{24th april 2014}

dear jen,

a lot of things could've happened if liz was still alive, but a lot of things could not have happened if she was alive too.

i've been thinking about this a lot but i think i'm kind of starting to realise that thinking about it isn't helping. thinking in the subjunctive is never really that great of a thing. you know, the subjunctive?

'typically used to express various states of unreality such as wish, emotion, possibility, judgement, opinion, necessity, or action that has not yet occurred'. it's called an irrealis mood. so it doesn't actually necessarily refer to something that's real. the example in the dictionary is 'if she were here right now...; 'if she had been here yesterday'), which, fiercely ironic, ha ha ha good one, god, gold star.

subjunctive. yeah. no. i don't know. i mean, it's not a thing. well, it is. but i should stop thinking about it. it's not...i should stop. i'm trying. i promise. pinkie promise. it's taking ages, but at least i'm trying.