept me, but I will still fulfill my duties as her husband...I will stand by her... I will not shackle her to my home, but allow her the freedom to pursue her dreams that she has treasured for years, but sacrificed them for those she has loved...I will ensure to keep her the happiness and bliss she has a right to...I will bend her heart's wounds...and I will love her even if I receive her hate in return.

"Shivaay," A voice breaking my thoughts as I immediately looked up finding Papa making his way quickly down the hallway towards me. My hand dropping the Styrofoam cup against the water cooler as I looked at him curiously with a sense of confusion seeing an unusual concern across his face...something that is rare to be seen.

"What?" My voice coming out as a scowl not wanting to see him or anyone else seeing them as ominous to the bliss that will now soon enter my life...after so many years of living of walking alone on flamed ashes begging for love...but failing to obtain it.

"We need to talk Shivaay...It's important," Papa spoke as he gestured me to sit on the bench across from us. Papa grabbing my arm before I could refuse as he forced me to sit down.

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed feeling taken aback by Papa's will to dominate me considering he knows how much that is something I do not desire.

Papa sighing as he leaned his neck to the hallway crossing from us where Anika and her family were waiting. Feeling puzzled, I grabbed his arm forcing him to look towards me. "What do you want? Huh? Haven't all of you done enough? Do you know how hurt Anika was by how all of you behaved today after learning about her pregnancy? The level you all dropped to was filthy, revulsive, and honestly...I never even thought all of you could drop this low..." I spat feeling my anger plodding its feet up and down my memories from today...memories in which my Anika was admonished by these low lives who are not even worth a penny in front of her.

"Well that is why I want to talk to you ok? We need to talk about your marriage proposal for Anika," A sense of seriousness poking from his simple, yet pertinent words.

"What do you mean?" Raising my eyebrow, I looked at him trying to grasp on what he wanted to say considering now Daadi has agreed to the idea of Anika and I marrying one another...although her reasoning is considerably inappropriate and mysoginy at its best...something that I will reason against once Anika's father recovers...I don't want to create more chaos here at the hospital as already Anika is stressed.

Papa sighing as he pressed his hand against his temple pondering over the idea of whether he should express his thought, but finally appearing to give in to it. "Look...your grandmother has decided to get you married to Anika...and considering the turn of events, I also agree with her decision because at last, you finally are going to get an heir...an heir that will lead the Oberoi Empire in the future...We all know about Omkara and his sons will not claim your chair because tradition in our family has always favored the child of the eldest son to lead our business," Papa spoke as I bit my lip...holding on to the secret that even he was unaware of the moment...the fact that I already have an heir who is the oldest child of the new generation of Oberoi children...my Chaaya...If only Papa knew, that Chaaya is the one for whom I am still willing to even be part of the Oberoi Empire...If Chaaya was not born, I would've already left everything, but Chaaya deserves a secure, financial future and I will do anything to ensure she has it.

"It is no secret how your grandmother and your mother are. It is no secret that their conservative ideals have created a lot of problems in Omkara and Gauri's marriage. It is not secret that Gauri is on the verge of walking out of our family...leading to a big loss of business considering her father is investing in our oil companies," Papa said clenching his jaw tightly as I curled my eyebrows realizing the lack of empathy this man had...He is not a father, but a businessman...always on the outlook for business deals. Even now, it doesn't matter to him that Gauri and Omkara are on the verge of having their marriage fall apart...He only cares the loss he will have.

I kept my silence knowing that if I speak my fury in the moment, Anika will hear and further become anxious considering she already is going through enough turmoil which in turn is affecting her and the twins.

"Look...You and Anika were married at one point...and then divorced. Already, you both have seen the grave of marriage and still somehow fate has decided to bond you two together again. If your heir was not in the picture, we would never have accepted this proposal of marrying you with Anika knowing the tragic past you both have shared. However, not only is our family's honor at stake, but also your reputation. You took a part in this affair with Anika...It would be wrong to solely blame Anika knowing how you are...and how sadistic you can be. So, your mother and grandmother may continue to not find fault in you, but I know for a fact who you are and what you can do...You are the reason why our whole family now will burdened with the sin of ruining a family's honor by stealing the dignity of their daughter...You committed a big crime Shivaay...Not only that, look because of your deeds, her father is now in the hospital," Papa spat as my gaze lowered for the first time finding truth in his words knowing how each and every word he said had significant value...Suffocation with clouts of guilt rising itself back into me feeling a pang in my conscious knowing how indeed I am not only Anika's culprit, but also her father's and even my children's.

