As soon as I woke up, I checked the calendar and discovered that it was the full moon tonight.

During breakfast, I munched on a Kuruso-cooked omelet and mused, "Maybe I should have Smith install steel reinforcements for my door.". "But knowing smith, even if I flagged it as a priority, it would not get done until later this week."

As she wolfed down her sausage, Papi asked, "What was that?". We were the only ones at the table; Miia was relaxing on the couch, while Kuruso and Centorea were nowhere to be seen; only she and I were seated at the table. My stomach sank as I waited for him to walk through the door with a hoof-shaped mark on his face.

"It's nothing. Just cut up your food before you eat it."

"Mhm!" Papi made a mock salute with her wing before her reddening face was seized by panic. "Mm! Mm!"

She was now choking. Fantastic.

Kicking over my chair, I hurried to her side and shouted, "Hang on!". Trying to Heimlich her, I repeatedly jerked her petite body as I wrapped my arms around her. "Spit! It! Out!"

" What's happening!" Miia cried, jolting over to us and looking as worried as I was.

" She's choking!" I exclaimed, desperately trying to help her but being too conscious of her talons flinging out.

Papi gasped, sucking in the air as the offending sausage flew out of her mouth. As I released her, I took a few shaky steps back, releasing a deep breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "Are you OK?" I asked.

A cough escaped Papi's lips. Her smile spread across her face as she rubbed her throat and said, "Thanks so much!"

After picking up my chair, I returned to my seat and said, "No problem." I looked at papi with my best stern face. "What did we learn?"

Papi pouted, "I should cut up my food before eating it.". Despite her actual age, she was still a child.

As I nodded, I was acutely aware of how quickly and easily I had acted like a mother. It may have had something to do with how Papi behaved or my job, but it was a position I would take on in the future if it meant fewer incidents. The girls and Kuruso's self-destructive habits will be curbed before Smith can find a way back home.

Mercifully, the rest of breakfast passed without incident, with Papi having learned her lesson. My hand was in the sink washing dishes when Centorea walked in with a towel on her head, drying her head. Miia got all excited when she entered the room and told her and Papi to stay put before she scampered off. After she returned, the lamia was wearing a pair of what had to be fake glasses, holding a heavy book, and pushing a dry-erase board of schoolroom size into the room. There was no point in asking logical questions about where and how such a thing was acquired.

Since it was nothing new to me and a shallow attempt to assert her seniority over Papi and Centorea, I mostly ignored Miia's ensuing spiel on the Cultural Exchange Bill. It would be pointless to get in her way-

"As a First Housemate, I have exclusive access to Romance Master's advice!"

This was how I was metaphorically dragged into more harem nonsense.

The harpy and centaur both asked at the same time, "Romance, Master?". From the kitchen, I could feel Miia preening.

"Hmm! It's our highly esteemed new assistant host, Akihiro Bando-san!"

When the two other girls finished speaking, I said, "Lies and slander!"

In response to my harsh words, the Puppy Dog EyesTM returned. Miia whimpered, "B-but you promised!".

"Bando-sama, I believe it is rather unprofessional of you to favor one of us over the others," Centorea told me, disregarding my earlier objections. "I would appreciate your romance advice as well," she replied. Oh god, she blushed.

In contrast, Papi was engrossed in studying the CEB book with utter fascination, trying to comprehend its arcane contents. Her simple-mindedness made me thankful for once.

I scolded her, "Stop using me as leverage to improve your position in the house. I said I'd help you, but only that."

"You're helping her, then," Centorea remarked.

Fucking hell.

"Cerea!"

Saved by the Kuruso.

Our resident hapless harem hero entered the room with a phone pressed to his ear. "Smith-san says you need to complete an application for a homestay...." The words died in his throat as he noticed everyone stared at his face, more precisely at the distinct hoof mark on his left cheek.

As Miia rounded on Centorea, Kuruso shoved the phone into my wet hands. "Here, talk to Smith-san for me, OK?" He ran back quickly to try to minimize the damage.

"Uh, hey, Smith-san. Kuruso-san's taking care of something that came up." I tucked the phone between my shoulder and ear, then resumed washing the dishes.

As Smith replied, clearly amused, "So I hear, how was your first day at work?"

"After you left, Miia knocked Kuruso-san out." I decided to be honest with her so she would find it funny, hopefully. In addition, keeping Smith in a good mood might allow me to ask her more favors in the future. "Miia suffocated me when I told her I would help with some stuff last night. "Just this morning, I Heimlichted Papi, who almost choked; Centorea kicked Kuruso-san in the face after he walked in on her in the shower. Just two seconds ago, Miia accidentally clocked Kuruso-san." Ah, that's two times now!"

"Aki-kun, you sound indifferent to all this violence."

Suddenly I shrugged, dried my hands, and said, "It is what I expected. The girls are nice enough, but they tend to be too focused on Kuruso-san anyway."

I could almost hear Smith's eyebrow quirking at that. "Oh, bitter, are we?" Smith inquired.

As flatly as possible, I asserted, "kuruso is made of sterner stuff than me. I learned that through one encounter with Miia's passion."

"As long as you are getting along with them, it does not matter to me anyway as long as you get along with them." Smith, you can't fool me. I know you're as thirsty for juicy gossip as the rest of us mere humans. "Anyway, please make sure Centorea has her application ready for me to sign when I visit later today. I'll see you later, Aki-kun."

I shouted, "Hold up!" as soon as I heard the click. I sighed deeply as I set the phone on the kitchen counter. "Really would've liked to talk about tonight..."

My frustration grew as I saw Miia and Centorea still arguing over their Darling/Master, clawing and screaming at each other. In my mind, an evil thought came to me. I justified that it would happen regardless, and Kuruso could handle it.

"Hey! GIRLS!"

Still tangled in their vicious fight, they screamed at me, "WHAT?!".

"Papi is bathing Kuruso-san right now."

They went utterly silent. Then...

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

I thought they would be busy for a few hours as they stormed off. I could then strategize on how to survive the full moon tonight. Many options were available to me; however, it depended on how much of an arse I wanted to be.

My first and simplest method was to abandon Kuruso entirely and leave the house for most of the night. So I wouldn't become a target of their lust or wrath when things got rough. It would play out just like in canon; Kuruso would 'resolve' the issue without my help.

Although my presence was not at the center of this harem crap last night, my company still had an impact, however small. That 'likely' nagged at me, primarily because Miia went out of her way to approach me. The minor change I made could have completely changed the course of tonight's events. For all I knew, Kuruso could have died of sex, suffocation, impalement, or some other creative means.

That means I shouldn't blindly trust canon, which means I should stay and try to...

Crash!

The sound of hooves pounding on wood reverberated through the house, followed by the slam of a door. Centorea has left with her master in tow. Miia and Papi should be close behind, providing me with some much-needed quiet time.

"ROMANCE MASTERRRRRRR!"

My body was covered in vast, firm red coils without a moment to protest.

"Weneedyoutocomewithusotherwisewe'llgetdeportedanddarlingwillendupwiththatawfulhorsebitchandbesidesyoupromisedtohelpmeoutthankyousomuchbythewaynowcomeonlet'sgo!"

...

There is no way I could have understood what she said. I am convinced that it was my actions that caused it. I would've thought more about my present situation, perhaps buried myself in self-pity or loathing. Still, something impacted my head, which led to my first knockout.

I felt this wasn't the last time I would lose consciousness.