By CrisCee21

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When I was growing up, as a lot of people, I never understood what everything that I felt meant. Being raised in a society where LGBT people can be imprisoned for just showing affection in public breaks my heart each and every day. Where I am from there is no knowledge beyond LGBT. As in terms of pansexuals, asexual, bigender, etc. honestly I don't know much either. I had to look two of those up.

I am not exposed to life as any teenager my age should be. I have learnt everything about myself through the Internet. Thinking back to when I was younger, I realized that I was definitely born this way.

I had denied it for a while when I was eleven and had good access to the Internet, not paying heed since I thought it didn't matter at the time and pushed the thoughts to the side. But as time past and I matured, it was impossible to ignore what I felt.

I was afraid just like any other. I knew my family would have never accepted me, since their numerous rants of how disgusting people like me are. Each and every day a piece of me was dying as I hid my feelings and thoughts deep down.

Now, after joining Wattpad. I am out of that hole I had let myself fall in. I told my best friend of my sexuality and even my mother and sister, though they deny that I am. Especially my mother seems to think that I can change myself by telling me that "I have to get rid of those feelings." My sister, on the other hand, said she will be their for me. But still it hurts me with how she reacts to when I am blunt about it, telling me that I will give my mother a heart attack.. As for my best friend, she doesn't really care, though she is uncomfortable with the topic.

My dad I would never tell until I am independent. He finds the community more repulsing than my mother and shows much disrespect to us. Not that he knows that I am apart of it of course. I have two more brothers and sisters, which makes five of us but only my big sister knows. Why I told her? I couldn't tell you. I think I was trying to show her how more complicated my life is than hers since she was having a bad day.

I have found the love of my life though I am young and yet we are thousands of miles apart, I know soon we'll be together. She has made me believe that I do deserve happiness and I shouldn't care what anyone thinks about me. With her love and support I am finally happy, though I still may have my bad days.