Papa clearing his throat before speaking in a lowered tone once more to ensure I would hear his words that appeared to be integral to my future. "Anyways, I believe that your grandmother and mother are going to create problems for Anika because the way they are, they will insult, malign, and not give her the rights that a daughter-in-law should receive. The reason why your grandmother agreed was because our family's reputation is at stake and so is your child's legitimacy, but I know for a fact that she will not let Anika easily go for what has happened...I as you know do not like to indulge in these family matters, but I...I want peace in our family...I want you to focus on our business because you are now its leader...I want you to succeed in this realm and such cannot happen if your attention is diverted due to your married life...So, to maintain peace and ensure you are able to fully devote yourself to your career...I highly suggest that after your wedding, you and Anika live together, but separately away from us..."

My eyes lifting up finding myself speechless as I heard his command...a command he rarely established over me. Anika and I living separately from everyone else?...Why should I move out of my own home considering I am an owner of it along with my father?...I have rights on that home, but then...I cannot deny the fact that Daadi and Ma may just make Anika's life worse knowing what they have done to Gauri...they will restrain Anika, force her to leave her career and give in to becoming a mere ornament, they will insult her and malign her...No. I have promised Anika her freedom once we get married...I have promised to allow her to pursue her dreams and I know how far reaching her dreams are. I cannot do injustice to her after everything I have made her gone through.

It is better Anika and I build our own home. We both can build our own family...Our family will only thrive in love...not the sadness, grief, and sinister shadows of my family which has led me to become the man I am today...I cannot let my wife and children live in my family that ails with disease of greed and misogyny...No...

Anika and I will make our own home with our three children...My Chaaya will finally get her mother...I cannot imagine the amount of bliss Chaaya will find upon meeting her mother for whom she has cried herself to sleep for many nights...a mother in whose lap she longs to lay and receive her love from...a mother she loves with such purity that she never questions why she has never met her...My Chaaya will finally get a mother's love...And more than that my Chaaya will get two little ones to lead, to play with, and to love...I can imagine her losing her temper or crying endlessly, just like Anika, with the little ones...A small smile lifting at the corners of my lips imagining the family that both Anika and I will now build together...a family we both will give our love to...a family that will not be like mines'...My children will be honored with a mother who will love them generously and endow them with values...that I have failed to have gotten...God willing, if I have three daughters, then they will all be like Anika...naïve, innocent, good hearted...not like their father...who cannot even be called a demon because he is worse than that...a father who is a tainted, malignant product of greed, self-indulgence, and pure sinister wickedness.

"Shivaay....Shivaay!" Papa's voice echoing pulling me out of the web of thoughts in which I had entangled myself for the last few minutes. My body suddenly jerking as I looked at Papa realizing we were still amidst of a conversation.

"What happened? Where did you get lost?" Papa questioned shaking my shoulder as I furrowed my eyebrows in an attempt to cement my thoughts and not reveal my sheer happiness over the fact that I finally would be able to escape the toxic family I live in.

"Well...I also own our home Papa and if I want I can claim it, but...I want Anika and my child to live in peace without the toxic, malignant environment that our family offers. Fine, if you are saying so, Anika and I will live separately after our wedding. In fact, I already have a location in mind where we can begin living after the wedding," I spoke as I felt a sudden set of excitement touch me knowing exactly where I was going to take Anika...remembering the dreams and memories we both had built there...Indeed, fate can be cruel, but also a blessing...We may curse the moments that fate puts in play, but we never know that such cursed moments may for once lead our path to felicity.

Anika's Point of View

Tears trailed down my cheeks as I sat in lull with my hand upon my womb knowing that they both were at a state of unease able to feel my fear that was molding into them. A small cramp still splintering its way across them as I took another deep breath before leaning forward as my back erupted in a stinging pain. Biting my lip, I attempted to numb the pain by diverting my thoughts, but failing as my thoughts would only follow back to my father who still lays near death.

"The doctor said he is now in the CCU, but let's see how quickly he comes back to consciousness," Thayya ji muttered to Thayee ji who continued to pray with the rosery in her hands before throwing me another look of disgust towards my womb. My hand wrapping my dupatta across it in an attempt to protect them from her guise knowing she may just be bewitching them under the facade of a prayer.

Mom sitting in silence only lamenting with tears in her eyes not saying a word, but still poaching her anger as she frequently looked towards me attributing the cause of her distress and her miseries to me.

