By conventional_weapons

~

Ever since I was entering third grade, I've spent every summer at a liberal Jewish sleepaway camp. Even though I'm not particularly religious, camp is a second home to me. It's a place where I can be myself, where I don't have to hide parts of me so others will like me. However, when I was going the summer before seventh grade, I was worried that would change.

In sixth grade, I fell for a girl, which led to me realizing I am pansexual. I have plenty of LGBTQ+ friends, and my family is incredibly liberal, so I didn't have to worry much about coming out at home, but camp was different. The previous year, a male counselor had come out as gay, but that was different. He was a counselor, and besides, everyone knows what gay is. Pansexuality is a different story. I was terrified that I wouldn't be accepted.

Going into camp, a few people who I stayed in touch with from the previous year already knew my sexuality. However, it didn't feel like enough. I was still worried that it wouldn't go the way I wanted. Maybe the girls in my cabin would decide that they didn't want to change in front of me or shower at the same time, or maybe they wouldn't want to be in my cabin anymore.

Finally, the first day came. When we were divided into units, I noticed an unfamiliar counselor in mine whose gender I couldn't figure out. (This sounds a bit narrow-minded, but in my four previous years at camp, I had only encountered one queer person, who was a cisgender gay man, so it seemed unlikely that I would encounter any transgender people there.) The way they presented was clearly leaning toward the masculine side of the spectrum, but their name was pretty feminine, they were a counselor in a girls' cabin, and I just wasn't sure. I shrugged it off, figuring I'd eventually get to know this counselor and learn their gender so I wouldn't misgender them or anything.

Once we were divided into cabins, we did those boring, typical introductions: name, random fact... and pronouns! They had never asked us our pronouns before at camp! I was overjoyed, especially since this was acknowledging that trans youth may have been present.

That night, we had our first evening activity. It was run by the aforementioned counselor. Twice we were given two options to choose from: skittles or M&Ms, Coke or Pepsi. This led to a group discussion about binaries led by the counselor. We talked about how it felt to have to choose, especially if we liked both options or neither, which led to us discussing how harmful binaries could be at times. Eventually, they asked us to name different binaries. The obvious ones were listed: black and white, yes and no, good and evil... until finally one boy offered the answer, "Gender: male and female."

My hand shot up instantly to contradict him (politely, of course). After the pronouns in the introductions, I was confident that I woulnd't have to worry about the "only two genders" argument, so I was unfraid to correct him. I think the counselor knew what I was going to say even then, because they called on me. "But that's not true," I said.

The counselor agreed with me, and then they proceeded to explain that they were genderqueer and used they/them pronouns. The age range of the campers present for this was 10-13, but with the counselor's basic two-minute description of their gender identity, they understood perfectly. So if they can understand and accept non-binary identities, I see no reason why adults have such a hard time with it.

Even though the whole day had been surprisingly inclusive of LGBTQ+ so far, it was my counselor coming out and being so readily accepted that really helped me. That's how I understood it would be okay. Everyone would accept me for my sexuality as easily as they accepted my sense of humor and my obsession with Harry Potter.

I began slowly coming out. My friends, my cabin, my counselors... Halfway through the session, I was at the point where I could comfortably make jokes about my sexuality and casually mention it in front of anyone in my unit. The only reactions were positive, and even better, it wasn't just me and that counselor who were LGBTQ+. I met a gay boy, a pansexual girl, a pansexual non-binary person, a counselor who didn't like labels but said she liked both boys and girls, and I even discovered that one of my favorite counselors from the previous year was pansexual as well!

This was my first time coming out to an entire community, and it was amazing. I'd never felt so completely at home and loved, even in my previous years at camp. I just wish I'd had the courage to tell the genderqueer counselor what they did for me, since I doubt I would have come out without seeing how readily they were accepted. That summer was the best four weeks of my life, and everyone deserves the opportunity to have that level of acceptance.