10/12/22 12:26 pm

Dear Chance,

I thought I would panic or be hysterical, you know. But I feel numb, and I have a lot of painful reminders of you. Just a few minutes ago, I thought I heard you growl. I thought you were fighting with Chase again.

I want you back, but at the same time, I'm happy you're not struggling anymore. I can still see it in my head how much you struggled in your last moments.

I don't think it ever sunk in yet. The full force of your death, I mean. It just feels like there's something missing from me.

Hey Chance. I know you won't be able to read this but I fucking miss you. I miss looking down on my table and seeing you there, laying down. I pick you up and I cuddle with you. I kiss you. I hug you. Seeing you sleeping under the chairs or tables. Trying to call you when eating. You growling whenever my uncles come over.

You love pancit, right? I had one this breakfast. It hurts cause it reminds me of you.

I don't know how long I'll be like this. But I miss you. You're the best birthday gift I've ever had. My child. My baby.

Remember when you kept me up all night when you were still a baby? Remember when you kept licking my legs after I shower? Remember when I found you on top of our bed while you're chewing on my stuffed toy?

I just wanna say thank you for the last chance you gave me to take care of you. I removed some of your ticks and fleas and removed your eye discharge. You let me cuddle with you. Thank you for that.

I'm crying right now. It hurts so much. I miss you. I want you back but I don't want you to struggle anymore.

I love you, my baby. Run free.