My hands clasping together as I continued to pray hoping that Dad would soon recover. The stent was successfully placed according to Thayya ji and now he is in recovery, but I hope he get's well. His heart likely weakened considering this is his second heart attack...I was the cause of distress since he was having angina since that night Shivaay and my secret was revealed...and then he collapsed moments after finding out about the immorality I had stitched myself into...how seemingly I had abandoned his values forsaking it for a stranger...indulging in an affair with a stranger...If they found out it was a one night....I wonder what they would say and feel...probably worse...As of now, my family believes Shivaay and I separated, but still had feelings leading our relationship to once again progress, but if they find out the reality of the nature of the relationship we shared...I cannot even imagine how they will react.

A styrofoam cup appearing in front of me as I looked up finding a gentle smile on a man who rarely showed such. "Drink some water ok? I also brought you a nutritional bar because I think you likely haven't eaten anything today," Shivaay spoke handing me the cup before taking a seat next to me.

My hands trembling as I took the cup from him before downing my thirst knowing my sugar likely has dropped since I only had breakfast in the morning. My eyes moving towards Shivaay as I opened the nutritional bar before taking a bite of it. Finding his tender eyes that appeared to comfort me a change from the looks of disgust to animosity that appeared to spill over from my family.

Memories of my pregnancy touching me as I remembered how he exactly used to care for me in this manner...always making sure I had eaten, my vitals were fine, and that I was feeling good...at peace. Will he do that again?...Perhaps knowing the father he is...If I wasn't pregnant, would he still show such concern? That is the question I am continuing to contemplate upon.

An awkward silence following all of us as my family sat across from the both of us appearing to look at us trying to figure if we were sane or not considering an hour before we both were arguing mindlessly in front of them and then now we were back to being ourselves...Indeed, anyone would wonder if Shivaay and I are sane or not considering the toxic relationship cycle we both share.

Thayya ji hitting his cane lightly against the ground before giving a pleasant smile to Shivaay. "Waise...um...Shivaay beta, how much do you earn in a year?" My eyes shooting up towards Thayya ji finding gluttony for money in his eyes.

Shiaay clearing his throat, but clearly his temper as he likely found a tinge of annoyance in Thayya ji's snooping in his private matter. I sighed continuing to chew on the bar not saying a word, but knowing Shivaay was might just lose it in a few minutes...might as well eat before I have to pull him away from everyone knowing how he is.

"Um... enough to give her whatever she desires and wants and enough to keep your daughter happy and give her a comfortable life..." Shivaay spoke as I looked up finding him slightly smiling before looking towards me assuring me that he was being honest...He and I both know, that I only value love and nothing else...If he gives me love then that is my wealth.

Thayya ji letting out a chuckle before fixing his glasses to gain clarity from him. "That I know, but still...how much do you make or how many assets do you have?" He questioned as Shivaay bit his lip clearly becoming unhappy with the conversation, but I could see a flash of ego in his eyes as he clasped his hands together not liking the fact his value was being questioned.

"Forty billion dollars is my net worth," His ego spoke laying his sword in the field knowing he had laid his dominance both in power and capital he owned. No wonder, he commands such authority amongst others...A man with such level of assets would hold a reputation and supremacy in society.

A loud cough suddenly erupting as I looked towards Thayee ji who appeared stunned by hearing the dollar value. Thayya ji's mouth gaping open as he looked at Shivaay while Shivaay appeared to enjoy the moment as a smirk lingered across his lips.

"W-What? Forty billion dollars?!" Thayya ji exclaimed as Shivaay let out a small laugh...the laugh of that sadistic being within him that was enjoying the moment of have corrupt power he had.

"Yes...forty billion dollars in assets which involves shares from stakes in the companies my family owns, financial property, and capital I have in the bank," Shivaay declared with a sense of pride as I rolled my eyes looking back towards the boorish, narcissistic side that now was coming back to life in him...a side I do not have a liking for.

"W-Wow...acha?...Then our Anika will have a great life...and so will we," The Freudian slip escaping Thayya ji as my eyes widened catching hold of the last words that came out as a whisper.

Now I get it. Now I know why Thayya ji proposed upon the idea of marrying me off to Shivaay...This man's greed never died. He forsaked my family and I by making us leave our ancestral home and then took control of the majority of the property and business only to now return back again eyeing a possibility of making more money.

Shivaay catching hold of Thayya ji's words as he raised his eyebrows before placing his arm behind him leaning against the wall. "Well only Anika...no one, even my own family, has rights over my money except Anika and then of course our child...Right Anika?" Shivaay spoke as I looked towards him finding him gesturing me to agree with him before lightly squeezing my shoulder.

