By Anonymous

~

As a kid, all my crushes felt forced. Because all my crushes were on boys. And they felt forced for some reason. I went to a public school until second grade. That year, my parents sent me to a Catholic school. There, the teachers forced heteronormativity on us. I remember in second grade, there was this boy. I'm going to call him A. A was attractive, and I thought I had a crush on him. Again, it felt forced. It turned out that A felt I was very weird, but most people at the school did. I went to that Catholic school until fifth grade. I switched back to public school and was happy with it. That year was when I learnt about the LGBTQ+ community. My uncle had brought his partner home. That was how he came out. I hadn't know that people could be attracted to the same gender until then. It was like nothing had changed though. Then the end of the school year came around. I had this friend who I had been friends with since kindergarten. I'm going to call him E. E had a crush on me, and I thought I had a crush on him. We ended up dating the entire summer, but all we did was hangout at his house all day and hug occasionally. Then he broke up with me. I wasn't devastated. We were became friends again and hung out with our friend group like normal. Then I found Wattpad. I had known about it, but never used it. My friend told me to get an account, and I did. I started reading and writing fanfiction. It wasn't until a month or so after I got the app that I found my first lesbian fanfiction. I read it, and immediately got pulled into another world. A world where I was clueless. This was when I started questioning my sexuality. I spent my entire sixth grade school year questioning my sexuality. I started having thoughts like,

"You're to young to know."

"You sure it's not a phase?"

It was so confusing. Then I had a single thought.

"Do I see myself with a man in the future?"

The truth is, I don't. I don't see myself with a man in the future. I see myself with a women. I see myself bringing home my girlfriend, being able to cuddle with her all day, to go on dates together, to be goofy idiots together. So, I'm now not some clueless person. I know who I am. I'm gay. I will shout it from the rooftops. But when I come out, not now.

I know this may suck, but this is my story of how I've found myself. I plan coming out to my best friend soon, so I hope that goes well. But just know, incase anyone reading this is questioning, just know that you'll find yourself. Yes I know, it sounds cheesy, but it's true. Hope you all have a good day/night!