By Tye saltybooks

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Hi everyone my name is Tye and I am 14 years old and gay. I am not open about my sexuality to many people and I am generally shy about the topic. My friend aligralat inspired me to write this so here I go. ever since I was a child and for as long as I could remember I was always attracted to guys. wether it was a movie or in real life i went more to guys first. I learned the meaning of the word gay when I was about 10 years old but I thought nothing of it. fast forward to me at 13 I started to think about it more as LGBT rights started to get protested more in australia. I thought about it and it didn't take too long for me to put 2 and 2 together and figure out I was gay. I knew but I wasnt sure until one night I was in a performance and in a scene we had to huddle to come up with a plan. The guy who I huddled with put his arm around my waist and It is hard to describe how it felt but I knew straight away after that and I was 100 percent certain. A month later I came out to one of my friends. I kind of regret it but I kind of don't then after a while I came out to aligralat and we made a promise that we would always be happy no matter what and this helped me through out my coming out experience.. But my parents...I regret because I was forced to against my will. and I got no support from them at all. infact I got the complete opposite my dad said "It feels like the old tye we knew is dead and that we're just beginning to meet a new one" my mum said "its just hormones" and they acted like their world got crushed and that experience was traumatising and I regret it still to this day. Now they seemed to have forgotten about it but it haunts me to this day. then I got a fear. if not even my own parents loved me. the people who are supposed to love you no matter what. then I feared no one would.

I went into very deep depression. I thought about how I would die alone and that no one would or could ever love me. and one night. I contemplated death. But now I can happily say that I have lost that fear thanks to a few of my friends. I'm still in the closet to a lot of people but i can say that this experience has built me the way I am today. I am the one who overcame suicide, I am the one who has dealt with their own parents judging them and I have learned to let go of that fear after trying to find someone. I have learned the love doesn't work that way. and I hope to one day find someone who I love and will get equal love in return. Even though my standards for my true love may be different from most. I know there is someone out there for me and one day I'm gonna find them. Thank you for listening