"Right," I replied knowing he was not going to let go until I agreed with him. Thayya ji's smile flatlining as Thayee ji rolled her eyes before beginning to pray once again knowing that they were not going to get a chance here. Shivaay is too smart for them to be played...he doesn't get played by anyone instead he is the one who plays games with everyone...always manipulating others.

"Mr. Oberoi," My ears lifting up as I noticed Dr. Huckabee making his way quickly towards us. My heart beginning to beat quickly against my chest in anticipation of what he was going to say about my father's health. Immediately getting up, we made our way towards him hoping and praying that the news would be good.

"How is he? Is he now stable?" Shivaay questioned as my mother got up following behind us still in tears not able to gain the strength to hear a bitter truth if it was to come forth.

Dr. Huckabee taking a deep breath before finally speaking, "Well...as we said, we did place a stent in him and now he has gained conscious in the CCU. His heart has weakened due to the second heart attack, but right now is able to talk and converse. Rest we will of course do more tests and gather more deeper information about his state, but as of now, he is insisting to want to talk to you and Dr. Malhotra. We would allow one person, but he has been very insistent, so only you two can go."

A smile coming across my lips as I immediately grabbed Shivaay's arm looking towards him. "He's stable...thank God Shivaay, he is stable...Our prayers worked." Hope touching down upon me realizing that indeed death for once had shown mercy to my father...a mercy that was needed. Shivaay smiling as he nodded while mom gasped a sigh of relief along with Thayya ji and Thayee ji limping back to their seats finding relief from worry.

"Thank you so much Dr. Huckabee," I spoke as he smiled shaking both of our hands.

"Ok, let me take you both to his room alright?" Dr. Huckabee gestured as I looked back towards mom hoping to get her permission as she appeared to look away not saying a word intending to ignore my presence.

"Let's go Anika," Shivaay spoke grabbing my hand before pulling me down the hallway as we began to follow Dr. Huckabee towards the CCU. The sight of my family disappearing as I looked back towards Shivaay.

"Just stay relaxed ok?...He is stable now and he will recover...It's important you remain calm," Shivaay whispered as I nodded wanting to agree with him, but knowing internally havoc now was rushing violently pulling my strength away as I felt a weakness touch me from fear of what would happen to him.

Why does my father want to meet the both of us? Why would he want to meet us despite us being the reason he is the hospital today? Well...actually he is in the hospital because of me not Shivaay. I am the reason he became distressed...I should've known better before laying a hand on immortality and taking a bite of it.

As we walked into the CCU, Dr. Huckabee led us to the room at the end where my father laid. "I will let you both meet him alone for a few minutes...Please don't linger too long as he needs rest. He was quite insistent so we agreed as we don't him to get more discomforted. However, please do not say something that will lead him to become distressed," He noted before walking away.

Shivaay's thumb tenderly caressing the end of my hand as I felt tears fall down my cheeks not able to find strength to look at my father knowing he was in this state because of me. "Be brave Anika...This is not the time to show your tears to him. He needs to see you as a strong person or else what will he think?" He spoke gently as I tightened my lips together attempting to hold my tears, but failing as I quickly wiped them away.

"L-Let's just g-go hm?" My voice coming out as a bare whisper as Shivaay took a deep breath before leading me into his room.

There laid the frail figure...a man who once lived life...found happiness and wealth in his daughter's pride...but now barely appeared to have escaped death. He appeared to take deep breaths finding himself gathering his life bit my bit. His eyes showing a state of daze as they appeared half open tracing our steps as we walked in. My hand slipping away from Shivaay's as I didn't want to remind my father of the crime I had committed.

The ground beneath me appearing to turn on itself not wanting to hold my burden...wanting to let go of me knowing I did not deserve to walk on this ground...where I had buried my parents' precious values before slipping into the lake of deviltry. My heart barely limping knowing that it didn't deserve its right to beat after betraying the very man who had given it life.

"S-Shivaay..." My gaze lifting up finding my father lifting his hand slowly towards Shivaay who stood at the end of the bed. Confusion drawing on to me not able to understand why my father was calling out to him.

Shivaay appearing hesitant as some shade of guilt was found in his gaze that kept itself low not once looking towards him...as if he found himself to be the causes of my father's miseries. "S-Shivaay..." My father calling out once again as Shivaay looked up before taking a step closer towards him.

