By kristianlovesbooks

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*♡*

I'm Jackson but (most) everybody calls me Kristian. I'm pretty queer myself, after all I detail myself with pretty specific sexualities.

Like most, I was in that stage at 10 years old when I was over cooties and began to actually romantically like people. I'd walk by people - boys & girls alike - & think to myself, they're cute I would date them if I could. Well... I never knew what bi, pan, or lesbian was so like every other 10 year old I was straight. When I was 12 I realized something - I was romantically attracted to girls! But, of course I still didn't know what homosexuality was so I pushed it to the side and just forgot about it.

Finally, when I turned 13 and had become knowledgeable of just gays, bisexuals, & lesbians. I was like okay I'm bi now. Smiles! Life went on; the usual happened - I was bounced to new houses, new schools because I was abused & my mom (never knew my dad) was on drugs pretty dang bad after my step-dad was murdered - or he may have committed suicide, I'll never know - so I ended up in different places. But I kept to myself my sexuality. Finally, I ended up with my great aunt and uncle. After 5 months with them I came out as lesbian (I had no interest in males for like 3 years) & I'll tell you it was hard. I was abused & eventually they sent me to a mental hospital. For 38 days I was stuck in prison. But, I wasn't afraid to be in the closet. And I was surprised! People came & went for suicidal, homicidal, and other reasons. I'm not sure if it had to do with their sexualities but I'm sure at least 80% of the people I met were LGBTQ+. I'm not going to count ALL THE PEOPLE but as soon as I got there, there were 4 bi girls, a pansexual girl, an ace, 2 gay guys, a transexual, & a lesbian. At first my heart was beating out of my chest & my breathing was shaky as each one of us came out. Soon enough I left that place. That was a half a year ago.

I've met many of the LGBTQ+ community and I'm friends with them. I now have 3 bi friends, a pan friend, 2 gay friends, & a lesbian friend. & I'm so glad I'm supported, & I just recently came out to my mom (she's better now and I live with her) but I know people who aren't supported. My BEST FRIEND is bi but crazy scared (even though she's an adult!) because her parents are homophobic.

And I've came to terms with myself. I am sexually attracted to people I love but because of my self image I'd rather not. I'm romantically attracted to any gender - male, female, transgender, gender fluid, etc. &, there's good reason I'm not comfortable with my body image - or my birth name & everybody's preferred pronoun for me.

Because I am Jackson, a 14 year old, panromantic, ace-gray, (transexual) male.

I want to tell you whether you are a straight and cisgender ally or a gay transgender, it WILL be hard, you will fall down, you will cry at some point. But maybe not. But, if so, I'm here, there are people here. Go anonymous and share your feelings with this online LGBT community. It feels GREAT when you let loose your inner turmoil and thoughts. And that's when it gets easy, there will be somebody to pick you up, and console you. It doesn't have to be anybody here. It can be a best friend. And, if they don't support, they never were your friend. Find somebody. Heck you don't have to talk to anybody! When somebody is bullying you and you feel alone just know there is somebody in this world who will fight for you. Somebody who supports you. You ARE NOT alone.

I've dealt with some homophobic people. I still am not called by Jackson or my preferred pronouns: he/him/his. Here's some advice: if somebody calls you a faggot - go get a bundle of sticks and just give it to them. And say, "Is this the faggot you were looking for? Because, I'm NOT a faggot." (a faggot is literally a bundle of sticks) There are so many things you can do - mainly one thing though.

BE STRONG MY LOVES!

*♡*