My feet barely dragging themselves as I treaded carefully to the edge of his bed not making a sound....not wanting to grab his attention fearing he might just slip away seeing the filth in front of him.

https://youtu.be/dV3pkeR0MHg

"Y-Yes," Shivaay spoke as my father's hand trembled barely inching towards Shivaay before he took hold of it. Tears slipping down to my panged love for him that barely was taking pieces of breaths to keep itself alive.

Dad taking a deep breath as he began to lay out bare whispers that fumbled themselves out of him "I-I...beta...I...my d-daughter...A-Anika...has n-no one...no one...I...I cannot leave this....this...world without sending her off to her home...before marrying her off..." My fingers trailing against my trembling lips as I chewed on to them wanting to hold my tears not able to realize the truth that indeed he may just pass away soon to death...that soon death may take him.

"My...my...daughter...has been...maligned...she...bears your child...It is...a...shame for me...to have failed...as a...father...In this society...only women...are questioned...only their character is questioned...never a man's...You...you may get relief...from this...mistake...but...not my daughter...people...will spit at her...at her honor...at her child...your child...Beta please show...some mercy...please marry my daughter," Tears cracking through dad's voice as he began to whimper. My hand clasping against my mouth as it began to tremble not able to see the man, who gave me life, beg for mercy...beg for her daughter's honor. What have I done? I have with my own hands laid the grave of my father's honor forcing him to now walk upon the thorn that lay as a garland of flowers over it.

Marriage...indeed if I had an momentary hesitance within me that would've pulled me away from this decision of marrying Shivaay...now may have just escaped from me because now I know that my father's life lays upon the vows of this marriage...For my father and his happiness, I may just have to sacrifice myself one last time...For my children, I may have to sacrifice myself one last time.

Shivaay's eyes lifting back towards me as they appeared to ask me for my permission...My permission to say yes. My hands trembling as I trailed them to my womb realizing how right now they were begging me to give into this decision...to sacrifice myself for their happiness...for their peace...for their honor. Tears gliding down falling on to them...letting them know that...that they wanted me to love them...and show love to them...through this sacrifice.

Moving my gaze towards my father, I found my love for him slitting itself away not able to bear him begging for mercy...begging for me...still loving me despite how I have ruined him...even when he is struggling to keep his breaths...he is not begging for his life, but begging for my pride...

Biting my lip, I lowered my gaze before folding my hands together and lifting them towards Shivaay as his eyes widened finding my answer to his question...Shivaay shaking his head with tears slipping out of his eyes before with a trembling hand he wrapped it over mines' before entwining his hand in mine and pulling me to his side. His gaze following back to my father who appeared to look at both of us with a tinge of hope appearing in his dull eyes.

Shivaay taking a deep breath as he took hold of my father's hand once again before making his vow. "Y-Yes, I promise...I promise to marry your daughter...I promise to make her my wife...I promise to give her the honor, respect, pride, and dignity as her husband...I promise to be her husband for our entire lifetime..." My eyes closing shut knowing that now fate had sealed my path...that now there was no returning back...that now Anika will have to sacrifice herself.

A cold touch brushing against my hand as I lowered my gaze finding my father's hand reaching out to me. Immediately taking hold of it, I leaned over him before laying a tender kiss on his palm with my tears encircling themselves on to the fate lines that barely were stretching to life.

"I-I am s-sorry...p-please f-forgive me...I...I am...so sorry...I love you...I am s-so...sorry" Tears beginning to choke my voice as I began to hiccup trying to take deeper breaths, but failing as I looked into his eyes finding tears glistening in them.

Shivaay's hand placing itself behind my back as he gently rubbed it up and down wanting me to maintain composure, but failing as I pressed my lips against my father's hand waiting for him to speak.

"L-let...bygones...be bygones...Anika...you were my...pride...you are my only heir...my daughter...I know...your mother and I...have faltered...as your parents...I know...you deserved...more love...but now look...fate is giving you...your love...fate is giving you a husband...who will always love you...I can see it...I can see the love he has...for you...and I can see that...you love him...the way...you never even loved us...So beta...now promise me...promise me that you will...marry Shivaay...promise me that once you both marry, you will never leave him for your lifetime," He implored as he took another breath with discomfort appearing to touch him.

Marry?...If you only knew the truth...If only you knew dad that...that the reason why...I will now agree to marry him...is not because I love him...but for the sake of my children...If only you knew the reality of how your daughter's marriage broke...then perhaps you may be hesitant upon this request...but then...what is the use of pondering over this knowing that now fate has decided for me to be selfless one last time...Fate wants me to sacrifice one last time for my children...Fate knows that is the last time I will surrender...because the next moment after this I will never surrender...I will live for my children, but never sacrifice myself...Because this Anika has learned that love is selfish...that there is nothing as love as we all claim it to be...that even those whom Anika has loved may never have loved her...I don't know if I will ever love Shivaay, but now...all I know is that I will sacrifice myself one last time and never after this...All I know is that now I will spend a lifetime with a man I may never love...but it will be a lifetime in which I will live for myself and for my children...I know this lifetime will hold thorns full of tears...roses in the form of poison...but I know I have to live this lifetime for the sake of my children and this promise...I have to fulfill this promise because if I do not then I know my father will slip away from me...slip into death due to me...and this is a burden that I will never be able to accept knowing I was the cause of my father's death.

Gathering my strength, I looked towards my father before speaking the truth of fate. "I-I...I promise...to marry Shivaay...and promise to stay with him for a lifetime," I whispered as tears spilled down my cheeks with a numbness overcoming me knowing I had sold my soul off now to fate...that now was beginning of my last sacrifice...a sacrifice needed for my children and for my father's honor that will nourish back to health.

My father reaching out to Shivaay as he stood behind me. I stood still not uttering a word as Shivaay moved his hand forward before my father grabbed it and placed my hand in his. My gaze lowering as our hands laid in one another with my father's hand placing his seal of approval...ensuring we both would now be together for our lifetime.

"Promise me that you...you both...will respect marriage...respect its sacred vows...respect each other and always keep...in mind...that this marriage...is not only about you both...but your children...for the sake...of your children...you will not...walk out...you both...will stay...mend your issues...mend your love...so you can give...solace to your...children...Promise me that you will follow my words....and promise me you both will marry soon after...I leave..." He whispered as I looked back towards Shivaay finding our tears merging into the common sorrow we both held...the guilt that now trembled below our feet not allowing us to live...with our filth now reeking from the both of us reminding us of what we both have done...how our toxic love now pushed someone else close to death.

Make the promise Anika. You have to now reap the punishment for what you have done...This is the punishment that fate has decided to give you. You have dishonored your family...your father...your immorality has brought death so close to the one you have loved...You now have to forsake yourself for returning back pieces of honor that you can through sacrificing your solace for a marriage that may never give you peace.

"I promise..." Both of us speaking our vows together as we looked back towards one another knowing that now we have tied ourselves into a promise that if we both even attempt to escape from may never be able to. That now this promise will forever bind us together...a promise made to a man who may be dying can never be let go of...Never.

My father smiling as he let our hands slip away from one another. "Good...now...even if...death comes...I will be at peace...knowing my daughter has found her honor...." He whispered closing his eyes as I dragged my palm against my cheeks wiping away my tears...realizing that I had finally sold my soul off for the sake of others...that now I shall reap a marriage that perhaps will require me to walk upon ashes once again...ashes that are molded from a broken love mixed with a bane that will slowly slip into me...only leaving my flesh.

"Excuse me...your time is up," The nurse spoke as we looked towards her. Without saying another word, Shivaay grabbed my hand as we began to walk in silence. My gaze following my father who laid with his eyes closed appearing to find peace in knowing that his daughter had been saved...saved from the obscene vices of society that was out to claw my dignity and rend me out of its fabric.

We walked in silence hand in hand as I let my feet drag themselves finding a loss of life realizing the promise I had just made...a promise that now shackles me to a man...who may or may not love me...a man who has demons that consume him with wickedness...and a man who suddenly implores and lays passion upon me when I need to be loved the most...we both are toxic for each other...We fought, we screamed, we cried, and then we loved...and now perhaps that is what may happen again...but how will our children bear to see us like this?...How will they bear our relationship?...How will they see their parents like this?...That is the fear that currently buries itself in my womb threatening the bliss of the ones I hold.

"Anika...please listen to me..." Shivaay whispered softly placing his hand on my shoulder. My shoulder flinching catching itself off guard from being awakened from the layers of fears that now were wrapping around my womb...fears about their happiness...their upbringing...fear about their innocence being taken away by seeing their parents living in a toxic love.

Why does fate sacrifice me always? Why am I forced to sacrifice myself and my desires for the sake of others?...Not once did my family think about what went wrong in our marriage and why we left one another...No...Not once...they threw me off as if I was a piece of filth...a filth they didn't want in the courtyard of their dignity...so they decided to mold it and exchange it for their wealth in form of their pride.

A soft smile appearing across my lips as I kept my gaze lowered. "Listen? Who am I to listen to considering I am nothing. I am not a human. I am just a piece of ash molded together by fate...I have realized that I am nothing to anyone in this world...That I will never be anything to anyone..."

"Anika please..."Shivaay tugging on my hand forcing me look up as I kept my gaze still watching my feet barely awaken with life dragging on to the grains of filth that laid upon it.

My being is now barren...It has bruised and battered itself in the desire of being loved...in the desire of living for others, so once it could be treasured and cherished by those who gave it life...I am tired of living for others...I am tired of loving those who will never love me...My parents perhaps...never loved me...always indulging in their selfish needs of pride and honor which fed into their lives.

Not once did they think of me...they only decided to sacrifice me for their own selfish desires...their selfish desire to keep their reputation, pride, dignity, and honor which all are just intangible values marked by society to maintain a wealth that that is a mere illusion.

Indeed, perhaps love is selfishness...perhaps I have always been wrong that love is selfless...Love can never be selfless because those who love are human and human beings will always be selfish...always...no one can ever be selfless...each and every being has their own intentions and desires that they project in love...love is not selfless.

My eyes closing shut in an instant feeling that dark mold arise from my feet trailing itself as a vine...sucking into the depth of my core...where remnants of that ominous night appeared where we killed our marriage...where he killed my marriage. That night when everything was wrecked...our home, our sacred vows,...our love. Tears, spilling down my cheeks, from wounds of that poisonous vine, that lifted itself that night wrangling the shadow that lived inside of me...Indeed, love is selfish...love only ruins...it only reckons...it is not selfless.

"Love is an illusion. It only destroys. If love was selfless then nobody would be in love...but love is a darkness that only incites selfishness...My love likely never existed...I was a fool who believed one should be selfless in love...You are the lover Shivaay...your selfishness, your lust, your desire is what love is..." I whispered as I closed my eyes realizing the painful, bane truth that I did not want to admit, but finally may have come in terms with it realizing that my love perhaps never had an existence.

"No Anika...your love was real...I am at fault...I never understood the meaning of love..." Shivaay whispered barely letting the truth out as an unusual pain was found in his voice slipping down to his heart that appeared to perhaps show him the love that once I laid upon him...a love that I thought was selfless... a love that only ruined me in turn....snatching everything from me...

A small smile coming across my lips as I sighed realizing how now it was his time to repent...How now we were soon to be joined in a sacred bond, but a bond in which I was now not going to commit myself...a bond that now I will not follow... "Perhaps you didn't understand...but now for our entire life...you will repent...because for me this marriage is only for my children...only for them am I willing to sacrifice my entire lifetime to be with you...but if you believe that I will be your wife then you are wrong...It will take a lot of strength in me to love you again..." I noted before entwining my hand in his and looking into his blue hues that appeared to widen with a sense of shock touching them realizing that my words held truth...that indeed I was not going to give into him easily...not going to surrender to him and his love this easily since he needs to prove to me that he deserves my love.

"W-What happened?!" My mother exclaimed as I looked up seeing our families making their way up to us.

We stood in silence as I kept my gaze lowered not wanting to indulge in the promise I made...a promise in which now I was going to fully give into...a promise that now will lead to my path of burning ashes upon which I will sacrifice my dignity for the sake of others....but a path in which now I will learn to live for myself.

Shivaay taking a deep breath as he looked at everyone appearing to gather strength before speaking the promise we made unraveling a decision that now will lay us on a path that will only ruin us...I know it that this path will lead to our reckoning knowing that our toxic love will never change.

Chants of our vows slowly lifting themselves up from the grave of our marriage entering inside of me as an apparition beginning to spin into my soul taunting it...telling it that now it's time to be shackled to its culprit that had slaughtered its honor.

"We...we made a promise to Anika's father...that we will marry one another...soon after he leaves this hospital...So, indeed Anika and I have agreed to give our relationship a name...a name of marriage," Shivaay spoke as I closed my eyes shut knowing my end had come...knowing that now I was on a path of marriage...a path from which no return will be ever made...a lifetime of sacred vows and promises...I will be tied in, but never follow until this heart learns to love him again.

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The scenes that should be fully read are Shivaay's transformation/awakening in the bathroom, Anika's confession of her obsession with Shivaay, and Shivika's rain marriage proposal scene on the rooftop :)

I tried my best to make this chapter emotional, yet dramatic, but I am sorry if I failed :(

Please do read my note at the end because it is essential for you to understand why this update may have been boring or bland :( I am so sorry if you did not like this update and I am so sorry if I failed to do justice to this chapter :(.

Also I am sorry if this chapter appears as a filler chapter, but it was needed to show if Anika get's convinced to marry Shivaay and show Shivaay and Anika changing their character traits which will now be part do the next track.

The next chapter, will be a little lighter and more happy so I am sorry if this chapter was boring or a filler :(

Shivika do not have a normal relationship and it cycles between arguments and moments of love and this type of relationships do exist upon which I commented. This chapter shows that unique dynamic and this dynamic will now further be shown in their marriage upon which they have to work on. Anika is seen as "weak" in moments where she becomes intimate with Shivaay, but what is not seen is that she has a thin line of obsession for him (she is not fully obsessed, but has an extreme infatuation and physical attraction for him and this can be traced back to her childhood where she never was loved until Shivaay and this is why she gives into him in such moments) and she seemingly somewhere feels Shivaay left her for a bigger reason which is true as Shivaay's secret will now come forward in future tracks on why he left her-thus in these moments she does willingly get intimately involved with him, but as you see at the end she is determined to show her value to him and will not fulfill her marriage until he changes.

This chapter had long monologues for Shivaay and Anika which were essential to set up the next chapter and their thought process regarding the decision they will make. I had to add the monologue to show Anika and Shivaay's transformation because both of them did change in this chapter that will now reflect in their marriage. So my apologies, but less monologues will be in chapter 36 and 37, but these were needed for this chapter to show their complete character transformation along with the dynamics of their relationship.

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I hope I will be able to give Chapter 36 and Chapter 37 that are wedding specials that involve Chaaya ;)

Chapter 36 (First line of Chapter 36-starts with Shivika's wedding)

Shivaay. The name laid innocently engraved in my fate lines where it turned a deep shade of red.

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I am so sorry if you do not like this story and its genre along with the creative decision I made. I had decided upon this creative decision of having Shivika married in this manner since chapter 1 and I decided to implement it.If you want to stop reading this story then I completely respect your decision and thank you for reading the story this far :)

I also so sorry for the delay in the update, but I wasn't going to update since I have been feeling quite low and out of my element in writing, but I decided to update and write to heal myself and also that I got a lot of demand for an update as well from readers so I felt bad and decided to update :)

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Please Read My Note:

This week has been very tough for me due to some personal issues and issues that came up with regards to this story which I don't want to speak of at the moment, but I was quite low and upset, so it took a lot of me to even write this chapter.

I was not in my writing element when writing this chapter and I know that. I know I may have not done justice to this chapter, but I had to write it because my thoughts are healed by writing and so I decided to write.

All I want to say is the updates come out, but no one knows what happens behind the scenes of these updates. No one knows how as an amateur writer, I am trying to grow my roots into a field of writing . I think nobody knows that there are my close family members who do not support my writing and nobody really knows the misleading language I have to deal with in regards to what this story is often referred to-unfortunately the story did get negative misleading, crude language recently and I am in need of some time getting over it and just continuing to write. I appreciate critiques and critiques have immensely helped me improve this story, so I am thankful for such. However, what happened recently was that very misleading and wrong information was spread about this story, so I am trying to get over such and just gain strength to write again.

And so yes at the moment I am quite down and I am so sorry, if this update was boring, a filler, or just did not give justice to my writing. This chapter was needed for the turn in the story that is happening in Chapter 36. I am so sorry and I hope that I will be able to write again. I am sorry if you did not like this note and I am sorry for bringing this subject , but I just had to clear up why this update may have failed because you have been with me throughout this story :)

I am not sure when the next update will be, but I hope it comes soon because my heart tells me there are genuine readers who love this story and my heart tells me I should write for you, so thank you for being here for me :)

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Also I am sorry if this chapter appears as a filler chapter, but it was needed to show if Anika get's convinced to marry Shivaay and show Shivaay and Anika changing their character traits which will now be part do the next track.

The scenes that should be fully read are Shivaay's transformation/awakening in the bathroom, Anika's confession of her obsession with Shivaay, and Shivika's rain marriage proposal scene on the rooftop :)

The next chapter, will be a little lighter and more happy so I am sorry if this chapter was boring or a filler :(

Let me know if you are looking forward for Shivika getting married and what is one thing you want to happen during their wedding, first wedding night, or marriage? I would love to know :)

Thank you for being amazing and always reading :) If you liked this chapter then please do not forget to vote, comment, and share :)

Please let me know if you are looking forward to reading the wedding sequence in Chapter 36 :)

Ciao!

-Jasmine